Chapter 31
The Search
Alice opens the door and we step into her apartment to find she has a full house. Before we fill them in on what's happening, she leads me to her bedroom. "Let's put him somewhere safe in here... so we don't scare the others." I don't want to let him go, but she creates a space on a pillow, in a corner out of the way. She shudders when I kiss his cheek.
In the main room, half the council waits, as does Yanna and Anton. They turn to look at me as if I'm the guest of honor at a party. I sit beside Yanna, and she throws her arm around me in a hug.
"I've been so worried! They dragged you away in chains before you even woke up, and they wouldn't let us follow. I think he planned this Bella. He knew if your family was in peril you'd attack, and he'd have you. He probably thought you'd attack Reese to save Jasper, not him to save Carlisle, He was ready for it, and he had us locked up before we knew what was happening."
"He didn't realize the kind of support the Cullens have in Volterra now." Anton takes over filling me in. "He's still got a few who are loyal or afraid of him. But there are a lot of hybrids here now, and they don't want to go back to the way it was before. Alice still has the support of the council, even though he tried to keep her locked up."
"I just don't understand what's gotten into Mister Aro." Leonora speaks and everyone listens respectfully. "I thought he wanted what was best for everyone. When I heard that he'd taken you as if you were his slave, I knew we had to stop him."
Reese's voice is deep as he speaks. "He paid me to fight in his place. I mean he promised he'd pay me, but from what Alice tells me, he's close to broke." He seems defensive. "Don't judge me! My tribe back home is suffering. He promised me a lot of money if I would fight the captain of the guard. I didn't realize he was willing to let me die."
"You did good, Reese." Anton pats the big man's shoulder. "Even though he's still healing from Jasper's attack, he still managed to put a dent in the guards in the hall outside. Not too many of them wanted to tangle with a giant grizzly bear. Yanna already had them thinned out when she faked a seizure and Alice sent a couple of them to take her to the clinic. After they left her there, she sneaked off to assembled the guard members she knew were loyal to Jasper. I managed to get the weapons from the duel to her, and she had them hidden in her chair when she wheeled back to the rooms after her 'recovery'."
Alice continues with a smile at her little army of revolutionaries. She looks at me, suddenly serious. "I don't know what you did to Aro, but when he charged into the hall, he was so distressed, he didn't even notice the soldiers outside his room weren't there to do his bidding. He tried to give orders to have them bring Jasper to him. I can only assume he wanted to demonstrate his power somehow. But when Jasper emerged from the Guard, and he wasn't in custody, Aro realized he was in trouble."
"I'll give him credit, the old leech knows how to fight." Reese seems almost admiring. "Even unarmed he put up quite a struggle. Captain Jasper didn't want the rest of the Guard to interfere so it would be a fair fight. He even let him have his own weapon. I thought they were going to bring the building down on us. But Captain Jasper had a lot more to fight for it seems. As soon as that wily old blood sucker was beaten, the Captain took his head off." I gasp at his words.
"I know you're worried about that." Alice comes and sits beside me. "We can live – I mean exist for a time with our heads separated from our bodies. Carlisle suffered it during the war, if you remember."
"I remember." She looks uncomfortable at my lifeless statement.
"Yes, of course you do, sorry. Anyway, the war wasn't the first time for him. He actually had himself guillotined when he was trying to end his life. He claims he was dead for days, and actually woke up among the dead. He still doesn't know how his head and body found one another, since he told the executioner to keep them separate." I can only stare at her. She knows so much more about him than I do. The longer I sit and listen, the more worried I am that I'll never get the chance to know more.
"How long can he last, Alice?"
"We went to London to find him after the Blitz. He'd been inside a building that was hit. He was still recovering when we found him. He'd been buried and... blown apart. He claims it was two weeks after the bombing when he regained consciousness, but he's not sure. Beyond that I don't know. The Volturi don't keep decapitated vampires – they burn them." I whimper at her words.
"Don't worry, we'll find him. Aro didn't have him burned, we all would have smelled it. The thermite disk was an empty threat. If he'd used it inside, we all would have suffered from the heat, and he could have set the building on fire." The door opens and Jasper steps into the room. All eyes turn his way.
"No one seems to know where to find him. Aro used the chaos of Bella's arrest to have the body moved." I stare into my lap, feeling a cold sense of hopelessness. My ring winks at me in the light – the blue diamond he'd called hope. Something about the ring nags at me.
