Demendora: I so agree with you! I love weddings because they are so joyous and I love happy L/M. Thank you!
EmeraldEyedJedi: Thank you! I do love writing (and reading!) the warm and fuzzy.
Endor Solo: Yes! A little bit of happiness. : ) I like to think this chapter provides that, too... Thanks!
Morto: My reply was so long I placed it in the comments. Thank you for reading and for your comments.
taramidala: ginchy does love her Luke. To distraction. LOL! Yes, he's in pain. I do feel that I've probably made him a bit more emo than necessary but I was very emo over Mara's death. But yes, you've hit it on the head, gal-he's grieving. Thanks so much, lady!
Jedi Lover: Thank you, girl! LOL-WYW and Taming. Taming needs to be finished! I loved WYW even though the middle of the story is very tough to handle.
LynnO.o: Yes! Very different wedding nights. But the love is the same. Thanks!
Luke Skywalker Fan: Thank you! I wasn't sure how closely to parallel so I'm glad it came out well.
JediMara77: My beta! Thank you SO much for all your help with this fic, girl. It wouldn't be the same without you! And from one Luke super fan to another, that is a wonderful comment. Thank you!
Jedi Lover: You've been reading my shine, haven't you? LOL! I do tend to make him very well endowed and toned and very good with the sexy-times. But it's fantasy and I don't think it's too far off-beat, he is very in-tune with other people's feelings. Ahem. LOL!
Leyla: Thank you! I am looking to give Luke a second chance. Everyone deserves one. Poor Luke goes through the wringer in fic, doesn't he? LOL
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CHAPTER 5
After their talk about Jacen, Luke went into the fresher to make himself a bit more presentable for the day. He also wanted to give Mara another few minutes to internalize what he had told her. Her shock in finding out that her nephew had been Mara's murderer had been immense and gut-wrenching. It brought to mind images of Mara fighting Jacen that Luke didn't want to contemplate. He once again pushed the dark thoughts into the corner of his mind.
He walked out of the fresher and stopped when he saw that Mara was speaking to someone on the HoloNet.
"…fine, Mom," Ben's voice rang out from the holocom. Luke's heart constricted in his chest at the familiar sound. "Bets is mooning over one of the Queen's guards, though."
"Is she?" Mara smirked at the receiver.
"No," a feminine voice answered. Luke's heart actually jumped a beat this time as he thought about the daughter who spoke on the other end of the comm. "I merely mentioned to Aunt Leia that he looked nice in bloodstripes."
"Hardly mooning, then." Mara rolled her eyes in a playful manner. "Anyway, give my regards to your aunt, uncle, and cousins and I'll speak with you again soon."
Luke listened as the kids said goodbye and walked further into the room when it was safe. Mara looked up at him and he realized that she had probably called to speak to her children out of a need to reassure their safety and separate herself from the reality he had told her about. He knew her well enough to know that her thoughts were probably racing, even behind her calm exterior. He longed for their Force bond, to send soothing thoughts to ease the chaotic thoughts.
It was still a surprise to him that their bond was missing. It had been such an integral part of his life with Mara. He knew that others did not understand it and thought that it would be too confining, especially for Mara. But he and Mara had derived comfort from it, pleasure in being so intimately intertwined. To be without it now made him feel almost blind to Mara, though just being near her engulfed his senses. A dichotomy to be sure.
"What are they doing on Naboo?" Luke asked.
Mara's head moved almost imperceptibly, as if she were shaking herself from her own thoughts. "Oh, Leia and Han went for a short vacation with their kids, and invited Betrys and Ben along. Leia wanted to show Allana off to Pooja, I'm sure."
Luke thought of his cousin, so recently met, and smiled to think that she and Leia were close. Allana existed in this universe, even without Jacen having been Dark. And Anakin—he was alive and thriving here, a Jedi Knight of rare caliber from what he had learned online. In fact, the only difference seemed to be that he—that Luke Skywalker—was dead. Long-dormant insecurities that he brought imbalance to the Force began to surface. He pushed them down and pulled on the Force for calm. He knew only a snapshot of this galaxy, after all, and couldn't make blanket statements about it.
He crossed to sit on the couch. "How are Leia and Han?"
"Happy. Content. In a good place, really. I never thought I'd see Han Solo as a grandfather."
Luke grinned. "It is somewhat disconcerting. I see all these grays—" he pushed a hand through his hair, but his grin dropped when he noticed Mara looking away from him. "It's surreal," he finished lamely, realizing that he must look so different than the Luke she had known, with more creases on his face and the gray hair.
"Yes, surreal."
