A/N: Thank you all so much for the awesome reviews! However, one of you predicted my plot 99% correctly, so I'm a little concerned that the story is too predictable, but I guess if you enjoy it that's all that matters lol. Anyway, I hope you somewhat enjoy this update, it was kind of hard to write because there were all these different points that I wanted to make and I switched POVs a view times, so I hope it's alright. Let me know what you think!

Chapter 31

Meredith was freaking out.

She knew that she probably looked insane, but she just couldn't bring herself to care. Because you see, normal people don't sit on a bench in front of a hospital for an hour simply staring at the huge building. And then they also don't stand up just to pace along the sidewalk for another half an hour, giving the hospital dirty looks while trying to figure out what to do. People were giving her weird looks, probably assuming she was crazy or homeless or a drug addict, perhaps even a combination of all three, but once again, Meredith didn't care. Because this was big, and she was freaking out.

It was Saturday, five days after her and Derek's six year anniversary. Meredith rolled her eyes at the thought. It's not that she was cold hearted or anything, she loved Derek immensely and wanted to celebrate her life with him, but she didn't want to be one of those girls that celebrated the day they met, their first date, first kiss, and any other stupid milestone they accomplished in addition to their marriage. So, she only wanted to celebrate their wedding day, the day her life really began.

Derek had been really weird on Monday. He had been distant and sad, despite the fact that he wanted to celebrate their anniversary. At night, he clung to her as she fell asleep, keeping her in a death grip all night long. He was still a little mopey on Tuesday, but it faded, so Meredith just assured herself that he was just caught off guard and a little hurt that she hadn't wanted to celebrate their first date. He was basically back to normal now, so Meredith convinced herself that it probably wasn't anything big.

Finally, she sighed, straightened up, squared her shoulders, and looked at the front of Mt. Sinai with determination. She could do this, she thought. All she needed to do was find Derek.

She marched into the hospital, pausing only for a moment to smile and say hello to Tracy, one of the nurses and receptionists for the main lobby. All of the receptionists knew Meredith well, and often let her just head over to the surgical floor, no appointment needed. She took the left when she reached the end of the lobby, beginning the long walk down the large hallway that would lead to the surgical wing.

When she reached the surgical wing, she climbed one flight of stairs to Derek's office, hoping to find him there. Unfortunately, the door was locked and the lights were off, meaning that he was either in surgery or doing a consult in the emergency room. Checking the OR Board, she found that her first assumption was correct. However, she couldn't read the scrub nurses messy scrawl, and therefore couldn't figure out what time the surgery started.

Meredith turned around and headed back to the nurses' station, where three floor nurses were milling around. She recognized one of them and smiled in relief.

"Rose," Meredith said with relief as she reached the large desk in the center of the hallway.

The older woman's head shot up, her eyes wide with shock.

"M-m-Meredith," Rose stuttered out. "H-how are you?"

"Good," Meredith said slowly, not understanding why Rose was slowly inching away from her. "Do you know what time Derek went into surgery? Because I can't read the handwriting on the board."

"Um, no, I don't," Rose said, grabbing a chart and stepping away from the desk quickly. "I haven't seen or talked to Derek for a few days. I gotta go, I'll see you around." And with that, Rose was sprinting down the hall.

"Okay," Meredith said, turning back to the group. "Can either one of you help me?"

"Yeah, I can page him and see when he'll be done," Jennifer answered.

"Thank you," Meredith smiled.

A few minutes later, Meredith received a response from Derek, telling her that he would be done within the next half an hour. Meredith told the nurse to page him and let him know that she would wait right at the nurses' station, and pulled out her phone. The nurses dispersed, and Meredith was left alone for most of the time.

"Well hello," a voice suddenly said to her left. Meredith's head shot up, and she met the smirking face of Mark Sloan.

"Hey," Meredith said in response, looking back down to respond to Cristina's text.

"So, what brings you to the surgical wing on this fine Saturday?" Mark asked jokingly.

Meredith looked up at him cautiously, this time not returning his smirk. Mark's smile faltered as he tried to figure out what to do.

"Seriously Grey, what's up?"

Meredith studied him for a moment before sighing, deciding to clue him in, at least a little bit.

"He has plans and stuff. Big future plans with houses and kids, and that scares me to death. These are big things, and he said he would give me time, but I don't know if I'm ready. I don't know if we're ready."

