A/N: This chapter is a little angst-heavy, but then again, Team 10 has just been through the wringer. I'd be a little worried if they weren't shaken up. They'll get through it, and be stronger on the other side.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the characters appearing in this story.

Chapter 7: Grief, Guilt and a Promise

A massive shock ran through Ino's body, returning her to consciousness and causing her to arc her back involuntarily. Her eyes opened, blurrily registering Asuma's face mere inches from her own.

"Are you all right?" he asked in a low, soothing monotone. "Don't try to move, just blink once if you're ok." Ino blinked once and tried to force her stubborn mind to cooperate. There was something she was forgetting, something important… the fight!

She jerked upwards, straining against Asuma's grip. "Where's Choji and Shikamaru?" she croaked, her voice coming out in a raspy whisper in spite of her rush of adrenaline.

"Calm yourself, they're alive." Asuma held onto Ino's shoulders with a grip of iron, only releasing his hold when it was clear that she understood. Ino felt the wave of relief rush through her. They were alive, and Asuma was here. Everything would be ok.

But Asuma was still looking at her gravely, the expression on his face hinting that something was horribly wrong. "What, sensei? They're hurt, aren't they?"

Asuma nodded shortly. "Yes, they need immediate hospitalization. Are you all right to travel?" Ino came to her feet in a rush.

"Why didn't you say so before? Let's go –" she trailed off when she saw her teammates, laid out next to each other on their standard-issue bedrolls. Shikamaru's skin tone was sallow and pale, the muscles of his unconscious face clenched tight to indicate extreme pain. From the thick bandages covering his midsection, Ino guessed that her teammate was suffering from, at the very least, several broken ribs. And Choji…

Ino winced. The sight of her gentle teammate was like a sharp stake piercing her heart. The once-chubby Choji was now skinnier than Ino. His shinobi uniform draped around his emaciated body like a collapsed tent. When Ino put her hand on his forehead, she found that his skin was hot to the touch.

Asuma stood next to Ino, steadying her by placing a hand on her left shoulder. "We need to move, Ino. If they don't get to a hospital, they'll be in bad shape. Shikamaru is bleeding internally, and Choji's body keeps on burning up its own energy. He must have used his most powerful soldier pill. He needs food, rest, and special medicine he can only get in Konoha."

Ino straightened, squaring her shoulders. "I'll carry Choji," she said firmly. "He can't weigh much more than ninety pounds right now. I won't fall behind, sensei." Asuma hesitated, but nodded his assent after a second. Ino knew Asuma would need to focus on keeping Shikamaru as stable as possible while they were moving. Medic-nins could stop the bleeding and bring him back from even the brink of death, but they wouldn't get the chance if one of Shikamaru's shattered ribs punctured a lung during the journey back.

Ino looked around at the quiet campsite, thinking with a detached numbness that only hours ago it had been filled with angry voices and the clash of weapons. She paused a bit at the sight of the dead bodies of their enemies. Asuma had dragged them together in a heap in the middle of the clearing. Two of the figures looked the same as they had in life, except for the jagged red lines where Asuma's trench knives had entered. But the third corpse was a horrifying bloody mess, mauled so badly it barely seemed human. The body looked like it had been crushed by a wrecking ball. Ino looked away, not sure she wanted to ask Asuma what he had done to the convict in order to inflict such damage.

Ino continued looking around the camp, searching for the one person who was missing. "Asuma-sensei," she ventured, not wanting to ask for fear of the answer. "Where's Toshiyo-san?"

Asuma was quiet for a moment, which told Ino everything. She felt her eyes fill with tears, but refused to show any sign of weakness until Choji and Shikamaru were safe back in Konoha.

"I buried him over there, while I was waiting for Shikamaru to stabilize." Asuma gestured at a small mound of stones located exactly where the old man's tent had been pitched. "We'll hold a proper burial when we get back. Choji and Shikamaru will want to attend."

Ino was glad that Asuma didn't seem to be waiting for her to say anything, because if she relaxed her mouth for a second she didn't think she could hold back the flood of tears. Toshiyo was dead. He had hired them, relied on them to bring him safely to his daughter, and they had failed him. He would never see his daughter again, never tell her he was sorry.

