Title: Want Ads
Date: 30 September, 2009
Words: 2456 (Counts the dividers between paragraphs/sections, but not at the beginning or ending of fic)
Characters: Yamamoto, Soi Fong, Gin, Kira, Unohana, Isane, Hanataro, Aizen, Hinamori, Byakuya, Renji, Komamura, Iba, Kyouraku, Nanao, Tousen, Hisagi, Rangiku, Toshiro, Yachiru, Zaraki, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Ukitake.
Pairings: Rangiku & Toshiro, Gin & Aizen, Kira & Hinamori, Ukitake & Soi Fong, Unohana & Zaraki, Ichigo & Rukia, Renji & Shuuhei, Byakuya & Yachiru, Kyouraku & Nanao. Others may be derived and applied as you see fit.
Summary: The results of placing a Wanted ad in the paper...
Inspiration: The previous chapter. 8-)
Rating: PG to PG-13, depending on your viewpoint.

*Updated on 14/October/09 to include header info*
*Updated on 15/October/09 to fix spelling/grammar errors, and remove the confirmation code at the bottom, and other stupidities I found. Oops.*

A/N: These should follow in order to the last "Want Ads" posting. It is not all in chronological order. If it involves men in the "Ice" incident and they're not in the tenth division grounds, it is before the Ice incident (numbers 2 and 4, mainly). I tried, but some just didn't work out. 8( Anyhow, I hope it's not too confusing. I would have put it all in time order, but then it doesn't fall in line with the other chapter. And I think that's more important. 8-)

Also, I'm sorry it's been so long since I've updated anything. My sister just had her babies three weeks ago, and before that it was work or trips to her doctor 2 hours away, so, I preferred sleep. Lol. But, things are settling down now, and should be getting back to the new normal. For all of you who've stuck around, thank you! Oh, and if I haven't responded to anyone's reviews, let me know. It seems like I've missed someone… (Reviews before 9/25/09. The one I got today I just need to send off my reply for 8-)) Thanks for reading, and maybe you wanna review? 8-D

Happy reading!

-Rachel Noelle

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

"So, ya think ya wanna be a evil minion, eh?" Gin smiled his usual, creepy smile as Hanataro stood before him, fighting to not shiver.

"Erm, I- I'm sorry sir, but I think-" Hanataro tried to mumble.

"Can ya keep a secr't?" Gin inquired, pushing Hanataro's mumbles aside.

"Er, yes, sir, I suppose so." Hanataro swallowed obviously, shaking nervously now.

"Then yer in!" Gin congratulated Hanataro with a hearty slap on the back. He began leading Hanataro toward the door of his office, out into the Third Division grounds.

"Excuse me, Sir," Hanataro interjected. Gin looked expectantly to the boy. "What exactly am- am I- in?"

"Huh?" Gin looked confused for a fraction of a split second. "Oh! Yer gonna help meh ta plan a parteh fer Aizen Taicho's birthday."

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Rangiku, Shuuhei, Renji (no one knew why the red-head was included), Byakuya, Shunsui, Aizen, Hanataro, Iba, Tousen, Takezoe, Zaraki, Yumichika, Ikkaku (even though no one besides himself and Yumichika knew if he had dark hair or not), Ishida, and Sado stood in front of a very, very angry Hitsugaya Tōshirō taicho.

"Really, Tōshirō, it was just a joke! You know, since I figured you would have to work and all… I honestly didn't think all of them would show up," Rangiku giggled nervously, wondering just how much trouble she'd made for herself this time.

"Rangiku, please see yourself to the door. Ise-fukutaicho is waiting to accompany you to the Eighth," Tōshirō met Rangiku's eyes with a level gaze, daring her to object.

Rangiku wisely exited the room, casting her suitors a sympathetic glance. Just as she crossed the threshold of the door, she called out, "I told you idiots not to come to Tōshirō's home!"

Tōshirō cast the males filling his living area a crazed look, rubbing his hands together and threatening to cackle wildly. "Now, you'll learn why your 'response' to that ad was such a terrible, terrible mistake…"

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

"Ah, Tousen, my friend. You are here to apply?" Aizen spoke kindly, motioning for the other man to have a seat. Though Tousen did not see the movement, his senses were keen and he managed to find the chair.

"I see the path of justice with the least amount of blood," Tousen replied, unseeing gaze directed just to the right of Aizen.

"Oh, eh, well. Sure, I think I can get you that. Erm, what position are you looking for? Secretary, treasurer? Maybe Vice President of Public Relations?" Aizen suggested, knowing his plans included more bloodshed than Tousen was implying he desired to see.

"I wish to be your personal assistant and adviser." Aizen looked bewildered. If Tousen noticed, he never showed it. But how in Hueco Mundo was he going to be able to make that position non-bloody?

"Eh, well, actually, Gin, well, Ichimaru taicho, has already been signed for the position. But, I'm certain you would make a wonderful Public Relations coordinator. It even comes with a fancy title," Aizen added inflection to entice Tousen into the position.

