A/N: You guys got lucky that I managed to write this. I almost wasn't going to because this isn't what I intended when I wrote the first part.
Kate awoke to the sound of beeping. It was all around her, pounding in her head, screeching into her ears, she couldn't focus on anything other than the rhythmic sounds. Slowly she came out of the darkness, pulling herself towards the noises, trying desperately to regain consciousness. Struggling to open her eyes, she listened beyond the over-powering beeping, trying to pinpoint the other noises around her. With much deliberation, she peeked open her eyes, squinting in the bright light of the room. Off to her side was a machine, the source of the obnoxious beeping, and she could barely make out the shifting symbols, but she knew enough of her predicament to know that she was in the hospital, and that machine must be monitoring her heartbeat.
"How is she?" asked one voice, and it took Kate a while to place meaning to all of the sounds.
"No change." answered a second voice. She struggled harder, trying to get her brain to comprehend all of the sensory input that her surroundings were sending her. She managed to force her bleary eyes to focus on the room in before her, and the more she blinked the clearer the objects, and people, in the room became. Kate saw Castle sitting on a chair, working quietly on his laptop, with Alexis reading a book next to him. They must have been the ones talking, since no one else was in the room. The bright swirls around the room turned into bouquets of flowers as she focused on them, and the brightness of the lights dimmed as her eyes began to adjust.
Kate tried to focus on why the hell she was lying in a hospital bed, again. This time it didn't feel as though she had been sliced open, but she was having difficulty remembering anything. Just as the panic set in that this time she might actually have trauma-induced amnesia, memories began filtering back to her. She remembered drinking an obscene amount of alcohol, trying to drown the pain that Castle had caused her. She flashed back to stepping on the broken glass, and she remembered taking the pain pills so that she could check out of the world of pain she was in for just a little while. Oh – that was it, she hadn't realized it at the time, but she mixed large amounts of alcohol with large amounts of narcotics, that must be why she was in the hospital.
"Kate? Kate!" shouted Castle, jumping up from his chair, not caring where his computer fell. He ran over, leaning close to her face. "Kate? Are you awake?"
"Aaarghhh..." she spit out, trying to speak. But her throat decided to fight her on that decision, it was too painful for her to force the words up her throat.
"Shh, don't talk." he said, brushing some of the hair out of her face, tucking it gently behind her ear. "They had to pump your stomach, your throat is going to be sore from that for a while."
Kate tried to nod, weakly, and she managed to move her head in the general direction of a nod. Castle must have understood what she meant, because he continued talking to her.
"You were unconscious when I found you. I couldn't find a pulse." she could hear his voice crack as he spoke of what must have been a traumatic event for him as well. "I called the paramedics, and they were able to resuscitate you, but your heart was weak. They rushed you here, and spent a few hours going back and forth between trying to get your stomach empty, and trying to keep your heart beating strong, and your lungs pumping air. You were in a coma, Kate. For 4 days."
She fought to move her head again, trying to get across to him her understanding. He looked down on her with such caring in his eyes that she almost thought she was dreaming. She hadn't expected to see anything close to that from him ever again, not after the way he'd been treating her lately. It was the whole reason for her freak out last night, no 4 days ago.
"Hello, Kate. I'm Dr. Mans. I've been treating you since you were admitted here in a coma 4 days ago." said a woman, dressed in her white coat and scrubs. Alexis had gone to retrieve the doctor when her father had noticed that Kate was awake. "Can you speak?"
As Kate tried her best to shake her head, Castle spoke up for her. "No, she can't."
"Well, that's to be expected. Kate, we had to pump your stomach to get the toxins out of it. The effects of taking the alcohol and narcotics in combination must be wearing off if you're awake." explained the doctor, watching her patient's face for signs of comprehension. "You'll need to stay here for a few more days until you've recovered from this... experience. Then you'll be moved to a psych ward where you'll be under a 72-hour psych eval."
"Why does she need to go there?" asked Kate's partner, showing his innate ability to read her mind once more.
"Because she tried to kill herself, Mr. Castle. And we need to make sure that she isn't going to try to do it again before we can release her." The doctor sighed in an exasperated manner, as though she'd had this conversation with Castle before.
"But, she can tell you herself that she's not going to do it again." protested Castle, he was just getting Kate back, he didn't want to loose her again for another three days. "Can't you, Kate?"
She used all of her strength to move her head again, showing she wasn't going to do it again.