Ino pushed her thoughts to the back of her mind. Nothing mattered until her teammates were safe. She gestured to Asuma to lead the way, and steeled herself for the most important race she had ever run.

oOoOo

Choji woke up slowly, regaining consciousness in stages. The first thing he was aware of was the pain. His whole body was on fire. It felt like screws were tightening into every nerve ending he possessed. It felt like beasts with sharp teeth were gnawing on all of his internal organs. It felt like nothing he had ever experienced. It was a minute before he could sense anything other than the pain, but slowly he began to take stock of his surroundings. It was then he realized that he was gripping someone's hand, and squeezing hard because of the fiery agony hitting him all at once. He relaxed his grip, and heard Ino let out the breath she had been holding in a rush.

"Sorry," he muttered. Or rather, tried to mutter. His tongue was glued to the roof of his mouth, and both were dry as sandpaper. His sorry came out more like "mmphg."

"Are you thirsty? The nurses told me you would want water when you woke up." Ino pointed to the tray on the table by the bed, which held a tall pitcher of water. Choji could only nod, ashamed of his weakness, and let Ino bring a cup of water up to his mouth. He gulped the entire thing in one go, and the lukewarm water was the sweetest thing he'd ever tasted.

"Sorry Choji, that's all I can give you for now," Ino said apologetically. "But you'll be fine now, the medic-nins told me you're past the worst part." Choji eyed the pitcher with longing, but sank back into his bed when Ino made no move to pour him another cup.

Ino seemed to realize he needed silence, because she stayed there holding his hand without making a sound. Choji was replaying his memories of the fight, trying to deal with his current sense of disorientation that was beginning to dwarf even the immense pain of his chakra exhaustion.

Eventually the need to confirm what he already knew drove him to speak. "Toshiyo?" he croaked. In his mind's eye Choij kept seeing the old man falling to the ground as sparks ran through his body; somewhere deep in his soul, Choji knew the image would never leave him.

Ino's eyes filled with tears. "He's dead. The lightning stopped his heart. Asuma says… he says it was probably painless." Choji could only nod. He thought he should be crying as well, but he had no tears to shed. Maybe they had been consumed by the soldier pill, dried right up to provide more chakra when his fat reserves ran out. Choji shook his head at the odd mental image, and realized he must be in shock. They had covered this in the Academy.

That thought almost made Choji laugh. Hours and hours had been spent teaching the young shinobi how to diagnose when someone went into shock, and here he was diagnosing himself. Never let anyone say the Academy hadn't prepared him for life as a shinobi.

Ino watched him with concern. Choji imagined his face was showing a frightening range of emotions, and fought to bring his spiraling thoughts under control. "How's Shikamaru?" he asked, at last making the connection that the third member of their team wasn't in the room.

"He's ok," Ino said, drying her eyes on a small towel next to the water pitcher. "They've got him all wrapped up so his ribs will set, so he couldn't be here when you woke up. You can visit him as soon as the nurses give you the ok."

"And Asuma?" Choji wished his sensei was here. He would have given his left arm to have the familiar acrid odor of Asuma's cigarette filling the room instead of the sickly-sweet hospital smell.

"He's reporting to the Hokage on our mission. He barely even got to settle you two into the hospital before he was called away. We made kind of a big entrance when we got back to the gates. You two were in bad shape." Choji pursed his lips as if to whistle, but didn't have a drop of moisture necessary to actually make a sound. He remembered from his lessons that when a team was punished for failing a mission, that punishment fell squarely on the shoulders of the commanding officer. He hoped they didn't do anything to punish Asuma; he had saved their lives, after all. Choji thought back to the last few seconds before he had lost consciousness; if it hadn't been for Asuma and his trench knives, all three of them would be dead.

Ino chatted mindlessly for the next few minutes, bringing up nothing more stressful than the weather and the quality of the hospital food. Choji guessed that the nurses had instructed her to make small talk, standard procedure for an invalid coming out of a horrifying situation. He let her rattle on, listening to the voice that Shikamaru found obnoxious but Choji had always thought of as melodious.

He cut her off when she paused for breath. "And how are you, Ino? Did you recover from the lightning attack?"

Ino's face turned red, a mixture of anger and embarrassment. "I'm fine, no thanks to my own efforts. Asuma revived me almost as soon as the fight was over. I'm so sorry I let you guys down." Choji waved his hand as forcefully as he could. All he could manage was a feeble sort of flutter.

"Don't say that, Ino. You did your best. We all did. It just wasn't good enough." They were silent for a moment, remembering. Then Ino met his eyes, and cleared her throat hesitantly.

