A/N: One of my goals with this story is to make my updates/chapters a little longer, because I'll even admit it, they're kind of on the short side. With that being said, this is not one of the longer ones, because it has been written for a while. However, I am really going to try, so hopefully you see some improved length by the end of the next couple of chapters (I'm currently writing chapter 25, and I'm trying hard to stretch it out). Let me know what you guys think, and thanks for reading!

Chapter 20

Derek tried to stifle a yawn as he paced up and down the third floor hallway. It was almost ten in the morning on a Saturday, and he was exhausted. He had been on call the night before, and had hardly gotten any sleep. His shift ended two hours ago, but he was still in the hospital.

He had promised to wait for Meredith.

It had been two weeks since he had begged her to go to therapy. She had called that afternoon, but apparently everyone in New York City needed to talk to a psychologist, so Meredith couldn't make an appointment until today. She continued to have nightmares, and they seemed to be finally taking a toll on her. She skipped her classes on Thursday because the dreams had been worse than usual, and she had had three that night, therefore not getting any real rest. She walked around like a zombie, and Derek hoped it would get better soon.

He hadn't had a chance to talk to Meredith about last night yet. He had gotten off of his shift at eight and waited on the psych floor until Meredith arrived. He promised that he would be there when she got to the hospital, and would go in with her. However, the therapist assigned to her thought it would be better if she talked to Meredith alone, so Derek had taken to pacing.

Last night had been his first night on call since her attack, and he was scared as to how she had been. When she first woke up from her nightmares, Meredith was always panicking and confused, and it usually took Derek a few minutes to make her realize that she was safe. Without him there, Derek had no idea how she had handled the night alone.

He had reached the end of the hallway, turning away from the room Meredith had disappeared into when a door opened. Whipping around, he saw Meredith emerge, speaking to a doctor. He walked quickly towards her; she looked up as he approached, and a look of relief filled her eyes. He couldn't believe how tired she looked. She was pale and her eyes were red and puffy, apparently the shrink had gotten her to cry.

"Hey," he said as he reached her side, his arm sliding around her waist. "Are you all set?"

Meredith nodded, turning back to the doctor. "Thank you so much Dr. Cooper, I really appreciate it."

"You're very welcome," Dr. Cooper answered, smiling at both of them. "I'll see you soon Meredith."

Meredith nodded as she turned around, heading toward the elevators.

Derek was silent for a few minutes, but once they got into the elevator, his curiosity got the best of him. "So, are you going to go back?"

Meredith looked up at him, slowly nodding. "Yes. I have an appointment for Wednesday after I get out of class and before work. Which means I can't eat lunch with you that day, sorry."

"It's fine Mer," he responded, reaching for her hand and giving it a tight squeeze. "You need to do what you have to in order to feel better, and I'm not going to get in the way of that."

"Thank you," she smiled.

"So," Derek said as the elevator doors opened. "What did you do in therapy?"

"Derek, can we not talk about this now?" she said, almost snapping at him.

"Oh, I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." He felt guilty, and didn't want to push her into talking if she wasn't ready.

"No, Derek, do not feel bad!" Meredith pleaded, pulling on his arm so that he would look at her. "I want to tell you all about it, and I'm sure you have questions. But I don't want to talk about it here, because we work here, or on the way home because the subway is a very public place. I'm exhausted, and this thing that I just did took a lot out of me too. Plus, you were on call last night, and you look dead on your feet. So please, all I want to do right now is go home and curl up with you and take a nap. I promise I'll tell you anything you want to know after, but right now, I don't have the energy to relive it, okay?"

Derek smiled softly as he leaned in to kiss her lips. "Okay," he nodded. "We can sleep first."

XXXXXX

Hours later, Derek woke up to Meredith shifting beside him. She must have gotten out of bed, because he felt the mattress dip ever so slightly as she returned and resettled. She curled into him, her leg draping over his waist as an arm snaked up his chest to hug his shoulder. She lay her head lightly on his shoulder; he listened to her breathe for a few minutes, hearing the irregularities signaling that she wasn't falling back to sleep. He began to slide his arm up and down her back, causing her to shift slightly in response. She buried her face into his shoulder, but he could feel her smiling, squeezing her as she pressed a kiss to his shoulder, and finally opened his eyes.

