Chapter 38
Love Me Tender
It's clear to those of us who witness it what's happening. The whole time we wait, the two young women observe each other in uncomfortable silence. Every time Leah tries to speak, she stutters to silence and blushes.
When we're finally able to take Masen home, I try to tell Yanna about imprinting on the drive. It doesn't go well.
"Are you trying to tell me that Leah imprinted on me? That's the craziest thing I ever heard! For one thing, in case you haven't noticed, we're both women. Why would some kind of magical mate selection thing kick in for two people who can't have kids together? Then let's add in the fact that we never would have met except for a whole bunch of random events. I mean I'm not exactly the girl next door. And if all that wasn't bad enough, she's a shape-shifter. She was in the war, and for all I know, she could have had a hand in killing my mom and dad. I don't want anything to do with her!"
I've never seen an imprint go so wrong. I try to explain about the other imprints I know about. I start with Jacob and Nessie, and explain how devoted he is to her. I mention Quil and Claire, and how he is still waiting for her to grow up so he can be with her. Then I tell her about Sam and Emily, and how Leah was dumped when Sam imprinted on her cousin.
"I can't think of anything more horrible! How could someone look at a baby as someone to mate with – or a two year-old for that matter? Even if she was an adult, the idea of losing a fiance because he feels a magical connection to your cousin is just plain wrong! Do I even need to point out, that if she had a fiance, she's not gay?"
"You spent years with Joham, and you are." I try to take her hand, but she pulls away from me.
"That's different."
"Maybe not. A lot of gay people appear to be heterosexual because of other people's expectations. Leah comes from a culture of deep traditional values. Maybe she was hiding her true nature?"
"Are you trying to tell me about being a lesbian?" She scowls at me.
"You're probably right, I'm sorry. I admit I'm out of my depth here. Everything I know I learned from Oprah. I'm just saying that it is possible for Leah to feel this way about you."
"Well I don't want it."
Jasper's understated laugh reaches us from the driver's seat. "Little sister, that's a pretty powerful attraction you're turning your back on. Poor Leah didn't know what hit her."
"That's the problem right there. Do you think I want to just fall into a relationship with someone just because of some unexplainable magic connection?"
"You never know until you try. It worked for me." I'd almost forgotten about how Alice had foreseen their meeting and their love.
Yanna crosses her arms and stares daggers at her reflection in the window. Finally she turns to face me. "You don't understand. I've never had someone – I mean a partner – fall in love with me just because they liked me. Joham wanted me because of my power and because I was my father's daughter. I think Sabrina was interested in me because I wasn't human, but I wasn't as dangerous as a vampire. I've had one other lover, and she wanted me because I was someone to help her through the sadness of the war." She wipes away the tears sliding down her face.
"I want someone who loves me of their own free will." Her hands flutter in her lap, twisting a tissue. "My power is all about making people do things they don't want to do. I used to think it was a great thing. But the older I got, the more I realized that even though I could control people, they still remembered that I took away their free will. They almost always hated me for it. Arianna tried to kill me for what I did to her. How could this Leah not hate me for triggering this curse?"
I've never thought of it that way. I know Jacob held no animosity for Ness. But I also know Sam felt a great deal of guilt for his imprint on Emily, as well as how he'd scarred her. And poor Quil's life is still on hold as he waits for his fourteen year-old love interest to be old enough to date. He's old enough he could be arrested if he acts on his feelings. Yanna has a good point.
"I'm sorry. No one is going to force you to go along with it, if that's your decision." I take her hand. "You should have a chance to fall in love too – of your own free will." That statement is immediately put to the test as soon as we pull up at Nessie's and find Leah there waiting.
She opens Yanna's door and blurts,"I need to talk to you," before she's even out of the car.
Yanna looks at me with her uncertain blue eyes. "That's entirely up to you," I assure her. Leah's eyes narrow at me, and my hearing can pick up the low warning growl in her chest.
"Stop that!" Yanna hears and responds, startling Leah out of her predatory stance. "Bella and Carlisle are as dear to me as parents. If you can't treat them with respect, then I don't want to talk to you!" Jasper snorts and gets out, with a satisfied grin on his face. Carlisle opens my door and I slide out, followed by Yanna, who leaves Leah there holding the door.
"Please Yanna, I need.... I just want to talk to you." It hurts to see such raw pain and longing on her pretty face. Leah is clearly out of her depth, and it reminds me of watching Jacob's reaction to some of the limits we put on his access to Nessie.
"I'm going to go talk to her, okay?" Yanna looks at me as if I've got the last say in the matter. For just a moment I remember how protective Edward was of me when I was around the Quileutes. Yanna's not a human, and I know Leah will protect her with her life. But then I recall Emily's scars.
"You'll stay calm, won't you Leah?" I can tell by the way her eyes flash that she knows what I'm thinking. Her lips compress in a tight line, but she gives me a curt nod. Yanna goes with her, walking far enough apart you could drive a motorcycle between them. I sigh and look up at Carlisle, who's been waiting for me.
He takes my hand in silence and we go in to help with the kids. As we walk in, I can hear Ness on the phone with Jacob, and it doesn't take a mind reader to see she's on the defensive.
