Chapter 28
Love
Yanna wakes up and smiles shyly at us. We've been keeping watch over her all night, and it's good to see her wake up on her own.
"Oh no..." She wiggles in her bed. "Can you help me..." She tries to get her left arm to move. "I've got an itch I can't reach!" Carlisle and I both hurry to help her. From either side of her bed, we work to eradicate first one itch then another, until we finally have to laugh at her look of bliss as she has me scratching her back, and Carlisle rubbing her shoulders.
"I'm glad to see you're feeling better." Carlisle smiles at her. "How about we get a nurse to help you use the bathroom, then we can work on breakfast. We've got a lot of tests to do this morning, and with luck, we'll have you back home around lunch time."
"Are you sure Doctor Cullen?" She looks afraid, and her blue eyes gaze up at him.
"You can call me Carlisle – we're family now. And don't worry about a thing. You are going to get better, it's just going to take a little time and a lot of hard work. Bella tells me you're a strong and willful young woman. That's a good thing, Yanna. I don't want you to give up on me, okay?"
"I won't." He holds her hand, and she no longer looks afraid. She looks from him to me and back. "Did you convince her?" He looks confused, and I have to smile.
"You have to be careful, Yanna. This man can beguile birds out of the trees. I didn't stand a chance." He looks at me with a knowing grin.
"So when's the wedding?"
"We're still working on that. But it's going to be soon." He sounds so sure of himself. I try not to think about Ness.
"I'm so happy for you! You two look so cute together." Her smile is wide, but crooked from her brain injury.
"Cute?" We both say it together, and she giggles.
We leave her in good spirits as the nurse comes in to take care of her. From there it's a busy morning, starting with us trying to get her to eat a human breakfast she insists she doesn't want.
"Sausage is disgusting! Everyone knows it's all the leftover parts of the animal, stuffed into it's intestines. I don't eat cheese or bread, and the cinnamon roll is stale." She is behaving like a typical pre-teen, which is technically what she is, no matter how physically mature she appears. It's the kind of behavior that always baffled me with Ness. I could be looking at a poised young lady, and hear a toddlers rant come from her. I'd seen quite a bit of these odd behaviors at Volterra. They had physical maturity, and they had intelligence, but it seemed to take a bit longer for their wisdom to catch up.
"Fine, we'll do it your way." He takes the tray away and sets it aside. From the hallway, he pulls in a wheelchair, and we both gasp. It's a frightening reminder of how badly she's been hurt. We both help her into the chair and set her feet on the footrests.
Late last night, Alice had sent a bag packed with her clothes and personal items. In Italian hospitals, you have to bring your own towels, nightgowns and clothes, like you would for a hotel stay. Yanna is dressed comfortably as Carlisle wheels her from the room with me following behind. He first takes her to have an M. R. I. done. He explains that she's already had a C.T. scan, and he wants to get as much information as he can.
She's nervous as he straps her to the attached table, and instructs her to hold perfectly still.
"Don't worry sweetie, we'll be right here." Actually we have to wait outside the room as the technician scans her brain. The images make her brain look like a 3-D puzzle that has been sliced apart. As I watch her through the window, he shows me the pictures where he believes her problems originate. As fascinating as it is, I'm glad he's the one who has to make sense of it all.
From there we go to physical therapy so we can see exactly what she can and cannot do. Several long hours pass as she works with different equipment, most notably a walker. After about the hundredth time of him telling her to keep going when she's clearly exhausted, she breaks down.
"I can't do it! My legs won't work – I'm just going to fall!" He nods to me, and I slide the wheelchair up behind her and we ease her into it as she collapses. She's in tears as I move to place her feet on the leg rests.
"Don't put her feet up yet, Bella. We're just taking a break, we're not finished."
"Just leave me alone, I can't do it!"
"Yes you can." His voice is a calm counterbalance to hers. I see her look intensify, and she shakes. Her frustrated scream is unexpected.
"It doesn't work – it's gone!" I'm confused as her blue eyes meet mine. "I tried to make him stop and just take me away from here, but my power doesn't work. It's gone, just like walking, and going to the bathroom alone, and feeding myself, and not being a helpless feeb. I'm useless!" She dissolves in tears, and I do my best to sooth her.
Carlisle comes to stand in front of her. "Did I tell you this was going to be easy? Did you think you'd just do a few exercises and walk out of here? I expect you to work Yanna, not cry about how bad you've got it. There's no room to throw a pity party in here!"
