Chapter 27
Reactions
He's absolutely lost his mind. He's determined to call the one person I'd keep in the dark about his proposal and my acceptance. I reach for the phone, barely touching it before he pulls it out of my reach.
"Bella please..."
"You can't call Charlie!" I'm glad he can hear me loud and clear without the need to raise my voice.
He stands and paces away from me. "It's too late." His voice modulates, and he sounds different. It's Doctor Cullen speaking when my dad answers the phone. It's close to noon there, and I imagine him getting ready to go to the diner for lunch.
"Mister Swan, I've got a matter of importance I need to discuss with you."
I can hear my dad across the miles and through the phone. "Mister Swan? Carlisle, is everything okay? Are Bella, Nessie, and the kids alright?" I can hear the alarm in his voice.
"They're all fine, please don't worry. I'm here in Italy with Bella..."
"Italy? Is she back at that vulture place she went when she was dating Edward? I haven't seen her in ages, and now you tell me she's in Italy. Is that girl ever going to get over the accident?" I can hear his loud exhalation of air. "I guess going back for a visit is better than throwing herself into a hole beside him."
"That's not going to happen, sir." He sounds so calm, but he's pacing nervously. "Mister Swan, Bella isn't mourning anymore."
"She's not? Thank god... I've been hoping she'd be able to... move beyond the accident."
We couldn't very well tell my parents that we'd lost so many to a vampire war. Carlisle came up with a story about how a group of Quileutes had gone on a hunting trip. An avalanche had buried their group, and they'd managed to signal for help. Because the site was remote, Carlisle volunteered he and his family to go and assist with the rescue efforts. They were supposedly familiar with the area from all their hunting and camping over the years.
Unfortunately, as the story went, the SUV they were driving was hit head on by a drunk driver from Italy, and it crashed into a ravine, killing three of the Cullens and injuring Carlisle and Rosalie. I'd been in the car following them, with Alice, and Jasper. Even in Carlisle's concocted story, I'd seen Edward die.
"I wish there was an easier way to say this – in fact I'd rather speak to you face to face – but I love your daughter."
"That's nice of you to say, Carlisle. I've always felt better, knowing you were looking out for her, especially when the kids were younger."
Carlisle paces, and runs his hand through his hair. I worry he's going to wear a path in the carpet. "Mister Swan... what I meant to say, is that I'm in love with Bella. I'm in love with her, and I've asked her to marry me." I would give anything to see Charlie's face at this moment. I hope he doesn't have a stroke.
"Is this some kind of joke? This isn't funny, Cullen!" On second thought, I'm grateful not to be there. I recognize that tone, and it usually preceded a major grounding or punishment. "What the hell is going on?"
"I've been spending time with Bella. We've grown close... and I love her – deeply. She loves me too, and..."
"Is she there? Let me speak to my daughter!" His hand shook as he handed me the phone.
"Daddy...?"
"Don't 'daddy' me! What kind of mess have you gotten yourself into, Isabella?"
"I'm not in a mess. I'm in love."
"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! He's your father-in-law for godsakes! He's old enough to be your father! He's your daughter's grandfather – he's my age Bella!"
"No he isn't." I try not to get upset
"The hell he isn't! They don't allow children to adopt. He's got to be closing in on fifty at least!"
"Listen Charlie – Dad. His age doesn't matter to me. I'm in love with him."
"It should matter! Twenty plus years is a huge difference; do you want to be a widow again?" He goes on about all the problems we could have if we were a normal human couple with a big age gap. I don't say anything as my usually quiet father, rants. It doesn't take him long to run out of steam.
"Dad, please listen." I take a deep breath. "You know everything is not as it seems with my family. Pregnancies don't reach full term in one month. Babies don't grow up and get married in ten years. And there's not a plastic surgeon on Earth who can make a man look eternally twenty-three. If you want to have a nice long discussion about all our differences, I'd rather have it face to face."
"What are you trying to tell me, Bella?" He sounds confused.
"I'm trying to tell you, this is good news! It's taken a long time for me to get over losing Edward, and I'm ready to live my life again. I owe my recovery to Carlisle. He understands what I've been through, and we can both respect how things used to be. But they've changed. I love him, Daddy. I'm deeply in love with Carlisle, and I want you to be happy for me."