"Cipriana!" I look at Alice as realization suddenly dawns on me. "He needed someone he could trust. His own children are hybrid, and thus untrustworthy. He didn't hide his body, he had someone do it for him. Her room is beside his, but she wasn't going to her own room; she was coming to see him. She was coming so he could praise her for a job well done. If we want to find Carlisle.... " I breathe his name and fight the ache in my chest. "...we need to find Cipriana."
The room clears, as everyone present leaves to find the sycophant vampire. Everyone but Yanna, Alice, and me.
"I'm going to go, but I think you should stay here, Bella. You've been through too much already. Besides, Yanna needs you." Yanna hasn't let go of me since I came in.
"Just bring him back." She kisses my cheek before she leaves. There was a time when I'd have to be right in the middle of the search. But I'm truly afraid of what I might find of him. I'm even more afraid of what I would do to Cipriana if I should be the one to find her.
The waiting is interminable. Two hours has already passed when there's a knock at the door. I'm shocked when I answer it to find three hybrids looking at me – Aro's children. I have no idea what to say or do.
Arianna speaks up. "Please, I know you probably don't want to see us after all that's happened. Can we come in to talk?" She nervously looks over her shoulder. "We had to sneak away from our 'babysitters.'" I silently step back and let them come in.
"We didn't know what he was going to do." Arianna's hands flutter nervously. "He didn't want us to go to the duel, and he arranged for us to stay with a couple old vampires he knows."
"I knew he was planning something." Aurora won't look at me.
"Ah hell, even I knew Pops had something up his sleeve." Armando crosses his arms and leans in the doorway. "But he was thinking in Greek! I mean pardon me, but in my short lifetime, I haven't had time to learn a bunch of other languages yet."
"He's right." Aurora finally looks at me. "He was thinking in Greek... and a few other languages as well. We both know when he's trying to keep something secret, but usually it's nothing more important than the car he gave me for my birthday... or some kind of gossip he doesn't want us to hear. We had no idea he planned something so..."
"So much like Joham." Arianna's voice chills me. "This is exactly the kind of thing he would have done." She sits down beside Yanna and takes her hand. "I don't know him anymore. My papa would never do something like this." She cries silent tears as Yanna tries to comfort her.
Aurora looks at me with innocent doe eyes as she asks, "Are you going to let them destroy him?" I can't face her, and it's my turn to look away. I'm the wrong one to ask about leniency and forgiveness.
"I don't know what's going to happen." At least it's the truth. "Do any of you know what he would have done with Carlisle?" They each shake their heads, clearly drawing a blank. "What about Cipriana?"
"Ugh! What a bitch." Armando rolls his eyes as he comments. "I don't understand why Pops gives her the time of day. She's one of those lucky enough to deliver her hybrid baby after Doctor Cullen showed up. He made the kid's father turn her after the birth, but he should have just let her bleed out!"
"'Mando! That's a horrible thing to say." Aurora says what I'm thinking.
"Maybe she doesn't deserve to die, but she's absolutely useless to her kid. The girl's barely the equivalent of a five year-old, and she's running wild with no one to take care of her. She's already petitioned to join one of the families, but they don't take em that young. Since she's too little to have sex, she's stuck with her mother. That stupid woman has been trying to get pops to pay attention to her so she can saddle him with the kid."
"I think she took Carlisle. Do you have any idea where she might have hidden him, or any idea where she could be hiding herself?"
"Maybe if you ask her kid..." He straightens up with a grin. "I'll go get the little brat, I know where she hangs out." He leaves before I have a chance to say anything.
Aurora looks at me with sorrowful eyes. "If we help you, will you save Papa? Please?"
"I just want Carlisle back." There's a part of me that wants to keep Aro's head and body separate for a very long time. And there's a part of me that wants to dismember a certain part of his anatomy. But nothing matters more to me than finding my husband. "I appreciate your help."
She puts her face in her hands and weeps. "I'm so used to feeling him in my mind, and now there's nothing. If it wasn't for Mando and Ari, I would be lost."
"I know how you feel." I feel like I should hold her or comfort her, but I just can't. I wrap my arms around myself and wait for something to happen.
What happens is sudden as it is shocking. There's thumping at the door, and I answer it to find Armando had to kick instead of knock, as he's struggling with a scrappy little girl. May as well add kidnapping charges to the others against me. They tumble into the room and I shut the door.