"Carlisle, that's enough!" His callousness has hit a nerve, and I stand to face him.. "She's just had major surgery, and she's tired. You're asking a lot of her!"
"And you're interfering with my patient! She's the one who skipped breakfast, and don't forget she just tried to control me. She's not a baby Bella, and if you treat her like one, she'll continue to be helpless!" He paces away and runs both hands through his hair. With a growl he turns to face me. "I'll be back, I need a minute." He leaves in a hurry, leaving us both stunned.
Yanna wipes her eyes and looks up at me. "I'm sorry I tried to control him. Don't fight over me... I'm not worth it."
I kneel down at her level. "You've got to stop thinking like that. You have value for more than your power. That's Joham's training talking. Don't believe his lies, or he wins." I reach up and wipe another tear from her eye, then tuck her hair behind her ear. "You'll get better, I know you will. Carlisle's the best doctor I've ever seen. Just yesterday we thought you would die, and now you're sitting up and trying to walk. That's amazing progress! Maybe his bedside manner needs a little work, but he means well." Her eyes widen. "He's standing right behind me, isn't he?" She nods.
I stand in a hurry and he smirks. "I've got a thing or two to say about my 'bedside manner' – in private." Yanna giggles.
"As for you..." He hands her what looks like a big coffee cup with a lid. "...breakfast of champions." As soon as she opens it, I know it's blood, and it's human. "Drink up, we've still got work to do." He takes my elbow. "Just give me five minutes with my fiance." He guides me from the room and down the hall a bit, just out of hearing range.
"I didn't mean to snap at you, and I'm sorry. I'm not used to anyone coming between me and my patients. This..." He indicates the hospital and his white coat. "...is where I'm the authority. I've been a doctor for a lot of years, and I'm very good at my job. Maybe I'm a little harsh and a little too gruff, but I'm more interested in results than making her feel good. With this kind of brain injury, we have a very small window to regain as much of her mobility as we can. For my human patients, these things don't get better over time. Muscle tone is quickly lost, and after therapy it becomes about compensating for losses, rather than regaining control."
"I'm sorry – I didn't know. But..." He raises his eyebrows expectantly. "...but you seem so hard, and cold. It's not like you."
"Bella, she doesn't need me to coddle her. Haven't you ever heard of tough love?"
"I think I got my own demonstration on the island." We both remembered just how tough he was then. He pulls me close with a groan, and just holds me tight.
"I'm so sorry about that." He rubs his cheek against the part of my face he'd slapped. "I was a total ass." He kisses me there, as his fingers comb through my hair. "That's not tough love, Bella, that was raw pain and denial. I think I had some grieving to do as well."
"And all the time you tried to convince me you were above it all."
"As if you'd let me." He gives me a soft little smile. "You know, if I were alone I could have packed everything into a neat little mental box, and shoved it in the attic. But you confronted me and confounded me at every turn. Right from the beginning when I found you naked on the beach..." He squeezes his eyes closed, as if to banish the memory.
"I forgot about that." I'm suddenly embarrassed.
"I wish I could forget. Even barely alive and covered in sand the image haunts me. I didn't think of you as a woman then, but I remember holding you in my arms, and you were warm from the sun. I put you in bed, and there was just a moment when I thought about joining you there." He sighs. "I think that was the first challenge I faced on the island. I had it in my mind that I was going to be alone for a very long time. Still, every time I looked at you, there was this whisper in the back of my mind that I didn't have to be alone. But you were so stuck in your grief."
"Is that where the tough love came in?" I slide my hands over his back, thankful I managed to let go before I lost him.
"Maybe. I just knew I wasn't going to let you drown in your grief. Everyone else just left you wallow in it, and two years went by and you were ready to give up. I'm so glad the hurricane kept us stranded there. I managed to snap you out of your mourning, but I don't think I would have made any connection with you if we'd just flown back home."
"I'm glad too." I smile up at him. "So, showing me the pictures of the baby and not letting me have them was tough love? And making me bury the goat by myself?"
"And the surfing – but I think that was a lot harder on me than it was on you." He smiles. "I don't know what was worse, the damn surfboards or that red bikini. I kept fighting not to see you as a woman, but sometimes that was all I could see. Just lying in the bed and holding you... it was supposed to be innocent. But it was putting an impression of you in my arms and in my mind."