Mara had never been one for small talk, and it seemed that hadn't changed from one universe to another. A buzzer went off on her datapad and she shot him a look, while picking it up and tapping on it to retrieve her message. "From Tionne," she said. "Let me just answer her."
He nodded but didn't let his eyes drift from her as she tapped in her answer. The sunlight spilled in through the large window, backlighting and illuminating Mara's hair. It was still a vibrant red-gold, even with the white streaks in her fringe and at her temples. He traced the familiar lines of her face with his eyes, taking the time to just watch her as she worked. It was almost a forbidden privilege to look at her this way. He knew she probably felt the weight of his gaze, but she continued to work and he continued to look at her, simply amazed to be with her again.
A lock of hair fell down into her eye and she reached up to tuck it back behind her ear. As she moved her fingers through her hair, she looked up and caught Luke's gaze. Their eyes locked, and for a moment the awkwardness between them disappeared as they stared at one another across the room. Her eyes were such a clear green, a color unlike any he had ever seen. Green eyes were common in the galaxy, but not this green. This color belonged to Mara alone, and he had been bereft at the thought of never seeing it again.
The moment lengthened until Mara blinked. She cleared her throat and turned off her datapad. "Crisis averted."
Luke wondered.
Mara tossed her datapad on the couch. "Come on," she said, getting up and walking toward the door. She gestured to the guest room with a nod of her head. "Get your belt and saber. We're going to spar."
"Spar?" Luke asked dumbly, brows raised at her.
"We can't just sit around here and sneak glances at each other for the rest of the day."
"… you've got me there. But we can't just go out into the gym. I can't be seen."
"We'll use the Masters gym. With my code, no one will bother use. Surely you and your Mara used the gym for some private practice on occasion?" Mara smirked.
"If I said we didn't?"
"Then I'd say you aren't the man I knew."
Luke chuckled as he walked down the hall. Mara did always know just what to say to him.
.
.
Mara hadn't given him any training clothes to change into but she hadn't changed, either, still wearing her signature jumpsuit. She had pulled her hair into a ponytail and he smiled at how much younger it made her look.
He knew the answer, but couldn't help but ask anyway. "Did you disarm—"
"Who are you talking to Skywalker? Of course I disarmed the security cams." Mara rolled her eyes at him, but he thought he saw her squashing another smile. He wondered if her Luke had ever asked her the same question. He didn't have time to contemplate that for long, however. Mara struck first, her saber at one moment resting comfortably at her hip and the very next ignited in an arc over her head, heading toward him.
He dodged her thrust and body rolled back, grasping his own blade in his hand, turning it on, but not meeting hers with it yet.
She eyed him with that familiar smirk, and pointed with her blade. "Still pretty fast for an old man."
"Cute." He didn't banter back. Instead he chose to draw her out and swiped at her with his green blade. The lightsaber she used was not Anakin Skywalker's saber but one of her own making, somewhat different than the one his Mara had made after she had been Knighted. It was shorter, the handle light in her hand. But the blade was the same blue as Anakin Skywalker's. Seeing the two blades together again, sparking with friction and ozone, brought a grin to Luke's face.
"You always grin while sparring," Mara said. She parried against his thrusts, dancing forward over the floor as he moved back.
"Only with you." Luke didn't stop to see the effect his words had on her, jumping instead to land behind her to draw the fight out further.
It felt good to spar with Mara. He knew her strengths and foibles and they fought as one, even without the bond that had been such a hallmark of their marriage. As the Qom Jha had noted so long ago, he and Mara were always stronger together than apart.
They moved around the room. His muscles burned with exertion as their blades met and parted, heat thickening around their bodies. Mara backflipped out of his reach and he moved forward after her. She swung her saber up but his blade was there to meet it. He pressed her until her back was up against the padded wall of the gym. He loomed over her, catching his breath as the combined blue and green light lent an otherworldly glow to her features. She was so close that he could smell her sweat and could see the tiny lines around her eyes. He could see the sweat that dappled her skin and took note of a gold chain around her throat, following its line to the neck of her shirt, where it disappeared, along with sweat droplets.
But he knew Mara. He didn't linger in his look, anticipating the leg that shot up between them. He jumped back just in time, and used her momentary lapse of balance to disarm her.
Leaning with his hands on his knees, he took a deep breath. Mara called her saber back to her hand. She looked at him, warmth in her eyes that had been missing before. "I've missed that," she admitted.
He looked down, hot tears suddenly and unexpectedly prickling at his eyes. He had missed sparring with Mara, too. He tried to lighten the mood. "You missed being bested by the Master?"