"You can't do this! My friends are gonna kick your ass!" She doesn't wait on her friends, but kicks Armando in the shin and he lets her go with a grunt. "What are you looking at? I'm warning you lady, if you don't let me go, you'll be sorry!" She turns her angry eyes on me.
I'm stunned at the raw savagery facing me. I have to remind myself she's only two chronologically, though she's matured as a five year old. She's got the foul mouth of a teenager, and the attitude to match. She's the scruffiest kid I've ever seen, with her snarled hair and dirty clothes. She reminds me of a stray dog nearly turned feral.
"Do you have a name I can call you?" I soften my voice.
"I don't have to tell you my name, bitch."
"Her name's Felicia." Armando supplies, earning a deadly glare from the girl.
"My name's Felicia, but you can call me Fellatio." She gives him a defiant look, and I just gape. How did she get so bad in just two years?
"Bella, do you really think she's going to tell you anything?" Yanna looks worried.
"I forgot you were a crip, Dora. You used to be fierce. I'm glad I didn't put any money on the outcome of that fight. Arianna, you know she's gay, right? I wouldn't get too close." Her little baby face is spewing some serious adult poison.
"Felicia, I just need to know where to find your mother." I try to ignore her commentary.
"How the hell should I know? She's probably out humping dead guys."
"Is there someplace where she likes to go, when she leaves Volterra?" I steel myself for her answer.
"When she leaves, it's to go out and make dead guys. Not all the new ones stick to the animal diet like they're supposed to. You know she was a prostitute before she got knocked up and had to be changed. She's still a pro, she just takes her payment in blood." I sigh. She's not telling me anything helpful.
"I know where her mom likes to go." Armando grins. "She forgot she can't hide her thoughts, and she can't think in Greek."
"Get out of my head – freakin mind leech!" Armando smirks and she tries to kick him again. He easily blocks her, and she bites him instead.
He pushes her away from him. "Her mom sometimes goes to an abandoned hotel about an hour outside of Rome. A lot of gypsies camp there, and there's a lot of places to hide a body. Can I let the brat go, now that we've got all we need from her?"
"Yeah, let me go so I can get my friends. They're going to pound your face in, mind raper."
"No." He's already at the door, getting ready to release her. "I want to keep her a bit longer." She stomps her foot and screeches. "Yanna, will you call Alice and Jasper and tell them where to look."
I turn to my captive. "Before you go, I want you to have a bath. We'll get your hair and teeth brushed, and I'll wash your clothes. You're going to get something to eat, and then you can go."
"You can't make me do anything, you're not my mother!" I hear Yanna snicker at her angry declaration.
"You're absolutely right. If I were your mother, I'd have spanked you already. I'm not giving you a choice."
"You're wasting your time, Bella." Armando shakes his head. "This time tomorrow she'll be in the same shape she is now."
"I don't care." I sigh loudly. "I need something to do so I don't go crazy. I'm either going to behave as her mama; or I'm going to chase that woman down and put an end to her mama." I turn a meaningful look at the girl. "You're choice."
"I should just let you go after her. She'd probably tear you up." She doesn't believe it, and I laugh.
"The bathroom is through there. The towels are in the closet. I'm sure Alice has got some great soaps and shampoos – use them." It seems some of the fight has gone out of her, and she disappears behind the door. "Don't lock the door." I wait a few minutes and hear the water running. In Alice's room, I find a short robe and a designer T-shirt that will make a nightgown for her.
I don't knock when I go in, and she squeals and tries to cover up as she sits in the bathtub. "What are you, some kind of pervert?"
"Yeah, I'm a pervert. I get my thrills from smart-mouthed little girls who smell bad." I gather up her clothes and toss them outside the door, and lay out the robe and T-shirt. I kneel beside the tub, and she looks at me like she can't decide if she needs to fight me. "Relax Felicia, you need your hair washed, and I know how to help get the tangles out."
"I don't want the tangles out. I don't want you to touch me."
"Just lie back and get it wet, and I'll keep the touching to a minimum." She's just a child, but I feel more than ever it's important to honor her wishes about being touched. I know exactly how she feels. Dirt floods from her hair, turning the water cloudy. I try to remind myself that Cipriana was likely a rape victim who didn't want to become a mother. But I can't understand a mother so completely turning her back on her own child. The girl has been so neglected, her wet hair is a mass of matting and tangles.