"But, I seek the path of least bloodshed. The path to justice!" Tousen spoke loudly.

Aizen hung his head. It was going to be a long day… and he really needed to answer that ad from the Tenth Division's Second.

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Tōshirō stood at the gates to his division, staring at the line of fourteen men standing in naught but their underwear (which they were lucky to have). Tōshirō froze the ground, walls, floors, doors, windows, and the toilet seats of the division grounds. His men were sent on something of a vacation, while the fourteen in front of him stood shivering, hoping he would not freeze them next.

"Now, because you were foolish enough to print, Hisagi fukutaicho, and answer," he paused for effect and to glare at the others standing with Shuuhei, "Rangiku's ad, you will clean every speck of water from here. You have three hours to figure out how to melt the ice, and six further to clean it all up. No zanpakuto, no kidou, nothing but body heat. Any slip ups, and you'll remove the last stitch of clothing. After that…" Tōshirō trailed off, and the already scared and shivering men shook with fear.

Oh, this was going to be fun. He made a mental note to himself and Hyourinmaru to thank Rangiku and Haineko later. He could not remember ever having this much fun.

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Kira and Hinamori stood with Ukitake, as he was offering to be the officiant for the civil union.

"Oh, it'll be so pretty! We'll have flowers, cake, punch, cookies, and a catered meal! Just think how gorgeous it will be! Only the best for the greatest man in the world!" Hinamori rambled on beyond that, but Juushiro and Kira tried to ignore it as much as possible.

"I would be delighted to assist you. Simply name the time and place, and I will come dressed appropriately," Ukitake smiled kindly to Kira, who nodded.

"Thank you, Ukitake taicho. We would be most pleased to have your services," Kira responded.

"And then we'll take taicho shopping for a tux, and Gin shopping for a pretty white dress…" Hinamori continued in the background.

"Uhm, I'll just be leaving. Let me know," Ukitake made a quick escape to the door, leaving Kira to deal with his delusional girlfriend.

"Ooh! And we can have those cute little…"

Kira sobbed lightly, praying it would end soon.

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Matsumoto sat in the Eighth Division office, Nanao laughing herself silly at her friend's predicament, both women going through all of the RSVPs for the civil union ceremony.

"Ugh! These are miserable! How could I have agreed to this?" Rangiku whined.

Nanao smirked. "Because Ichimaru taicho sweet-talked you with that 'best friend' business."

"Yeah. I know…" Rangiku sounded downcast and miserable. "Why does he have to be the 'female' in this relationship?!"

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

"Oh! Kira! Of course! Of course, of course! Yes!" Hinamori squealed, before enveloping Kira in a hug. Keeping her occupied with a deep kiss, Kira headed off to somewhere with Hinamori in his arms.

They were not heard from until needed for more wedding plans for Aizen and Gin.

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Yamamoto sat in the halls of the First Division, looking at the rag-tag group before him. The Kurosaki kid he understood. And a few of the others, like Kusajishi and Kotetsu Isane, he could kind of understand.

It was Juushiro that made the least sense of all. What was wrong with his current position?

"Sir, I'd like to apply for Taicho of Third Division. I wish to be transferred; if it gets me away from my feuding third seats, I'll do anything."

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Yachiru was a bit unnerved by the words written on the scrap of newspaper. Perhaps a bit sooner than she expected. But, hey. You didn't say 'no' to such an obvious opportunity.

So, it looked like there were going to be at least three weddings soon.

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

"Kiyone-san, why would you want to do our paperwork? Don't you have enough in your own division?" Nanao inquired of the younger woman.

"Well, sure. But I thought that maybe with a part-time job, I could earn a little extra cash, maybe lose a few pounds, buy a nice dress, get a date with Sentarō…"

Nanao smiled at Kiyone. "Alright then. But I think I could use a personal assistant more than anything. How about it?"

Rangiku, still going through RSVPs, cheered when Kiyone accepted the offer with a resounding "Yes!!"

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

As soon as he got out of this, he was going to hunt Yachiru down. Luckily she was old enough now that Zaraki wouldn't kill him. At least not right away. Although the glares he was receiving indicated he was definitely toeing the line.

As long as he got to see her, and didn't freeze to death for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, he would be okay with it.

Byakuya ran from Zaraki, hoping he could hide for a moment in the toilets.

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

"Matsumoto-san, Ichigo and I would like to rent your apartment. What do we need to do next?" Rukia asked. It was a bit difficult to track Rangiku down, but when she noticed the ice covering the Tenth, she figured the Eighth would be a good place to head next.

Ichigo was acting nervous, probably worried about being killed by Byakuya, who was, coincidentally, too worried about his own well-being to care about Ichigo.

"Absolutely. It's a bit small, but it has an office that would be just the right size for a baby's room," Rangiku prattled on, smirking as Ichigo's face fell. "I'll just have you sign the paperwork, and you can move in tonight," Rangiku chirped happily.

