Chapter 32
Memories
"Will you kiss me, Bella?" I look up at his face, and see uncertainty and hope.
"You don't even have to ask." I touch his face and run my fingers through his hair. I stretch up to him, and press my lips to his. Soft little kisses deepen to insistent exploration as my fingers twine in his hair and pull him closer. I feel his passive observation, and I don't let him play it safe. I press against him and my tongue relentlessly teases. I taste him and demand a response with my mouth on his. I kiss him like a lover.
He struggles away from me and stares, breathless. "I need to slow down." His eyes are wide with wonder. "This is really happening – my god how could I have forgotten you?" He paces in agitation. He wheels and faces me. "Aro knew!" he accuses "He's been around long enough to know what happens when our parts are separated for any length of time. He wanted to erase my memory! He tried to take you, and he wanted me to forget you – and heaven help me – I did!"
His hands tear through his hair and I worry he's going to pull it out. I put my arms around him. "It's too late to worry about that now. I'll remember for both of us." He calms enough to put his arms around me. "We're not going to let him win."
He stares at me for a long while, slowly coming back to calm as he lightly touches my hair, rubs my shoulder, strokes my arm – all safe touches. "Bella... you're beautiful. I'm sorry, I've just never thought about you like this. There was always Edward."
"I know. It's the same for me. We've been all through this. So much happened on the island, Carlisle. Without you I'd have been lost. This didn't happen overnight. At first you just held me I'd been alone for two years, and the only time anyone really touched me was when I broke down."
"There's a lot of healing power in touch." His hands move slowly over my back.
"I know. You told me that. We did a lot of healing on the island." I laugh. "When you weren't torturing me with bad singing, Mel Brooks movies, or falling off a surfboard.
"We went surfing?" He looks doubtful.
"I went surfing. You tried to get the award for most impressive fall."
"Now I know you're messing with me. I do remember you're the one famous for falling."
"Not when it comes to surfing. I'm gifted, and you are not." I smile up at him. "The island changed a lot of things. It's the first time I was able to look at you as someone other than a father figure." He flinches as I reach up to play with his hair. "Do you think you can try? I don't know how I can love you so much, if you don't love me too."
"It might take some time. This is a lot to take in."
"I won't hold you to it. If you can't remember the promises and you can't feel that way for me again, I won't make you..." I can't even finish. It sounds too much like I'm letting him go. I'm never going to let him go, but I might have to set him free.
"I don't want to hurt you, but I am. I can see it." He touches my cheek where tears would be falling if I could cry. His gentle fingers trace the contours of my face before he tips my chin up. When he kisses me, I try to relax and let him lead. His soft kisses get more and more passionate, and I don't stop him when his hands move over my bottom, relearning my curves.
His reservations have slipped, and we're kissing, and touching, and I feel his arousal. He pulls away. "My god – you're so bold! You let me touch you and kiss you, and I just want to ravish you. Bella... is this real? My body is leading me where my mind is afraid to go. I don't want to hurt you."
In answer, I take his hand and lead him further into the woods. A gap in the trees has allowed tall grasses to cover a small patch of ground. I kneel and pull him down with me onto the sun warmed grass. When I lie back he just gazes at me. In my distant memory I remember innocently lying with Edward in our perfect meadow. But this is not Edward, and my intentions are definitely not innocent.
I reach for him, and he lies beside me. "Don't worry about hurting me. I'm not fragile, and you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. I'm not demanding you perform out of duty or because you made a promise. Can you hold me and kiss me?"
In answer he does just that. I tell myself it's enough, just to hold him and taste his sweet kisses. I take in his now familiar scent, and wonder if he's noting mine for the first time. Side by side it's about kisses and light exploratory touches. "I love the way you kiss me, Bela." It's a start. His hand moves over my breast; a favorite spot of his, even if he doesn't remember. I arch into his touch and he groans. I worry he'll pull away, but instead he presses forward, and covers me with his body. He's mine, even without his memory.