I work the shampoo into the mass, gently rubbing her scalp. For once I follow the instructions on the bottle for rinse and repeat. I let the water out and she seems ready to hop out. I don't let her, and fill the tub again as she grumbles. I condition her hair, and begin the process of combing through the mess while it's slick with conditioner.
When she's clean and rinsed, I help her dry and put on the T-shirt and robe. She almost looks like a five year-old. Aurora's alone in the room when we come out.
"Ari, Yanna, and Mando went to take care of her laundry, and get her something to eat." I sit on the couch and pull Felicia down in front of me. In the hour it takes me to work the knots and snarls out of her hair, she has time to eat enough food for two, bite Armando again, insult Yanna, and threaten me with bodily harm if I don't quit pulling her hair – which I do for each offense.
Her hair is thick, and when I'm finished I pull the baby fine mass into pigtails, which naturally fall into spiraling curls. She finally looks like a child.
"I have to admit, she looks a lot better." Armando's comment earns him an evil glare. After she's eaten, I have to teach her how to brush her teeth, as no one has ever shown her. As much as she hated getting washed and having her hair fixed, I catch her stealing glances at herself in the mirror.
"Yes, you are a pretty little girl." The look she shoots me reminds me so much of Yanna. She isn't as skeptical, but she's obviously not used to nice things being said about her. My phone rings while she's standing on a stool, playing with the lip gloss I've given her from Alice's make-up collection. I step into the other room to answer.
"We've found her. You were right, she was hiding out in this old condemned hotel. She's been using it as a private hunting ground, since the gypsies who live here don't have anywhere else to go, and they don't talk to police. These poor wretches are doing all they know to do to keep her away. They've got crosses, holy water, garlic, and even wooden stakes."
"Did she tell you where to find him?" I couldn't care less about Cipriana.
"She claims she has no idea what we're talking about. She says we're crazy – especially you."
"She knows. She hid his body Alice, I don't need Edward's ability to know for sure." I speak quietly into the phone. "Tell her we have her daughter." I don't say anything about a threat, but I'm hoping it will be enough to compel her cooperation.
"We'll give it a try. I'll call you back." Ten minutes later I answer her call. "She says she doesn't care what you do to the kid, she won't tell us where to find him." I turn, and it's as if I can feel her eyes boring into me. Felicia has heard her mother's uncaring response.
"I'll tell you where to find him." Her words shock me, and I end the call. "Armando thinks just because I don't know Greek I can't foil a mind rape." She smirks at him. "A lot of us are learning how to block them. Maybe I can't block Aro, but they only read surface thoughts." She nods at Aurora as well. "I followed my mother after the duel. I know where she hid the body."
"Tell me!" I don't want to waste any more time.
"I want you to promise me something first." She looks pointedly at Armando. "You can't pull it from my head, so stop trying."
"What do you want." I'm quickly losing patience.
"My mother doesn't care about me. My father doesn't want me. I can't get into one of the families for at least four more years. And I'm too little to live on my own. I'll help you, but I want you to promise, you'll take me with you when you leave Volterra."
I stare at her. She looks like she belongs in kindergarten, but she's making a very adult demand. "Felicia... there are laws... I just can't take you."
"You already have. Trust me, no one's going to call out the Guard over me. I'll help you, but after this is all over, I want to get the hell out of here."
"If you're telling me the truth about everything, I'll take you with me."
"Promise?" She looks at me with eyes that don't know how to trust.
"I promise."
"Bella, the law won't let you take her." Yanna looks at me with sad blue eyes. "She has a mother and a father here. The new laws haven't addressed custody issues much, but the parents, especially the fathers if the mothers are dead, are supposed to take responsibility for their children. If it's not in the law, then the law of Italy has to apply. You can't take a five year-old girl away from her parents."
"The law isn't working!" I snarl in frustration. "I'm sick of all these legalities. I'm sick of standing by while vampires murder humans for food, and hybrids are treated like they're not people. I'm sick of laws that would let someone enact slavery. I'm sick of laws that let justice murder the innocent. And I'm sick of laws that would allow Aro to murder Carlisle and rape me!"
His children gasp. I look at them and chew my lip. "He didn't rape me, but he would have. And the damn law would have allowed it!" I look at Felicia. "If you still want out of here when we leave, I'll take you with us." She puts her tiny hand in mine.
"Let's go. I'll show you where I saw her take him."