I sigh and snuggle against him. "I still remember how good you looked in a towel. You weren't alone in feeling things change. I could have made love to you on the beach, right out in the open."
"I thought we decided that would have just been sex." He kisses the top of my head.
"Sex on the beach is a drink. I really don't think I can just have sex, or Aro and I might have. No, it would have been making love. I think I was falling for you even then. It was just buried under so much mental mess, and guilt. My body knew what my mind didn't want to admit – I wanted you."
He tips my chin up and we kiss. I feel the passion of that day on the beach, and wish we'd made love, before he insisted on marriage first.
"You just going to leave me sitting there all day, while you two sneak off to suck face?" Yanna is slowly rolling down the hall in her chair. One hand pushes the wheel, and one foot pushes her along. She keeps bumping the wall, and pushing off with her listless left arm. I pull away from Carlisle and hurry to her side. He follows slowly, with a satisfied smile on his face.
"Now that's what I'm talking about! Look how hard you worked to get here, that's the kind of effort I want to see." He takes hold of the chair and turns her around, making her groan as he backtracks to the physical therapy room. Once again we're back where we started. "Let's give it another try."
I take a seat against the wall, and keep quiet. He pushes and cajoles her to hold the walker and take step after step, and I grudgingly notice she's going further than before. I can hear she's breathing hard, and her heart is beating faster. I'd say something, but I know he can hear it too. He glances at her chair, and I'm ready to push it to her, but instead he helps her turn, and makes her walk back. She collapses into her chair, but doesn't complain. I think she must be finished, but he has her stand and sit several times, encouraging her to sit rather than fall.
"This is what you'll need to use the bathroom by yourself – sit, stand, turn, and walk. You've almost got it, and you can cross one thing off your list." I don't have to read minds to see it dawn on her that he's been pushing her so hard for her own benefit. His satisfied smile is answered by hers, and when she reaches out to him, he bends for her hug. I sit quietly and fall in love with him all over again.
From physical therapy, we go back to her room and begin to pack up her things. Without fanfare, we wheel her out of the hospital, and while I wait with her, he brings the car for us. We settle her in the backseat and fold the wheelchair into the trunk. Her walker folds beside her, and I take my place next to him.
We drive back to Volterra, and it's as if I can feel the stress and tension settle over me. There's so many unresolved issues waiting for us, and as we drive through the gate, I feel almost claustrophobic inside the thick walls.
He takes my hand as he drives slowly over the cobblestones. "Stop worrying, everything's going to work out." He kisses my hand as he pulls up to the front of the complex and parks the car. We help Yanna into the chair and one of the guard takes the car as we push her inside. Everyone seems to be looking our way as we wheel her toward the elevator.
We don't make it. Aro and his children are obviously returning from the music room. Armando carries an instrument case and Aurora holds Aro's hand. Arianna's gasp of "my god!" echos through the room. We all stare for too long.
Arianna runs our way, and Yanna puts up her right arm to block her. She's not attacking, but instead she falls to her knees and takes her hand. "I'm so sorry! I'm so very very sorry! I didn't know he tortured you too! I'm so sorry I hurt you... please forgive me! Armando told me everything. He was such an evil man – I thought you were working for him. I didn't know you were his puppet too." She stops to take in Yanna's condition. "My god, I can't believe I did this to you! You should have stopped me, why didn't you fight back?"
Yanna softly whispers. "I helped him rape you – I should have fought harder. You needed a chance to get it out of your system, and it was already too late for me. He already ruined me. I can't heal normally, I can't have children, and I can't stand to get close to a man. And now I can't use my power anymore – that should make you happy."
"i wish I could take it all back – I'm so sorry." She buries her face in her lap. Yanna gingerly runs her hand through her dark curls.
"It's so good to see you're still with us, Dora." Aro releases Aurora's hand and stands awkwardly beside his weeping daughter.
"Dora's dead. I'm Yanna." She meets his eyes defiantly. "Yanna Cullen." The significance of the last name isn't lost on Aro. She'd shared with me that Caius was created at a time before surnames were widely used. Because he had no last name, she'd never had one either. In calling herself Cullen, she was claiming a new family as well as a new identity.
"I see. Would someone care to fill me in?" He removes his glove and holds his hand out, as if he expects us to dump our memories into his open palm.
"You know that's no longer required of any of us." Carlisle doesn't make a move, and he can't read me. I'm surprised when Yanna reaches up and takes his hand. She doesn't just touch him, but holds him, looking into his eyes as he clearly reads several unpleasant thoughts. He pulls away.
