Chapter 39

"How are you feeling Meredith?" Carolyn asked as she sat down. Derek was at the hospital for another few hours, and Carolyn had called Meredith and asked if she could come over for lunch so they could talk. Meredith adored the woman, and even if things were still rocky with Derek, she would never say no.

It had been a few months since the car accident, and though things were definitely better, they were not perfect. Meredith felt like she was still walking on eggshells around him, and had found herself talking about some things while completely avoiding other topics.

"It's going alright. I'm coping I guess," Meredith responded. Derek had called Carolyn when she had been discharged, and had told her about the baby, which led to the conversation as to why Meredith hadn't been living with Derek at the time. She knew his mom was disappointed in him, but proud of the two of them for trying to work it out.

"Are you two talking?" Carolyn pressed.

"We've talked about the baby and stuff. He was really strong in the beginning and when I first came home, he let me cry all I wanted and he just held me, but I don't think he really took any of that time to feel sad himself. Or if he is, he isn't letting me see it, I woke up in the middle of the night last week to him sobbing next to me. I kind of acted like he does when I'm upset, I was there for him and stuff, and he says he's fine now, but I don't think I believe him."

"Mhmm," Carolyn murmured, sipping her tea. "And is this a common thing, you not believing Derek."

Carolyn's tone made Meredith blush. She had known Carolyn for almost six years, and she thought of her as a second mother, but this woman was Derek's real mother. Her tone was somewhat accusatory, and that made Meredith snap back to reality; she was not free to say whatever she wanted to her. Carolyn was Derek's mom, and she would always want to see the best in him, and probably not want to hear his wife criticize him.

"I mean," Meredith stuttered, trying to cover her tracks. "I do believe him, or I try to. But just not about this. Because I'm not okay, and I knew about the baby. And he found out right before surgery, and then it died, so I don't believe that he's fine with that and-"

"Meredith," Carolyn said softly, cutting off.

"Yes?" Meredith gulped.

"It's okay not to trust him right now. I just want to know, did you trust him before your anniversary?"

"Of course I did!" Meredith said immediately. "I trusted him with everything I had. We wouldn't have been together, and I definitely wouldn't have married him if I didn't."

Carolyn smiled at her. "Well, as long as you trusted him before, that's all that matters. I don't condone what he did, and I believe that it was very wrong of him to hide that from you. And it's okay if you don't trust him right now, but I hope that you are at least trying to. Because, though I know Derek made a terrible mistake, I know my son, and he feels terribly. And he will continue to do so until he believes that you've forgiven him and trust him again. He loves you very much, and even if you don't trust anything else he says, trust that he loves you."

Meredith was tearing up, and all she could do was nod in response to Carolyn's speech. Desperately wanting to change the subject from anything Derek and baby related, she thought hard about anything else that could be a conversation topic.

"I'm starting to apply for internships," Meredith blurted suddenly.

Carolyn raised her eyebrows in interest. "Oh, I went through that will all of my children, as you know. How is that going? Are you overwhelmed yet?"

"A little," Meredith admitted. "I'm just not sure where to apply. Of course I'm applying to places in New York so we can stay close by, but I'm thinking about other places as well. A part of me wants to work in Boston like my mother did and where I grew up, but I don't think I can. I mean, Derek is establishing himself here; he just got the job at Mt. Sinai four months ago, and wouldn't be fair to make him pack up and leave. Plus you're all here, and I'm not sure if I want to leave you guys either. And I haven't figured out a way to broach the subject to him yet because I don't want him to get mad, so this entire thing is really stressful."

"Maybe you should talk to Derek about it," Carolyn suggested. "I love having all of my children close by, but if it's something you want Meredith, you should be allowed to consider it. And if this turns out to be something that you really want, Derek will take it to heart."

Meredith nodded, unsure how to respond. Fortunately, Carolyn moved to grab her purse and stand up.

"It's been lovely visiting with you dear, but I'm afraid I must go. Kathleen is working late tonight, so I promised to pick the kids up from school and make them dinner," Carolyn said, enveloping Meredith in a tight hug. "And try talking to him, he may surprise you."