"Give me a minute first." I go back to the bedroom. I'm stunned when I almost trip over him where he's waiting by the door. It looks as if he's rolled across the floor, but I know I didn't leave him unbalanced. I don't even give it a second thought. I'm absolutely certain that whatever keeps us alive, is working to rejoin him to his body. I hurry and find one of Alice's leather handbags. It's a black Gucci bag with it's own name, that holds him securely. Yanna looks at the bag when I come out, but the others don't seem to notice.
We all follow Felicia out, and Arianna pushes Yanna's wheelchair. It's about five a.m. and Felicia takes us down into the lower levels and few are up and about. The modern structures are all behind us, and she leads us into the tunnels I remember from my very first visit.
"A lot of us hide out down here. The blood suckers think we're good for a snack if there's no one to stick up for us. It's not that it really hurts, but it takes time to recover the blood loss. They've started carrying little knives with them, so they don't leave scars from the venom, but it's not as if they ask our permission."
"I thought the council was putting a stop to such things."
Her laugh is without humor. "The council has been trying to fix things. But they don't know how deep the problems go. They've done a good job at stopping the wars, and the big stuff. But there's a lot they miss. Volterra is a big place. The vampires left behind are good at keeping secrets. They made the fathers take responsibility for their kids, but it was their wives who really wanted us. My father doesn't give a shit about me. He's been mourning his wife since the war. Once my mother found out I wasn't enough to help her worm her way into his life, she lost interest in me."
"I'm sorry." She doesn't even look back as she leads us on through the labyrinth
"These tunnels go all under the main city. It lets the vampires move around town without attracting attention. But we've sort of taken them over now that they're not so worried about being spotted in the sun." She turns left and we move along past small rooms and alcoves off the tunnel. "This one leads to the cathedral. These used to be burial chambers." We have to carry Yanna and her chair up a set of stone steps. We emerge in what looks like a storage area.
Felicia moves quick, leading us through the unused part of the cathedral. We stop in a space behind the front of the sanctuary. I can hear her hushed whisper. "She brought him here. He's in the alter with the relics" I can only stare at the ornately carved altar. There's no way to get to it without being noticed by anyone in the area. Plus you'd need to have vampire strength to move the carved top "You don't lift the lid, there's an opening in the back."
"In an hour or two, it's going to be too late. I'm going to go get him. If anyone comes, distract them."
"Wait!" Armando grabs my arm. "I can tell someone's nearby." The six of us wait in the small room used for changing into robes. It reminds me of an old-fashioned telephone booth. Dad used to laugh about seeing how many of his friends could squeeze into them when they were kids. My senses tell me we wait thirty minutes, none of us making a sound that could carry to human ears.
When Armando finally nods to me, I creep out. It's the same place we came to be blessed after our intimate wedding. I can't help but notice the beautifully ornate ceiling, the statues, candles and columned archways. It's a holy place if ever there was one. I wonder if Cipriana understands the irony of her hiding place. If anyone doesn't belong here, it's a vampire. But if any vampire does belong here, it's Carlisle.
The back panel doesn't move easily. It's heavy metal made to fit securely into the opening and resist casual disruption. Even with the four screws, it's no match for me. I'm afraid of what I'm going to find when I open it up. I hear the approach of the priest. I also hear Aurora calling to him from the front of the cathedral.
"Please father, will you pray with me for my Papa?" I can hear the distress in her voice, but more importantly, I hear his footsteps moving away. I lay the metal on the floor, Inside, I smell age and decay. And I smell him! I reach inside, careful to be as quiet as possible. Armando comes to help me, and together we pull his body out. It doesn't feel right to leave it open, but I want to do everything I can to make sure we're not discovered.
Together we carry his headless corpse out of the sanctuary and through the passageways behind us. At the stairway, I take over holding him myself, while Armando and Arianna help Yanna down the stairs. Once we're in the tunnels, we duck into a small room, and I sit on the floor, pulling his shoulders into my lap. Ari and Felicia both gasp when I pull the head out of the bag.
I'm scared as I do my best to align his head onto his neck. Just seeing them together makes me feel better, but the ragged edges of the cut speaks to my human side and tells me it's foolish to think it's going to work. I just hold him, If I could will him to live he would be breathing.
We all look up in alarm as we hear noise coming down the hall, but it's Aurora. I watch her exchange a negative look with Armando, and I've seen that look enough between Alice and Edward to know they don't think it's working, but they don't want to tell me.
