Title: Two Wrongs
Date: 18 April, 2009
Words: 1228
Characters: Rangiku, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Renji, Shuuhei, Sasakibe, Zaraki, Yamamoto, Unohana, Hitsugaya
Pairings: Hitsugaya & Rangiku
Inspiration: I found a fun quote, and absolutely had to come up with something.
Summary: Two Wrongs don't make a right, they make a Left. And two Rights make a U-turn. And since U-turns are illegal in most places, two Rights actually make a Wrong.
Rating: T, with some hints of risqué business, as usual.
A/N: This is pure and utter crack. Like, seriously. And, only certain chapters of this fic actually go together. In fact, you will probably see several 'Wedding' fics, as well as 'First Date', 'First Kiss', and 'Feelings' fics, among anything else I can churn out.
For those of you waiting, I am working on my other stories. I'm just a bit behind. I've had some trouble with my laptop cord, and can't type for *insert desired curse word here* on my parent's computer. But, I think everything has been fixed, and I am back in action. On my agenda for tomorrow (well, today, considering it's 2 am here) is writing. That and playing Aveyond I and II. Good games, and I highly recommend them. Find them on the BigFish or Amaranthia websites. (Google/Yahoo search it.)
As always, please read and review! (And requests/suggestions/concrit are always welcome!)
-Rachel Noelle
Two Wrongs don't make a right, they make a Left. And two Rights make a U-turn. And since U-turns are illegal in most places, two Rights actually make a Wrong.
oOoOo
…Two Wrongs…
Oh, crap. That was not going to be good. She never should have volunteered to act as a cheerleader for the fools. Ikkaku hit Yumichika's fastball, and hard. The baseball flew through the air and straight through Yamamoto's bedroom window. The gathered group stood around, each person with their mouth hanging open.
"Alright, so, here's the deal," Renji volunteered. Everyone turned their heads to him, looking hopeful. "Shuuhei, you and Yumi go and find the ball, Ikkaku and I can keep guard, and Ran, you make up any excuse you have to, to keep the soutaicho from finding out."
The group gave a collective, firm nod and separated instantaneously. Rangiku rushed to the nearest corner, fully anticipating Sasakibe's arrival. She just hoped that the guys would hurry, because her usual charms seemed to have little effect on the first division fukutaicho.
Yumichika and Hisagi made quick work of slipping inside the soutaicho's quarters, and picked the lock to his bedroom door. They didn't understand why Yamamoto locked his bedroom but not his house, but they didn't have time for discussion.
Renji and Ikkaku stood watch outside the front door and the bedroom window, watching for any signs that Rangiku's flirtations were ignored. Though, at the moment, she seemed to be handling the situation splendidly, as an unknown male was accompanying Sasakibe, and kept motioning for the first division member to content himself.
…Don't make a Right…
"You know, I can hardly believe a big, strong man like you missed the bird that flew through the window. It was huge. Must have had a five foot wing span," Rangiku started to sob lightly, pretending to recall the horrific incident. "I'm so glad you showed up when you did, else it probably would have taken me away to its lair on the other side of Rukongai…" A few more sniffles for added effect, and the man's ego was fully inflated.
Rangiku, not one to leave any of her 'saviors' un-thanked, turned her attentions to Sasakibe. "Oh, and thank goodness you came! Whatever would I have done without someone to soothe to horror of being greeted with the sight of such a man. Only someone of your good looks and charms could have comforted my eyes so well. Oh, I simply can't thank you enough," Rangiku batted her lashes, drying her sniffles and trying to smile gratefully to Sasakibe.
Yumichika, Hisagi, Renji, and Ikkaku heard only enough of the conversation to understand something along the lines of 'Save me from this giant trying to attack me!' And, since they knew the wrath of the punishment that lay waiting for them if they failed to protect Hitsugaya taicho's girlfriend, they decided to intervene.
…They make a Left…
"Sasakibe?" Yamamoto called as he rounded the corner. "What is going on? Did you find out what happened?"
"Yes, sir," Sasakibe replied. "Apparently a very large bird flew in through the window and back out, with something like a parchment held in its beak."
Yamamoto was momentarily blinded by the sun on Ikkaku's head as the foursome ran to 'help' Rangiku.