"So, you're getting married." He looks at me, and I can see sadness, loneliness, and resignation cross his face and disappear. "Good luck." His voice is somber, and he doesn't even look at Carlisle. He pushes his hand back into his glove. "Arianna..." He helps her stand and get herself under control. He puts his arm around her and she leans against him.
He looks down at Yanna. "I had no idea he did so many evil things to you, or my daughter. Had I been in control of my own mind, I would have torn him apart myself. You have my apologies as well."
I watch as he turns and leads his children away. I stoop down and fold Yanna into my arms and just hold her. "You were so brave, that couldn't have been easy."
"I'm okay. I think this makes us even."
"She almost killed you, how can you say that?" It still surprises me to hear how worthless she thinks she is.
She looks at me directly. "I used my power to force her to do what he wanted. Had our places been reversed, I'd try to kill me too." I remembered her own attempt on my life.
"Maybe we need a little less revenge around here." I kiss her cheek and stand up.
"Let's get you settled before we have any more drama." We nearly make it to my room, but drama is waiting for us outside.
Sabrina looks nervous that we've found her there. "I was just going to leave you this." She thrusts a folded letter at Yanna. "I'm sorry... I didn't know you were coming back so soon." She quickly wipes away a tear. "I... everything's in the letter." She indicates the paper Yanna holds. "I'm sorry Dorie, I just can't do this anymore!" She turns and flees down the hall, wiping tears as she goes.
Inside the room, Yanna unfolds the letter. "I guess I knew this was going to happen." Her hand shakes, and she cries. "We've only been together for four months, but I thought we had something..." I move to hug her, but she waves me away. "It's okay... I'm going to be alright. She's only human, right?" She pretends to laugh and looks up at Carlisle. "Am I allowed to go to bed now, or do I have more work to do?"
Wordlessly he locks the chair wheels and sets the walker in front of her. "How bad do you want it?" He doesn't let me help her stand, and she manages to pull herself up and scoot the walker to the bed. She even turns around, but she's too short to sit on the high bed, and we both help her. I take over getting her comfortable with pillows and blankets.
Once she's comfortable, I gather fresh clothes and slip into the bathroom to change out of my rumpled outfit. It's a simple sundress and sandals, but I like how he looks at me.
"If you need us, we'll be across the hall. We can hear you if you call?" I'm surprised he's leaving her alone. "We'll bring you something to eat in a couple hours, okay?" She only nods.
"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" I want to go with him, but I also feel as protective as a mother with her.
"I'd rather be alone... if you don't mind." Carlisle guides me out of the room.
Even before we make it to his, Alice rushes out of her room and excitedly throws her arms around me, and then him. "You're getting married!" She beams. "I never thought I could be happy about it – but I am! Oh my gosh, the wedding is going to be awesome! I'm already looking at dresses for you – it's going to be huge!" We both stare at her.
"Oh, I'm sorry, you two want to be alone... " She looks at me, suddenly serious. "I have something for you. I think this is when I'm supposed to give it to you. I'm sorry." Her hand shakes as she hands me the folded paper, not unlike the one Yanna just received. She turns and retreats to her own room. I feel dizzy as I look at the paper and it's one word – Bella. It's in Edward's writing.
I haven't been inside Carlisle's Volterra room. It's large, with a desk, file cabinets and chairs. There's no bed, but instead there's a large sectional couch filling the L of two walls. He leads me there and I sit. He puts his arm around me, and I wonder if that's even appropriate. But I need him here as I open the letter and read.
My dearest Bella,
Please forgive me. Tomorrow we go to war, and I fear I will not survive the day. I will fight for all I'm worth to make it through and stay by your side forever. But if you're reading this, I wasn't successful. I don't know how to say I'm sorry in a way to make up for failing you.
Don't blame Alice. Please, I know she's right about not telling you about her visions. She couldn't hide them all from me, as they're tearing her apart. I told her I wanted to see them all, and just an hour ago I finished walking through her mind. I now know what I have to do. We have to stop them no matter the cost. Bella it's not just about us. It's not even about the threat specifically to our daughter. It's about world domination.
I have viewed Armageddon in her mind. I have seen the four horsemen of the Apocalypse, hidden under red cowls. It's a losing battle I saw, over and over, no matter how we thought to fight them. In order to win, we have to lose. In order to protect your lives, we have to lose ours.