"If you don't mind, could you… tell me what happened? After I… you know. Asuma only got there at the end, and I didn't want to ask him what he saw. He was trying to keep his cool, but I saw when he picked up Shikamaru that his whole body was shaking."

So Choji told Ino about the fight, glossing as quickly as possible over the part where he killed the bald man. Ino covered her surprise well, but Choji saw the consternation in her eyes as she looked down at her bed-ridden teammate. Thankfully she didn't press him, and only listened quietly.

Choji reached the point where he had fallen unconscious from chakra exhaustion, and stopped talking. Recounting the fight to Ino brought him right back to the moment, making it feel as though he would have to start fighting again at any second. Ino squeezed his hand softly, sending warmth and understanding in waves as tangible as the fluids coursing through his veins from the IV drip attached to his arm.

"Thanks for staying with me, Ino." Choji said, trying to invest the simple words with all the weight of his gratitude and trust in his teammate. "You should go home and get some rest. Don't think I haven't guessed who carried me home on her shoulders, over a distance that took us five days to travel before." Ino waved her hand in denial, but gave his hand one last squeeze and got up from his side.

"Thank you for everything, Choji. There isn't anyone I'd rather have on my team." Ino gave him a wan smile and a thumbs up and left, closing the door gently behind her.

After she left, Choji allowed himself to think about what he had been strictly avoiding in order to appear cheerful and in control in front of his teammate. There were more thoughts swirling in his mind than he could keep track, but foremost among them was the memory of a deafening series of cracks, and the sight of a certain broken and mangled body.

He was a killer. Choji stated the fact baldly to himself, surprised that he didn't feel any different. At the moment when his fist connected with flesh and snuffed out a life, he had crossed a line that he had set for himself years ago when he first understood what it felt like to hurt another. But as Choji thought about the man he'd killed, he found he was having a hard time keeping the image of his victim in his mind. It would waver and blur, to be replaced by Toshiyo falling to the ground. The next time it was Ino sprawled out unconscious, with a jagged knife only inches from her face. And then Shikamaru, tumbling across the forest floor with bruises on his face and arms. The three figures went round and round, blurring into each other and making it impossible to even focus on the image of his victim, let alone feel the remorse that he had once thought would follow his first kill.

Choji wondered why he felt so indifferent, why he couldn't bring himself to feel any regret. It had certainly not been a difficult decision to make when the bald giant had been preparing to kill Shikamaru. Choji could feel himself getting angry even as he thought about it. He would do it again, and gladly. He would kill all three of the escaped convicts without a second look if it meant bringing back Toshiyo. In the end, it was simple, really. He would protect his friends and his teammates, end of story. Anyone who threatened them had better be prepared to die, because Choji wasn't going to hold anything back anymore.

oOoOo

Asuma was alone with the Hokage in his father's study. The old man regarded him steadily, nodding assent when Asuma asked permission to light a cigarette. It wouldn't change anything, but it might keep his hands from shaking.

"Report." The single word, spoken softly, hit Asuma with all the force of a blow. He didn't want to say the words aloud. That would mean admitting that the past twelve hours had been real, and not just a horrible dream or the product of some twisted genjutsu.

"We set up camp four miles from the border between Konoha and Hidden Mist land. I went ahead at 1300 hours, to scout ahead and announce our presence to any shinobi that might be patrolling the border. At 1430, I received the distress call through my short-range mic." Asuma had to stop to collect himself. Hearing the sound of his genin's panicked voices suddenly coming through the mic was one of the worst experiences of his life. Never had he ever felt more vulnerable, not in any of his close scrapes with death.

"I returned to the camp with all possible speed. When I arrived one of the assailants was dead, two of my genin were unconscious and Choji was about to collapse from chakra depletion after overdosing on soldier pills. I was able to take the remaining two by surprise before they could kill the genin. However, they killed Toshiyo-san before I got there." It was normal during formal reports to refer to their employer as the 'asset,' or 'client,' but Asuma couldn't bring himself to speak dispassionately about the man they'd been guarding.

"Who were they?" the Hokage asked. "Where did they come from?"

"From their uniforms and tattoos I'm guessing they were escaped convicts from one of Konoha's high-security prisons. Ino briefed me on their fighting styles on the way back after the battle. There was one woman - she used lightning jutsus to enhance her taijutsu. Then there were two men, one of whom was the leader and didn't use any techniques besides taijutsu. The second man was an Earth-style fighter."