"Let me talk to him." I hand the phone back.
"I don't know what kind of game you're playing, Cullen. But if you hurt my little girl, I will find you, and put an end to you."
"I wouldn't expect any less, sir. I would rather die than hurt her."
"Just how old are you, anyway?"
"Do you really want that answer?" It's quiet on the other end for a long time.
"We need to get together and talk about that – man to man."
"I would like that very much, sir."
"You can stop calling me sir now. It's Chief Swan to you." I can swear I hear a bit of humor in that.
"I want to marry your daughter, Chief Swan. I'm head over heels in love with her." He looks my way and smiles.
"Are you informing me, or asking my permission?"
"Historically, the groom was required to ask for the parent's permission to marry the bride. However in the case of a widowed woman, permission was not necessary. I would greatly appreciate your permission and blessing. But if you withhold your permission, I will have to risk your disapproval. I don't want to live my life without her, she means too much to me."
"That's a good answer. You can have my permission and blessing on one condition: You've got to break the news to her mother, and her daughter."
"You drive a hard bargain, Chief Swan."
"Just when are you planning to get married?" I can't believe Charlie's so calm.
"I want to marry her as soon as I can."
"She's not pregnant is she?" The question doesn't shock me as much as the hope in his voice.
"No sir. I've been nothing but honorable with her." I roll my eyes at this.
"Tease." I whisper into one ear, as he listens to my dad with the other. I kiss and nibble his ear.
"So, when do you think you'll be returning from Italy?" Charlie's downright chatty for a change. I slide my hand into Carlisle's back pocket; a not so subtle way of touching him below the belt. His eyes flash my way with a predatory gleam.
"We have some loose ends to tie up here, but we hope to be home within a week or two." I kiss along his jaw, and continue down to his neck. With my hand in his pocket, I squeeze him. I'm enjoying myself quite a bit and making him squirm uncomfortably. But then he gives me the most mischievous grin.
"Bella has mentioned how much she misses those fishing trips you used to take her on. Maybe once we get back we can make some arrangements for some good quality father/daughter time." I stop kissing him and shake my head no. "You still have that boat, right?"
"Yeah! That's funny, I always thought she hated those trips."
"Nah, she only hates the sunny days. She told me the fish always bite so much better when it rains." I pull my hand out of his pocket and scowl at him. "And while I'm thinking about it, I think I could get some tickets to one of the first games the Seahawks are playing, if you're interested..."
"For me and Bella?" He sounds puzzled.
"Sure! I don't intend on taking her away from her family, Chief Swan..."
"Aw, go ahead and call me Charlie. So... do you think you could score four of those Seahawks tickets?" My mouth drops open and I cross my arms over my chest.
"Absolutely! Anything for family." Carlisle smiles and winks at me. I flounce into a chair while he finishes talking to my dad. After another ten minutes of sports talk, he ends the call.
"I can't believe my dad just sold me out for a couple Seahawks tickets!" He laughs and takes my hands to pull me to my feet. He wraps me in his arms.
"At least he held out for four tickets. I was afraid I was going to have to throw in a horse."
"That's terrible!" I try to squirm away from him, but he doesn't let me go.
"You're worth a few good horses to me," he chuckles. "Seriously Bella, that could have gone much worse. We're going to have to talk to him about some of those things he didn't want to know before. I think he's ready."
"You could tell that over the phone?"
"Well, not exactly. I could tell, because any father in their right mind would throw a fit over my proposal. He knows we're different, and I think he'll rest easier knowing I'm not some lecherous old man looking to snag my son's hot young widow."
"It sounds so wrong when you put it that way."
"What? The part about me being a lecherous old man, or you being a hot young widow?" He grins down at me. "Actually, it sounds pretty accurate to me."
"You're not..." I'm about to say 'old,' but three hundred and seventy-five qualifies as old. "...lecherous." He looks at me in a way that makes me catch my breath. It's not exactly love I see in his eyes, it's lust.
"Oh I beg to differ, Miss Isabella. If your father knew what I was thinking while you were trying to distract me, he definitely wouldn't have been so easily placated. You shouldn't tease a hungry vampire."