All I can think about is how much I love you. It tears me up that I won't get to be with you in our forever. I won't get to hold our grandchild, and see our daughter start her own family. Bella my love, I know there is no other way. One thing I am certain of, now more than ever – I have a soul. My heart is breaking at the thought of being separated from you, but it is well with my soul. The future they have planned is so horrific, I know to oppose them puts me on the side of God and his angels. I have glimpsed Hell in her mind. I worry for Alice, as she carries so much on her small shoulders. I watch her splinter a little more each time a new vision emerges. I'm so glad she has you for a friend.
I don't know how to write this part. You are my life, and I love you enough to lay mine down for you. But I want you to let me go. I'll watch over you from Heaven, but you can't hold me on Earth. I want you to let go and love again. Find a good man who will treat you right, and don't hold back because of me. You will honor me with your desire to love and trust again. I hope I have inspired you to always want love in your life. Find someone who is worthy of you, and reach for happiness with both hands. Please. I'm begging you, don't face eternity alone.
I wish I had time to write about everything your love has meant to me. It would fill a book – and we know where it would be shelved. You are my heart. You have been a precious gift to me, and even though I face death, know that you made me the luckiest man on Earth. I wish I had time for one more dance, one more night in your arms, one more lullaby.
How do I close? I still have to write a letter for our daughter – dear God what do I say? I know I'm leaving her in the best hands. Take care of each other.
I love you more than life,
Edward
I can't cry. The tortured sounds that crawl out of me are muffled against Carlisle's chest as he holds me. I don't feel guilt for seeking the comfort of his arms. In just one page of ink, Edward has taken all the guilt and shame I might ordinarily feel. He took it with him into nothingness. I can't believe he wanted me to find someone else. Even before he died he was letting me go. I wonder if he could have known – maybe saw some glimpse of it in her mind. Our daughter may not be able to understand and forgive me, but Edward has.
I clutch Carlisle so tight. The rumpled letter has let me know that I can never stop loving Edward. He was one in a million, and I'll never forget how good and wonderful he was. But what I feel for him is separate from what I feel for Carlisle. They're in two different parts of my life, neither standing in the other's shadow. I can love Carlisle, because I loved Edward, not in spite of it.
I hand him the letter and he sets it aside – he's already read it. I look up at him, and see he's feeling the same depths of emotion I'm feeling. I touch his face and smooth the worry lines from between his eyes.
"I love you." I whisper. "I want to be with you – always." He doesn't say a word, but kisses me. Hunger, need, and unrestrained passion possess him, as he possess me. We don't breathe. We cling, taste, hold, clutch, press, and devour one another. He freely touches me, inciting me into a frenzy of need that only he can fill. Then he tears away from me, gasping.
"Marry me, Bella!"
"I already said yes." He's confusing me with his hot/ cold approach.
"No. I mean marry me now!" He gets up and pulls me to my feet. We're in the hallway and I still don't know what he's thinking. We listen at the door, and Yanna is asleep. We hurry through the complex and out the door. It's around two, and we hide in shadows and alley's as he leads me down the narrow streets. We rush up the steps of the cathedral and he stops me in the shadows of the great doors and the cherubs overhead.
"Weddings have changed over the years. All the traditions we think are so important have been added little by little over the decades. When I was a clergyman, a marriage was more an agreement, and all I had to do was bless the union. Usually a young woman was given by her family to her intended husband. In some cases he too was given to her. There was a dowry involved, and often a price he paid for her." He smiles at me, and I feel excited just looking at him.
"In my day, the couple and the wedding party would process through the streets in celebration. They would come to the steps of the church, where the actual ceremony would take place." He looks at me meaningfully. "We're both widowed, so we don't need our parent's permission. We don't need a procession, or a dowry or any payment to our respective families." He takes my hands in his and his eyes gaze into mine.
"Bella, marriage is about a promise. It's a sacred vow between two people, before God." He recites the love chapter from the Bible from memory. He smiles as he takes a silk cord from his pocket. Holding my right hand, he wraps the cord around our two hands, loosely binding us together.
He pulls me close, and his voice is for my ears only. "I promise, here and now before God, to love you, cherish you, exalt you, protect you, and treasure you always. I promise to be with you no matter what this life and this world sends our way. Everything I have and everything I am is yours, as long as we both live. I freely make this covenant with you, and by the grace of God, may it last for all eternity." He squeezes my hand. "Will you have me as your husband, Bella?"
