"Howard?" She stood in the entryway holding the door uncertainly. "Not that I'm not delighted to see you. Please come in." She pulled the door wide with a sinking feeling. Howard would never come visiting at dinnertime without an invitation.
"Hello, Victoria. Pete Kelly rode into town and said I was needed here."
"Please come in, Howard," she said redundantly as she tried to think. "At the house or for one of the hands?"
"One of the hands. He said Nick was bringing him back to the ranch. I just thought I would stop at the house and say hello. Pete thought they would be here by the time I arrived." Howard smiled at her reassuringly. "Nothing to worry about, Victoria."
"Did he say who it was?" she asked, but knowing where Nick had been headed, already feared to hear the answer.
"Yes, I'm afraid it's the boy I was out here to see last week."
She closed her eyes for a moment, saying a silent prayer. Oh please Tom. Please Lord, surely you didn't let him find us to have him die now.
"Victoria?" Howard came up to her then and put his hand on her forearm. "Are you all right? It's not one of the boys, they're fine."
She smiled at him. "Let me get some coffee. Or would you prefer something stronger?"
"No, coffee is good. I may need a steady hand. Pete said he'd been shot." Howard stood waiting for Victoria to lead the way into the sitting area.
"I'm sorry, Howard. Please, sit down… I'll just get that coffee," but she remained standing in front of Howard. "Please, do you know how seriously injured he is?"
"I'm sorry, Victoria. Pete said to come to the ranch, that Heath Thomson had been shot and Nick and Jarrod were bringing him here. That was an hour ago."
She could see Howard looking at her with concern. She felt like she should tell Howard about Heath, that he was Tom's son and that saying nothing was akin to her denying the boy. That perhaps by saying something, by acknowledging the place of the boy in the family, she could strike a deal with fate, with God to protect him.
Then she remembered the boy's look of yearning out the window when she was in his room, his leaving the ranch, the family, in the night. Did this family that she valued so highly, that she offered him as a gift of such great value, could it be that Heath didn't want this? That the deal she sought to strike with the Lord by acknowledging Heath's parentage, would be a bargain he would renounce? Did she seek to force him to join the family by naming him as part of it?
She realized she had been standing in the foyer staring at Howard who was looking back at her, bemused.
"I'm sorry, Howard. Go, sit down. I'll be right back with that coffee." She smiled at him automatically and left the room for the kitchen, still unsure if by not saying something she was playing the coward or honoring the boy's wishes. Did she truly want him in the family, or did she really want him to say he didn't want any part of them? Did she secretly wish that he would ride in, say, 'Hello' and ride out again, taking the stigma of his birth, the remembrance of Tom's betrayal, with him? How much of a coward was she?
She had been so sure, standing in his room looking at him, that he was a part of her family, that he belonged on the ranch and in her life. Now looking at Howard, knowing what saying he was Tom's son would mean to Tom's reputation and to the lives of her family, she suddenly felt unsure.
She found Silas in the kitchen and asked him to bring coffee out for Howard. "And Silas, Nick and Jarrod will be here soon. Heath has been shot. We'll put him the same room."
"Yes, Miz Barkley. That poor boy, he doesn't seem to have much good luck."
"I'm not sure, Silas."
"I'll get some water heated, the bed ready and some bandages up there for Doctor Merar."
"Thank you, thank you, Silas." She stood looking vaguely about the kitchen, remembering talking to Jarrod at the table after his return from Strawberry. She had been so sure then, so sure when she had spoken to Audra and Nick. Where had her certainty gone?
"I'll just go turn the bed down," she said and headed up the back stairs.
"I can get that, " Silas called after her, but she just waved her hand at him and continued up the stairs. "Get Howard his coffee. I'll be fine."
She stood in the doorway of the bedroom and looked into the room. She remembered looking at him that day lying on the bed, the sun shining on his face. She remembered that lightness of spirit she had felt. Then she remembered that smile, him telling her he wasn't used to women sitting on his bed. She smiled to herself. What was she thinking, she suddenly wondered? How could she lose someone who could lie in pain and make jokes about ladies on his bed? She had lost one man like that, she couldn't lose another.
She moved about the room, lighting the lamp, opening the window, making up the bed her thoughts with the young cowboy, Tom's son. By the time she came back down the stairs to rejoin Howard and begin the painful waiting she had lost a great deal of the fear that had nearly immobilized her earlier. Tom had sent them a gift. It was their responsibility to care for him. Caring for Tom's children was something she was very good at. She could care for this child too.