"You're not hungry." His eyes are a warm gold color, which means he's fed within the last few days. His arms tighten around me.
"I am very hungry. I've been starving for two years." His meaning becomes clear, and I feel the same way myself. We're about to tear into each other, when we hear someone coming our way. We are the picture of calm and patience, as the three visitors pass by. He holds my hand, and in his vampires only voice, he tells me of the sinful things he wants to do to me. A slight trembling of my knees betrays my impassive exterior.
"I never knew you were so bad!" I whisper, as they pass from earshot.
"You bring it out in me." He circles me with his arms. "I have an incredibly hot, sexy, beautiful fiance." He fixes me in his intense gaze. "How soon can we marry? If I have to wait much longer for you, I'm going to lose my mind!"
"It sounds to me like you only want me for my body," I smirk.
"Bella please..." He holds me close, folding me into him, with our hips pressed together. One hand glides over my back and the other grips me below my waist, pulling me tight against his arousal. "It's not just your body I want..." His tongue traces over my lips. "...I will gladly molest your mind as well." He smiles wickedly before his mouth feasts on mine.
I almost forget where we are, and the moments stretch into an aching, teasing, eternity, as I can't feel where I leave off and he begins. I hate his clothes, and I wish I could just tear them off and touch him – feel him. I fight to tear myself away from him, twisting out of his arms and taking several unsteady steps away. I gaze at his face as I gasp for air to dilute his scent.
"Carlisle... are you sure we have to be married? That could take awhile, especially if Alice gets involved. I read somewhere that historically, betrothed was as good as married. Couldn't we cheat... just a little?"
He smiles as he shakes his head. "I love that you are so anxious to be mine. But betrothed wasn't married. It was more like being under contract."
"But it's so frustrating! I just want..." I look at him: His soft blond hair, his direct golden gaze, his wide cheeks, squared off jaw, and soft sexy mouth. "...you. It sounds almost childishly selfish, but I just want to be with you. I don't want rules, barriers, laws, protocols, or... clothes."
He stares at me as if awed, then he smiles, as if something has occurred to him. "Give me a little more time. Trust me, I want you just as badly. I have an idea how we can make this work, before we both lose our minds. If we can just be patient for a little longer... yes... this will work!"
"What will work?"
"It's brilliant! I can't tell you just yet... you'll know when it happens. I love you!" He hugs me exuberantly, and kisses me quick. "Now, let's finish letting the family know. How about your mother next?" Better Mom than Nessie.
I sat beside him as he made the call, and I was worried sick about how I'd break the news to Nessie. I couldn't help but listen in on his conversation with my mom. I'd been stunned that dad flipped for some football tickets. But I was flabbergasted when Mom's response to his news that we were in love and wanted to get married, was: "Thank god!"
I took the phone from him and asked, "who are you, and what have you done with my mother?"
"Bella dear, I couldn't be happier for you both!"
"You do remember who Carlisle is, don't you? You haven't suffered a fall or a blow to the head recently, have you?" I wasn't expecting this kind of response from either of my parents.
"Of course I remember – my memory's fine. Bella, don't act so surprised, just because you've got yourself convinced that no one notices what sets you and the Cullen's apart from the rest of us. Anyone with eyes could see that Edward and Carlisle were only pretending to be father and son."
"How long have you known?" My hand shakes.
"I suspected something was different about them before you got married, but when you came to Florida, I was pretty certain you'd changed. Even Phil had to admit it, after seeing the way your daughter could pitch."
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"You didn't come out and tell me, so I guessed it was some kind of secret. You're still my daughter; that's all that really matters to me. After the accident – if that's what it was – I was just so worried about you. You're just like your father when your heart is broken. I don't think he ever got over our break-up. I was afraid you'd be... mourning Edward for the rest of your life. If that handsome young doctor can snap you out of your misery, then who am I to complain?"
I glance at him as she says that, and he's smiling – 'handsome young doctor' indeed. Mom too wants to know when we'll be getting married, and she says she wants an invitation to the event. Before we hang up she asks us what we're up to. I explain that we're in Italy, and somehow the story of Yanna comes pouring out.