"We'll see about that," she returned. "Unless you're too tired to go again?"
He merely grinned and held up his saber.
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"I haven't had this much fun in awhile," Luke commented as he sat down at the table across from Mara.
She picked up the vegetable wrap in front of her and took a bite. After swallowing, she favored him with a rare smile. "It was nice to have a worthy opponent again."
They had spent the afternoon sparring and now the day was lengthening toward evening. Neither wanted to think that soon Naelli's device would be recharged and Luke would be leaving. They hadn't really spoken of anything deeper than surface thoughts of their children or the way things had turned out in each of their lives, but Luke could sense that Mara was troubled over what she had seen of his galaxy. And Luke was confused about the state of hers. He still had a nagging feeling that there was something more he should be doing here, something more than nursing his broken heart.
Was it Mara and her children? When he left her alone again, what would happen to them? He tried to imagine himself never seeing this woman again, never knowing anything of Betrys or Ben. Luke's heart tugged at the thought. Even though his son probably didn't even know he was gone, he felt as if he had betrayed him by leaving him behind.
"Not hungry?"
Luke shook himself from his thoughts. "What?" He looked down at his own steak wrap, mostly untouched on his plate. "Oh, I was just…thinking. About getting home to Ben."
"Just a few more hours." She finished her sandwich and took a sip of her water. "Can we address the purple bantha in the room?"
He raised his brows expectantly. He took a bite of his sandwich and chewed slowly as he waited for her to plow ahead.
"Why did you leave your—our—son to come here?"
Luke swallowed and put the wrap down. His cheeks heated and he stared at the lines in the wood grain of the table. "I've…it's been a struggle."
Mara nodded. "I understand."
"Do you?"
Her eyes narrowed. "My husband died thirteen years ago. When our bond snapped, I thought I would never recover. I felt like half a person…" She didn't seem willing to talk more about it, and he was honestly surprised she had said as much as she had. He didn't think she would open up this much to anyone besides her Luke.
"But," she continued, "I had my children to take care of. I had to live for them."
"How did he die?"
Mara stiffened. He expected her to get up and storm off, but she folded her hands in front of her and answered him. "I saw so much in the vision you showed me. How our relationships began so similarly and then diverged, but that you also faced the threat of the Vong. Luke was killed by Shimrra's amphistaff. I watched him die and there was not a thing I could do."
Luke blanched, and his hand unconsciously rose to the scar he still bore from the amphistaff's bite. Mara's eyes tracked his movement and she stared at the spot, almost as if trying to see through his shirt to the old wound site. He unbuttoned the front of the tunic and slipped it to the side. She gazed upon the scar, her eyes suddenly glassy.
"How did you…how did you survive?" When my husband didn't. She didn't say the words, but they were there, in the air around them.
"Jacen," he answered simply.
"Jacen? But how?"
"You said that the Jacen of my galaxy was not yours, and I think you're right. I have to ask—you've mentioned Anakin…did he, Jacen, Jaina and several others lead a mission to Myrkr during the Vong war, after Ben was born?"
Mara paused for a moment as if her mind were tracking back over those terrible events. "No…after Ben was born Anakin proposed leading a strike team there to destroy the Voxyn queen, but you wouldn't allow it and sent another strike team instead. You said you couldn't send such young Jedi on such an important mission, and Leia, Han and I supported you."
Luke's eyes fluttered shut for a moment as he again cursed himself for the ill-fated, if successful, mission. "I did allow the mission to Myrkr in my own time. I was against it but could come up with no alternative." He paused, not wanting to tell her the rest. "Anakin was killed, along with five other Jedi. Jacen was kidnapped and tortured…" Luke's voice broke as he thought of his nephews and what their Jedi heritage had cost them.
"Anakin, dead? Jacen, tortured?" Mara's brow creased with horror. "But how did that lead to Jacen saving you?"
"He learned things in his captivity, had his mind warped, only we didn't know the extent of it until much later. But he used one of his new abilities to wipe the venom from my system and I survived."
Mara was quiet, speaking only after a soft sigh. "Luke agonized over his decision, knowing how much Anakin wanted to lead that strike team. How he thought it was his destiny. But in the end he said he thought of Betrys, only a year and a half younger than Anakin, and of Ben, so like the baby Anakin had once been, and knew that he couldn't allow it."
"I asked myself why and doubted myself for years afterward," he said. "The fallout from that mission was vast and I would say that it is my greatest regret."
Mara's eyes were soft as she looked at him. She reached across the table and took his hand in hers. Luke trembled at the voluntary touch, such a gift to him. He squeezed her hand and they sat there, both lost in their thoughts.