He breaks away from our kiss and looks down on me. I feel his indecision and his need. I tug the hem of my shirt from between us and pull it over my head. My skin sparkles in the sun, but that's not what makes him stare. I reach up to work the buttons of his shirt, and he surprises me when he pulls it over his head and tosses it aside. I smooth my hands over his chest, before he falls back into kissing me.
I kiss him hungrily as he learns me again. His look of wonder is precious to me. I want him. I'm about to slip out of my pants and invite him to make love here and now. Then he pulls away from me and stands. He's pacing in agitation as I sit up and reach for my top.
"I can't! I mean I can, but I... not now – not like this." He groans and runs his fingers through his hair. "I want this... Bella I want you. But I can't stop thinking that it's just not fair to you. You deserve someone who's all in. You deserve someone who loves you, and I'm not there yet. I want to try, but if I never get there, it would feel like I was using you."
I pull my top over my head and stand to face him. "You don't have to apologize." I try to pretend it doesn't matter, but I feel the familiar bitter taste of rejection on my tongue. I guess that's what I get for always falling for men with iron control.
"You wouldn't be the man I love if you weren't so considerate. But you don't have to worry about using me, Carlisle." I approach him where he stands. He looks downright skittish; like he could take off running if I move too quick. "I want whatever you want." I reach out and take his hand. "I love you, and if you want me I'm yours. But if you need to go slow, I'll try to go slow." He relaxes a bit and squeezes my hand.
"I think we need to get back." He pulls his shirt back on, brushing the loose grass from his sleeves. His words unintentionally hurt. Just yesterday he wanted nothing more than to be alone with me. Now he's pulling away.
"Wait." I wrap my arms around him and meet his eyes. "I changed my mind. I do want to hold you to your promises. What we have together is more than just a few weeks worth of healing and sexual tension. It's not something I can pretend never existed. It's real to me, and yesterday it was real to you too. I'm not going to let go. We weren't just a memory. You are the same Carlisle who loved me enough to marry me. Maybe you can't trust your memory, but you have to be able to trust yourself."
He gently holds me, and I press my face against his chest, feeling comforted if not loved. "I'm not letting go..." I murmur into his shirt as I snuggle into him. "...I love you. By your own choice, I'm your wife. I want to be your wife, and I love you too much to let you go. I'm willing to fight for us, no matter what it takes. My mom and dad quit when I was still little, and I don't intend to make that mistake. I'm too much like my dad, and I know I don't get over heartbreak easily.
I look up at him and meet his gaze. "Carlisle, I adore you. I know so much more about you now, and everything I learn makes me yearn to spend eternity with you. I love your quirky sense of humor, your bad poetry, and your romantic side. I appreciate your history, and I'm so saddened by the way you lost your human family. I was surprised to hear about Gabriella, and your exploits during World War II." I caress his dear face.
"I know there are things you've shared with me that no one else knows. I know there is a deep well of wild passion that runs through you, and it answers a need I have in me. I know when we make love, the earth moves." I feel him catch his breath and he stares at me wide-eyed. I laugh softly. "It really is that good with us, Carlisle. You truly don't know what you're missing." I glance at the spot where the grass is mashed down. I'd still love to take him there.
"I want to make love to you, until you remember me. But maybe you're right and we need to slow down. I want you to know me for more than the woman who rocks your world in bed – or out of it as the case may be." The look on his face tells me I'm getting to him with all the talk of lovemaking. I want to laugh. In his mind it's still been two years since he's been touched. "You may never remember what we had, but I know we share a connection. Edward and Esme are gone, and we're still here. I'm going to love you and treat you so good, you won't be able to resist me." I smile. "If I was in your place, I'd want you to hold on. You can trust me Carlisle. Even if you never feel love for me again, I'm still going to love you."
He touches my face, then runs his fingers through my hair. "I don't know what to say. This all feels so sudden to me. I want to feel this connection you're talking about. I can see your feelings have changed quite a bit. It kills me that I married you and can't remember it."
"Not like a vampire, but like a man, humbly before his God." I quote him. The play of emotions across his face shows me how complicated he is. He looks like he's torn between his faulty memory and what I've told him.