"….I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner. I didn't want to take you away from... Jake come on, you know I didn't deliberately... " She wipes a stray tear. "He's fine, it's just a virus, and he's almost over it now. I did call you, I called you now! You don't have to yell, I can hear you fine. You did not just accuse me of not having our son's best interests in mind! It wouldn't have made a bit of difference if you were here." She looks momentarily outraged. "He hung up! She looks at Rosalie, who's the closest to her.
Carlisle pulls out his phone. "Let me give him a call." For the next fifteen minutes Carlisle talks to an obviously upset Jacob. "Masen's fine. It was a sticky situation, and it could have been bad. But Nessie did the right thing, and he's going to be just fine. There's not a thing you could have done, and the room they were in was pretty small. It wouldn't have been a good place for someone like you to become stressed out..." Carlisle paces.
"Jacob." His voice is calm and authoritative. "It's very common to be upset when it's your child who's sick. I see it all the time. Nessie did the right thing in this situation. She called his doctor, and she got him the help he needed. You really couldn't have done anything for him. He was asleep most of the time he was there, and when he was awake, he needed his mother."
Carlisle listens to more venting from a nervous dad. "It's up to you if you want to rush back, but it's not necessary. He's turned the corner, and Nessi is doing better now. Yes, she was very upset, that's why the whole family came." Carlisle laughs. "No, we weren't on some kind of death watch, it wasn't that serious. We just wanted to be here for Nessie, we all think of her as our little girl."
With that he hands the phone to Ness, who's been following the conversation. I can make out Jacob's apology, and I smile along with my daughter. It's easy to see there's peace once again in the Black family.
We decide to spend the night, even though Alice is anxious to get back home to Felicia. We're in the midst of the chaos of Nessie getting supper ready for herself, Billy, and Sarah, when Yanna comes in. She's not crying, but I can sense she's very close. I lead her upstairs away from the noise. In Masen's room she breaks down and cries on my shoulder. For several minutes she just cries as I do my best to sooth her. When she's calmer, the story pours out of her amid broken sobs.
"She doesn't believe she imprinted. She's trying to claim it's love at first sight. She sounds crazy! We walked down the road, and the whole time she's going on and on about how it's going to be for us, and what our future looks like and how everything is going to work out. And then I told her she was wrong, and that I didn't want to be her love object." Yanna's eyes meet mine, and a fresh wave of tears floods her cheeks.
"She looked at me as if I was tearing her heart from her chest. She couldn't believe that I didn't feel the same way about her. Then she started talking about how every time she falls in love it only breaks her heart, and how maybe she shouldn't even be alive. I started to worry that she'd go off and kill herself – I mean she looked that devastated."
There's enough room for both of us to sit in the big rocking chair, especially since Yanna is so petite. She's sitting partially beside me and somewhat on my lap with our arms around each other. "I tried to tell her that I didn't think it was her fault, and that I was sure she'd find someone else who was perfect for her. But she told me it was impossible, because I was the only one she wanted."
She looks at me with her sad, blue, eyes as I hold her. "Mom, she just looked so sad. I'm worried about her."
Yanna hasn't called me Mom before, and I"m sure it's because she's so upset that it slipped out. But it feels right. I do my best to comfort her as she pours out the story to me.
"I don't know why she doesn't believe she imprinted. I've never heard of it before, and it's clear to me that's what happened." She wipes her tears. "You should have heard all her plans... about how we were going to live together, and how it would be with us. It was like she thought she knew me, but she doesn't know me at all!"
"Yanna... are you sure you're not interested in her?" Our eyes meet, and hers pool with tears. "I'm sorry, I just want you to be sure."
"I don't know!" She surprises me with her indecision. "I've never met anyone like her. She's so strong and decisive, and even a little overbearing. But... god, she's beautiful. She hugged me... I mean really hugged me, like she was trying to... join us together or something. I thought she was going to kiss me – I mean she came so close. Then she admitted she'd never kissed another woman. I couldn't do it – I mean I wouldn't let her. I don't want to be the one to initiate her. Whatever it is that's affecting her will pass, and I don't want to be the one to take her down a pathway where she doesn't belong."
"Yanna, you still haven't told me how you feel about her. I know when it was Ness in your place, she was just as much in love with Jacob as he was with her. Did you feel any of that with Leah?"
She's out of the chair in an instant. "No! I don't feel the same way – I don't. This is a mistake, and even if she wasn't a shape shifter, I don't operate this way. I make my own choices, and no one else is going to tell me what I have to do, and who I have to love. Joham is dead, and that's the last time I'll ever let someone else own me or control me. Leah's wrong, this isn't our destiny!"
I stand and pull her to me. "It's okay sweetie, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do." She's my daughter. I know it for sure, as my heart is breaking for her.
The rest of the night passes calmly. Near midnight, I'm surprised to see Billy come to join us in the main room. He's been very accepting of us in Nessie and Jacob's lives, but he's also kept a distance between us. He nods to Carlisle, as he takes a place with our little group. Yanna is sleeping in the spare room, and Ness and the children are asleep as well.
"Leah imprinted on that young woman." His words are somber as he shakes his head. "I hope this doesn't get her ostracized." I can't hide my surprise. "It could happen; others have been forced out for less."
"You can't be serious, Billy. No one can control who they fall in love with, and especially not an imprint."
"I understand, Bella. But we have many old laws, and many old people who believe in tradition. I myself have lost my place in the tribe... once it became known that I was Embry's father. Adultery is serious, and so is homosexuality. Leah stands to lose quite a bit. She can't lose her place in the pack, unless Jacob chooses to turn her out. But it could get rough on him if he supports her."