"Yes." I breathe. Then I recite his words back to him. "I promise here and now before God...may it last for all eternity. You've given me my life back, and I want to marry you. Will you have me as your wife, Carlisle?"
"Absolutely, without a doubt." He smiles, and I can't help but grin. He unties our hands and kisses my fingers. "As a symbol of this promise made..." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a ring and slides it onto my finger. It's solid, with two white stones aside a large blue one.
"I love blue topaz."
"I'll try to remember that. This one's a blue diamond, and two white diamonds. The white diamonds represent..."
"...our first marriages." I interrupt.
"Yes." He smiles. "I'm glad you understand. I don't think anyone but you could understand why I would pay them a tribute like this." I touch the white stones, and remember them. "The blue diamond is..."
"...to remember your blue eyes?"
"We're barely married and you're already finishing my sentences." He laughs softly. "I'd like to think it's for hope. It's not nearly as large as the hope diamond, but I like the idea it could stand for hope."
"It's perfect."
"We can tell everyone it's an engagement ring, but you and I will know it's a wedding ring. We've only got one more thing to do." He takes my hand and opens the big doors to lead me inside. The sound of the doors brings a priest and two others out to investigate as he leads me up the aisle of the cathedral. There are no services for the day, but the priest seems to know we're not tourists.
"Will you bless us, father? Me, my wife, and our marriage?" The confused priest's heart beats faster, but he leads us in prayer, asking that we kneel. My head swims with Latin, incense, holy water, and a blessing. Thirty minutes later, we walk back down the aisle.
Standing at the back of the quiet cathedral he takes me in his arms. "That's it. Everything that matters has been done. We're married. You're my wife, and I'm your husband. I need to kiss you now." His kiss is so soft and yet so full of all the passion and promise that lead us here. "Let's go."
He leads me back to the complex, and it's as if nothing has happened. We stop in the cafe and gt lunch for Yanna. Instead of taking it to her, he taps on Alice's door.
"Would you mind helping Yanna with her dinner? Bella and I have some things to attend to." Alice looks a little confused, but she agrees. "Don't let her make you do all the work, she has to learn to do it for herself – be tough."
He doesn't explain himself, but leads me down the hall. We take the elevator to the older part of the building, and he leads me through a maze of hallways. We finally come to a door all by itself, and he takes a key from his magic pocket and unlocks the door.
"Jasper told me about this room. It doesn't belong to anyone, but he suspects it was a trysting place for one of the ancients who didn't make it home. He actually spent a day hiding out here himself, while the guard was chasing false leads. He gave me the only key."
He opens the door onto a different century. I'm about to walk in when he scoops me up and carries me in. "Welcome to our honeymoon suite, my love." He sets me down near the bed, and turns to lock the door. I can only stare at the room. It looks like it's right out of a museum. There are landscape murals painted on the walls. The floor is marble, with thick carpets, and even furs scattered about. The fireplace is enormous, and the wood stacked beside the hearth proves it's to be used. The chandelier overhead is coated in wax, dripped from countless candles. The sconces on the walls hold oil lamps, and everything in the room seems to be trimmed in gold leaf.
Then there's the bed, sitting on it's own platform. It's a massive carved canopy bed, with damask curtains pulled back and tied with tassels. I stare at it, as the afternoon sun spills across the coverlet. He comes up behind me and slides his arms around my middle. His kisses on the back of my neck try to steal my attention from the bed.
"Do you feel married yet, Bella?" I turn in his arms to face him.
"It feels a little surreal. I love you, and that's not going to change, no matter what kind of ceremony we go through. I think it's going to take some getting used to."
"I know what you mean. We can have a wedding later, with all the ceremony, traditions, and guests." He pulls me snugly against him. "But I'm your husband now. As far as I'm concerned, you're my wife, from here on out. It's about the commitment, not the ceremony."
"Can we take the coverlet off the bed, I don't want to ruin it." He looks a little confused, but he helps me fold down the coverlet, exposing clean, white sheets. I step away from the bed, feeling nervous. I back into him, and he holds me, again kissing my neck. He moves his hands over my stomach, and boldly up over my breasts. I moan.
I turn and capture his lips with mine. Nervous or not, I want him. "Carlisle, please make love to me." I've asked him more than once and been turned down, but this time he picks me up and carries me to the bed. Crisp, clean sheets slide against my back, and a hungry predator attacks my front. Just the weight of him makes me crazy, and I wantonly press my hips against him.
