:: Heart Less Love ::
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose.
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night;
You gave me everything you had, oh, you gave me light.
And I will remember you;
Will you remember me?
-Sarah McLachlan
Part Twenty Three: Forgiveness
Forgive me, for I have sinned.
Aerith was weeping.
Everyone clung to ground or floor or rocks for some steady purchase as the world heaved around them, but also, they watched as figures in cloaks began to appear as if like the visions in the corridors, wearing robes with coloured trim and deep hoods, robes in white, grey and black. One was stood out from among the others.
"Aerith," Ifalna said, pushing her hood back from her ageless face. She resembled her daughter greatly, or rather, vice versa. Hers was a face written with love, for surely the artist had only that in mind when creating her. Her eyes were a deeper shade of green than her daughters, her hair a shade more red. But everything else could have been directly copied from to the other. "My daughter, you have the power for this."
"She's gone, she's gone," Aerith sobbed.
"Think back to what we told you, Aerith. We told you, that the price of your gift was a high one."
"No! Not Tifa, please, take anything, take me, take me!" She glared up at her mother, "Take me, not her, please, please!"
"My child, this is in your power, this is your choice," Ifalna knelt and touched her daughter's cheeks, "To love deeply, Aerith, is to give up everything that you are. You love, so far, that you cannot visualise a future, if Tifa is not in it. But the future, it requires that you make a sacrifice. Just one. It is a choice you must undertake, for yourself... do you understand?"
"I have the power..." Aerith slowly lowered Tifa, and scrambled across the ground towards the Black Materia. Yuffie jumped and tried to reach for it, but hands were on her shoulders, touching and loving. She glanced between the two hooded figures then at Aerith.
"Aerith..." she said slowly.
"I understand, I think," she stared intently into the gem, then turned and moved back towards Tifa, placing it over Tifa's stomach, "Tifa, can you hear me, stay, a little longer."
She leaned over, pressing her body over Tifa's as she drew the shuriken out and threw it aside, it clattering and rolling into the Lifestream, passing far away from sight. Everyone held their breath, almost as much as Aerith did.
But then, Yuffie was there, by her side.
"Aerith," she said softly, "I'm sorry."
"No... I know," Aerith raised her tear stained face, "I forgive you."
"You... you forgive me?"
"Yes... of course. I love you too, how could I not?" Aerith smiled then blinked, when Yuffie pressed her hands on the backs of both Tifa's still body and Aerith, "What... what are you doing?"
"I'm helping, as best as I can... so hurry up! Save us!" Yuffie's smile was watery, "Please!"
"I understand," Aerith frowned, and began to concentrate.
It wasn't anything palpable at first. Maybe they could feel the stirrings of it, among the dense air that hung in the cavern, or the way that the lifestream seemed to slow. One by one, the hooded people gathered about the kneeling trio of women began to lower their hoods, revealing faces marked with wisdom and knowledge, ancient faces, young faces, faces with love. Every single face that looked down upon them was filled with that emotion.
Forgive me, I have loved too much.
Aerith reached up and grasped Yuffie's hands, and suddenly, they were all there, Cloud, Vincent and Cid, all clasping arms about her. Strength flowing from each of them into her as she began to build the net of magic, feeling it surge into her from a well hidden deep, a strange power she was frightened of, because she had misused it, because she was afraid that to do so again, would bring only terrible pain to those around her. It built it, drawing both from inside her, shining white and green, merging and blending in thousands of intricate ways that the naked eye could barely discern where one colour stopped and another began. She closed her eyes, focusing, letting her mind run free...
"So, how did I do?"
She looked up at the taller girl who was stifling a laugh. She puffed her lip out at Tifa, who was trying her hardest now to muffled laughter with the end of her long fishtailed hair, caught up in that steel clip.
"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad!"
"N-no, it was... hahaha... it was so unique, so... so..." Tifa snorted, unable to contain herself, "You'd have done better bashing your face into the keys."
"Thanks," Aerith huffed.
"Oh come on, here, move aside," still chuckling she sat on the piano seat next to Aerith, and placed those deceptively delicate and long fingered hands on the keys. Then, as the first note hit the air sweetly, her eyes closed with a kind of passion. Aerith felt caught up by that wonderful music that this girl could coax out of the piano which had sounded like two men with an accordion having a fist fight when she had tried it. Tifa dragged her along with her, on the ride of the wave where music swelled and crashed, where it made storms and islands in her soul and calmed her heart and fears. This was the most wonderful thing she had ever heard.