"Why? Just because of the Rose thing?" Mark said casually, not even looking at Meredith, whose brow furrowed in confusion. "Well that shouldn't scare you, it was just one kiss."

Meredith felt her heart stop beating, and then plummet into her stomach. "One kiss?" she looked at Mark with confusion, but he was looking straight ahead, studying the OR Board.

"Yeah, well, I wasn't eavesdropping. It's not like they were keeping it secret or something," Mark scoffed, glancing at Meredith briefly but not really looking at her. "It was just something that happened. Derek loves you and you two are married, they both admitted that it was a mistake and it's not happening anymore."

Meredith couldn't seem to understand what Mark was telling her. Derek kissing Rose. Derek kissing someone. Someone who was not Meredith. Someone else. Rose. "Derek kissed Rose?" Meredith asked, needing clarification, needing to know for certainty that it was true, before she jumped to confusion, before she let her heart break into a million little pieces.

"Yeah, but you knew that," Mark said, finally turning to stare at Meredith. When he saw her expression, her mouth open in shock, the hurt in her eyes mixing with unshed tears, Mark knew he had made a mistake, a terrible, terrible mistake. Derek hadn't told Meredith about Rose, and now Meredith knew. And was clearly hurting. Mark might have just ruined his best friend's marriage.

Meredith simply cocked her head at Mark, tears beginning to stream down her face as she walked away without saying a word.

"That I'm an idiot," Mark muttered to himself as Meredith pushed past him.

She couldn't breathe. Derek had kissed someone else, and hadn't even told her. She had no idea for sure when it happened, but as Meredith fled the hospital, she started to connect the dots and could make a pretty good guess. Rose had just been uneasy around Meredith, which meant it had happened recently. And Derek had been perfectly normal last Sunday, only to be a completely different man on Monday night when he got home from work. Meredith would bet everything she owned they had kissed on Monday; on their six year anniversary. He had kissed someone else on a stupid day he wanted to devote to their relationship, and didn't even have the decency to tell her. She would have been mad at first, but would have gotten over it eventually. It's the fact that he kept it a secret, letting her think he was mad at her for being an insensitive and uncaring wife that hurt the most.

Reaching the front of the hospital, Meredith hailed a taxi. She didn't want the entire subway system to watch her break down, and she was grateful for the soundproof glass dividing her from the driver as she sobbed, mourning all the trust and plans for the future that she had with Derek.

XXXXXX

Derek was worried about Meredith. She had shown up at the hospital in the middle of his shift, paging him to meet her as soon as he was finished. He didn't know what she wanted, but figured it was important because she would have waited until he got home to talk to him. So, he rushed through the rest of his surgery, allowing a resident to close so he could get to her fast her. When he reached the nurses' station by the waiting area of the surgical wing, she was nowhere to be found. He called her several times, and each time it went straight to voicemail. He searched the hospital for almost an hour before one of the nurses mentioned that she saw Meredith leave right before his surgery was finished.

This made Derek confused and uneasy. He had tried to get home earlier, but there had been a mugging in Central Park, and the victim had a brain bleed. The surgery only lasted three hours, but by the time Derek got to his building, he was frantic.

He didn't bother to wait for the elevator, he ran up the stairs two at a time to get there faster. Frantically opening the door, he stumbled into the entry way, looking around with wide eyes. He breathed a sigh of relief as his eyes found Meredith, huddled on the couch with a book in her hand.

"Meredith, why did you page me at the hospital and then dis-" Derek stopped speaking when he looked at her. She was hunched over, her knees drawn up to her chest, as if trying to make herself as small as possible in order to protect herself. Her cheeks were tear stained, and it seemed like she was still crying.

"Mer," Derek started again, softly more gently. "What's wrong?" When she didn't answer him or even look up, Derek moved to sit next to her, causing her to curl into herself even more. He reached out to place his arm on her shoulder. At the contact, Meredith immediately flinched, jumping off of the couch. It was then that she turned to look at him. Her eyes were bloodshot and still filled with tears, and Derek could read the hurt and pain in her eyes. And he didn't know what caused it or how to make it better.

Then Meredith said something that completely threw him off, and he could swear he saw his world crashing down around him with that one word.

"Rose."

XXXXXX

Meredith watched Derek's face fall at the mention of the nurse's name. A look of guilt flickered in his eyes, and Meredith knew that she was right, that he had kissed her recently.