"That's crazy! They would deny an imprint?" I remember how they'd honored Jacob's tie to Nessie, even though they wanted to kill her.
"Imprinting is supposed to be rare. There are many who don't believe it happens, and there are those who fear it could be used as an excuse for breaking up marriages... or for homosexual behavior. It's been discussed before, and the tribe has laws in place. If Leah pursues this woman, she could be giving up everything she knows."
"Yanna doesn't want this, does that make a difference?"
He doesn't crack a smile. "It's about Leah, not an outsider." He shakes his head sadly. "The Quileutes have strong traditions. They can trace their bloodlines and heritage for hundreds, if not thousands of years. But Western culture has changed what it means to be part of the tribe. When natives were forced onto reservations, a great injustice happened, and now we continue that injustice. The tribe has been granted their lands from the government. It belongs to the tribe."
He looks at each of us. "Historically, we lived on the land, but we never owned the land. But now we have ownership, and boundaries. There is value in the land, and many people, both in and out of the tribe covet what should have never been owned. Now those in charge of the tribe are given control of something that used to be free. It all comes down to wealth and power. If they can weed out those who deserve to be part of the tribe, then they can narrow down who owns the land. The smaller the tribe, the greater the wealth."
"But I thought Jacob was going to be the next leader? I mean isn't he a direct descendant?" I haven't heard of any of these changes from Ness.
"Jacob leads the pack. But the tribe elders are still in charge of the leadership. The elders are from my generation, and they haven't got a shape-shifter among them. They believe the legends, but they don't think they matter to the actual running of the tribe."
"So, what could Leah lose?"
"She'd lose her share of the Clearwater lands. Seth could still inherit, but her share would revert back to tribal property. I lost all my own holdings. Of course I'm glad they went to Jacob and Rachel, but it should have been my choice. Leah would lose any say in the tribe business, and she'd probably lose her job."
"What's her jobs?" I've really lost touch since the war.
"She's a manager of the resort. You have to be a tribe member to work the resort, and she would lose that right."
"No offense Billy, but those rules are totally unfair. No one really has to know, right? I mean if Yanna turns her down and we go back to Canada. It doesn't have to ruin her life if nothing happens." I can't imagine that living on a reservation means that they get to make their own laws. I've had this explained to me before, as it related to the treaty.
"I think you underestimate the power of an imprinting."
Billy's words come back to haunt me again and again after we leave Nessie. Leah shows up to try to talk to her before we leave. But Yanna doesn't want talk to her but to say goodbye – then she cries until the reservation is well behind us. Once we're back home, she calls several times to talk to Yanna, but she won't take her calls. When the phone calls stop, we all breath a sigh of relief.
Yanna continues going to school, though she's more reserved than before. I notice that she's not interested in the family nights we plan, and she isn't eating. When I ask her about it, she says she's still upset by Leah's attention.
Two weeks later the security cameras pick up a wolf – a big one. Our efforts to talk to Leah only send her running, but again and again we see her prowling the property. It's not a secret we can keep from Yanna. She stops going outside, except to go to the garage and back. She withdraws even further, and any time I try to get her to talk, she clams up.
Jacob shows up the second week of November. It's the first time he's seen the new house, and I notice the way he breathes through his mouth as we invite him inside. He smiles as we give him a brief tour, and asks if we can talk out on the deck. None of us are bothered by the cool temperatures, and Carlisle and I head outside with Jacob.
He doesn't waste time with a lot of small talk. "I hear you've got a wolf problem. I thought I'd come and see if I can help."
"I don't know what you can do, Jake. Yanna won't talk to anyone about it, and Leah hasn't done anything but patrol the area."
He smiles his bright smile. "Yeah, I might not be able to do much. But if something doesn't change, she's going to drive me crazy. Every time I shift, I hear her thoughts in my head. She's got it bad for your little girl. Not to mention the tribal council is making noise about kicking her out. I don't want her to leave the pack, but I can't have a missing beta."
"Just what do you suggest?" Carlisle asks. "We're not going to make Yanna do something she doesn't want to do. You can't force someone to fall in love."
"You've obviously never felt an imprinting," Jacob mutters. "It's about as subtle as getting hit by a truck. But I'm not here to try to force anyone to fall in love. I just want to get them together so we can talk this out. I brought Leah some clothes, and she kinda has to listen to me. Would you ask Yanna to meet us out here?"
Twenty minutes later, Carlisle and I are flanking a nervous Yanna when Jacob and Leah join us. Leah stares at Yanna, who looks like she'd rather be anywhere else. We take seats around an outdoor table.
"Leah, you realize you can't keep patrolling our property like this." Carlisle's voice is gentle, but Leah barely acknowledges him.
"I love you." Leah's declaration is for Yanna alone. "I can't just go on with my life like you don't exist."
Jacob tries to get through to her. "Leah, you need to know the tribal council is thinking about kicking you out – you'll lose your job and your property..."
"I don't care! Nothing else matters if she can't love me. I'll just stay a wolf; a wolf doesn't need land or a job."
"You're being ridiculous!" It's the first I've heard from Yanna. "You can't just be a wolf forever, just because I don't want to jump into some kind of one-sided affair. Go back home and forget about me!"
"Don't you understand? I can't! I love you, Yanna."