The Hokage nodded. His shoulders seemed to bow a little more, as if he had added some weight to the load he was already carrying. "Your description matches the report of the recent jailbreak. The leader and the woman were rogue ninja captured in a successful raid a few months ago. Apparently the giant crossed the border and used his Earth attacks to free his companions. They killed two prison guards before escaping. Please convey my sincerest regrets to your genin. I know they must be torturing themselves right now, running over all of the ways in which they could have prevented this regrettable outcome. But in truth, it is a miracle they are all still alive. They fought well against opponents far above their skill level."

Asuma nodded his agreement. Facing three opponents of that caliber made the mission automatically A-ranked, and the teams sent out to recapture those three would have been made up of at least six people, with two of them jonin-level.

"How are your genin recovering? What is their status?"

"Choji was the worst off. His body was completely emaciated. The Akimichi soldier pills are meant for adult bodies, and he took the most powerful one. It allowed him to use an advanced jutsu and take care of one enemy after already expending a lot of chakra, but the cost was high. It was touch-and-go for a while at the hospital, until the medic-nins managed to reverse the effects of the pill and pump him full of nutrients. He should be back to full combat readiness and regain his optimum energy reserves in two weeks. Ino was the least injured, having only been shocked into unconsciousness during the fight. Shikamaru had four broken ribs and sustained serious internal bleeding. We got to him to the hospital in time for the medic-nins to fix him up safely. He will need a week before he's ready to fight again."

The Hokage shook his head. "It may take more than a week, or two weeks for that matter. You know better than most how one's first encounter with the realities of war can leave scars. These children are very young, far too young for us to expect them to be able to deal with the aftermath of being in mortal peril, killing an enemy, or watching a beloved friend die before their eyes. We will have to monitor them carefully, and make sure that they are fully recovered, in mind as well as in body."

Asuma knew exactly what the Hokage meant. Everyone reacted to their first brush with death differently, but all needed time to process its ramifications.

"Consider your report finished, captain. But I do want to know how you are holding up, Asuma. There is nothing worse than knowing that those in your care are in danger."

An extra-long puff on his cigarette allowed Asuma to keep it together long enough to answer frankly. "I am deeply ashamed, sir. I left my team alone, and as a direct result almost got them all killed. I had to listen as they fought an enemy they had little hope of defeating, knowing all the time that it was my fault. I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to look them in the eyes after they've recovered."

The Hokage looked at Asuma for a long moment. "I can only tell you what you no doubt already know. I'm sure you've told hundreds of soldiers over the years that it's not their fault. You know you couldn't have foreseen the course of events. But I know you won't stop playing this mission over in your mind for years, thinking 'if only I had not done that.' It's only natural, and it will help you avoid making the same mistakes again. Believe me, I know how cruel the gift of hindsight can be. Your regrets will only grow. But keep your faith, Asuma – you are a good and true shinobi. And believe in your genin. They will surprise you with your strength; I know they have already surprised me. Be strong for them as well, for I'm sure that they will need you soon."

oOoOo

When the nurse told Shikamaru that Choji was awake and recovering well, he breathed a sigh of relief. But when she asked if he wanted to visit, Shikamaru shook his head emphatically. The nurse looked puzzled, but said nothing on her way out. She had other patients to look after, and it wasn't her business to make sure Shikamaru checked up on his friend.

In truth, Shikamaru couldn't bring himself to face Choji. It had taken all his restraint to lie silently during Ino's visit, listening while she tried to make him feel better with mindless chatter and optimistic predictions about Choji's recovery. Why was she being kind? Why wasn't she screaming at him, or attacking him? It was his fault they were here, his fault Toshiyo was dead, his fault Choji had barely survived the night. Shikamaru quailed at the thought of facing Choji, the best friend he'd betrayed.

The pain from Shikamaru's broken ribs was overwhelming, but it dwindled to nothing compared to the agony seething in his mind. He examined his memories again and again, forcing himself to confront the damning truth. When his teammates were in danger, when they needed him, he had been asleep. Not only that, but he had left the perimeter unguarded. He had thought they were in safe territory, and didn't set the alarms because it was too troublesome.

