Chapter 3

Logan POV

James' blood was on my hands. I don't remember calling the ambulance, or comforting Carlos and Mrs. Knight. I don't remember the car ride to the hospital. I just know that I was standing outside James' room with his blood on my hands and clothes. I walked calmly to the mens restroom, and began washing my friends blood from my body. That's when everything hit me.

"Oh god," I cried, "James, please don't be dead! James?" He didn't move. I checked for a pulse, but couldn't find one. I began CPR, as I used my shoulder to hold my cell phone to my ear.

I didn't want to remember anymore, but the scene played over and over again in my head. The blood was off my hands, but my shirt was forever stained. I'm not sure how someone who lost that much blood could still be alive. I dried my hands, and reached in my pocket for my cellphone. Instead I felt something else. I pulled out a piece of paper with Kendall's name on it. It was the note I found on Kendall's bed right before I found James. I opened it and read to myself. The words jumped off the page and hit me so hard I began sobbing hard. I fell to the floor of the restroom, shaking. I felt arms lift me up. I looked up and saw Carlos. He was holding me and rocking me back and forth as I wept.

It must have been at least an hour before I was calm, and able to stand. Carlos' shirt was wet from my tears, but he just smiled in an understanding way. I saw him pick up the note off the floor, and read it. His lip began quivering and his eyes welled. I put my hand under his chin and my lips brushed his.

"What was that," he asked, "Why did you kiss me?"

"It seemed like the right thing to do at the time," I responded.

"Logan," he proclaimed, "Are you acting on impulse? I'm surprised at you!"

"Carlos," I laughed, "Using words like impulse! I'm surprised at you!"

We laughed quietly and then an awkward silence fell. He looked at me, and I felt great sadness. Despite him being right in front of me, I missed him. I looked at the ground, unsure of what to do. This time it was he who tipped my head up and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around him, and felt like he was my harness on a mountain. It was the most safe feeling in the world, and I reveled in it. His lips were soft, and the kiss was innocent. Intense, but innocent. He pulled away, but I grabbed him and pulled him close again.

"We have to check on James, " he smiled, "But I get the point."

I laughed and we left the restroom. Down the hall, Mrs. Knight stood stone-faced as she looked through the window at James. I could tell she felt as though it was her own son laying in the hospital bed. Carlos and I hugged her, and she began to cry. I felt as though it were my own mother that I was comforting.

"Where is Kendall," she asked, "Why isn't he here?"

"Mrs. Knight," Carlos began, "We have no idea where Kendall is. He left sometime this morning, and we haven't been able to find him."

"Do you think he is okay," Mrs. Knight asked.

"Yes," I responded, "He got in a fight with James, and then this happened."

"You mean to tell me that James did this because of something Kendall did," she screamed.

"Um," Carlos was scared, "Yes, this is because of Kendall."

"That brat," she exploded, "You go find him now! Tell him his mother is going to rip him a new one of he doesn't get his ass in here!"

"Yes ma'am," Carlos and I scrambled to get away from the wrath of Mrs. Knight.

Kendall POV

The hot sun beat down on my back as I walked furthur and furthur away from the Palmwoods. Where the hell was everyone, I wondered. I pulled out my blackberry, and tried to call James, but he didn't respond. I didn't blame him. I had to apologize to him. I had to tell him what I really meant. I had to tell him before I left.

"Gustavo," I called, "Can we talk?"

"Sure," he rolled his eyes, "What do you want?"

"I am repaying you every cent you spent on me," I announced, "and I am going back to Minnesota."

"You can't leave," Gustavo yelled, """What about Big Time Rush? What about your friends? What about James?"

"What," I was confused, "What does James have to do with anything?"

"Anyone who knows you can tell you love him," Gustavo said evenly, "Except James. Who everyone knows, loves you back. Everyone knows that accept you. You're both stupid. If you want to leave, and be stupid, fine. But don't think you can just come back whenever you want."

"I have no intentions of coming back," I stated and walked out.

I felt my phone vibrate, and I looked down. Carlos was calling me again. I decided to answer this time, only because I wanted to know where everyone was. Our conversation was brief. I was in such a state of shock, I don't even know how I got to the hospital or to James' room. A hard slap from my mother pulled me out of that shock. Logan handed me a letter, and I recognized James' handwriting. When I finished reading I felt like the wind had been punched out of me.

"Is James going to live," I asked. Nobody answered. I assumed it meant that he would not. I walked into his room and saw him hooked up to tons of different machines, and wires. It was not a pretty sight, but he still looked so beautiful. He looked so peaceful, I wanted to kiss him, but I didn't. I couldn't believe that I was responsible for this. James wanted to end his life because of me and because of that I would never forgive myself.