He could hear Dan cry out as the whip hit his back, begging them to stop. Dan knew they wouldn't. Even knowing that they were going to whip Dan until he died, he still couldn't stop watching. He tried to say something to Dan but he couldn't make a sound beyond his own pain. To open his mouth to any sound would have been to open it to all the sounds of hell, and he hadn't come to that yet. He hoped that by the time he started screaming, he would be so far gone no one would hear him.
He heard Dan call out again, "NO, NO, NO."
He laid on the bed, breathing hard, still shaking with the fear the dream always brought. In many ways, the fear the dream brought was worse than the fear he had known that day in the camp. He had been so weak with hunger and the many small illnesses they all suffered that he hadn't lasted very long before the pain just drove him into unconsciousness. Not so in the dream, though. In the dream, it would go on and on and on. He would see Dan die, and then he would feel himself dying in such pain and fear.
He slowly rolled to his side and carefully swung his legs to the floor so he could reach the table beside the bed and get the glass of water he knew was there. He wondered what had woken him and was thankful for whatever it was. He'd known with the pain of the wound that the dreams wouldn't be far behind. It was one of the reasons he needed to leave before he humiliated himself any further.
Then he could hear what had woken him. Someone else was crying out in pain. "ALL RIGHT, I LISTENED. I HEARD YOU TRY AND TELL ME THAT BOY UP THERE IS… THAT OUR FATHER…"
Oh, dear heavens. He had known this was a possibility when he and Mrs. Barkley had spoken this morning. He hadn't really believed she'd recognized what he was and that after recognizing him she'd been so kind. He had hoped that she would want to keep this shame to herself. He knew now she had not. She had shared it with Nick.
He was surprised. She seemed such a proud woman. He was surprised she would let anyone know of her husband's betrayal. He tucked this surprise away to consider when he had more time.
He could hear Nick again, "WELL I'M NOT CONVINCED… SOME WHORE IN SOME MINING TOWN FINDS FATHER'S LUCKY COIN, TELLS A FRIEND SHE'S SLEPT WITH TOM BARKLEY AND HER GET IS HIS BASTARD AND WE GIVE HIM THE RANCH." He smiled slightly to himself. No surprise there at any rate.
He turned up the lamp and saw his britches and shirt washed and neatly folded on the top of the bureau across the room, his rifle, bedroll and saddlebags against the wall near the door. Holding carefully to his stomach with one hand, he stood up, walked to the window and stood looking out. It was a beautiful night; gentle cool air blew in softly through the partially opened window. The stars were clear in the sky, now that the lamps in all of the out buildings had been extinguished.
He walked across the room a couple of times. Sure was a fancy room. The rug under his feet was so thick it felt like he was walking on moss. He'd just never seen such a place in his life. He wandered slowly around the room, picked up ornaments and studied pictures and marveled. He was so glad he'd had a chance to see all of this. He was very sorry that Mrs. Barkley had recognized him, that they all knew about him, but he thought they would forget, they would chose to forget, and he could remember for always.
Satisfied that he was strong enough to do what he needed, he carefully lay back down on the bed. His fever was nearly gone and the horrible pain of the hole in his side was much less. He would be fine to travel and it was past time to move on.
"AND WHAT IS THIS NEW BROTHER GOING TO DO? WORK ON THE RANCH? WITH ME?"
That brought a real smile to his lips. That was about the finest thing he could imagine to add to the Brother Game. He allowed himself to think about him and Nick riding out together in the early morning side by side. They would be branding. He would rope and while Gal held the rope, he would throw the calf and Nick would come up and place the brand, their brand, on that calf. Then Nick would say something… "Good job, boy." Yeah that's what he would say and Nick would maybe give him a pat on his back as he stood up to loose the calf and shake out his rope. Nick would give him a pat on the back and say "Nice work, brother." He just lay there, pictured that moment, felt that pat on the back, saw the quick smile from Nick.
He was still playing the Brother Game when he heard them all pass his door on the way to their rooms. He closed his eyes in case Mrs. Barkley looked in the room, but it was late and she passed the door by. He knew there had been a lot of strong emotion down in that yelling, so he gave them an hour to settle and sleep before he rose and dressed. He checked the wound by the light of the lamp and thought it looked pretty good. It was still draining some puss but it wasn't near so angry looking. He wrapped the bandage good and tight and grabbed the two extra bandage rolls from beside the ewer of water.
Next to his clothes on the dresser were the contents of his pockets, his tobacco makings with his fish hook and string, eight bits, his knife and the matches carefully wrapped and the coin on its broken chain. He returned all of the stuff to his pockets and stood looking at the coin.
He used to play with that coin when he was a boy. His mother used to hold the chain so the coin caught the light and would tell the father story and he would study it front and back. He rubbed his thumb over the engraving and then, coiling the chain in his hand, set it back down on the dresser, the coin whose glitter had led his mother to his father. He guessed it had been a lucky coin for Tom Barkley, had probably saved his life. He wondered, had it been a lucky coin for him? He guessed it was their coin and not his, their luck, not his. He guessed it was something else Tom Barkley had forgotten in Strawberry, but this they might want to keep.
He looked around the room one more time, wanted to make sure he remembered it clearly and then blew out the light, picked up his saddlebags, bedroll and rifle and eased the door open.