"Come on Carlisle." I whisper to him as I stroke his hair. "I love you, baby... I need you. It's time to wake up now." I hold him against me, stroking his face. "Come on love, it's not over. Don't give up on me, I love you... I'm always going to love you." I breathe the words into his ear. The hybrids are all quiet as I chant my encouragement and 'I love you's' into his ear.
When his flesh starts to knit together, we're all amazed. I watch the alignment right itself, and both sides of the cut melt together like magic. It is magic. I hear his first breath rasp from his mended throat, and I don't think I've ever known such an overwhelming mixture of relief, love, happiness, and joy. I pull him almost sitting so I can kiss his face. To feel him move in my arms is a granted wish. He struggles to sit on his own, and looks around in confusion.
I watch him, and his vacant look worries me.
"Bella?" His whisper makes me smile. He looks around him. "What happened? Why are we in Volterra?" He struggles to sit up straighter. "I... thirst." He looks at the hybrids surrounding us and his eyes darken.
"He can have some of my blood..." Armando offers.
"...or mine." Aurora follows.
"No! I could never... I have to get out of here!" I have to steady him on his feet "Thank you Bella." He pats my shoulder as he stands on his own. Something about his distance, and his first questions bothers me.
"Do you remember what happened to you?" I take his hand and he looks at me strangely.
"I have to go now." He pulls away from me and he's out the door before he answers.
"Go!" Yanna shoos me out the door, and I follow after him. He knows the tunnels better than Felicia, and he would have lost me if not for his scent and the sound of his footsteps. I'm only a minute behind him when I climb the stairs and lift the heavy grate to find myself outside the city wall. I follow his footprints at a run.
When I catch up to him, he's in the shadows of a stand of trees. He's fed, and he's going about hiding the sheep he's just killed.
"I hate to take livestock, but I couldn't wait. Be a dear and remind me to reimburse the owner, would you?" I nod. "I take it from the stains on my collar that I've lost my head?" Again I nod. "Was it an accident or intentional?"
"You don't remember?" I watch his confused face. "What's the last thing you do remember?"
"I... we went home. I mean to Canada. We needed a break, and Nessie was due to have her baby. You were on Esme Island... how did we get back here?"
"That's been weeks ago, Carlisle." I sit inelegantly on the ground and hug my knees. He doesn't remember any of it. He's forgotten me. He's forgotten us!
"Bella, are you okay?"
"No." I look up at him. "You don't remember anything?"
"Hey, what's wrong?" He sits beside me and puts his arm around me comfortingly. But it's not comforting. "Bella, what did I miss? Did Nessie have her baby?"
"You were there, Carlisle. You delivered her baby boy weeks ago."
"Is that when you came back from the island?"
"No. I missed the birth. You had to go and rescue me from the island... you don't remember any of it?"
"It sometimes happens with dismemberment. You don't mind filling me in, do you? I mean how much can happen in a few weeks?" He smiles.
"A lifetime. A lifetime can happen in less time than that." I don't even know how to talk to him now. How can I explain that we're in love, when he doesn't even remember our time on the island, or our courtship, or every moment we shared.
I pull out my phone and call Alice. "We've got him. Yes, he's... okay. Almost completely healed. No, physically he's fine, but his memory... Alice he doesn't remember anything after you all flew home before Nessie had her baby. It's all gone!" I listen to her words of comfort on the other end. I know he can hear her, and he's looking at me like we're keeping a secret from him.
"Alice, can you take care of Yanna for me when you get back. Arianna is with her now. I'm going to try to fill him in. Oh, and if Felicia wants to hang around, can you make her feel at home?" She wishes me luck and hangs up.
"How about we walk back nice and slow, and I'll try to tell you everything you can't remember. I hope you're ready to hear a crazy story." I reach out and take his hand.
"Why are you holding my hand?" He doesn't let go, but he's still looking at me with that blank stare and his brows drawn together.
"A very wise man once told me about the healing value of touching." I start by telling him what I was doing on the island. I explain how I was attempting to end my life, and how he found me there on the beach. I don't leave out any details.
"I hit you? Are you kidding me? That doesn't make any sense. I'm so sorry, Bella..."
"You've already apologized, and it's long forgotten." I tell him how we held each other just because we needed the comfort.
"Like this?" He puts his arm around me. I stop walking and we're in the cover of a forest.