Once the moment of confusion passes, he fixes me in his predatory gaze and I watch a change come over him. His eyes bore into mine and he licks his lips. He doesn't just kiss me; he attacks me with his mouth and body His voracious hunger takes me by surprise. His arms surround me and pull me against him tight. I meet him in his passion, tasting him and touching him with reckless abandon. His fingers tear through my hair as he feasts on my mouth. His hands touch, grope, squeeze, and fondle me Our noises of love and lust blend together, and I'm anxious for the moment he would throw me on the ground and take me.
He again pulls away, leaving me gasping as he paces away from me. When he comes back in a rush, I expect him to take me in his arms, but instead he stops and stares at me with undisguised lust. "My god Bella, I want you!" His guttural rasp fans my desire. "But I can't. Damn!" He clenches his fists. "I have to be in love first... I just have to." He looks at me with such longing, and I reach out to touch him, but he turns away before my fingers reach his face.
He turns and strides to the nearest tree. He looks as if he's about to hit it, and likely knock it down. Then he stops and instead clenches his fist, throws his head back, and yells into the sky. The sound tears at me, reminding me of how I raged at the storm when I was on the island and grieving for Edward. It's pain, anger, and frustration, screaming from him in a howl the werewolves would envy.
I wait for him, feeling every bit as overwhelmed as he does, but afraid to give it a voice. If I started wailing, I might never stop. He stares up at the blameless blue sky for long moments. Then he comes back, once again under control. He holds his hand out for mine, and I reach for him. He folds our fingers together, and kisses the back of my hand.
"Come on beautiful, we need to get back." He starts to lead me through the woods in the direction of Volterra.
"We still have a lot we need to talk about." I didn't want to give up the precious time I had with him before his duties would clam him from me.
"I know. But we have to get back and put Aro back together."
I pull away from him and stop walking. "You're kidding – right?" I can't believe what I'm hearing. "Didn't you hear me? He would have raped me if I hadn't defended myself! He did this to you!"
"I know!" He looks angry, then his face softens as he looks at me. "I heard you... I'm not planning to excuse what he did. I want him to pay for what he's done – more than you know. But every hour he's separated, he could be losing memories just like I did. I want him to remember why he's going to be punished." He turns in his agitation then faces me again. "To be perfectly honest, this is the worst punishment I can thing of – I mean it's cruel! Our memories make us who we are, and I don't want to take that away from anyone, not even Aro."
"Okay." I take his hand again. "Let's go." We start off at a brisk walk, but then we pick up speed as the woods fall behind us. We can sense that we're alone as we approach the back wall of Volterra. We sprint the distance to the grate leading to the tunnels. At the bottom of the steps he stops to hold me and kiss me softly.
"I'm going to try, Bella. If I knew how to make myself fall in love, I would." I'm reminded of my conversation with Colette. I know he's trying to make me feel better, but it just worries me more.
I follow him through the tunnels until we come out into an upstairs hallway. I expect he'll want to go back to our rooms, but instead he hurries off to the execution chamber. I keep up with him. There's a small crowd in the room; most of them the Guard that stayed loyal to our side. Jasper's sitting on the edge of the fire pit, trying to sharpen the ashes from his cutlass. He abandons the chore as we come in.
It's clear that Jasper is no longer the aloof observer of the family. He rushes to Carlisle and wraps him in a fierce hug and holds him for long moments. He kisses his cheek before he releases him. "I'm so glad you're alright, we've all been worried sick."
"I'm not quite a hundred percent yet, but we can talk about that later. Right now, I think we need to get Aro back together." I feel a little vindicated as Jasper gapes at him like I did.
"Do you know what he tried to do?"
"Yes, I'm aware. But the longer he's disembodied, the more likely it is he'll forget the events that he's going to be punished for. So let's get him locked up tight, and put Aro Dumpty back together again."
"I can't. Alice ordered him to be kept this way. You do remember she's the one in charge here, right?" Jasper looks nervous at having to defy him.