"You don't even know me!" She's on her feet, clearly upset. "You don't know the first thing about me! Do you know I'm Caius' daughter? Do you have any idea the things I've done for Joham? Do you know how many times I've wanted to hunt down and kill everyone who survived the war on your side? I was going to take up my father's mission, and exterminate every werewolf I could find! I was going to kill anyone who dared to oppose our side!" I'm shocked at her revelation.
"You can't love me Leah, you don't even know who I am. You don't know how I was used and tortured, and you don't have any idea what it's done to me. You may be older than I am, but next to me, you're practically an innocent baby. I've seen – I've done things that still give me nightmares." She backs up and leans against the deck railing. "I'm not worth all you're willing to give up. You have to let go."
"None of that matters to me. You were right, I did imprint on you. But it's not a mistake, and it's not something I can just walk away from and forget." Leah fixes Yanna in her wide brown-eyed gaze. "I need you. I'll learn who you are, I'll comfort you when you have nightmares, and I'll still love you, no matter what you've done. I fought this as hard as I could, and it beat me. I'm yours. My heart belongs to a blue-eyed angel with pale blond hair, and a face like a porcelain doll. You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I belong with you – I'll prove it to you any way you need."
Leah circles the table and stands in front of Yanna. We're all holding our breath as she reaches out and gently touches Yanna's cheek. "Just give me a chance, that's all I ask."
"How do I know you didn't kill my family?" Yanna's voice is low, and I can hear her heart pounding. "You were in the place where they died."
"I didn't kill them." Leah steps back. "I saw Caius die, and I know who killed him." She doesn't look at Jacob, even though I'm sure she likely saw it through his eyes. "I did ask about you, and I know your mother was to the rear of the group. I didn't kill her either; it was one of the lee – vampires. She went down with Bella's attack, and I don't attack helpless foes – even vampires. Even if I did, I'm not capable of burning anyone when I'm a wolf."
"We're supposed to be enemies," Yanna murmurs.
"Are you kidding? To me that's one of the perks. I don't let anyone tell me what to think, say, or do." Leah smiles.
"Except your imprinting instinct." Yanna trumps.
"Yeah, that's right. Instinct wins over thought and will, you're right." Leah rolls her eyes to the sky. "Maybe instinct can do better than I've done on my own. It seems every choice I make comes back to bite me in the ass. You don't have the market cornered on being screwed up. If you wanna compare notes, I'll start off with falling in love with a man who dumped me for my cousin – I bought the dress and everything."
"If you were really in love with a man, you're probably not playing for my team." Yanna looks at her with sad eyes.
"Maybe I wasn't really in love. My god, it's nothing compared to how I feel about you. I don't care that you're a woman. I don't care that we can't have kids. I don't care that everyone will look down on us and think we're immoral. I don't care about all I stand to lose, because you're all I want. You're worth it, Yanna."
Leah moves quick, and wraps her in her arms. She's almost a foot taller than Yanna, and my daughter all but disappears in her embrace. I know she has the power to make her stop and push her away, but she doesn't. Her arms instead move around her, and her hands glide over her back. I turn away as Leah bends to kiss her. As the uncomfortable moment stretches, Carlisle takes my hand and leads me away. Jacob follows us back inside.
The three of us stand in the main room looking at each other. "I think that was pretty decisive." Jacob looks at both of us with concern.
"No it isn't, that was just a kiss!" I want Yanna to be happy, but I'm worried over all that she might have to face with Leah.
"Come on Bella, you know as well as I do that wasn't just any kiss. That was a 'wake up Sleeping Beauty' kiss. That was a fairy tale, happily ever after kiss." He looks dreamy for a moment, and a smile touches his face as he sighs. "I still remember the first time I kissed Ness. It was like magic... it was like coming home for the rest of my life..."
"Yeah, well this isn't going to be such a happy ending." I glance over my shoulder at the door to the deck.
"Why not?" Carlisle's question takes me by surprise. "If this is what they want for their lives, then why should they be denied a happy ending when the rest of us are entitled to one?"
His attitude catches me off guard. I'd really worried that with his religious background and age, he'd be more against this budding relationship than most. "You're okay with all of this?"
His smile is so beautiful. "I want our daughter to be happy. If Leah can make her happy, then it's my job to confront whatever stands in their way." I love this man more than I ever thought possible. I put my arms around him and kiss his cheek. Jacob clears his throat.
"So it's really true; the two of you are a couple?" He looks like he ate something that didn't agree with him. "I guess stranger things than Leah imprinting on a half-vampire girl have happened."
"It's true." I feel a bit defensive as I answer him. "I hope you're not going to have a problem with it too."
He puts his hands up defensively. "No – don't expect me to stand in the way. I learned a long time ago, you had a thing for old dead guys." He smiles teasingly at Carlisle, then shrugs. "I still don't know what to do about Leah."
"Why don't you move someone else into her spot, at least temporarily..." I don't know how their pack hierarchy works exactly. "We can look after her – I mean she's welcome here. As far as what happens with her position in the tribe... I can't help you there." It sounds like a feeble answer.
"Why don't you let us deal with this, Jacob." Carlisle takes charge of the situation. "I still have property along the border of Quileute lands. If it becomes an issue, I might just give it to the girls. We do have options, and we don't have to give in to pressure from the tribal council. To be honest, I lost a lot of respect for them when they kicked your father out."