It was then, that she decided to fall in love. It was seeing how Tifa's lips turned up, how delighted she seemed, that her heart filled to bursting with love. And when the fingers became still and the last notes hummed in the air, all she did was quietly take Tifa's hand.
It was enough.
Tifa felt warmer, maybe it was the magic, maybe the prayers were working. Aerith kept her eyes closed, listening to those around her and to the magic, to her memories, to the price needed to bring a final end for all this madness. It was what Tifa would have wanted.
"Yuffie," it was Vincent.
"No, I'm a monster... I killed her..."
"Yuffie, even if you are a monster, I will stay by your side. I could never leave you alone."
There was a sob, "I said that to you."
"Yes you did, and now I'm saying it to you. I love you... I will love you no matter what you are."
"Vincent..."
Forgive me, for I am filled with despair and loneliness.
She sat there on the shore, holding Tifa as together they watched the waves, knowing that someone would come for them soon enough. Tifa was heavy against her, but she loved having her there. She still hadn't found the right words to express to Tifa what she was coming to mean to her, but at the same time, a dreadful guilt weighed on her soul.
How could she give herself to Tifa, when all she knew was this distrust of people?
When love itself could break the heart?
How could she do that to the one she loved? How could anyone willing and openly say to someone, "I love you, I love you so much stars are born and die in your eyes. I love you so much that when I sleep, I dream of you, I dream of a life with you and only you? But I must go... and I might die."
She had known since Cosmo Canyon the true weight of her journey and where it would take her. Only now, she had become wrapped up in a love she couldn't control, a love she didn't want to control. Despair ate away at her. She loved Tifa so much, she loved...
She kissed Tifa's brow and began to cry. "Why..."
"Mmmm s'warm," mumbled Tifa, snuggling in closer then coughing a little.
"...why did I have to love you?"
It was changing, the channelled magic. She could feel it, merging and bursting with new life. It filled her and sparkled across her skin and through her mind, she could feel how it made everything brand new again, how it brought everything into sharper focus with added colour.
It was beautiful.
The warmth in the middle, between herself and Tifa was growing, a kind of painful delight that made her close her eyes tighter. Time was changing, life was changing. It was bigger than simply this cavern. It seemed to push past the roots of old buildings and pipes and explode into air, then on those currents it rode out into the world, shooting like stars across the horizon. The hooded ones around them lifted their faces, murmuring and whispering, sweet joy in their voices. They whispered, "Come see, come see..."
"Vincent," Yuffie cried, "I love you too, I do..."
"The Change, The Change..."
Aerith opened her mouth and exhaled magic.
Forgive me, for you are my world and without you, I am nothing.
"Will I ever have my memories back?" She sat, staring at the wall, at the picture of them as a group hung there, high beyond their beds. Cloud's room was silent as usual, but downstairs in the kitchenette she could hear the children quietly talking. Beside her on the bed sat the beautiful, raven haired woman who had come to her with love, a woman she loved deeply.
She couldn't say why, but so much joy exploded in her heart she saw her. However, so many holes remained in her memory, spots of nothing, no colour or pictures or words. Once, Tifa had played music for her, and she had listened. Listening, it almost brought it back.
She thought that if she could remember anything, it would be that she loved Tifa, that she loved everything Tifa was, that the music somehow was a key to the heart she had thrown over her shoulder a long time ago for someone else to pick up and dust off. Looking at the picture, she was focused on herself, younger, smartly dressed and blushing but laughing as next to her with an arm about her shoulder was Tifa, with longer hair, but those same eyes.
"Maybe, one day."
"Why do I love you?" Aerith asked, turning to Tifa.
"You don't ever know, I suppose," Tifa smiled at her, gentle and patient, "sometimes, love just happens and you go along for the ride."
"For the ride."
"That's right, on a road to a place far away." Hands took hers, hands made for a piano, for loving touches and for mixing drinks; hands that could beat up thugs as easily as mix batter, "It's a journey that you choose to undertake together, for ill or worse. However many obstacles come in your way, you choose to get up and fight, those are crossroads."