"Aha! I knew it was you, Sunny Nobeard, the pirate! You've been trying to steal my treasure map for years, and now you've finally caught yourself a big enough bird to do so! I'll have you hanged for this, I swear it!" Yamamoto boomed. Ikkaku froze in his place, worried suddenly for his life. Luckily, though, Yamamoto seemed to have gone insane, and was sword fighting an invisible enemy with an invisible sword.
…And two Rights…
Renji and Hisagi ignored the conversation around them, and Ikkaku and Yumichika as they tried to dodge the attacks from Yamamoto not directed at the invisible enemy. Renji, upon drawing close enough to do so, snatched Rangiku up into a tight grasp, touching her in places she wasn't entirely okay with, and shunpoed a few meters away with her in his arms.
Shuuhei, however, advanced on the 'unknown' man and immediately began firing kidou at and sword fighting with him. The man, eager for a fight, happily reciprocated, minus the kidou.
…Make a U-Turn…
A minute too late Shuuhei finally realized just who the man was. Of course, it did explain why he was gaining an advantage with his kidou but severely losing with the swordplay.
"Erm, Zaraki taicho?" Hisagi squeaked. Oh, crap. He just had to pick a fight with the one person sure to 'whoop his ass.' Oh, the trouble he would be in…
The fight lasted for a good half-hour, most of it spent with Hisagi running from Zaraki in a weak attempt to hide, and Zaraki following close behind, waiting for Hisagi to wear out some. The fighting only ceased when Unohana stepped from her office with her creepiest smile tacked into place.
… And since U-turns are illegal in most places, two Rights actually make a Wrong…
"Although I, too, enjoy a good spar, I do believe that it is imperative that you cease your antics now that you have arrived in my division. The lives of your men rest in my hands, and with those wounds your lives will, as well," Unohana spoke clearly, annunciating each word for effect. Zaraki and Hisagi turned to one another, shared a frightened look, and dropped their weapons.
Hitsugaya, just being released from his physical, stepped from the doors of the fourth division infirmary. Rangiku's face lit up, happy to see him. He ignored her for the moment and turned his attentions to Renji, who was still clutching Rangiku in a way that made the young taicho unhappy.
"Abarai fukutaicho, if you do not remove your person from the premise of a ten foot radius of Rangiku, you will be the next to be admitted to Unohana's care," Hitsugaya glowered. Renji vacated the area by a ten kilometer radius.
"Well, I can't say it's been fun, cause it hasn't, but I gotta go 'for the soutaicho catches up ta me again," Ikkaku gave a short bow to the taichos present and made a quick exit stage up-right. Yumichika followed him in kind, calling out for his companion to wait for him.
Unohana enlisted the help of a couple of her squad members to move Zaraki and Hisagi indoors to her infirmary, leaving Hitsugaya and Rangiku behind.
"That was exciting, eh, Taicho? I just love games. We should play a game!" Rangiku hugged Hitsugaya tightly from behind. Though those hugs weren't nearly as intoxicating as the hugs where she squished his head in her chest, they did allow him to remain conscious and breathing.
"Eh, I suppose. If you enjoy watching idiots being idiots, then yes, it was exciting," Hitsugaya broke from Rangiku, turning to face her. "But, let's get home. I'm tired of playing the idiot games, and need some sleep."
"Ah, but Taicho, I was thinking of the game you like, the one where I pretend to be a princess in need of rescuing and you're the knight in shining armor who rescues me. And then, of course, I have to repay you for your kind deed…" Leaning close to an already blushing Hitsugaya, Rangiku dropped her voice, masking her usual timbre with a husky undertone, "…Any way you want me to."
As Hitsugaya quickened their pace to their rooms, Rangiku added, "You know, I wasn't ever much of one for baseball, anyway."
A/N: For anyone unsure of what sort of conclusions I was implying throughout, here are my notes.
Two wrongs: Ikkaku hits baseball (Yumi throws) through window with zanpakuto; Matsumoto lies about it
Right should be: soutaicho believes it was a large bird
Left is: soutaicho ends up confused and believing that Ikkaku is trying to assassinate him for his hidden treasure map
Two rights: Shuuhei beats up guy for picking on Rangiku, Renji 'protects' Ran
U-turn: guy turns out to be Zaraki. Oops.
Wrong: Unohana 'disciplines' both Zaraki and Hisagi, Hitsugaya gets pissy with Renji for touching Ran