"It's okay Jasper." Alice steps into the room. "I wasn't sure how to handle this situation. If you'll get him shackled, I'll get his noggin." Before she passes us, she gives me an apologetic look, then she too hugs Carlisle. "It's good to have you back."
It's not as dramatic watching Aro's head graft itself back onto his body. But it is gratifying to see him come to in chains. There are several minutes of yelling, threats and demands before he actually settles down to direct questions our way.
"What's going on here?" He looks at Jasper. "How did you get free? I swear, I'll execute every member of the Guard who turned against me!"
"It looks like you're memory's fine." Alice lightly steps to Jasper's side and takes his hand, and they both stare at Aro. "That will be good for when you stand trial."
"What? Have you lost your mind? I'm not about to stand trial for accepting a challenge and defending myself."
"No of course not. You're going to stand trial for the abduction and attempted rape of Isabella Cullen. Also for trying to destroy Carlisle Cullen without due process."
"I didn't abduct her, she was my bond servant!"
"Again, you didn't follow due process. You can't just declare someone to be bonded to you."
"Cipriana backed me up on this."
"Cipriana is merely an alternate on the council – a stand in until we fill her spot. And even if you grant her the power of her seat, she didn't make the proper declarations. What's to stop two council members from enslaving anyone who opposes them?"
"She's not just anyone, she attacked me and tried to kill me! I have witnesses, and I am within my rights, as she very well knows." Even in chains, Aro still commands attention
She can't kill you with her shield, and she was only trying to protect a fellow council member from your attempted assassination." Alice sounds every bit the leader as she cuts through his argument.
"This is ridiculous! She wasn't protecting a fellow council member. She didn't use her shield to protect Reese when Jasper was about to end him. She was protecting her lover!" He snarls and his eyes find me. His deep burgundy gaze burn into me with a hatred I can feel.
"Carlisle and Bella are engaged, they're not lovers. Even if they were, it's not against the law." Alice's authority is wearing thin as he seems to get more angry and agitated.
His ferocious snarl rivals the lions in Africa. He strains the chains and his face is a livid red as he rages. "Don't lie to me! They are lovers – I am not a fool." He again looks my way, and I know if he could get his hands on me, I would be ended. "You mock me with your lies. I know!" I wonder if he's touched Carlisle since our wedding. I remember the duel, and the only touches were when Carlisle threw him. He touche him then.
"I didn't lie about how I felt. I've told you all along I love Carlisle. I wasn't trying to make a fool of you, Aro." I can't understand why he's so angry. He again lunges the length of the chains, and I see the Guard looking nervous, as if he could break free.
"You conspired with him to take Volterra from me! You've turned my own family against me! You took your lover to my private chambers to rub my nose in the scent of your defilement! You can't do this to me and get away with it!" I feel the venomous spray from his lips as he raves."You won't get away with it! I'll destroy you both!" I'm stunned and can't say a word.
I feel a tugging on my elbow. It's Carlisle trying to lead me away. I follow him as he leads me from the chamber and down the hall out of hearing distance.
"What is he talking about? I didn't do those things, did I?"
"Of course not. You've been working to fix what's wrong with Volterra. He's just resisting the change." I don't know how to explain Aro's outburst.
"What's that about his private chambers?" I hate that he doesn't remember.
"I'm not sure, but he might be talking about hour honeymoon suite." At his blank look I go on. "Jasper gave you a key to a room hidden away in the old part of the building. It didn't show up on any map he'd seen, and no one claimed it. He just figured it was a secret trysting place for one of those who didn't make it back from Volterra." I felt like I should be blushing. "After we said our vows, we went there and..."
"Are you saying we had sex in Aro's bed?" He looks incredulous.
"I hope not – we sort of broke it." His jaw drops. "We had no way of knowing, and we were going to fix it when we went back to clean up the room, but then there was the duel, and everything went crazy after that."
"I'm not sure what's more unbelievable; that we invaded his sanctuary, or that we somehow broke the bed."