Jacob answers with a nod. "I appreciate it. Now if you don't mind, I think I'd like to get back to my beautiful wife and adorable kids." He kisses my cheek and shakes Carlisle's hand. I encourage him to stop in the kitchen and get something to eat before he leaves.
I look out the window, and I can see Leah and Yanna sitting on a swing near the lake. They're all wrapped up in each other, and I'm pretty sure Jake is right. This is the start of something for them both.
Carlisle puts his arms around me from behind, and I lean back into him. "This is going to be okay, don't worry. I've been through this a time or two. If you think this is stressful, you should have been here when Rosalie brought Emmett home. And don't even get me started on this shy little brown-eyed girl who turned our whole world upside-down." He kisses my neck, and I turn to face him. He looks down at me and smiles. "She may not have brown eyes anymore, but she still turns my world upside-down."
Leah stays. Love may be blind, but apparently it has a sensitive nose. She takes a room on the top floor of what I've come to think of as the hybrid end of the house. She wants to keep the window open to air out the "stench," which wouldn't bother us. But it's winter, and she's close to Nahuel and Gemma's room, and they complain about the chill on the baby.
She fits into our family like a puzzle piece that's not quite the right one, but it's been pounded in place. It doesn't help that my dad asked her mom to marry him – then they flew to Vegas and did it. It doesn't help that her brother Seth has taken over as the pack beta. It doesn't help that she lost both her place in the tribe and her job in one decision. And it doesn't help that Yanna is away at school most of the day.
But when Yanna comes home, it's like Leah is a different person. My daughter's in love, and the two of them are inseparable. Not that they stick around much for us to observe. They're always anxious to go out; either in the car on a date, or just outside for a hunt or a run. I'm glad to see her happy, but it's clear she's not going to be living at home for long.
It's a new year, and the third anniversary of the war looms on the calendar. I'm not the only one who thinks about it, and I catch Rosalie moping around, looking at old family photos and keepsakes. Our eyes meet.
"Three years." Her words sober me. "Do you think we'll ever be able to look at that day as just another date on the calendar? Even with Garrett, I just can't shake this feeling of loss I feel." I hug her close, and an idea forms.
"Let's stop fighting it. I think we all feel the same way." I pull Alice into my scheme, and we use the week to plan. By the macabre anniversary of the day they all died, we have our first memorial gathering. We invite everyone we know, including Ness and Jacob, and my dad and Sue. Some of us know what happened, but there's a few who don't know the details. We spend the evening watching old home movies, looking through photo albums, telling stories, listening to their favorite music, and just remembering those we've lost.
I sit comfortably beside Carlisle as he talks about Esme, and his arm around me is comforting as I recall Edward. Eleazar sits beside Colette, and explains some of the Denali history, and how Carmen was the one who wanted to move to Alaska. There are some sad moments, like when Ness sheds tears over the loss of her father.
But it's a healing time as well. We laugh over Emmett's jokes, and the way Kate used to use her shocking power on Garrett when he irritated her. My dad even shares stories about when I was dating Edward, and how he suspected he was sneaking into my room, but could never catch him.
"I never realized he could read my mind." His eyes flick to Carlisle. "You don't have anything like that, do you?"
"No, I got short changed in the magic power department. To be honest, I'm really glad I don't have one. Your daughter has one of the most powerful – so does Alice. " It's for his and Sue's benefit that we give a small demonstration of what powers we have in our group. Alice's is unpredictable, and mine is more mental than physical.
Jasper and Yanna make a good demonstration, and Colette keeps quiet about her ability. Eleazar has told us of other abilities. Carolina has her charm, and her sister Karina is venomous. Angelo has the most potent gift with his memory suppression. His son is neither venomous nor gifted. Felicia also has a gift, but her talent is harder to categorize. Eleazar says it's like the power Victoria had for self-preservation, but Felicia's is based more on her quick wit.
It's all new to my dad, and he seems respectful of each of our family members. I have to smile as I look around at my family. We're a diverse bunch, but I've really come to love them all. I'm sure the memorial celebration will be an event we hold every year. As much as it's a time to remember all we've lost, it's also shown us how things have changed, and how much we still have. We've come through the tough times, and we're stronger. Amid all the memories of our past lives and loves, I look to the future, with hope.
xoxoxo
True to her word, Alice delivers us a May wedding. The property has been busy with workmen and contractors since February. Now when we look out back, there's a large, beautiful, cedar gazebo at the far side of the lake, as well as a wooden bridge across the stream which feeds it. It's where we'll be getting married.
Of all the weddings Alice has ever planned, this will likely be the strangest. The only guests invited know our secrets, and we'll hold the event outside, sparkle and all. The week before, the guests start arriving. I'm excited that not only did Armando and Arianna make it, but Aurora is here as well.
We're still working the bugs out of the council, and the remote leadership, but it is working. Not to mention it's been a good way to let every one of us have a say in decisions. In a private moment, Aurora lets us know that Aro is coming to terms with the changes. In fact she believes he may have found a love interest among the runaways.
"Marcus and Tamara's daughter has a gift for emotional healing, and Papa has been spending a lot of time with her. Maybe it's nothing, but he smiles a lot more now. I've even heard him singing."
Armando looks like a different person. He's clean and sober, and looking like a young man instead of a troubled teenager. Arianna tells me he's become an expert on the sax, and he composes music in his head to cover the voices.