"I will, thanks for stopping bye," Meredith said as she opened the door for her mother in law.

After Carolyn left, Meredith decided to put on a movie in order to pass the time. It would give her time to think about whether it was worth it to bring up the subject of moving to Derek. As much as she loved New York, the thought of going somewhere else for her residency excited her. However, she and Derek still had some things that they had to work on to make their marriage as strong as it was. And moving themselves four hours away from the place that they lived throughout their entire relationship had both pros and cons. Plus, Derek was very protective of his family; he was the man of the house, and probably wouldn't want to move. So, she had to think about whether or not this was even worth it.

About a half an hour into her movie, the phone for their apartment rang.

"That's weird," Meredith said aloud as she got up to answer it. They really only had the phone for show, if anyone needed to reach her or Derek, they would be better trying their cell phones.

As she reached for the phone, she decided to check the caller ID display. She became more confused when she saw that the number came from the Mass Gen. She only knew one person who worked there: her mother. And it didn't seem all that likely that her mom would use her office phone to call Meredith, she would just use her cell.

"Hello," Meredith said tentatively into the phone.

"Hello, this is Massachusetts General Hospital calling, is this Meredith Grey," a feminine voice filled the other line, one Meredith didn't recognize.

"Yes, yes it is," Meredith answered.

"Hi, my name is Doctor Christine Jenson, and I believe you are the emergency contact person for Dr. Ellis Grey?"

"Uh, okay?" Meredith had no idea Ellis had named her a contact person, and she also didn't know why this woman was calling. "Is everything alright with her?"

"Unfortunately, your mother has just been admitted, and I believe that it would be best if you came to the hospital so we can discuss everything."

"Oh my God!" Meredith gasped. "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot discuss her treatment over the phone. I believe it would be in your best interest to arrive as soon as possible."

"Oh, okay," Meredith said, glancing at the clock. It was three o'clock now; she could probably get to Union Station and board a train to Boston in about an hour if she was lucky, and if there were any available seats. "I'll be there either late tonight or early tomorrow morning," she said to Dr. Jenson.

"Alright, thank you Miss Grey."

"Thank you for calling," Meredith said before she hung up the phone. She stood silently for a minute, paralyzed by a sudden fear. Something was wrong with her mother, and something had to be really wrong with her if she was willing to let a doctor call Meredith about it. As her mind went through worst case scenarios, she moved to her bedroom on autopilot, grabbing clothes at random, unsure as to just how long she was going to be in Boston.

Twenty minutes later, Meredith was heading out the door when she thought of Derek.

"Shit!" She cursed under her breath as she dropped her duffle bag, reaching into her purse to find her phone. She called him, praying that he would pick up so that she wouldn't have to leave a message or go alone.

"Hey Mer, I was just thinking about you," Derek said cheerfully as he answered the phone.

"Uh-huh," Meredith said, momentarily distracted as she made sure she had her credit card. "Are you going to be at work much longer?"

"Couple more hours, why?" Derek responded.

"Because my mom's at Mass Gen," she answered as she did one last sweep of the room to make sure she had everything she needed before shutting the door to her apartment and moving towards the elevator.

"Yes Meredith, I know your mom practically lives at that hospital," Derek joked.

"Shut up!" Meredith snapped as the elevator doors closed around her and descended to the lobby. "I mean she's staying there as a patient, so I need to go to Boston. Can you come meet me at like Union Station in like half an hour?"

"Sorry Mer, I can't just up and leave work," Derek said, and Meredith silently berated herself for even asking. "Why don't you just wait a couple of hours until I'm done and then we'll head up to Boston?"

"No!" Meredith exclaimed. "I have to go now. The doctor wouldn't release any information over the phone, so it must be serious! She could be dying! You know what, never mind, I'll just give you a call when I get to Mass Gen, okay?"

"Meredith, don't…" Derek said softly.