"The room hadn't been used in ages, and we had no way of knowing. Jasper hid out there when everyone was looking for him, and he had it cleaned before he gave you the only key."
"Well, it's obviously not the only key, if he knows about us." He paces in the hallway, looking so confused I just want to hold him. When he stops his eyes find mine. "I'm sorry Bella. It seems my error has cost you quite a bit. I don't understand why he's blaming you for something I did."
"I think I can answer that one." She walks up on us while we're distracted. Aurora looks awful, with her eye make-up smudged from crying. "Let's go somewhere we won't be interrupted." We wind up back in Nahuel's room. She sits in the only chair, leaving us to sit on the bed, or stand over her. We sit side by side, and I can't help but remember making out with him there, just days before.
"Papa is very angry with you both." She sighs and her hands flutter in her lap. She looks at Carlisle. "He thinks you're trying to take Volterra away from him. He thinks you want to take everything he values – maybe as a payment for what you lost in the war."
"That couldn't be further from the truth. I only came here to help; why doesn't he see that?"
"He used to understand. But several things happened since your return. First was putting Bella on the counsil in Nahuel's place. He tried to oppose you but he was overruled. Then when she antagonized Alice, it came out that he'd had an affair with her. He was hoping to continue that relationship, as he has a very high regard for Alice." She looks embarrassed, and her fingers knit nervously together in her lap. "Then there was Jasper's attack on Arianna, and he felt it was a personal attack on him – which it was. Ari's been having nightmares again ever since." Her eyes meet mine, and I remember she can hear them.
"When you covered it up, she went along with it. He's upset she sided with you against him. But when Carlisle left, he thought he'd have a chance to make things right. He decided he'd seduce you away from him." She's still looking at me. "He was very impressed with you. He liked the way you spoke with Ari, and he even liked that Mando let down his guard with you. When we had our sleep over he... began to want you... as a lover." Her eyes dart away from mine. "I don't like that I know these things, but Papa is an open book to me."
"It's okay Aurora, I don't hold you responsible for any of this." I pat her shoulder.
"I only wish I'd seen it coming. But Papa knows how to distract his mind when he doesn't want me to know things. He didn't want me to know how he was coming to regard Carlisle with hostility and suspicion."
"I don't understand, Aurora. I thought we were friends." He's more in the dark than I am.
She doesn't look at either of us; staring instead at her hands as she continues. "He... It's the database that started him thinking. He's been adding a lot of information to it anonymously. I had to help him learn how to navigate the site, but he didn't want me to see the information he put in. But I did hear some of it. It has to do with several who escaped and ran away while Joham was here. He's trying desperately to see what might have happened to them." She looks hurt as she continues.
"I felt his thoughts, and he was feeling so much guilt. He was wondering if he was following in Joham's footsteps. He was trying to come to terms with all that had happened since the Cullens left Volterra when Renesmee's baby was born. He saw his affair with Alice as a failing. He's always been smitten with her, but he took advantage of her when she was still so traumatized. He wasn't proud of his actions, especially when Jasper attacked Ari. He knows Jasper could have easily killed Ari."
She wipes her own eyes at the thought. "His pursuit of you Bella was at first to retaliate against you Carlisle. But when he saw how well you treated his children, he looked at you with more consideration. The sleepover made him truly begin to want you. I know you kissed, but he wanted much more. Even when you told him you loved Carlisle, he thought he could change your mind. With Carlisle gone, he thought he could win you away from him.
"The music lesson was the first time the three of us had done anything together in years. You found a way to get through to Mando, and when Papa saw us playing together, he began to dream that you would join our family." Her eyes meet mine briefly. "So did I." She looks away.
"Dora's attack and the way you saved us made us all appreciate you. But it was also the first step in losing you. You saved her and adopted her, and had no time for us. Part of the reason Ari attacked her was because... we've all been without mothers, but she's already had one, and she was taking another away from us." Her tear streaked eyes meet mine. "I know that's not fair to you, but hope is a fragile thing to us. It's even more so for Papa." She dabs at her eyes with the tissue I offer her.