As convoluted and crazy as the story is, Mom understands perfectly. "It sounds like you've adopted that poor girl. I can't wait to meet her!"
When I'm finally able to hang up the phone, Carlisle has his arm around me and a goofy grin on his face. "She likes me, I have that affect on mothers."
"This doesn't make any sense! It's like you've dazzled both of my parents. Do you have any idea how hard this was the first time?"
"It was supposed to be hard the first time. You were only eighteen. No matter how much you loved Edward, no parent in their right mind is going to allow their young daughter run off to marry a vampire."
"But they didn't know what he was..."
"Yes they did. Maybe not in words, but they knew there was something dangerous about him – about all of us. Humans know these things; it's built into their physiology. Most people live in the rational world of science and reason, and they don't listen to their instincts. But those instincts don't just go away. It's actually a tribute to you and Edward, that you could overcome this natural warning and get their agreement." I stare at him in awe.
"You really believe people just know there's something dangerous about us? I've never really sensed that."
"It's because you're not a killer. The diet helps us blend in. It's not just about our restraint and eye color. Humans can sense when someone looks at them as prey. Jasper has to use his gift just to be here, and Aro wouldn't set foot in a hospital – even in sunglasses."
"And you're a doctor who works in hospitals." I cup his gentle face in my palm. "You amaze me. You didn't have anyone to teach you, or show you a different way, you just... denied everything you knew that said you were a killer. Do you know how much you changed my life with that choice? Not only did it make you the man you are today, but you also made Edward someone who would love me instead of killing me. And you're living proof, that no matter how strong the urge is, I'll never have to kill. I have a daughter because of you, and I still have my parents because of you."
"I don't think I can take credit for your daughter..." He grins. "...unless you're talking about Yanna." I could explain my reasoning to him, but instead I just throw my arms around him and kiss his cheek.
"I love you so much, you dear, sweet, gentle, kind, beautiful, loving, man. You have made me so happy!" I pull back and just gaze at him. "You make me happy, Carlisle. I thought I was going to be sad forever. I didn't think there could be anything left to live for – and I was wrong." He holds me gently, patting my back and rubbing his cheek against the side of my face.
"You're still wrong, if you think someone else can make your life worth living." He pulls away to look me in the eyes. "Bella, I don't want to be your reason to live. I don't want to be the one who completes you, nor do I want to be the other half of your soul. Those are some beautiful, romantic sounding sentiments, but they're fiction. You have to be whole before you can truly fall in love and share your life with someone else. Tell me, do you really feel you couldn't live without me?"
I stare at his concerned face, and I want to lie. He has made my life worth living. I smile then, feeling like I finally understand what he's talking about.
"I could live without you. And I know I'm a whole person without you." I take hold of his hand, just to touch him. "But you've helped me discover what it means to be happy again. You make me glad to see the sun come up each day. I could live without you, but you've given me back my joy. Carlisle, I don't need you, but I need you. I can live without you, but a life without love isn't worth living. You give me that, and I'm not going to deny that it matters to me."
A slow smile lights his face. "I guess I'll just have to satisfy myself with that answer. So... do you want to call Renesmee, or shall I?" Neither of us want to confront my daughter and his granddaughter.
"You did two already... I guess I'll take this one. It would be sort of cowardly if I dumped it on you."
"She's my granddaughter..." He offers.
"She's my daughter – god this is going to be awkward. I'll use my phone, since my battery is probably fresher." I fish it out.
"Do you want me to stay or..."
"Stay!" He takes my hand as I dial the number with the other.
"Hi Ness, this isn't a bad time, is it?"
"No, it's actually perfect. I just put Masen down for his nap, and Sarah's playing with the dogs with Billy. Are you having a good time in Italy?"
"It's... there's a lot of work still. But if things work out we'll be back in a week or two."
"That's great. Sarah wants to see everyone again before school starts."
"That'll be great. Uh... Ness... I've got some things I need to talk to you about."
"That sounds ominous. What's up?"
"I wish I could be there to tell you in person. I hate trying to do this over the phone." I sigh loudly. "You know I've had a hard time for so long, after losing Edward."
"I know."