"If you don't choose to fight?"
"Then you go separate ways, to find whatever it is you are looking for. But if you love someone, you stay together, you hurdle problems and find out that love isn't the destination, it's the journey. Being together, every day, learning about each other, that is love."
"I see, the piano though..." Aerith closed her eyes, "When I hear it... I hear something that I might have left behind."
"Tell me about what you hear, I'll play, every day for you."
"Stars..." Aerith whispered, "I hear stars..."
"I hear... stars..."
Aerith opened her eyes, as the magic was leaving, it had done it's work, leaving her completely wrung out to dry, and with careful hands she placed Tifa's body down. The eyes opened, and Tifa sat up so quickly that she hit Cloud on the chin, making him lurch backwards.
"...because I might ruin... my... dress?" Tifa blinked, then placed hands to her back. "Uh... I'm... not dead?"
Aerith sat, too exhausted to feel shock or amazement.
"Amazing," breathed Cid, " How...?"
"The choice was made. You are a master of time and creation magic, Aerith... no." Ifalna nodded to the woman at her side. Aerith blinked, seeing K'listo. "Predecessor K'listo is right. High Priestess." And she bowed.
Slowly, each robed figure in the room bowed, each with a murmur of 'you did well'. Aerith stayed seated, numb and shocked. High Priestess? Of what? Her religion and her race were all dead. But more so, seeing the pride on her mothers face, it was enough. "I did it..." she whispered and to that each figure nodded and one by one, began dispersing from sight, until only two remained.
"Yuffie," said the woman with the pale hair and amber, snake-like eyes. "You did well. Now, you have one final task, and my cursed blood can be removed from this world."
"Be strong," Arkilles added, taking his wife, Jenova by the arm, "And now we honour you all. Blessings upon you."
They too vanished.
Aerith looked down into her lap, at the chunk of grey materia now, holding it up to the light. Motes of light swum within it, visible through the cracks of the crystal. "It's done with, I can barely feel anything from it."
"More to the point," Cid demanded, "What the hell was that magic?"
"I was.. given power, a while ago. It's what saved me, but maybe, it's always been there, alongside my abilities to heal. It's a type of magic, called Time Magic. The knowledge for this rests in time based materia, like Slow or Stop." Aerith looked at Cid, "Long ago, Cetra had made many schools of magic types, each as unique as the last. When they began to fade away into the Lifestream, their knowledge solidified as materia, types of materia."
Cloud groaned, "You know, Sephiroth once gave us a terrible explanation as to why we could use magic and what materia was, that just made it about ten times simpler."
Aerith laughed, "Well, I am a Cetra."
"A High Priestess, no less." Tifa smiled back.
There was a sudden snatching motion, and like a rocket Yuffie had the grey materia in hand, balancing at the edge of the river of the Lifestream. Alarmed, the heroes rose to their feet, staring uncertainly at the young ninja. "Don't move," she warned.
"Yuffie," Tifa said in alarm, pointing.
They followed her gaze. Behind Yuffie a pool of blood was dripping. "Yuffie, are you hurt?" Cloud demanded.
"No," she smiled, "But Tifa's wound had to go somewhere."
"I... I don't..."
"Every sin has a punishment, Aerith," Yuffie locked eyes with her, "Jenova knew this... my mother did... my father does... even you do. But, this is something that I can do. I do love you, Vincent... so understand, and maybe... no. I'll take this away, far away... so thank you. Everyone, really, thank you. You're my family," she smiled tearfully, "...and goodbye."
Before anyone could reach her, she had jumped into the Lifestream and in the silence of the great Cavern, with Vincent at the edge of the plateau, they waited, hours... but she never came out.
...and say, Forgive me too whilst you're at, Aerith, what do you say?
:: Seven Months Later ::
The wedding had finally been televised across the world. It was slated as the single most watched event in the history of mankind. But Aerith hadn't cared a bit about that, all she had seen was the woman walking down the aisle towards her in the black dress to match her white one, the bridge decorated in flowers and the faces of her loved ones smiling. The after party had been lavish, almost excessive in size and practically anyone who was anyone and some who weren't had been there, toasting the happy couple.
Once things had a few days to settle down, Tifa had cut her hair.