"What?" Derek asked, trying to remain calm though his voice was dripping with defeat.

"A little birdie at the hospital today told me that you kissed her."

Derek jumped off the couch, reaching for Meredith, but she pulled away, taking a step backwards. She couldn't have him touch her, knowing that he kissed someone else. It hurt enough already, and she was sure his touch would feel like he was burning her, and send her over the edge.

"Meredith, it isn't like that, I'm so sorry!" Derek said desperately, pulling his hand back towards his body, but moving a step closer to her.

"Really Derek?" Meredith snapped, her voice rising. "You kissed her, how is it not like that?" The tears were coming again, and she made a move to wipe them away quickly while Derek glanced at the floor, ashamed.

"I didn't kiss her!" Derek insisted, which only fueled Meredith's pain and anger.

"Oh really? So people are just making it up and spreading it around to hurt me? Because that seems really unlikely." She turned away, unable to look at him.

"Meredith, I promise-"

"Stop lying to me!" Meredith shouted as she whipped around. "You want to add lying to the list of flaws you now possess? I didn't think you would want to after adultery just took the top spot, along with concealment. I know you kissed her, someone heard the two of you talking about it by the OR Board, so don't say that you didn't do anything wrong. And not only did you kiss her, you kissed her on our anniversary, the one you had made such a big deal about!"

"Meredith, listen to me! I did not kiss her, she kissed me," Meredith looked at him. He seemed upset, but Meredith was certain that whatever pain he might be feeling was nowhere near as intense as the heartbreak she was experiencing.

"Like there's even a difference," Meredith snapped, dismissing his comment.

"There is! She kissed me, and I broke away. When we were talking about it, I told her I couldn't be friends with her anymore because of what happened, because of what you mean to me. Meredith, you are the love of my life, and you have to believe me when I say that the kiss meant absolutely nothing, it only made me sick."

Meredith stared at her husband for a moment, taking in the conviction evident in his eyes. She sees that he fully regrets what happened, and would never want to hurt her. Her heart melted a little for a moment, and she contemplated forgiving him, trying to move on. But suddenly, two thoughts flashed through her mind, one from years ago, and one very recent. And with that, her eyes went cold, and she stared at him.

"It's not enough," she said simply before turning around and heading out of the living room.

"What do you mean that it's not enough?" Derek asked, his voice filled with panic.

"I'm done," Meredith said softly, moving into the hall.

"No!" Derek shouted desperately, and Meredith stopped. He could hear the heartbreak in that word, and it caused her eyes to well with tears even more.

"The post-it says no running. No one walks out, ever," Derek said, pleading with her.

"Yeah, well the post-it didn't say anything about cheating either, and we see where that got us," Meredith said bitterly. She heard Derek gasp, and she knew it was a low blow. She only said it to hurt him, even if it was true.

"Look," Meredith said, slowly turning around. "Remember Steve? I told you about him, didn't I? I didn't have to tell you about him hitting on me, I thought about keeping it to myself. But I did, I did tell you. I knew it might hurt you, but I thought that you deserved the right to know because, if I was ever in your position, and someone had come on to you, I would have wanted you to show me the same courtesy and tell me. I would have wanted to know."

"Mer-" Derek started.

"No, Derek, don't. I believe you when you say that you didn't kiss her. Or at least I'm trying to. But you waited five days to tell me about her, and I find out from Mark, because he assumed that you would have told me, because you love me and trust me enough to know that you would never hurt me. But you didn't tell me Derek, you didn't trust me. You kept that from me, you hid it from me, and that makes everything worse."

Meredith moved towards their bedroom door, and Derek tried to follow. Meredith stopped suddenly, and turned to face him.

"I can't Derek. Not tonight, it's late, and I can't fight anymore. And I can't be in the same room with you all night. Please, just sleep in your office." She was exhausted, her life had completely turned upside down twice in the span of twenty-four hours, and she couldn't handle it.

Derek looked at her morosely, his eyes etched with pain. But he didn't fight her on it, he simply nodded. "Alright," he sighed deeply, reaching for her, but then thinking better of it and pulling his hand away. "I love you Mer, that's never changing."

She didn't look at him; she just nodded before moving into their room and shutting the door. When she heard footsteps moving away from the door, Meredith flung herself on the bed and began to cry. Never had she felt so alone, or her life be more uncertain.