He kisses me, hard. His hands tangle in my hair hold me still for his assault. Lips, tongue, and teeth push against me, and I welcome him, with my hands fisted in his hair. The sundress I put on this afternoon has wide straps, and his fingers move under them. He kisses down my neck, as he pulls the dress down my body, until it's off. I resist the urge to cover myself with my arms, as he kneels on the bed, just looking at me.
His look of hunger holds me still in anticipation, and I watch him take off his tie and shirts. He quickly stands and I stare as he removes his pants. His sock s are barely an afterthought, and he's nearly naked when he joins me again. Two scraps of underwear are all that keeps us apart. I feel his bare chest against mine, and can't help but think from here on out, it's the first time for us – the first time of many.
Kisses, with his hands moving softly over my peaks. He nuzzles my neck and his hands learn my skin, teasing and touching, as I moan and press against him. His lips blaze a fiery line lower, where he licks between my breasts and I sigh.
"Taste me... I want to feel your mouth on me." His hands urge my peaks to hard nubs, before he eagerly captures one in his hot mouth. I cry out and press against him as my fingers play with the silk of his hair. One word, soft, breathy, satisfied..."yessss." He already knows my body, as his mouth and hand trade places, doubling the satisfaction. "...love you... need you...Carlisle please..."
Exquisite torture...hungry sucking...gentle nips...firm hands...wet lascivious tongue...trading again and again until I cry out and beg him for more.
His fingers glide along the waistband of my last barrier, and ease them down. He's seen me naked before, but he's never seen me in so much in need. Late day sun dances over my skin, and his eyes drink me in. I can plainly see his arousal fighting his loose boxers, and I long to see him in his glory.
I sit quickly and catch hold of his shorts, as my other hand traces his length under the fabric. "I want to see you too." The look of wonder on his face vaguely reminds me that Esme was a woman from a different century. I've surprised him with my openness, and I eagerly exploit his wonder. I carefully pull the elastic over him, and gasp at what I find. A living personification of need greets me, and I long to satisfy both our needs.
I push the fabric to his knees, and slide my fingers around him. He groans my name, leaning into me and crawling forward enough to dislodge his underwear and tear them away. We're both naked and he's beautiful, looking down in awe as both my hands glide over him. I love the way his hair falls forward over his face, making him look so boyish and adorable.
I fondle. I caress. I take his hunger and his need firmly in my hands and love him as he gasps. Unexpectedly I taste him. "Bella... girl you're going to kill me!" Taste, lick, tease, encircle, engulf, fully taking him into me – no need to breathe. Love him! His deep groans,...his fingers combing through my hair... his hips softly rocking against me... his adoring eyes watching every move I make.
When I stop I leave him nearly as wet as he's left me. "Make love to me Carlisle...my husband." I meet his eyes and watch the emotions play over his face. He's beautiful, and I adore him. "I need you – in me. I'm yours baby, you don't have to wait anymore. You don't have to hold back... I want all of you." My words settle a look on his face that would have made my heart skip a beat if it could. Hunger, need, desire, and lust – raw and unapologetic.
I kiss him, then lie back as he stares at me. I know he wants me, but he seems undecided. I'm unfamiliar territory for him. He has seen me as fragile for so long, he doesn't know the woman I am now – the woman who needs him desperately.
I know my behavior may shock him, but I'm beyond caring. I spread my legs, sliding my feet up in the bed and raising my knees. I meet his eyes and suck my finger. His eyes follow it as I slide it along hungry flesh. I sigh. "You're turn... I need you Carlisle... please don't keep me waiting. I meet his eyes, and smile wickedly. "Fuck me baby."
I hear his gasp as he moves quickly to cover me. I feel his weight on me... his hands , touching, feeling, and groping my body as if he could explore it all in an instant. His mouth fastens on mine, more ravenous than ever, and his hard need slides against me and makes me moan. I revel in the feel of his strong muscles, as my hand plays over his behind. I clutch him, guide him, and encourage him.
His mouth tears away from mine, and he stares down at me as he tears into me. Hard and full, and everything I crave, he pushes into me as if he could go through me! A crashing thunderstorm ending a two year drought.
"Yes! I love it! Don't stop...don't ever, ever, stop!" He pulls back, leaving me empty before reclaiming me even harder. Slow at first, he tests me... can I really take this? Do I really want him unrestrained? I can and I do.