"He's into jazz of all things. I think it's because it's the only style Papa doesn't enjoy." Arianna has come with the young Vito, and we've put him in the same room as Armando to keep them separate. Not that they could sneak around with so many vampires present, but I don't want to take any chances.
Peter has arrived, and even though he still struggles with the animal diet, he's promised to curb his urges while he's with us. It's hard to see him, as he's clearly still mourning the loss of Charlotte. His missing arm has begun to grow back, but it will likely take many years, and he's refused Colette's offer to help. As familiar as I was with that kind of grief, I suspect it's a type of penance for allowing Charlotte to be taken.
A lot of the survivors from the war show up, as do many of the Volterra hybrids. I'm happy to see Leonora has made the trip, and I make sure she'll have a front row seat for the wedding. If the group wasn't diverse enough, many of the wolf pack come. The war has changed us. At least among the pack there is respect for those of us who fought against evil. Even though the hybrids come from Volterra, they're easily accepted by the Quileutes.
Moving an upright piano outside is no problem for our kind, and Aurora plays the traditional wedding music. There are no chairs, except for those for the human guests, and they stand as the wedding march plays.
Colette looks beautiful in white as she crosses the bridge and comes to stand before Carlisle. The ceremony Carlisle reads is in Spanish, French, and English. Colette recites vows in Spanish, and Eleazar declares his undying love in French. I stand beside her with a stupid grin on my face. I know I'm seeing the wedding Alice foresaw so long ago. I'm there to witness their first kiss as a married couple. There is applause, and rice is thrown.
The bridal march plays again, and Alice takes her walk in designer silk. She is beautiful – like a fairy that's danced out of some romantic tale. Jasper's eyes don't leave her, and the smile doesn't leave his face. Carlisle leads them through the ceremony as they renew their vows. There is more applause, and flower petals are thrown.
The sun is low in the sky as I rush back to the house to change. Mom is there to help me with my dress, and she kisses my cheek. I give her plenty of time to make her way back to the gazebo. I hurry as I leave the house, but I wait at the bridge for our group to assemble. Felicia – in red of course – along with Carolina and Christiano lead the way. Alice, Jasper, Colette, Eleazar, Rosalie, Garrett, Ness, Jacob, and Yanna on the arm of Angelo, all process across the bridge ahead of me.
The notes of the bridal march move my feet, even though my mind has wandered to the last time I walked to that tune with Edward at the end of the aisle. So much has changed. So much had to happen for us to reach this point. I don't have to worry about tripping over my gown, which is an elaborate replica of a sixteenth century dress in ivory.
Edward's not waiting for me. Again I kiss his memory and put it to rest in a corner of my heart.
Carlisle meets my eyes over the heads of all our attendants. He takes my breath away, with his hair parted on the side, and a fringe teasing his eyebrows. He's learned the way I like it and I know the change is for me. Alice and I wanted to spare him the tights, so he's wearing a simple tux. As his eyes take me in, a smile crosses his face, and I want to run to him.
My attendants have other ideas, and we take our slow, measured time. I didn't ask either of my parents to give me away, but they both sit near the front with Phil and Sue.
We line up in the gazebo, and Carlisle does a slightly more elaborate ceremony than we did in Volterra. He explains to those watching, about weddings of old, and we again walk through our vows This time I hand him the cord he wraps around our hands. The tie he wore the first time is in the drawstring bag at my wrist.
Once we've gone through our simple ceremony, it's Billy who leads us through the blessing. This time we exchange titanium bands, each engraved with eternity knots. I feel a little silly when we're introduced as husband and wife. We've been married for almost a year now.
Alice's grin catches my eye, and I turn to see her wink. She whispers "I knew," just before Carlisle takes me in his arms for our "first" kiss.
My husband kisses me for the first time in our publicly acknowledged marriage. In an instant I let everything drop away, and just cling to him. His kiss is soft and gentle, and he resists my efforts to deepen our contact and hold him tighter. I pull back with a smile. The respectable Doctor Cullen would never sully my reputation with such a public display. Through my teeth I whisper "later," and he smiles.
Later takes too long. A reception is held at the house, with food for humans, hybrids, and shifters. There is music, toasting, and dancing, and the only thing that saves me is there are three couples sharing the attention.
As evening rolls into night, an unusual group unpacks instruments and sets up in the corner. Aro's children pick up the pace, and the waltz is replaced with the faster rhythm of early rock-n-roll. Vito plays guitar, Aurora plays piano, Armando is on sax, and Arianna keeps the beat on drums. All but Armando sing. I recognize a few songs from my visits with Mom. Chantilly Lace, In the Still of the Night, and Chapel of Love. I finally understand what Arianna sees in Vito when he beautifully sings Love Me Tender, as I dance with my husband.
Once we've dutifully danced with the guests, Carlisle doesn't let me go, no matter what music plays. One more thing I never knew about him – the man can dance. Maybe if I had three hundred and seventy-five years, I'd be able to match him. He's happy to teach me, and I pass the evening no more than an arm length away from him. He smiles more than I've ever seen him smile before.
The first of the guests have already left when our limo shows up. I change quickly, and take the bag I packed earlier. Three couples climb into the chauffeured car, as more rice is thrown. Amid waving and goodbyes, we pull away, and the car makes its way down the twisted drive.