"Papa knew you were in love with Carlisle, and he was ready to let you go. He didn't want to be like Joham and force someone to love him. He hoped that by backing away, you wouldn't want to charge Ari for attacking Dora. He was even ready to concede that Jasper should be cleared of the charges against him.
"But then Carlisle came back." She sighs. "He began thinking that Carlisle was attacking him from within, like Joham. He saw the young men trying to emulate Carlisle. He saw his Guard again and again unable to find Jasper. Mando began to learn to control his talent, and he was openly critical of Papa, saying he wished he'd been raised by Carlisle instead." Her fingers knot themselves and her knuckles turn white.
"Joham came in peace and friendship, and took everything away from Papa. He began to see Carlisle as doing the same. He began to conclude that every time he and Carlisle faced one another throughout history, they'd been on opposite sides. He has always wanted Carlisle to join him and add his coven to the Volturi, but Carlisle has instead assembled his own powerful coven. He's taken Nahuel, Gemma, Colette, Huilen, and also Dora away, and he feared others might leave as well.
"When Jasper challenged him to the duel, he was irritated you were using the old laws against him. But he decided to have Reese fight in his place. Papa was afraid he'd kill Jasper if they fought. He wasn't as concerned about the outcome as you might think. No matter who won, honor would be restored, and he would save face.
"Something happened between the challenge and the duel. I didn't understand, but Papa felt betrayed by you both. He feels you've been working to make a fool of him and turn the Volturi against him. His thoughts are so... chaotic and vengeful now. He's obsessed with a room... he kept a secret room which was his alone, away from us. In our apartment he's Papa, and in the audience chamber he's Lord Aro of Volterrra. This place was sacred to him. I don't know why, but he feels it's been – desecrated. He discovered it before the duel, when he went there to think."
She looks up at us. "I'm sorry, I know you don't understand why he feels this way. I can't understand it myself. There's something about that room he feels is special, and I can't pull it from his mind. He believes you two went there to... mark your territory." She blushes and I wonder what image that marking took.
"We didn't know it was his room." I speak softly.
"I know that. But Papa believes it was too much coincidence. When Carlisle openly challenged him to save Jasper, it was like he was challenging him for Volterra itself. He saw Ari spending time with Yanna, and he knew Mando was rebelling, and he even feared that I would leave him. He blames you both for all the changes and what seems to be slipping right through his hands. And for some reason, there's something tied up in that data base and the runaways. I can't pull it from his head – which is unusual itself."
"Yanna has mentioned them as well. She said she can't remember them, but she's been here all along, and she should know them."
"Would someone fill me in on this?" We both look at Carlisle.
"Aurora, Carlisle's lost his memories of all the time that's passed since he left to see Nessie."
She looks shocked. "That's why I haven't been able to see your motives! I had no idea that was possible. You don't remember anything? The duel? The council meeting where you opposed Papa? Nothing?"
"I don't know any of it. It's like I woke up and all these weeks have passed while I slept."
"Oh how awful!" She looks at me, suddenly realizing that he doesn't remember our courtship and that we were a couple. "He doesn't remember you either...?" I shake my head, unable to speak the words. She stands suddenly and hugs me. "I'm so sorry... now I know why you've been so sad and reserved!"
"It's okay Aurora." I can't say more past the lump in my throat.
"Can I help?" She brightens suddenly. "I can both read and send thoughts. I could transfer your thoughts to him, and he could see what he missed!" Her face falls. "Oh, I forgot I can't read you."
"Yes you can." I stare at them both, feeling suddenly hopeful. "If you think it will work, I'd like to try." We both look at Carlisle.
"Won't it be just like her telling me what happened? I don't know what there is to gain. And isn't it hard for you to lower your shield?" He looks so concerned for me.
"It takes concentration, but I've had a bit of practice. I want to do it."