I do all I can to encourage and meet his passion with my own. I arch against him, move my own hips, and praise him with my words and sounds. He's amazing. His eyes keep coming back to mine, as if he expects to find something to stop him or slow him. I beg him for more.
And he gives more. Words give way to guttural sounds. I cling to him as he uses my body shamelessly – masterfully. I'm his. I'm so his. My thoughts are condensed to the feel of every nerve in my body answering to his will alone. I exist just to meet his need...my need. My Carlisle. My love. My one. My only. My husband. Again and again I cry out and sing his praise.
The crash only makes him pause. The mattress of the bed has collapsed to the floor. I wrap my legs around him so he doesn't think of stopping. He laughs, then kisses me, while his hips make me writhe and grunt against his lips.
"Bella... dear lord... you're phenomenal! Hold on." He moves, rolling to his back to pull me atop him. I gaze down in wonder as his hips continue to drive me crazy. I sit up and add my own movements to his. I take him. My vampire strength. My need. We move together, both of us learning our own rhythm and cadence. I can't get enough.
I lean forward, pressing my chest to his and kissing him. Soft, tender kisses, as our needs make demands on us. It's more than I ever imagined, and it's building to too much. I feel it, like a tide coming in to wash me away.
"Bella please..." He gasps as I press myself against him. I shudder as the first wave crashes over me. I cry out as I feel his release within me. The waves come hard and fast, and leave me gasping... mewling into his neck as he finishes with me. It's perfect.
I lie still, just feeling every connection between us. I hold him in me as long as I can. He's a part of me now, not just physically, but in every way possible. He's written on my soul. When he shifts, I mourn the loss of him. We move to lie on our sides, and our legs layer together. We gaze in silence at one another. I love him. I never knew I could love another so much, but I do.
"I love you, Bella." He smiles, as if it's news to him. "You're incredible. I've never let go like that before. Making love with you is so much more than I ever thought it could be. I didn't hurt you, did I?"
I have to laugh. "Carlisle, I'm a vampire. You can't hurt me. I love watching you lose control. I love everything about you. You're such a passionate lover – I have no complaints.
"I really wanted to be gentle our first time. I wanted to romance you with soft music and candlelight. I wanted to learn every part of your body, and just worship you."
"You didn't like this?" Could I have been so mistaken?
He growls. "I loved it! But I wanted to do more for you. I feel so selfish the way I just used you." I slide my hand into his hair – god I love his hair – and kiss him.
"I loved it too. You weren't selfish, you gave me what I wanted. You gave me you. I want all of you; every wild, unrestrained, selfish, passionate, part of you. I needed you that way. I needed to know you were making love with me, not..."
"I'm not thinking of anyone else. Bella it's you I love." He interrupts.
I giggle. "Now look who's finishing sentences. What I was saying is, I'm not that fragile little girl anymore. You've put so much effort into protecting me from myself..." I kiss him. "...but you don't have to protect me from you. I love you. If you want to break the bed when we make love, that's fine with me." We both laugh as we look around.
"Antique slats. It's not my fault, really." He looks so cute in his young/old way.
"I was there, remember? It was totally you. I"m sure it registered on the Richter scale somewhere – you're a force of nature."
"I could say the same about you. And what's with that dirty sex talk?" He rolls onto me and gazes down on me with a smile.
"You were driving me crazy. I just wanted you to..." I bite my lip and look up at him. "Did it bother you?"
"It has it's appeal. You definitely set something loose in me." He kisses me, and I feel him move against me, aroused again. Maybe I've created a monster – a horny vampire!
I smile at my personal joke. I'm definitely feeling married now. The light through the window casts the room in an orange glow as the sun drops low in the sky. My husband wakes up the monster in me – again.
A/N: Whew! It's a long chapter, and a lot happened. It only took 28 chapters to get here!
If you like this story and my writing, I've just finished editing an earlier story I wrote. It's about Stefan and an original character. Since little was written about the Romanian vamps, I had fun playing fast and loose with cannon. I wrote it before he was cast for Breaking Dawn, and in my head my Stefan looks like Maksim Mrvica. (I know it's cheap to offer a visual, but he's adorable.)
If you get bored waiting for updates, or if you have time over the holidays, you might want to check this one out. As I went through it again, I realized just how much I loved it. It does have many of the cannon characters in it, but not until late in the story. I've also changed the rating and added some lemon zest.
Have a Merry Christmas everyone!