"Derek it's fine, seriously. I'm on Christmas Break and you aren't, so it was stupid of me to ask, don't worry about it. I can't expect you to drop everything, people's lives are in your hands. I'll call you to let you know I got there safe."

"I love you," Derek offered weakly.

"Yup," Meredith said as she hung up the phone and hailed a taxi, hoping that nothing terrible would happen to her mom before she got there.

XXXXXX

Alzheimer's. Her mother, the great Ellis Grey, had early onset Alzheimer's.

Meredith was sitting in the same chair she had been in for the past three hours; it was well past eleven o'clock in the evening, and she had called Derek when she arrived only to get his voicemail, so she left a message saying that she would call him when she got to her mother's house. But she hadn't gotten that far yet. She knew she should leave and get some sleep, but she couldn't move. All she could think about was the conversation that occurred hours ago at her mother's bedside.

"Are you sure that's what it is?" Meredith asked again, looking from Dr. Jenson to her mother.

"Of course it is Meredith," Ellis snapped. "Do you think I would just assume this diagnosis? I've seen several specialists so stop standing there like an idiot." Ellis' words hurt, but she swallowed her feelings and turned towards Dr. Jenson.

"So, what is the next step here?" she asked, her voice even.

"Your mother actually made arrangements several months ago," Dr. Jenson said with sympathy.

Meredith turned to face her mother. "You knew?" she exclaimed accusingly. "You knew for months and you didn't tell me!"

Ellis rolled her eyes. "Stop being overdramatic."

"Your mother would like to be placed at Roseridge Assisted Care Facility," Dr. Jenson said, trying to cut the tension.

"Okay," Meredith nodded. "Where is that?"

"Seattle, Washington."

"Seattle! Are you kidding me?" Meredith said, looking at her mother again.

"I don't want anyone to know," Ellis said simply. "I haven't been in Seattle in almost twenty years, it will be easier."

"Alright," Meredith agreed slowly. "Anything else?"

"You have to sell either the Boston house or the Seattle house. I'll let you keep one, but you cannot have both."

"We have a house in Seattle?" Meredith asked, shocked.

"Yes, I never sold the one you grew up in but you can sell it if you want."

Meredith just nodded, suddenly having a lot to think about

Meredith remained sitting at her mother's bedside, trying to sort everything out. Ellis wanted to be in Seattle, all the way on the other side of the country. Meredith would respect her mother's wishes, but didn't want her to be all the way out there all alone. Meredith was itching for a change, and there was an empty house out in Seattle waiting for her. She could apply to hospitals out there for her internship, and it would be perfect. Now if only she could convince Derek.

A knock at her mother's hospital door snapped Meredith from her thoughts, and when she turned, she found him standing there. He looked absolutely exhausted and worn, but he was there.

"Hey," Derek said softly, looking at her with love and sympathy. His expression made it impossible for her to hold back her emotions, so with tears in her eyes, she walked towards him and wrapped her arms around his waist. He held her tightly, kissing the top of her head as he rocked them.

"You're here," Meredith finally mumbled into his chest. "You came."

"Of course I came," he said incredulously. "Why wouldn't I come?"

"I don't know, I was just surprised."

"I know I said I was working, but that doesn't mean I wasn't going to come up after work. You needed me, so here I am," Derek smiled at her.

"Thank you," she replied, kissing her cheek.

"Anytime. So, what's the verdict?" Derek asked.

"She fell and sprained her ankle while she was lost and wandering around Boston," Meredith said as the tears built up again. "She has early onset Alzheimer's." Meredith gasped, crying into Derek's shoulder.

He soothed her for a few minutes before pulling away from her slightly. "Mer, you look drained, you should probably go to bed. Why don't we go to your mom's house or a hotel, get some sleep, and come back in the morning?"

Meredith shook her head. "I don't want to be too far away from her right now. She's my mom."

Derek nodded, understanding. "How about an on call room then?" she nodded her agreement as Derek led her down the hall, pulling her onto the small bed and holding her tightly as she fell asleep.