Chapter 17

Bella's POV

Alice's door slam snaps both Rose and I out of shock.

"I, I, I..." Rose stutters.

"You got married!" I accuse, and she blushes confirming my thoughts.

"Yeah, but you're fucking Edward!" she countered.

"Yes, but you already knew that!"

"Alice didn't though," she tries. I cross my arms across my chest. I'm just a little hurt that she didn't tell me. "Look, no one was supposed to know, ok? So, don't get all high and mighty about not knowing!" she fumes and gets out of the car.

I follow her and get out too.

"Come on Rose, you got married without me," she turns and rolls her eyes at me. I huff. "Fine." I drop it and change the subject. "I'm nervous about the shit Alice is about to pull, will you help me?"

She waits before saying, "Ok, but on one condition." She holds up a single finger and looks at me imploringly.

"Lay it on me," I sigh and prepare for the worst.

"Tonight, try and direct all conversation away from my marriage and towards Edward's and your sex life."

"That's the worst compromise around," I tell her.

"Jasper, he doesn't know, does he?"

I shake my head. I'd prefer if he didn't know until after he's married and living in his post-wedding bliss.

"So, you'll help me, capisce?"

"Capisce? Really who says that?"

"Bella!" she laughs.

"Fine, ok, deal, no questions asked."

She grabs me by the shoulders and looks me dead in the eye. "Are you ready for this?"

I swallow, sudden nerves overcome me. "I think so."

"She's going to ask you all sorts of questions about the two of you, do you have your story straight?"

Story straight? "Uh, no?"

Our heads turned as we see Alice by the window waving while she talks on the phone.

"We've run out of time, we're going in blind!" Rose whispers. She takes a deep breath and begins walking towards the front door slowly.

We've been compromised! Beware...

I quickly send the text off to Edward and then step over the threshold of my childhood home. Everything is relatively still and calm.

"Where's Charlie?" I ask Alice.

"He's with the guys tonight," she chirps. Her smile is almost blinding.

"Will Esme be joining us?" Alice just shakes her head, but gives no explanation. I sigh with a little bit of relief. That's one less person questioning me tonight. I don't know if I could handle questions from Edward's mother.

It's quiet. Eerily quiet. No one is speaking. I've got to say something!

"How long have you known!" I blurt out then clamp my hand over my mouth in shock. I could've asked anything but that. What are we doing tonight? Are you ready for tomorrow? Do you think Rose could beat me in a fight? Anything, but what just spurted from my lips.

Alice quirks one perfectly shaped eyebrow. She ducks out of the living room and into the kitchen. Rose raises both her eyebrows in disbelief that I would dive head first into such a conversation. Alice returns with a bottle of wine.

"I thought maybe we'd have a glass with dinner, but you look like you could use this now," she says and pops the cork. She hands me the bottle without any glasses.

I look at Rose and she bursts out in laughter. "Well, I've known since the day you and Edward went taste testing meals," Rose barks out.

Oh boy... it's started. I take a long gulp of booze and plonk my ass down in Charlie's recliner.

"You've known that long?" Alice asks in awe. She too sits down, folding her legs underneath herself on the sofa.

Rose sits next to her and begins to gossip. "Yeah, I walked in on them talking about where they could do it next," she tells Alice. A curious look passes over her face and she turns to me. I take a quick drink before she asks, "Did you two end up having sex in the bathroom of the catering restaurant?"

Alice laughs hard and then looks at me expectantly for an answer.

"No, we did not have sex in the ladies stall," I tell them.

"The men's?" Alice giggles.

"No," I say dryly and clamp my lips shut. They do not need to know that instead of the classy establishment being our choice that we instead chose the kitchen of the bakery.

"I'm so glad that our plan worked!" Alice trilled with pride.

"Your plan?" I questioned. I didn't realise that Esme and Alice had planned for Edward and I to meet in such a way... or for us to get together because we got drunk.

"Mhm," Alice nods. "Mine and Esme's. We pushed you together, but then you didn't come clean, so we then tried to separate the two of you, and it must of worked, because within that time you guys were sneaking off to restaurants for some nooky."