"Be that as it may, Kate, you still need to go in for the psych evaluation, it's standard procedure." Dr. Mans moved around the bed, checking Kate's vitals as she went. "Alright, Kate, I'm going to get you some medication for your throat, you should be able to speak in a few hours without much pain." And then she was gone, swishing out the door with the air of someone who has more important things to do than to tend to someone who didn't even want to live. Try as she might, Kate was having difficulties keeping her eyes open, she was dead tired.
"Go to sleep, Kate." said Castle, responding to the exhaustion he saw in her eyes. She acquiesced, letting herself drift off once again, only this time it was in the presence of someone she cared about, and she wasn't leaving to forget the pain.
When she awoke for the second time, Kate found that she was alone in the room with Castle. When she got her eyes to focus on him, she saw that this time he wasn't working on his laptop, instead he was just watching her, completely attentive to her.
"Hey." he said, waiting for her to wake up fully. "How are you doing?"
"O-okay." she managed to croak out, much to their shared joy.
"Kate, you have to talk to me." Castle stood up, dragging the chair he had previously been occupying closer to the bed. Sitting down again, he reached out to take her hand, and she didn't fight him. Taking it as a good sign, he started to rub his thumb across the back of her hand, making soothing circles. She closed her eyes tightly, not wanting to believe that what he was doing to her was real, it couldn't be. "Kate, look at me."
"I can't." her voice was still harsh, unintentionally, it was just gravely from the soreness.
"Kate, please." he begged. She could no more refuse him than she could a starving puppy. Kate forced her eyes open once more, but instead of looking him in the eye, her sight drifted down to where he was caressing her hand. Finally, she let her dark eyes meet his blue ones, getting lost in them momentarily.
"I didn't mean to." she forced out, doubting that he was going to believe her.
"Then why did you?" he inquired, never ceasing his caress on her hand.
"I just wanted to forget..." answered Kate, saying each word slowly so they wouldn't get lost in the harshness of her voice.
"Forget what?" His questions wouldn't end, she knew, until he had the whole story.
"Water, please." she asked, hoping he wouldn't get too mad at her for stalling. His reaction was the complete opposite, he rushed out of the chair to pour her a cup, and after she drank it he resumed his earlier position, grasping her hand tightly as though if he didn't she was going to fade away in front of him.
"Everything that happened to us, I thought it was going to bring us closer together." she started, speaking slowly because of the pain it caused her to speak, both physically and emotionally. "But it didn't, it pushed you away. I wanted to forget everything you made me feel for you." She steeled herself to continue. "Because you didn't feel the same anymore. You walked away, Rick, you left. And I wanted to forget how much you hurt me."
Castle could see the tears forming in her eyes as she spoke, and he realized then how much he'd hurt her, without even trying. He'd been trying to protect himself, he didn't think that she was interested in him, and he wanted to move on. But he'd caused her so much pain...
"Kate, oh Kate." he murmured, laying his head down on their joined hands. "I'm so sorry... Is that why you took the pills?" She nodded slightly.
"But I didn't think, Rick. I was so drunk, I just wanted to forget everything, I wasn't thinking to kill myself. The meds were just the solution that my drunken mind thought up. I'm sorry..." He brushed the tears from her cheeks, catching each one as it fell from her eyes. He could see it in her eyes, in her actions, how much she cared about him and how much he'd hurt her by pushing away.
"No, Kate, I'm sorry. This is all my fault, I was a jackass."
"You were, but I was stupid. I waited too long." she replied, trying to tug her hand away as it all caught up to her.
"No, you didn't. I never stopped caring, Kate. I still love you." Kate squeezed her eyes closed again, hoping against all hope that this wasn't a dream, that he was really speaking those precious words to her again.
"Do I have to almost die every time I want to hear you say that?" she teased, watching the corners of his eyes crinkle as he smiled at her. "Rick, I – I love you too." With that, Castle leaned over her, pressing his lips against hers firmly. She gasped when he pulled away, not wanting the kiss to end.
"You can have more of that when you get better, and pass the psych eval, okay?" He could be just as much of a tease when he wanted to be.
"Okay." she answered, agreeing to a whole lot more than just getting better and out of the hospital. She was agreeing, to him and herself that she was ready for this, finally, she was taking the step.
He found the pulse again, his world came back to him.
Hope you liked it! Please review. To those of you who said this would never happen: I know. That's why this is fanfiction. Also, it is the product of having a very bad day, and being depressed.
Sya