"No. More like this." I wrap him in my arms and press my cheek against his chest. It takes him a few seconds, but then his arms come around me, and he just holds me. We stand together for a long time, and I feel his hand moving through my hair. I look up at him and he meets my eyes.
"There's more to this, isn't there Bella? You've changed. You've never looked at me like this before."
I sigh. "Yesterday you looked at me the same way." He brushes my cheek with his fingertips.
"Tell me the short version of what happened. There's a reason why you're here and why you look like... like I'm hurting you. I'm missing something important, I can feel it."
"A hurricane hit the island, and the house was destroyed. In the aftermath you were upset. We kissed. It was passionate and unrestrained, but I wasn't ready. We went back to Canada, and we did a lot more talking and... more kissing. So much has happened, and I'll tell you all of it, but …." His arms fall away as he stares at me in shock. I just gaze at him. My hand trembles as I reach out and touch the hair that's fallen onto his forehead.
"I never knew it was possible. I loved Edward so much I didn't think I could live without him. But you helped me to see a life beyond his death. Carlisle, I'm in love with you." I'm waiting for the moment he would look away or deny me. But he holds my gaze.
"May I kiss you?" His question gives me hope.
"Yes," I whisper. His hands cradle my face. He kisses me so softly, just a sweet little exploration. I open up and tease him with my tongue, and he gasps and pulls away.
"Bella, I wish I could remember. You say we kissed, but there's more, isn't there?"
"We've made love."
"Impossible! I would never make love to an unmarried woman. There's the proper order, and I learned the hard way not to go against it."
"Courtship, marriage, lovemaking – I know all about your perfect order. I know you didn't follow the rules with Gabriella, and now you live with regrets."
"So why would I make love with you? And damn it, why can't I remember!" He snarls in frustration, and paces away from me. His fingers furrow through his hair.
"Carlisle, you didn't break your perfect pattern." He turns suddenly and stares at me. I hold up my ring, and he comes closer. "The white diamonds are for Edward and Esme, and the blue diamond is..."
"...for hope." He completes my sentence. "Did we... " His eyes widen. "You're my wife."
"No one else knows. We went to the cathedral, we stood outside and we made promises. You recited from the Bible, and tied our hands together. Then we went inside and were blessed." He gapes at me.
"That's my idea of the perfect wedding."
"Our honeymoon was even more perfect. Jasper gave you the key to a secret room, and we made love all night."
"You really are my wife! I really want to remember."
"Let me give you a reminder." I put my arms around him and hold him close.
"Can I kiss you? I find I really want to." I tip my face up for his kiss His mouth is so gentle, but as we kiss, he becomes more inspired and passionate, and our tongues play together, as his hands move over me. "Bella..." He breathes my name.
"I have so much I want to tell you. There is so much you need to know. I've been worried sick about you. I thought I'd lost you."
"How did it happen? I mean losing my head." He's still holding me loosely in his arms.
"It's a long story. Hold on and I'll give you the highlights: We came back from the Island, but Alice had left. Duarte and Velasquez went to war. We were a few days behind so I could see Renesmee. While she was alone Alice had an affair with Aro. I was Nahuel's proxy on the council. Alice and I...fought. She told Jasper about the affair. He was devastated. He made it look as if he'd had an affair with Aro's daughter Arianna. We covered it up long enough for Jasper to get away. Aro learned that we'd lied. You were suddenly called away and returned to America with Colette. Eleazar tried to kill himself and he blew up his home in Denali – Colette is still there." He's looking at me like I've grown two heads.
"I know it's a lot to take in. I'll answer all your questions, but there's more. While you were gone, Aro decided he wanted me if he couldn't have Alice. He liked my silent mind, and he was angry at you for lying to him. I thought you'd chosen Colette and left me because I fought with Alice. We were still a very new couple." I sigh at my foolishness. "I spent some time with Aro, to help him with his children. Alice wanted me to keep him distracted so he wouldn't hunt Jasper. Then Caius' daughter attacked me, because her mother died in the war. She failed, and to save her from execution I claimed the right of bondage." He gasps at that. "I've helped her get over her loss and her anger. She's changed her name now to Yanna Cullen. But Joham tortured the girl, and Arianna attacked her and she almost died. You returned just in time to save her life."
"I was wondering why Dora was in a wheelchair."