XXXXXX

Derek had tossed and turned all night. The pull-out couch in his office was uncomfortable, and he missed the warmth of his bed. He could hear Meredith crying in their bedroom because his office shared a wall with their room. His heart broke for her, and he had wanted to go comfort her so badly. In fact, he had tried to so, but when he tried to open the door to his room, he found it locked. Meredith never locked the bedroom door after a fight, no matter how much he claimed she had wanted to be alone; she had never denied him access to their room.

He had really messed up. Derek honestly thought he had been protecting Meredith, that it would be better for both of them if she didn't know what had happened with Rose. After all, he had ended his friendship with her, and tried to push the events from his mind. He felt so guilty that he had even put himself in that position, but he tried to get out of it. He loved Meredith more than anything, and he never wanted to hurt her.

However, he should have thought about what Meredith needed and wanted. She had told him about Steve, the day he first asked her out, and Derek should have done the same with Rose. It wasn't fair what he did to her, and now he had to make sure that Meredith believed that he would never do it again.

He rolled over on the small bed to look at the clock. Six thirty; a little early to be getting up, but more acceptable than four, which was the time when he last checked. He pushed the blanket off of himself and lumbered into the bathroom. He passed outside the bedroom, but the door was still firmly shut. Derek sighed as he showered and shaved, putting his pajamas back on until Meredith woke up so he could get into the room and grab some clothes. Without even glancing at the kitchen, he left the apartment, heading downstairs to get the paper. It wasn't until twenty minutes later, when he sat down at the kitchen table with the paper and a cup of coffee, that he saw it.

It was on light purple stationary, usually the kind they use when they make grocery lists. It was only two lines, but Derek had to read it six times in order to fully understand the meaning.

I have a lot to deal with, so I need perspective. Please, give me time

I need to take some space.

Derek stared at the paper, unmoving, unthinking. Then, it was as if a light bulb went off in his head. He jumped out of his chair, running towards his bedroom. He wrenched the door open, not surprised to find it unlocked.

The bed was perfectly made. Everything seemed in order, but yet, something was missing. Derek scanned the room frantically before he started to take in the differences. Meredith's clothes, usually strewn all across her side of the bedroom floor, had been picked up and put somewhere. Her purse was missing, as were two pictures on her nightstand, one with his entire family, and one of her, Izzie, and Cristina. Derek felt his chest tighten when he realized that he had taken those, but left the one from their wedding.

He then moved to her dresser, pulling open the top draw to find it empty, void of the usual piles of bras and panties she kept there. He didn't want to look in the closet, afraid of what he might find, or rather not find.

Pushing it open slowly, he was met with mixed feelings. At least half of her clothes were gone, mostly her favorite outfits, but some did remain. The amount of clothing missing upset him; it meant that she expected to be gone for quite a while. However, the fact that she didn't take everything made him begin to believe her words, that she just needed to take some space.

He wandered into the living room, unsure of what to do with himself. He didn't have to be into the hospital until noon, and Meredith was gone. He looked at all of the pictures on the walls, but found himself doing a double take as he crossed the room. One of the pictures was missing. It was the one of them on their engagement night, taken at a party meant to celebrate Meredith's college graduation and Derek's thirtieth birthday. He could remember it clearly: he had his arm around her small waist, and Meredith was leaning into him, her left hand placed on his chest so the photographer could see the engagement ring, both smiling from ear to ear.

Derek smiled at the memory, though it was fleeting. He wasn't sure what to do about Meredith. She had asked for space, and had left clothes in the apartment, as well as taken a picture of him with her, all pointing to the fact that she wasn't planning on leaving him forever, at least not yet. She asked him to give her space, and he wanted to be able to give that to her. However, he loved her so much, and he didn't think he could bear the thought of being away from her, especially if he was the cause of the pain she was feeling. He wanted to find her and beg her to come home, to apologize for not telling her about Rose, and to ask her to let him prove to her how much he loved her, and what he was willing to do for her.

He was torn; unsure of whether to give her the space she craved or to tear the city apart looking for her. Finally, he decided on a compromise. He would wait for three days, four days tops. He wouldn't try to look for her, he wouldn't wait for her outside of her classes or NYU Medical Center, where she works. But, if he hasn't heard from her by the end of those four days, he would call her incessantly, as well as try Cristina, and try to catch her going to and from class. He couldn't live without her for long, but he owed her a couple of days to herself. He just hoped it wouldn't take that long.