"I didn't think I'd ever get over him. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. But I think I'm ready to move on now. I'm ready to live my life even if it's not with your daddy." She's quiet for a while.
"I guess I expected this..." She sighs. "Have you met someone new in Italy?"
"Honey, it's not exactly like that..." I don't know how to break it to her.
"It's okay Mom. I knew it could happen., You're always going to look like a beautiful young woman. It's not very realistic for me to expect you to stay a widow and just be happy being a grandma.
"Oh baby, I love being a grandma, that's not going to change."
"I know. That's not what I really meant. I guess it just seems more real – that Daddy's gone – if you find someone new. But I really do want you to be happy. You have found someone, haven't you?"
"He's been under my nose all along." Carlisle puts his arms around me.
"Is he Italian?" I can hear a little teasing in her voice.
"No. He's actually English, and he's older."
"Does Grandpa Carlisle know him? He's English too, right?" I can't get sick, but I swear there are butterflies in my stomach – vampire butterflies!
Ness... I know this is going to be hard, but I'm very happy with him. It's serious, or I wouldn't be telling you. A lot has happened since we left, but the most important thing you need to hear, is that it's Carlisle. I'm in love with Carlisle." I barely get the words out past the lump in my throat.
"I didn't hear you right... Carlisle knows him? Mom, don't mess with me like this!"
"Honey... I'm involved with Carlisle. I... we're in love. I know this sounds weird, but..."
"No! No, you just can't do that! You can't fall in love with Grandpa! That's disgusting! Daddy's only been gone two years, and Esme too... were you two messing around before? Oh god, don't tell me, I don't want to know! You can't do this Mom! Do you seriously think you could marry him? Everyone will know! Everyone knows he's Daddy's adoptive father. If he's interested in you, that's just sick! It would be no different than if you were brother and sister. You lived in the same house but with two different people – this is ridiculous!"
"Are you finished?" She was clearly worked up.
"Just tell me you're joking!"
"I'm not joking. You know very well that Carlisle and Edward were never related, and Edward wasn't adopted. It was all roles we played." It wasn't that long ago, Carlisle explained those roles to me. "Those roles have changed. Carlisle helped me get over my grief, and..."
"And you decided to repay him by sleeping with him?"
"Renesmee! I didn't raise you to talk to your mother that way!"
"Well, since these are just roles we're playing, maybe I don't want to play your daughter anymore! You can't just tear my family apart and put it back together again in a new way, just because it makes you happier!"
"Ness... please. It's not like that."
"It's... I can't do this! I can't just pretend that I didn't have a grandma and a grandpa and a dad – you've screwed it all up! How could you do this to Daddy?" I'm about to try to get through to her, but the phone goes dead when she hangs up.
He pulls me into his arms and I press my face against his chest. I want to cry, but all I can do is groan. He holds me quietly, letting his soothing touch glide over my back.
"It's going to be okay, Bella" I want to believe him, but I've lost touch with my daughter over the past two years. Is it really fair to come back from the dead and destroy everything she holds dear? "I'll call her myself. We just took her by surprise."
"No. What if she's right, Carlisle? I mean she's got a whole family this is going to affect. What does she even call you if we get married?" I look up into his kind eyes.
"You can't live your life to please her. I'm not going to let you go, just because she may not want to call me Grandpa anymore." He looks suddenly irritated. "She's not being fair to you. She's got her husband, her children, her happy home, and everything to look forward to, and all you want is... me. And she's not being fair to me either. I won't go back to pretending to be part of the perfect nuclear family. I love that girl like she was my own, but she doesn't get to tell us how to live. I'm going to call her up and tell her..."
"No! Don't call her... just give her some time. Something like this could tear the whole family apart if we're not careful. I should have expected this... she's always been daddy's little girl."
"Don't say that. She's your daughter, Bella. She doesn't know what you went through, and maybe you've forgotten. But I know what you endured just to give that girl life. She shouldn't begrudge you the chance to be happy."
"Maybe so, but I'm the one who's been all but gone from her life for two years. That's a big chunk of her lifetime. I wasn't there when she needed me, why wouldn't she think I'm trying to ruin her life?"
"Bella..." He holds me close. "I guess it was too much to hope, that everyone would be happy for us. I'm sure she'll come around."