The paperwork signed, Ichigo took Rukia by the hand and headed for the door, Nanao smiling politely behind them. Rangiku called after them, finally putting Ichigo at ease (though it was unbelievably fun to let him sweat), "I think Kuchiki taicho is a bit… preoccupied at the moment, so you should have several days to get settled."

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Man, he couldn't wait to meet his secret admirer. If only he hadn't been outside Hitsugaya's house when Rangiku announced her 'suitors' were welcome to come inside.

Shuuhei should have never been waiting for Renji…

oOoOo

When he got out of this, he was going to change and head to the restaurant in record time. A few shunpo steps ought to help things out considerably. Yep, he was excited.

Too bad he was being 'stupid, idiot Renji' and waiting for Shuuhei outside the Tenth Division taicho quarters…

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Yes, as long as he got to see Yachiru soon, he would happily agree to giving Ichigo his blessing. Why not? If he did, he had plenty of time to train the boy.

It was just Rukia's boyfriend, anyway.

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Ishida was regretting seeking help with the only shinigami taicho he was familiar with. All he wanted to do was get a job with the shinigami, and he was reduced to this. Walking about the Tenth Division in his underpants, freezing, and mopping up water.

Hopefully his dear Orihime was having a much better time, and definitely better luck, at the Fourth Division.

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Well, she fit the description he gave in the want ad. But it did not change the fact that Soi Fong was quite a surprise.

"Well, it is a delight to see you, Miss," Ukitake kissed her hand, making her blush.

"So, do I work or not?" Soi replied, impatiently.

"How about we have dinner, and see where it goes from there?" Ukitake suggested. Blushing again, Soi accepted and walked with Juushiro out the door of his office.

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Kurotsuchi was still waiting for applicants…

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Well, no one was even around to take applications for their division except Yachiru. And was she having fun? Except that she couldn't quit thinking about Byakushi, hell yes!

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Iba had no idea if any of the women he had interviewed would impress his taicho, but he figured it was worth a try. He decided to hand the applications in whenever he was freed from this ice prison.

His only concern was one "woman" who had turned in an application. Not for the sake of his life could he understand why Yamamoto would have any interest in his taicho…

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Unohana sighed. Isane kept apologizing for not being able to bring Zaraki in. Hanataro would have accompanied her, but he was being detained in the Tenth as well.

Oh, well. She could just hog tie him and force him to dinner with her whenever things cleared up.

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

"Ha! I'll help ya take over the universe!" Zaraki barked from across the way. Tousen scoffed.

"I should never accept the help of the likes of such a brutal, bloodthirsty brute as yourself," Tousen replied smugly.

"A'ight, fine," Zaraki gruffed. Tousen, for all his superior hearing, feeling, tasting, and smelling senses, was grazed across his back by a sharp chunk of ice. "Jackass," Zaraki mumbled as the other man howled in pain, completely over dramatizing the incident, and succeeding in being the first forced out of clothing altogether. Zaraki roared with laughter until Tōshirō cast him the scariest glare he'd ever seen the shrimp give.

Zaraki ran the other direction, quickly getting back to work.

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

"I'm sorry I left so suddenly. I was kind of worried that your fukutaicho might sit on me, and a coughing fit was coming on. I knew I wouldn't be able to fight," Ukitake sighed, looking pleadingly to Soi.

"Oh. I understand, then. You are forgiven," Soi replied, allowing Juushiro to take her hands in his. "Now, you'll have to kiss me to make up for it."

Juushiro leaned in, and just as they were about to connect, paused. Soi gave him a questioning glance, wondering what was wrong this time.

"Do you think… maybe you could untie me, and call them off?"

Soi gazed about her office before smirking. "Nah. More fun. But they can leave, sure."

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Poor Hanataro. Always caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. This time, he was being declared a traitor, and being sentenced to several years in prison.

How much more misery could he handle? All he set out to do today was clean Third Division offices, then he was roped in to planning a surprise party, which led him here, to deliver Yamamoto's invitation.

Whose Post Toasties did he accidentally piss in this morning?!

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Gin stood before an escaped Hanataro, observing the situation carefully. "I ain't gonna kill ya. Not righ' now, anyways. You got all them delivered, did'n ya?"

Hanataro nodded meekly. "Yes, Sir," he squeaked.

"Good. Now ya can help meh finalize meh plans ta take over the world."

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Yumichika let the little Hell Moth land on his fingers as he and Ikkaku tried to make it look as though they were still working. Already three hours in, and Tōshirō showed no signs of giving in.

"Ayasegawa Yumichika and Madarame Ikkaku, a shipment of wax and feathers has been delivered to your quarters. Please sign the delivery form and return to the Fourth Division as soon as possible," Yumichika heard Isane say.

"Heh, somebody actually sent us our stuff?" Ikkaku asked.

"Sounds like it," replied Yumichika.

"Man, I can't wait to get home. It's been three weeks since my last wax. My hair's starting to grow!" Ikkaku whined.

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

A/N: I couldn't really come up with a super good ending, but I hope it suffices. Anyone have suggestions for more? Also, should a do a Part 2 of this fic? Like a "Life's Questions Part Deux?"

-Rachel