We laugh and talk over all the events of the day as we drive to three separate hotels in Vancouver. Colette and Eleazar are first to be dropped off. The whole drive, they were the quietest, taking time to kiss, touch, and gaze longingly at one another. Jasper looks relieved when the driver unloads their luggage and we wave goodbye. We're next, and the hotel is only a block from the ocean. ' I don't know where Jasper and Alice are going on their honeymoon, nor do I know where Colette and Eleazar will wind up. It's a bit of a defensive tactic we chose, as the wedding came closer. We discovered Rosalie has a wicked sense of humor, and she's been taking great delight in playing pranks on us. Pranks that made Emmett look like an amateur in comparison.
It took us a while to figure out who the trickster was. It started with the car alarms all going off at three A.M. – while we were enjoying an intimate moment. Someone forked the yard at the house in Forks, the day before Colette and Eleazar closed on the house. The movie night selection was replaced with a homemade video starring Alice and Jasper, which started with a little underwear modeling. Alice's quick moves kept us all from having those images burned into our memories forever
Most of the pranks were directed at our wedding plans, like when the invitations arrived with all the names of the couples mixed up. Alice was marrying Carlisle, Jasper and Eleazar were hooking up, and I was strolling down the aisle with Colette. But no one was safe, and one morning Leah poured her favorite cereal into a bowl, only to find it was puppy chow. It might have made her mad, but Yanna's granola was replaced with Count Chocula.
Bit by bit we figured out the mystery, and it was the strange balloons the children were playing with that finally lead to the culprit. They admitted Aunt Rosalie was the one who blew up the condoms for them. After the secret was out, we all became more furtive about our honeymoon plans. We didn't put it past her to short sheet the beds or send a pizza delivery guy to interrupt us. I have no idea where Carlisle is taking me, only that he packed very light.
The hotel is just for one night, but it's over the top in luxury and amenities. Carlisle carries me over the threshold, but doesn't put me down until we're on the bed. He presses me back as he kisses me, and I stare up at his loving face. After all the times we've made love in the heat of the moment, this is different. This is care, tenderness, patience, and sweetness. There's no frenzied tearing of clothes and insistent need; he makes love to me – lovingly.
From the slow way he undresses me, to the way he kisses every part of my body as if he plans to take all night, he drives me crazy, and heightens the sense of anticipation
"I love the dress you wore. It might not sound romantic, but it reminds me of something my mother might have worn to her own wedding." His soft kiss trails to my neck and I sigh. "She would have loved you – probably as much as my father would have hated you. He didn't appreciate independent, willful women."
"Carlisle... " I moan as his hands slowly peel away the dress I wore for the reception. "... I really want to hear this – I really do – but later my love."
"My bride sounds impatient." His smile teases, but not as much as the dewy soft kisses that alight on my exposed skin. I arch against him, and he resists my efforts to hurry him along. "Stay calm darling, we have all night."
Effortlessly I flip him, and sit astride his body in just my lacy underwear. I smile down at him. "I'm not known for my patience." I lean over and kiss him, then remove his tie and unbutton his shirt. I undress him in the same way he undressed me; teasingly slow, and sensual.
As I pull his shirt off, I catch his hand in mine and study it. I'm awed that he has the hands of a surgeon, pale and almost delicate, but for their strength. I kiss his fingers, then suck one suggestively, before I trail kisses down his arm. I love the soft groan that tells me I'm getting to him. I work my way down his body, exploring his skin as I uncover every part.
I laugh at the pink boxers he wears – a tribute to Rosalie and a red T-shirt tossed into a washer full of whites. I barely have to look to know I'm getting to him. I leave the boxers and run my hands down his legs. I slip off the black socks and let my manicured nails dance across the bottom of his foot. I smile as he flinches away from my tickling. His skin is so sensitive to my touch.
I touch and kiss back up his legs. I listen to him moan as I draw a wet trail up his inner thigh with my tongue. I meet his eyes as I pull the elastic over him and ease the shorts down his legs and leave him exposed. I boldly touch him – stroke him.. I know he likes having the lights on, and my enthusiasm excites him.
I know we have all night, and I know he wants to take things slow, but he looks as excited and impatient as I feel. Just like our first honeymoon, I move to taste him, but he moves quicker.
"Not this time my love. It's your turn." I wonder if he remembers the first time, but then I'm on my back again. He has me pinned with his wonderfully naked and aroused body. He kisses me, and his hands slide around me and unfasten my bra. He moves with less patience, but obviously he still has the goal of teasing me. His mouth – my god his wonderful mouth – kisses, sucks, and licks me until I gasp and squeal at just what he can do to my breasts. Then he moves down.
Tease! My god he's such a relentless tease! He kisses, touches, licks, and lavishes attention on me, everywhere but where I want and need him the most. He knows exactly what he's doing to me. My fingers sift through his hair as my hands try to guide him to where I want him. Please... I need him! I can't hold still, and my hips move, mimicking what I want to be doing with him.
"Carlisle please...! I need you, you're making me cra... unh.." Tiny, delicate licks over needy, womanly flesh. I gasp as he holds me still for this exquisite torture. I pant and gasp and clutch his hair in my fist. "Ohmygod... so good baby! Love you... always..." I feel the tingling start, right where his magical mouth and tongue are playing. I cry out as that small contact calls a wave of pleasure that crashes over me, and leaves me gasping and mewling, as my body shudders.
