Title: How Many Straw Hats Does It Take...
Fandom: One Piece
Characters: Sanji and Usopp
Words: 1202
Prompt: Light bulb
Rating: PG/K+ (Sanji uses a variation of my favorite curse.)

Sanji had already finished tidying up the galley for the evening before the summer light faded to the point of impeding visibility. He thought he'd get a start on breakfast prep for the morning, however, so he flipped the switch to turn on the overhead lamp. This resulted in an unsettling fizzling sound and a pop but no light.

Conveniently, Usopp was still out on deck.

"Oi, Usopp! We have any spare light bulbs?"

"Hmm..." Usopp scratched his chin as he thought the question over. "We might have a box of spares in the store room. Can we look tomorrow?"

"Fine." Sanji let out a disgruntled huff. "First thing in the morning, though."

"First thing in the morning" became "after breakfast," but Sanji refused to let it become "after lunch." It took a great deal of searching, much sneezing due to dust, two splinters, and a barked shin before they finally found a box of spare bulbs.

Back in the galley, Usopp and Sanji both stared up at the cylindrical light fixture.

"That does come off, right?" Sanji inquired.

"I think so..." Usopp tilted his head, hoping a different angle might give him some inspiration. "I'm really not sure how, though." He started to step up onto the table only to have his foot kicked back down.

"What do you think you're doing?" Sanji fumed. "People eat on that!"

"I need to be able to see the top of the fixture!" Sanji didn't look like he was willing to budge on the matter. Usopp sighed. "Help me move the table and I'll stand on a barrel or something..."

It turned out the table was a lot heavier than it looked. They were forced to enlist the help of Zoro and Luffy, but then they hung around to watch.

A barrel alone wasn't tall enough, so Usopp balanced a small crate on top. That was better, if woefully unstable. Sanji wedged a foot next to the barrel for a bit of added support. It didn't help that Luffy kept stretching his arm over to poke the barrel. Zoro eventually took pity.

"Hey, Luffy, I think I saw a, uh..." Zoro floundered for a suitable distraction.

"Giant fish," Sanji mouthed behind the captain.

"Whale," Usopp supplied silently.

"Whale," Zoro continued, "off the port side this morning. I heard somewhere that they follow ships sometimes, so maybe it's still out there!"

"Really?" Luffy's eyes widened. "Awesome! Let's go look!" He dragged the swordsman out the door. Usopp sighed in relief and turned his focus back to the light fixture.

"I think moss head's spending too much time around you," Sanji commented. "He sold that whale story pretty convincingly."

"I still can't see the top, and I think that's where it must be attached..."

"Can't you just reach up inside and unscrew the old bulb?"

"I don't know; it's pretty narrow in there."

"Give it a shot anyways." Sanji shrugged casually. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"Oh, I dunno," Usopp mused, slowly reaching a hand inside the opening at the bottom of the fixture, "electrocution? You did turn the switch off, right?"

"Absolutely," Sanji assured. In truth, he couldn't remember. Making sure Usopp was absorbed in his task, Sanji inched away toward the light switch.

The good news was that he had turned off the switch. The bad news was that he had been adding more support to Usopp than he thought.

The barrel rocked a little and Usopp lost his balance. He panicked and clung to the fixture when the crate slid out from under him. The fixture pulled loose unexpectedly, breaking the bulb as it and Usopp tumbled to the floor.

Usopp scowled at Sanji.

"At least you weren't electrocuted," Sanji pointed out. The broken glass was swept up and discarded in the trash.

Both men stared up at the base of the bulb, still stuck in its socket, a few jagged shards of glass still clinging in place.

"Now what?" Usopp wondered, absently rubbing his bruised tailbone.

"Hang on a minute." Sanji walked over to a cabinet and pulled out a sack of potatoes and began rifling through it. With a triumphant cry, he walked over to the counter with a rather shriveled, eye-covered spud in hand. He sliced the tuber in half and offered one of the pieces to Usopp. "Here, stick the glass in this and you should be able to unscrew the base."

"I don't think so." Usopp narrowed his eyes at the chef. "You do it."

"Fine!" Sanji scowled. "I will! You big baby..."

Sanji replaced the crate on the barrel and Usopp helpfully held the base steady. Sanji managed to get the potato to stick on the glass shards after several tries, but then he couldn't get the base to budge.

"Shitty bulb," Sanji groused. "Why isn't this working?"

"Did you remember 'righty tighty, lefty loosey?'"

Sanji swore some more and changed the direction he had been turning. Finally, the base came free of the socket. Sanji tossed it, potato half and all, into the trash.

"Hand me a new bulb, would you?"

"Just a sec." Usopp walked over to the counter and pulled two tissues from a box. He handed one up to Sanji. "I heard once that the oil on your fingers makes light bulbs burn out faster. I don't know about you, but I want to avoid having to go through this again for as long as possible!"

"Agreed."

Usopp gingerly pulled a bulb from the box, making sure to keep the tissue between his skin and the glass, and carefully handed it off to Sanji. The cook cautiously screwed in the new bulb and eyed it suspiciously.

"Try flipping the switch," he directed Usopp. The new bulb worked, but it was rather painfully bright without the filtering provided by the fixture.

"Ah! Retinal scarring!" Usopp wailed.

"Turn it back off, then!" They both blinked owlishly in the suddenly darker room.

They were just figuring out how to get the tubular shade back on when Nami walked in to grab a piece of fruit from a bowl on the counter.

"As long as you're changing light bulbs, could you change the one in the bathroom? It's out, too." She didn't seem to notice the expressions of dread on their faces. "Thanks!" she tossed over her shoulder on her way out the door.

Usopp looked like a kicked puppy. Sanji slapped a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry about it. I have a plan..."

Zoro grunted as a box was unceremoniously dropped in his lap. He opened one eye to see Usopp and Sanji giving him the same manic grin. The box was the one with the spare light bulbs.

"The bathroom light's burnt out," they chorused.

"Guess what?" Sanji nudged him with a toe. "It's your turn!"

"Have fun!" Usopp added before they practically skipped away.

"Weirdos." Zoro chuckled. "It's just a light bulb! How bad could it be?" A familiar shadow fell over him.

"Are you gonna change a light bulb, too?" Luffy asked. "I'll help!"

"Aw, crap."