Carlos POV

I'm not stupid. I know a lot of people think I am, but I'm not. I knew Kendall and James loved each other before Logan did. Hell, I figured out before Kendall and James! That's why I bought them both journals. I thought if they stopped and thought about everything, they would realize their true feelings. Maybe that's not the best idea, but at least I tried. Never, in a million years, did I expect this to happen. I can't help but feel like it's my fault that James is near death.

I woke up relatively early so I could visit James. I called Rocque Records for a town car since I hadn't gotten around to getting my license. On the way to the hospital, a song came on the radio and it really made me think. It was by Jewel, who is now a favorite of mine.

Dreams last so long, even after you're gone

I know you love me, and soon you will see

You were meant for me, and I was meant for you

What the hell could have happened that James would have wanted to die. Didn't he know how much Kendall loved him? No two people were better suited for each other, including Logan and I. The town car stopped in front of the hospital and the driver opened the door for me. I stepped out and walked in, everything was silent. As I neared James' room I saw a doctor exiting.

"How is he," I asked, "It's been two days and we haven't been allowed in yet."

"James is recovering," the doctor explained, "Grade 2 shock is quite serious, and the damage done to the tendons in his hand is still being monitored. We need to make sure his heart is going to be okay, and that no further damage is done. We'll be able to determine whether or not he can have visitors in a few hours and we'll need to decide what further action to take when his mother arrives."

"Okay," I whispered, "But is he going to live?"

"Honestly," the doctor intoned, "It could go either way at this point. James lost a lot of blood."

The doctor walked away, and I looked around to make sure nobody was near me. I didn't want anyone to see what I was about to do. I walked to James' door and opened it. Kendall had done it earlier, and everything was fine. Maybe because no one saw him, and James was unconscious. I stepped inside, and held my breath, but nothing could prepare me for what I saw. I began to cry as I realized James was gone.

Logan POV

Life is all about learning, and if anything, I learned that you should never keep your feelings for somebody a secret. I woke up at 9:00 and the first thing I noticed is that Carlos was not in his bed. I looked all around the apartment, but I didn't see him anywhere. I went back to our room, and looked at my phone. One new text, from Carlos. Apparently, he went to see James. As far as I knew the only person who was able to get in and see James was Kendall, but he was severely scolded by the doctors who warned us that if anyone else went into James' room that we would all be banned. I guess I understand.

Since the hospital, Kendall has refused to speak to anyone. I only wish he would talk to me so I could get some sort of understanding as to what happened. James seems pretty tough so, for him to kill himself, something horrible must have happened. If I knew what happened, maybe I could help James and Kendall feel better. I decided it was time for answers and walked over to Kendall's door and without knocking, I opened it. He was asleep, in James' bed. I noticed he had James' lucky v-neck on and an empty bottle of Cuda man spray. The scene overwhelmed the room. Kendall opened his eyes, and jumped.

"You scared the hell out of me," he proclaimed, "What the fuck are you doing here, Logan? I said I didn't want to talk to anyone.

"Too damn bad," I growled and threw the empty bottle of Cuda against a mirror, shattering it. Kendall actually looked terrified, "You are going to tell me what the fuck happened now, or I swear I will make sure you're in a hospital bed next to James."

"Damn," Kendall winced, "I've never seen you so vicious."

"Well I have never felt so pissed before," I sneered, "Now, talk."

"Okay," Kendall began and relayed the story of him, breaking and shattering James. When he was done talking, we both were crying hard. I couldn't believe what he said to me. I was not in love with James, but for someone so naive and innocent to be told the things Kendall told him, by someone who James loved that much, must have destroyed him.

"You have to tell him the truth," I stated bluntly, "It's the only way to heal him."

"I feel bad," Kendall whimpered, "I don't know why I did it."

"Right now," I replied, "I don't give a damn. I want to help James, and that is it. We can all deal with your lack of human feelings later. Until then, I hope you feel like shit."

"I do," Kendall droned as tears filled his green eyes. For a moment, I began to feel compassion for him. It couldn't be easy watching the person you love almost die, even if it's your own damn fault. I walked over to Kendall, and put my arms around him.

"Sorry I'm being so mean," I explained, "I just feel so bad for James. You really hurt him."

"I know," Kendall began to cry harder, "I just love him so much." I was going to respond with something comforting but I was distracted by the front door of the apartment opening and then slamming shut. I figured it was Carlos, pissed off about the whole James situation. I walked out so I could say something comforting to him but as I reached the staircase I saw something unexpected. James Diamond was standing in the front hallway looking pale, and weak.

"I'm home," he stuttered weakly before collapsing on the floor.