"You operated on her brain since she couldn't stop bleeding. Joham's experiments messed up her immune system, and her supernatural healing isn't enough to overcome her bleeding disorder. She's trying to learn how to walk again. After you saved her life, we reconnected and... I told you I loved you. You were there before me, because I was afraid. You asked me to marry you. When I got over my reservations and agreed, we went through the ceremony like I told you. We made love."
My voice hitches. He doesn't remember any of it. Since we didn't tell anyone, it's as if it's a figment of my imagination. I squeeze my eyes closed, willing tears to form, then look up at him dry-eyed.
"Jasper challenged Aro to a duel to avenge the honor of his wife. You were his second. Aro paid Reese to fight Jasper, and Jasper almost killed him even after he shifted into a bear. Then Aro faced Jasper who was hurt, but you wouldn't let him. You and Aro faced off. You wouldn't attack him, but he couldn't hit you with his attacks. You dropped your guard to try to talk him into calling off the fight. Something made him snap. He stabbed you with Jasper's cutlass, then he took your head. He was going to burn your body, but I attacked him." He stares at me in shock.
"We think he planned it. I used the same attack on him I used in Denali. It didn't do much to hurt him, but he had me arrested for attacking him. I was dragged away before I even regained consciousness. When I woke up he claimed me as his bond slave. He'd totally slipped off the deep end. He took me back to his room and that's where he had your head. He thought he could threaten me into becoming his mate. He didn't know we were married. He was going to force me to..."
"My god!" He pulls me tight into his arms. "You suffered all that for me?"
"He didn't get what he wanted. I let down my shield, and forced him to see every memory of the past two years. I showed him how much I loved you. I showed him that he could never have that part of me. I turned on the noise in my quiet mind, and he decided I wasn't as desirable as he'd believed. He was going to punish me and probably make me watch Jasper die. But they'd already escaped. Even if Aro doesn't care about all the good you've done in Volterra, there are a lot of others who do."
"Jasper's okay?"
"He's fine. It seems the majority of the Guard still follows him. When he confronted Aro directly, he won the fight, and repaid him in the same way he treated you."
"Aro's dead?" He looks incredulous.
"Not exactly. He's in the execution chamber, in two pieces. I was more interested in finding you. Cipriana hid your body in the cathedral. Her little girl helped us get you back. Aro's children helped too. And now here we are."
"I don't remember any of it. But... I feel it." He looks puzzled as he gazes down at me. "I should still be mourning Esme; I know I was when we left here. But the crushing sadness is gone. And I know I should feel uncomfortable to be with you, but I don't. I feel crazily attracted to you. I don't remember kissing you, but when I kiss you it feels right."
I smile. "You've said I'm written on your heart."
"Do you really love me?" He looks like it's the craziest notion ever.
"I love you with all that I am. I've been a mess with you gone. I can't lose you Carlisle, please don't make me go back to how things were before."
He lifts my hand and looks at the ring. "It looks like something I'd choose. Is it a wedding ring or an engagement ring?"
"For us it's a wedding ring, but for everyone else it's an engagement ring. Alice has already started planning the big event, and we weren't going to tell anyone we were already committed."
"What's the point of a secret marriage?"
"Courtship, marriage, lovemaking. We were driving each other crazy. Who knows how long it's going to take Alice to plan her event."
"I married you so we could have sex?" He looks skeptical.
"No. We got married because we realized what we felt was real, and it didn't have anything to do with Esme or Edward. And it wasn't ever going to change." I pull away from him dejected. "But I guess we were wrong." I turn away from him so he doesn't have to see how much it hurts.
I feel his arms around me. He pulls me back against him. "I'm sorry Bella. I believe you, I just don't remember." He again holds my left hand, examining the ring. "If we married, then I made some pretty serious promises to you."
"Yes." I whisper.
"I will honor those promises. This has to fall under the for better for worse, in sickness and in health promise."
"We didn't say those vows."
"Really? Those are traditional." I recite our vows from memory. He turns me to face him. "If I made those promises, then you truly know my heart."
"I love you Carlisle. I don't know how to make you feel it too. I don't know what made you feel it in the first place. All I know is I need you, and I'll do whatever it takes to get that back." He holds me tight, but I'm not sure if it's to comfort his family member, or his love.
A/N: I really hated doing this, especially after the last chapter. In case you haven't noticed, this is going to be a wee bit longer than thirty chapters. Thank you for reading.