.
.
The rest of the afternoon passed quickly. Mara showed him some holos of the children and told him a bit about them. He confessed to wishing that he could know Betrys, finding her very existence to be so life altering.
"She was her father's daughter," Mara said. "They were thick as thieves. You didn't see him without her." She paused. "She took his death very hard. She…she reminds me of the best of him. And that's my comfort." There was another silence between them, but this one was comfortable and familiar. Mara looked out over the setting sun. "It's almost time."
And it was, the lights of the night flared up again outside of the window. Luke made sure his saber was still secure to his belt, and Mara's lock of hair was still safe in his pocket. "Not much longer now." He looked out the window at the city. In moments he would be back home, and could contact Ben…
But the thought of leaving Mara was harsh. He had jumped into this universe for her, and ruefully realized the old adage was true—you couldn't go home again. For Mara had always been his home, but this Mara, as much as she was just like his own, was not her. Still, it was so hard to leave, knowing that he would never see her again, never smell that unique scent, never hear the differing tones of her voice as she spoke to him, never hold her in his arms again. Those were all things he had wrestled with when she died, and now it seemed even more poignant with her standing mere feet from him. For all the good it did him, she might still be a galaxy away.
A parallel galaxy away.
He cleared his throat, even though he knew she could feel his presence behind her. She had always said he was hard to miss, in the Force or otherwise. "It's almost time," he said. "Mara, I want to apologize, again. I'm so sorry for disrupting your life, for springing myself on you."
She turned around, teeth worrying her lower lip. "Funny. That's almost how I describe the beginning of our relationship."
Luke grinned. He reached out a hand, awkwardly letting it fall somewhat when he realized his unconscious intention. But as he realized he would never see her again, he decided to take the chance. He reached out for her arm and tugged her forward, wanting to hug her goodbye. Wanting to feel her in his arms, one last time.
She hesitated for a moment but then let herself be propelled forward, her free arm automatically wrapping up under his arm to clutch at his shoulder. His arm fell to her waist and he hugged her close, her body fitting into the hollow of his perfectly, as always. He breathed in the familiar scent of her hair and laid his temple against its softness, stroking his left hand up and down her back. He felt her shudder against him, and her fingernails dug into the cloth of his tunic and his shoulder. His eyes misted. He forced himself to calm, though, savoring the moment. When Mara died he had tried to remember the last time he held her but couldn't. He wanted this moment to last forever, a memory to keep through the long, lonely years ahead.
She pushed back in the circle of his arms and looked up at him, her own eyes bright with unshed tears. He almost hadn't expected that, knowing the tight rein Mara kept on her emotions. He opened his mouth to speak, but she put a finger to his lips to silent him. Her finger turned up at the last moment so that her thumb brushed across his lower lip.
He wanted to say her name, but the air had changed between them. He stood completely still, not wanting to break the spell that surrounded them. Mara's hand moved to his jaw and she pulled him in to her, brushing her lips across his softly. Electricity like he hadn't felt in years coursed through his veins at her kiss. He pushed her upward with the hand around her waist, while plunging his other hand into the glorious hair that beckoned him.
Mara pressed into him further, their lips moving together expertly. Luke reached into the Force and projected the love that he had felt for his Mara, and the pleasure he found in this unexpected gift. Mara met and returned the feeling, while her lips still tasted his as if she couldn't get enough.
A small beep startled them out of the embrace. Luke sighed as he pulled his comlink from his pocket, turning off the alarm he had set to warn him when his twenty-four hours were almost up. He let out a shuddering breath, and stole another kiss from Mara's swollen lips.
He grinned at her. "I missed that."
"Me too…Farmboy." She caressed his cheek. "I used to call him that. Did your Mara call you that, too?"
"Yes." Hearing the familiar nickname made warmth spread through him.
She smirked. "I wanted you to leave, but now I don't know how to say goodbye," she admitted.
"Then let's not," he said. "Twenty-four hours didn't give us a lot of time. We can just pretend this was all a beautiful dream."
"Such a romantic," she teased. She cupped his jaw to caress his face one last time.
Luke stepped back and pulled the device from his pocket and thumbed it on, looking at the code that popped up. It was different than what he had seen when he had jumped here, and could only pray that it was the way home. The way back to Ben.
He looked up at Mara and smiled, wanting to watch her until the last possible moment. She raised an expectant brow and he couldn't help but laugh at just how Mara the gesture was. Preparing himself for the strange feeling and sudden burst of travel, he centered himself with the Force and pressed the screen.
Only this time, nothing happened.