When Aerith asked about this, all Tifa had said as it was cut into a wispy length ragged pixie style, was that when it grew out a bit longer, it would be her way to remember. It wasn't raised much, but they had to remember somehow. Several months ago, Yuffie had gone into the waters of the Lifestream, to try and preserve the black materia. Aerith had felt her swimming away, closer to the core of the world, but even then her senses dulled to nothing, and Yuffie was no longer there for her, nothing in the back of mind.
But this hadn't been the blow that had stunned her.
It had started as something she attributed to stress. When the third month came rolling around, she was getting worried. Before the wedding, several months later, she decided to go and see an actual doctor, made an appointment down in Clinic and was seen by the kind doctor who had treated Zack and Cloud so long ago. It was there that her worse fears were confirmed.
When she came home, she cried the entire night and would barely speak to Tifa. However, when the young teens were a bed, Tifa laid by her side and asked her what the matter could possibly be. Haltingly, the beautiful ancient replied, "I'm sterile."
The price we ask is a high one.
After the wedding, Tifa had cheerfully said that she could have the children, but tests had shown that she was completely incapable of bearing a child to term. Devastated, they laid together at night, wondering how on Gaia this could be resolved. Aerith knew it was a high price to pay, a terrible price. But it didn't stop her from watching Marlene and Denzel, or from comforting poor Marlene when the signs of womanhood came upon her.
Gently she explained to the young girl what was happening to her, something that her father would be totally useless in doing. However...
...it was two weeks later, when Aerith was bringing in the laundry from drying, when she saw Marlene trying to lift a heavy box of bike parts that Denzel had left lying around from trying to build his own motorcycle like Cloud. She was about to call out to Marlene, when it happened. Symbols appeared, glowing on the skin Marlene's arms briefly and suddenly she hefted the box like it weighed nothing.
Aerith dropped the laundry in shock.
With some digging, thanks to the help of Reeve, she began finding more and more reports of people, scattered as they were, having natural magic. When she was sitting at the desk in the evening, a full two months after their wedding, Tifa slid into the seat next to her. "It's dark in here with just the moonlight, should turn the light on and save your eyesight."
"Tifa," Aerith said slowly, "I understand."
"What, what do you understand?"
"The price. It wasn't just sterility, it was..." Aerith shook her head, "Across the world, we are being born again."
"We?" Tifa lifted an eyebrow.
"...Cetra, the migration home..."
She surfaced, finally. It felt like she'd been down there too long, but at least she didn't smell too bad, she reasoned. With confident strokes, she pulled herself through the water and to the shore, and then gripped at the wooden porch outcropping that decorated the crystal cave where Lucretia was entombed still. Going to heave herself from the water,, she channelled her magic into the water, moving it so it helped to push her onto the shoreline. Her time among the knowledged ones in the depths had given her a greater understanding of where this was all going, where it was all finally leading up to. Those with the potential, would one day wield the magic as their forbears had.
Humans, just another type of Cetra, that had forgotten magic and forsaken the spirits and knowledge and sought science instead. Now, this was all changing, because of what the High Priestess had done.
Everything was changing.
His face came into view, grinning down at her, "Oh, so you're here too."
"Fair," she acknowledged.
"It seems she doesn't know the strength of her magic, or of her heart," He straightened up so she could sit upright too, brushing hair long from her face, still soaked through. "...she changed a lot more than what she can imagine, changed so many wrongs... and who knows how this world will take this?"
"You talk a lot for a pretty boy," she grumbled, trying to get to her feet, then wobbled and almost face-planted if he hadn't caught her mid-fall. "Ugh. Thanks."
"No problem. So, think it's time we went home? He's waiting for you..."
She looked behind her at the water, then at the crystal, then finally at Zack; handsome, tall, with that scar and that cheeky smile. "Sure, lets go give some folks a heart attack," she chuckled.
"Whatever you say, Kisaragi," he laughed.
( NB: I like a happy ending for this one, sort of. I wonder what will happen... after all, this IS a trilogy... I'd like to apologise in how long it took for me to get this damn thing finished. I've had a lot of difficult times, but finally, I have my head in the right place to finish this. ALSO, sorry for spelling errors. Feh lol. Love you all, B xxxx )