"When I send thoughts, sometimes it's like words spoken, or images I've seen. With those I'm most familiar with, it's a flood of thoughts just as I experience them. I've transferred thoughts from one to another before, and those who receive them tell me it's like seeing a movie or remembering a vivid dream. It's a bit like what Renesmee does." She looks expectantly from me to Carlisle.
"How much privacy will Bella have regarding what you see?" He still seems worried.
"I only read surface thoughts unless I'm very familiar with your mind. It will just be what she's thinking. But if she's thinking it, I won't really be able to filter what I send. If she thinks about picking her nose, then you'll get that image uncensored."
"So you can't change it or edit it?" I thought he was worried, but what I'm seeing is the curiosity of the physician.
"Carlisle... please." I want him to agree. He shrugs.
"Okay. What do we need to do?" He still looks nervous. "I'm sorry. Edward used to read my thoughts, but he was never able to put thoughts into my head. Will I know the difference between her thoughts and my own.?"
She laughs. "Of course. You'll know the difference." She moves, and sits between us. "Since I don't know your minds very well, it might help if I touch you." She takes our hands. "Now Bella, when you drop your shield, just start slowly with what we all know. Then you can remember the things you want him to see. I can see everything you show me, so if it embarrasses you, don't dwell on it."
I concentrate, and stretch my shield to include her.
"I'm not sure what you're doing Bella, but you're blocking my sending."
"Oh! I forgot if you're inside my shield then he's on the outside." I have to concentrate harder to move it further and include Carlisle. They both chuckle when I think about elephants. When she told me not to dwell on something if it embarrasses me, it reminded me of the challenge not to think about elephants when someone tells you not to think about elephants. I make my elephant purple, just to distract myself from the embarrassing thoughts my mind wants to reveal.
"I thought elephants were supposed to be pink." Carlisle smiles my way.
"I'm not drinking." I smile back.
"Well, since it appears to be working, you might want to think of something Carlisle has forgotten." Aurora's ability reminds me so much of Edward and Nessie, I feel at ease with her already. She squeezes my hand in response to the thought and gives me a shy smile.
I close my eyes, trying to really get in touch with my memory of events. I think about the island, and how he found me on the beach the first day. I try to take care, recovering each memory of our time on the island. As I look back, I can see it's when I started to fall in love. With vampire clarity I show him how we connected, from holding one another on the bed, to consoling him after the hurricane. I don't even hold back our first kiss, even though Aurora might be uncomfortable.
From there I show him the plane ride, the hotel, and the trip back home. I show him all the moments we were together, from our time in his room to our visit with Nessie. I replay our conversation on the plane to Volterra, and I show him when we decided to become a couple. I hate it, but I show him my confrontation with Alice and his response.
"Wait a minute..." He breaks the connection. "...you and Alice fought like that? That little girl destroyed the conference table? I can't believe I can't remember something so dramatic. Bella, I'm so sorry I reacted the way I did. I obviously didn't see it from your point of view when it happened."
"It's okay Carlisle. It's all behind us, and it helped to break down the wall she was building around herself." He relaxes and takes Aurora's hand. Again I stretch my shield.
I show him his time away from Volterra, including our phone conversations. I find it impossible not to think about the suggestive parts. I show him his return, and how he saved Yanna's life. I show him his proposal and our calls home. And I show him how he's helped Yanna to recover. When I get to our wedding, I walk him through slowly, so he doesn't miss a moment of it.
When it comes to the honeymoon, I feel Aurora fidget uncomfortably, but I only edit enough to give the pictures an R rating instead of an X. He deserves to know what it was like to be there. I also don't hold much back when I show him everything that happened leading up to the end of the duel, including making love to him in a frenzy on the floor. I want to show him what happened after he lost his head, but I don't want to taint Aurora's memories of her father. I let go of her hand and let my shield snap back.
She stands and hugs me tight. "I'm so sorry for all you went through. Thank you for not showing me Papa's madness. Don't worry, I'll keep your secrets. "I need to go and check on my family." She leaves in a hurry, and I remember how hard it was for Edward to deal with hearing everyone's thoughts all the time. The door clicks behind her, and we're alone together. We sit on the bed, two feet apart, gazing at one another.