"I told you we didn't do anything in the restaurant!" Rose snorts in disbelief and Alice just waves away my comment with her hand. "Ok, so if you think this is all Esme's and your doing, please tell me when Edward and I first got together?"

Alice taps her chin in thought. "We're not sure on that one, you guys sent out some really mixed signals, will you tell me?" she begs, "Please, please, please?" she says bouncing in excitement.

I debate whether or not I should tell her the juicy details of Edward's and my first encounter with each other. On one hand she'll know everything, but on the other telling her prevents her from spreading some semi-romantic bullshit about how Edward got down on bended knee, presented me with a condom and said, "Bella, will you be my fuck buddy?"

I take a gulp for bravery and tell her, "Alright, but this is your wedding gift, ok?"

She nods with excitement. Even Rose leans forward to hear the gory details. I tell them about how I met Edward, slippery fall, hard on and all. They cackle throughout and I almost think I'm going to have to get Alice a paper bag when I tell her about knocking on Edward's door and getting another peep show. I even add a couple of stories about our evasion tactics.

"So, you two have just been bumping uglies this whole time?" Alice asks.

"Uglies, Bella? You told me it was anything but," Rose interjects and winks.

"Ew," Alice deadpans.

"We have," I respond cautiously.

"Huh," is the only thing Alice says. She claps her hands together once. "Well, do you guys wanna eat? I was thinking pizza."

"Sure, I'm starving," Rose says and get up off the couch with a grin and follows Alice into the kitchen.

"What just happened here?" I call out, but I get no response.

I slouch down in the chair and take another sip from the bottle. Is it sad that I couldn't get through a conversation about Edward's and my relationship without drinking my way through it?

No, absolutely not.

I wonder if they're talking about Edward right now. I can't let Alice and Rose be alone! Rose might know some stuff. And Alice has Esme's phone number.

I quickly stand up and sway just a little.

I think the alcohol might be catching up with me.

I make my way to the kitchen. Alice is on the phone. Without a second thought I cross to her and snatch the phone from her hand.

"Whatever Alice says about Edward's and my sex life is false, she's lying, I swear!" I scream into the handset.

Rose is leaning over the countertop watching me and laughing at me silently.

Alice is holding back her laughter. Slowly, she says, "Bella, that's Al's Pizza."

My cheeks flush from stupidity. "Uh, sorry," I say, "can we get some garlic bread also?" I ask, because garlic bread and humiliation make a great meal.

I hand the phone back to Alice and leave the room. I actually go as far as to leave the house. I sit down on the porch steps and dial Edward's number.

Edward answers and I blurt out, "I told the pizza guy that Alice was lying about our sex life!" I bury my face in my hands.

Edward chuckles uncomfortably, "Is this a joke?"

"Alice knows everything," I moan.

"Bella?"

"She doesn't know about the bakery though, even though it's one of my prouder moments. I may have slipped about the tailor's though," I ramble. "I'm such an idiot, I don't even know how she found out, but she did. And I didn't know what to do, and then she handed me the wine bottle and everything just went kaboom!"

"You told her everything?" he asks shocked.

"Well, yeah, except the bakery and the size of your peen," I mumble sadly.

"Well, I'm thankful for that," he chuckles.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm so sorry."

"Hey, don't beat yourself up about it."

"And why not?"

He laughs. "Because you get to spend the night with her."

Ugh, don't remind me.

"Bye Edward," I say a little sharply and hang up on his laughter.

I wait on the front steps until the pizza delivery man shows up. I gave them a show, so I decide to give them dinner too, and pay the man.

I go back inside and Alice hugs me.

"It's just pizza, Ali," I tell her and give her a one armed hug awkwardly.

"Don't be all weird. Just pretend that you didn't just tell Rose and me all about your fling with Edward."

"Sure," I mumble. In no way can I prevent myself from being awkward. "Can you just not tell Jasper? He and Charlie are the only ones we've managed to keep in the dark."

"Carlisle knows?" Rose asks doubtfully.

"Uh, yeah, he sort of caught us... Who wants pizza?"