"I wish I could be so certain. She's got a pretty wide stubborn streak – like her mother." He kisses the top of my head and smooths my hair. He pulls back to look me in the eyes.
"This doesn't change anything. I'm still going to marry you. If Ness can't see how good this is for us... maybe I'll have to send her some Seahawks tickets!" I have to laugh, even though I feel like our plans have blown up in our faces.
"You didn't even have to promise him fifty yard-line seats!" I'm happy to change the subject. "I am so glad I'm not from three hundred and fifty years ago. He would probably have sold me out for a mule and a few cane poles!"
"Actually... it was the bride who had to pony up the goods. No self-respecting young woman would dare present herself to a future husband, without a dowry." My mouth drops open. "It was so critical, it was part of the wedding."
"That's it. We'll just have to call the whole thing off!" I'm teasing, but then it hits me that I really don't have anything to offer him. I don't have a wealthy family, or a career, or anything.
"What's that look for... Bella, you know I'm only joking about the dowry." I pull away from him and take a seat. "Darling, what's wrong?" He sits beside me, automatically surrounding me with his arms as he pulls me closer.
"I don't have anything to offer you. I mean you're a wealthy doctor, with a career, and I'm a college drop-out with... nothing."
"You're being ridiculous! You're letting Nessie's negative attitude get to you." He tips my chin up so we're eye to eye. "You've given me everything. Just because you can't put price tags on love, hope, happiness, anticipation, belonging, and contentment, doesn't mean they don't count. You've only had thirty years – barely a fraction of my life. Even by human standards, you're just starting out. Besides, I'm just old-fashioned enough to be quite happy to take care of you. I love the idea of sharing everything with you."
"It doesn't bother you that by 'human standards' I could be seen as a gold-digger?" He laughs so loud at this I'm afraid he's going to attract attention.
"Are you crazy? You? Anyone who would put your name in the same sentence with 'gold-digger,' obviously does not know you. Most of the reason you have so little is because we've practically had to force you to take what we wanted to give you. Not only are you entitled to share in all the family assets, but you're worthy of it too. Bella, you've got this warped sense of your value, and it always seems to come out lower than everyone around you. You don't need a dowry – you are the dowry. You're the gift I want. You're more valuable to me than any wealth or career or status you could give me."
"But..."
"There are no 'buts.' Trust me on this, Bella. I'm old enough to know what really matters. Everything I have can be taken away in a heartbeat. Didn't you see that on the island? Markets crash, governments collapse, storms destroy, and things just don't matter. I've got a small fortune in Confederate currency somewhere, but it doesn't matter. You matter. You are valuable. You are more important to me than any degree or career, or asset. I'm in love with you, not all the trappings."
The intensity of his gaze leaves me speechless. His kiss takes my breath away. Then we're kissing like nothing else matters, because nothing else matters. I love him, even if Nessie can't accept it. I love him no matter what anyone else thinks or says.
I feel a little better when we finally go back to Yanna's room. She's still asleep, and we can both hear her steady breathing and measured heartbeat. We sit with her for hours, both of us quiet and still. He holds my hand, though I'm deep in thought, mentally playing out better ways I could have handled Nessie's reaction. It's three a.m. when my phone vibrates. I hurry to the hallway where I won't disturb Yanna or any other patients.
"Mom...?"
"Yes...?"
"I'm sorry..." I hold my breath. "I'm sorry for... being so childish about your news." I let myself breathe. "I've been thinking about it all day... it's been driving me crazy. I mean Carlisle has always been... you know – Grandpa. I think I was a little relieved that you were so sad over Daddy, that you wouldn't even think about finding someone else. I guess if you move on... then he's really gone."
"Oh baby girl... I'm so sorry to bring all that back up."
"No. It's okay. I've been talking to Jake – he's on your side by the way. He told me some things I never knew. No one ever told me Daddy left you, before you got married. Jake told me how much that hurt you, and how he was afraid you were going to kill yourself. He said he did everything he could to snap you out of your depression. He thinks that's the reason you two were so... close."
Oh Jacob! He doesn't remember having such strong feelings for me. It wasn't right that I leaned so heavily on him with Edward gone. But he probably did keep me from doing something that would have cost me my life.