"That's a pretty detailed memory you've got there." His smile is tentative and he looks embarrassed.
"Vampire memories don't fade, remember." I smile a little. "At least they're not supposed to fade."
"I'm a little stunned at everything you've shown me. I would love to be able to see those memories through my own eyes, then maybe I could see your beautiful face instead of my own. But it really looks like you haven't exaggerated. We really are good together." He slides closer to me and takes my hand. "I told you I loved you so many times – it feels strange that I can't recall it." He squeezes my hand. "I really want to love the woman you showed me. I mean the woman you are now."
One moment he's talking about what I showed him, and the next I'm in his arms and we're kissing. I'm surprised when I peek, he's got his eyes open and I pull away."
"You're looking at me – is there something wrong?"
"I want to see you. I've got a full measure of your memories, and now I want some of my own." He again kisses me, and I'm conscious of his eyes being open, even though I close mine. He pulls me tighter as our kiss deepens. He doesn't seem as resistant, and my fingers glide through his hair, and his hands move over my back. It's so innocent I'm not prepared for his escalation. He leans me back and covers me with his body, and his hand finds my breast. I moan into his kiss.
He raises up enough to gaze down at me. "You're so beautiful. I'm a lucky man, that you've shown me so much patience and love." His smile is the first real one I've seen since our whole ordeal began. "You really are my wife." His smile brightens. "I can't believe I get to keep you. It's not some kind of crazy prank where they reveal that I'm really going to be alone forever. You really want to be with me – that amazes me. Bella, you could have anyone..."
"I only want you, Carlisle. I only love you."
He laughs. "I'm not trying to talk you out of it. I feel like I've won the lottery, and I didn't even have to buy a ticket." He kisses me quick and his smile doesn't fade. "I learned one thing through your memories." His hand slides over my breasts , making me gasp. "I told you several times, that if I made love with you, I'd love you. I think I want to test that theory. Do you still want to make love with me?"
"Yes please." Just the feel of him on me is making me crazy. His weight and the feel of his arousal against me is too much temptation. I want him. He may not remember, but I know what his body does to mine, and I want to go there with him. He kisses me with unrestrained passion.
"Do you like this?" He tears away to ask.
"I love when you lose control with me." His kisses, his touches, and even his lust is making me hunger for him. I'm seconds from tearing his clothes off and making him mine all over again.
The knock at the door brings us to an unexpected halt. "Bella, Carlisle... are you there?" It 's Alice. I'm pretty sure she knows we're in here, and I hear the nervousness in her voice. He groans as he gets up and we put ourselves back together.
"Later." His whispered promise in my ear makes me want to ignore Alice and take him anyway. Instead we answer her, and she comes in, carrying Felicia piggy back.
"I don't mean to bother you, but we have a lot of decisions to make, and we have to do something with Aro." She looks guiltily at the both of us. "Plus Yanna probably needs some kind of attention."
"I told you it was a bad idea to bother them." Felicia drops down and takes the chair, kneeling in the seat to make herself look taller. "Any moron could tell they were were getting it on." She doesn't seem to care that three adults are staring at her. It's just the dash of cold water I need to bring me back to reality. Alice is right, we have a lot to decide. I give one last longing look at him, and he meets my eyes, sharing my disappointment.
A/N; I'm going to out myself on some continuity errors in this story. I'm hoping I'll get them fixed, but the way I procrastinate who knows when that will be.
One, Rosalie has had her face healed twice.
Two, Nahuel's room has no windows, but Bella guessed the time by the sunlight.
Three, She was married in a sundress, but later Carlisle stripped her out of her pants.
Four, She tore the bathroom door off to get to Dora, but never had to fix it.
Five, Bella's attack shouldn't be physical, but more a mental smack down, like a shock to the mind. Dora and Aro wouldn't have hit a wall. My bad.
I'm not sure how much longer this story will run. A few unexpected ties have revealed themselves, and... I'm long winded as usual. I sure do appreciate all the reviews.