He moves again, no longer teasing and slow, but fast. Legs part and he takes me – hard. The wave becomes a tsunami, pounding and battering my body relentlessly, and fully answering the needs he's raised in me. Give and take, push and pull, and so so good! I release everything, no longer knowing or caring where I leave off and he begins. I'm his – he's mine – we're one. I cry out, no longer worried if others can hear. I want them to hear my testimony of his incredible, loving, mastery of me.
Passion subsides enough I can force my eyes open and look at his face. Beautiful yes, but driven and focused, and locked in an open-mouthed expression of awe and wonder that melts me. "I love you, Carlisle... you're so good to me... I love what you do to me... I'm all yours... forever." For several minutes we listen to the sounds our bodies make as we move together. Wet friction and flesh on flesh – I love this precious connection, with each of us vulnerable. It's as close to being human as we ever get.
Still, he's holding back, and I want to see him lose control. I break our connection and move to put him on his back again. I don't waste time teasing, but take him in my mouth.
"Bella... my god!" He's now the one with his fingers tearing through my hair as I give him what he already gave me. My eyes meet his as my mouth engulfs him, and his look of bliss is all the encouragement I need. I love pleasing him, and I follow his cues. He tries to warn me that he's close, but I want him – all of him. I don't stop until I see his face contort as he lets go – finally. I drink in the only other fluid that won't make me sick.
Afterward there's time for teasing, and I enjoy playing with him. We take the rest of the night and all of the morning, for all the sweet, loving, teasing, intimate moments one would expect on a honeymoon. I'm glad we're not the ones who have to clean the room.
In the morning we skip the continental breakfast and leave early to catch our plane. He still doesn't tell me where we're going, but after the first connection, I suspect where we're going. Not that it matters, we spend the flight time cuddled up together, oblivious to the world around us.
The final pilot doesn't comment on the last time he saw us, as we're both absorbed with the view out the window, before the float plane touches down. Carlisle helps me out onto the repaired dock and he pulls our two bags out with ease.
Esme Island – right back where we started.
I barely notice when the float plane leaves, as I stare at the empty island. It's all gone – house, shed, and debris. The shoreline seems to have changed a bit, and there are fewer trees. Carlisle shoulders the bags and takes my hand. He leads me to the center of the island where there's a tent pitched amid the underbrush, where the wind from the ocean won't tear at it. He stows our bags inside the large tent, then takes me in his arms.
"I hope you don't mind coming here. I know it's not a luxury hotel, or even a romantic bungalow, but I couldn't think of anyplace I'd rather be with you. There may not be any amenities, but we've got more privacy here than anywhere else. No kids, no patients, no school, no responsibilities, and absolutely no interruptions. I'm going to make love to you on every inch of this island, baby." He kisses me hungrily. He pulls away and opens one of the bags. He pulls out a red bikini, like the one I'd worn the last time we were on the island.
He holds it up with a smile. "We've got two weeks, and I don't want to see you dressed in anything more than this until we hear the plane and it's time to go."
I put my arms around him. "The same goes for you too then – only I think a towel is too much." It hits me that I couldn't have shown him the red bikini, as he only has my memories. It's another fragment that's revealed itself.
For two weeks, he makes good on his promise. We're alone, and we don't bother with clothes, or even use the tent for more than storage. I make love with him in the rain, as the tropical thunder rumbles and the lightning flashes overhead. We sit naked and wrapped in each other's arms on the overlook for sunsets and sunrises. We spend hours just talking, and I learn so much about him as he tells stories I've never heard. We dive into the ocean to swim with the schools of fish. And he's even brought surfboards so he can learn.
It's my second honeymoon on Esme Island, and it's as different as night is from day from the first. We discuss what the next house on the island should be like, and even where it should go. He even asks if I'd feel more comfortable if he changed the name.
"Don't you dare! You bought this for her, and it should keep her name." I kiss him. "I don't want to take her place or try to erase her from your life. I'm just glad I can have you now."
"You have me, for as long as you want me." He leans into me and kisses me in a way that both melts me and sets me on fire.
I hug him tight as my fingers sift through his soft hair. "I want you forever," I whisper – a soft plea to his god and the universe that took so much from us. Just this, please. In spite of all he's tried to show me and how he's sought to change my outlook, I'm still the same. I'm strong and resilient, and I can live an eternity. We can make love without reservations or restraint. But my heart is fragile. He holds it in the very hands that pieced it back together. He carries it with him wherever he goes, and that's all I want. Just him. Forever.
A/N: Cue the music, that's a wrap!
There are so many things I want to say here, but most can be summed up in a big Thank You for reading! And extra thanks for reviewing. If you read this in it's finished form, I would still love to hear from you.
Couple things: I'd like to disclaim all I said about the Quileute tribe. Everything I wrote was fabricated - except I know the government has granted them their lands, and there is a resort on the property. Tribal leadership is not something I assume to know.
I'd also like to say I know next to nothing about homosexual relationships. I'm just assuming they're like any other relationship, but more problematic as outsiders feel they have the right to judge. I had actually planned for Carlisle have a problem with Yanna and Leah, but he disagreed with me.
I've got an epilogue planned, but I think I've got every loose end tied up - which makes me happy. I've also got plans for continuing Aro's story.
I'm also curious, did the present tense bother you? I know I've got some corrections to make where I slipped into past tense. I will be correcting this when I find the time, so if anything bothered you, please let me know.
Thank you again!