Looking down at her, his breath caught in his chest. Even just five or six hours of solid sleeping had done wonders for her. Meredith's hair hung in waves around her face, the golden waves splayed across his chest. Her eyes, blue with flecks of green, sparkled as she looked up at him, and it was then that he realized how much he missed the glimmer in her eyes over the past couple of weeks. Though she still had bags under her eyes from exhaustion, her smile distracted him from that. She was smiling fully at him, really glad to see him. He smiled widely back at her before pulling her face towards his and kissing her deeply.

"Hi," she breathed when they pulled apart.

"Hi," he responded kissing her again. She laughed at him, and he reveled in her giggle; it was so lighthearted, melodic, and so uniquely Meredith.

"Do you want to talk?" Meredith asked, her face becoming serious.

"Only if you want to," Derek replied, stroking her cheek before moving to run a hand through her hair.

Meredith nodded. "Ask me anything." She smiled again, but it was meek, not like the one she had been wearing moments ago.

"How was therapy? Do you think it helped?"

"It was fine," Meredith shrugged. "I don't know if it helped, that's why I'm going to go again."

"I see," Derek answered, studying her a little. "She made you cry." It wasn't a question, but a statement. He had seen how upset Meredith looked this morning, she had cried during her therapy session.

"Dr. Cooper did not make me cry," she said as she rolled her eyes at him. "I made me cry. She told me that we didn't have to talk about things if they made me too upset right now, but I did anyway. I needed to talk about some things, and tears became involved."

"So you like therapy?"

"No, I don't like it, but I think it will help. I need to work past this, and I'm willing to give this a shot."

Derek smiled at her, reaching for her hand and lacing her fingers in his. "So," he began. "How were you last night? Did you sleep okay?"

He felt her tense, and she tore her eyes away from his. "It was alright," she answered quietly.

"Meredith," he said, not believing her. "How was it really? What did you do after I went to work?"

"Um, well, I ordered pizza and watched a movie. Then I called Cristina and we talked for a while. Then Liz called me to see how I was holding up, and I think she told Kathleen she talked to me, because Kathleen called like five minutes later. I think she was trying to go all shrink on me or dissect my brain or whatever, because she kept asking all these weird questions. By the time I got off the phone, it was like eleven o'clock, so I decided to just go to bed."

"Did you sleep well?" Derek asked.

Meredith shook her head. "I woke up screaming around twelve thirty, and it took me about ten minutes to figure out where I was. I tried to fall back to sleep, but then I had another dream and woke up again at three. I didn't bother to try and sleep after that."

"Oh Mer, I'm sorry," Derek said. "I didn't want to work last night, but I haven't done an overnight shift since before Halloween. I should have called in sick."

"Derek, please don't feel guilty," Meredith insisted, running a hand through his hair. "Thank you," she whispered softly.

"For what?" he asked, confused.

"For staying," Meredith answered quietly. "For not leaving. I'm sure this hasn't been easy for you. I don't know why you love me. I have a hard time believing it sometimes, especially during things like this."

"Meredith," Derek said reverently, reaching to touch her cheek. "I do love you. Don't you see? Don't you understand? You're the love of my life, I can't leave you."

Meredith smiled at the honesty of his words. "Thank you," she repeated.

"You have nothing to thank me for," Derek said, pressing his lips to hers.

The kissed for a while, simply enjoying the feel of each other. Finally, Meredith pulled back, her eyes questioning.

"What is it?" Derek said softly.

"Please don't get mad at me," Meredith began, looking at him nervously. "Thanksgiving is on Thursday, and I know you like to sleep at your mom's house on Thanksgiving, but I was wondering if we could just go for the day and then come back here. Because I don't want your family to know that anything's wrong, because they think I'm fine, and I'm pretty sure the nightmares and the screaming would lead them to believe that I'm really not fine."

Derek nodded. "I'll tell them that I have to work really early on Friday morning."

"Thank you," Meredith said, lying down next to him.

"Anytime," Derek smiled, before closing his eyes and falling back to sleep.