"Honey, we're friends, you know that." I could never tell her that it was almost more.
"I know. But he told me that you needed help to 'come out of your tailspin before you crashed,' as he put it. He said that even after less than a year together, you were so devoted to Daddy, that you forgot how to live without him."
"That's pretty close to the truth. I've always been in love with your father."
"He also said, that the last time you came to visit,before Masen was born, you were acting the same way, only worse. He's been worried about you, and I didn't even notice. Everyone's had a hard time getting over what happened. I just thought you needed a little more time. I actually thought that as soon as Masen was born, you'd snap out of it and things would get back to normal. But then you didn't even come..."
"I'm so sorry! Ness... I would have been there if I'd have realized …."
"What happened on the island, Mom? Something happened there, didn't it? Grand... . Carlisle went to bring you back, and now this news."
"I went there to die." The words are out before I even think. I hear her gasp on the other end. "I wasn't conscious of it at the time, but I just knew I wasn't coming back. I thought I could starve myself, and maybe I can. Carlisle saved me. He even had to feed me since I was too weak to move. The storm that destroyed the house could have taken me out to sea if he hadn't have pulled my body off the beach."
"My god! Why would you do that? You'd make me lose my mom too?
"It wasn't about you. I couldn't face my life without him. All I could see was an eternity ahead of me, and no one to share it... no one to love... and all the memories I had of perfection. Edward left a vacuum I didn't know how to fill."
"Is that where Carlisle comes in?" She sounds wary and skeptical.
"Not really. He's not Edward, and he's not filling that role. It took us both by surprise when we started to have feelings for each other. It never would have happened if either Esme or Edward were still alive. I never looked at him like that before. But now I can never go back to how things were before. I love him, Ness. I love him as deep as I ever did your dad."
"Jake told me that you're the kind of person who has to love someone else to stay connected to your life. Some people just exist, but you exist to love. He said he's happy for you, and for Carlisle too. He still remembers how Carlisle helped save his life. He thinks you'd be good together."
"And what do you think?" I hear her loud sigh.
"I think I love you both. I think you deserve to be happy, and if being together makes you happy, I'll do my best to get over my squeamishness."
"I love you, and I'm so proud of you!"
"Don't be proud just yet. I still haven't got my mind wrapped around it." She's quiet for a moment. "So... if Dad somehow came back, who would you choose?"
I laugh softly. "I asked Carlisle the very same question, but about me and Esme. He told me he doesn't deal in impossibilities. He told me Esme was dead. Baby, Edward is dead. He's never coming back." I hear her soft sob on the other end.
"I know. I think I just want to know that you loved Daddy more. Who do you love more?"
"I loved your father with all that I had, while I had him. But now I love Carlisle, with all that I have. I can't measure it Ness. It would be like you trying to decide which of your children you love more; Sarah or Masen."
"I guess that makes sense... I just have a hard time imagining you two together."
"Don't worry, you've still got time to get used to the idea. We'll be here in Italy for a week or two. Then I'm sure there's going to be a bit of planning before the wedding."
"Wedding? What do you mean wedding?" I hear the alarm in her voice.
"He wants to marry me, Ness. He's not the type to just fool around or live together."
"Oh my god! That's so messed up!"
"I thought you were going to try." I hear her on the other end, trying to muffle the phone as she calls for Jake. 'My mom and my grandpa are getting married! I think I'm going to throw up!'
I hear Jacob's voice on the line. "Bella, I think this is going to take some time. I'm happy for you, really I am. But Nessie is... " His voice drops to a whisper. "...she's a little hormonal. Her maternity leave is up soon, and she's stressed about going back to work. She just needs some time to adjust. I'll talk to her, and we'll call you later, okay?" We say our goodbyes.
Carlisle wordlessly pulls me into his arms. "Are you okay?"
"I wish I could throw up too. Just hold me... that always works." We walk slowly back to the privacy of Yanna's room, and he holds me until she wakes up with the dawn.
A/N: I want to thank everyone for your reviews. It's always my intention to respond to each and every one, but when I sit down at the computer, I'm drawn into writing.