Troublesome. Shikamaru cringed at the word, his stomach threatening to send up the remnants of his last meal. How could he ever have been so stupid? It was too troublesome to set alarms. It was too troublesome to learn how to hold multiple targets with his Shadow Possession. And in saving himself that trouble, he had sentenced Toshiyo to death. Choji would never forgive him. Shikamaru couldn't forgive himself.

Shikamaru's whole being roiled with self-loathing, until it became a mindless roar that filled him completely. He had to get away; it was more than he could stand. He ripped the IV from his arm and left the needle dangling. A second later he was at the window, cracking the glass in his haste to open it. His first leap brought him straight at a large oak tree in the yard. He hit feet-first and anchored himself with chakra, running down until he reached the ground and continuing on into the darkness.

His legs were burning in minutes and his ribs became knives of agony sticking in his chest, but he only pushed more speed through to his protesting muscles. But no matter how fast he ran, his shadow stayed right behind him. And clinging to him even tighter than his shadow was his shame, as deep as the ocean and colder than ice. His legs carried him farther, desperately trying to deny the truth he knew in his heart: he couldn't run away from himself.

oOoOo

Ino was in her room, thinking harder than she had in a very long time. Her parents had been shocked when she came home from the hospital, exhausted and covered in blood and dirt. They were probably still hovering somewhere outside her door, but Ino had done all she could to reassure them that she was all right and that all she needed was to be left alone for a while.

Though she had told her parents loudly and repeatedly that she was fine, Ino was coming to realize that she was anything but. It was only physically that she was unharmed; Ino's conception of herself was shattered beyond repair, and she was reevaluating everything that she thought she had known.

Underneath her worry for her teammates, underneath her grief for Toshiyo, lay a deeper emotion that threatened to swallow her up. It was shame. Ino was ashamed, more ashamed than she could ever remember being before. Because when the danger was real, she had broken.

She had been the first to fall. For most of the fight she had been unconscious and vulnerable, a burden to her teammates and a helpless target for the enemy.

At first Ino had tried to rationalize, telling herself that she was only a genin while the shinobi they had fought were clearly much more advanced. But while that was true, it ultimately held no comfort. The time for hiding was over, whether it was behind her teammates or her excuses. And Ino brought herself to face the hard truth, which was that she had been unable to match her opponent for the length of a single blow. Without Choji and Shikamaru she would be dead right now. Ino repeated that to herself, trying to wrap her mind around the concept. Without her teammates, she would be dead.

It shamed Ino to think of how many times she had taunted Shikamaru, making fun of his laziness and challenging all of his ideas. In her heart she had believed that she was the better shinobi, even though he had consistently come up with smarter strategies. But she was energetic and carried out orders quickly, and she had thought that meant she was somehow a better teammate. In the end, it was her lazy teammate who had caught Nasha with his shadow before the convict could bring her knife down. Shikamaru had left himself open to the attacks of the other two rogue shinobi just to protect her. He had proven himself to be selfless by saving her life at the cost of his own safety, but on an even more basic level he had proven himself to be better.

After her Mind Possession jutsu failed, Ino realized, she had had nothing left in her arsenal. Ino realized that she had been relying on Shikamaru's shadow to immobilize opponents for her jutsu. In a very real sense, her only contribution to the team only came after her teammates had done all of the work. That was just… unacceptable. If she continued as she was, she would be a danger to her team and a problem during missions. If she wasn't prepared to do better, she might as well take over her mother's flower shop and water roses for the rest of her life.

Ino made a promise to herself: from now on, she would stop being a liability. No matter how hard she had to train, she would never again make her teammates have to compensate for her weakness.

From the ground floor came her father's voice, raised to a loud pitch he generally reserved for the battlefield. "Ino, get down here!" Ino raced down the stairs, coming to a stop in the kitchen where her father was steadying a heavily-breathing Choji.

"It's Shikamaru," gasped Choji. "He ran away from the hospital yesterday – we have to find him!" Ino wasted no time, only pausing to strap on a pair of sandals and don a light jacket on her way out the door. Choji followed, leaving Inoichi standing in the doorway and watching them leave with dismay.

They checked all of the training areas, to no avail. Choji told Ino that Asuma was coordinating the search within the city, but he didn't think that Shikamaru would be anywhere within the gates of Konoha.

Ino had a thought. "Have they put up the tombstone for Toshiyo's funeral yet?" she asked.

"Yes, it's in the graveyard – " Choji trailed off as understanding hit him as well. Without another word they sprinted toward Toshiyo's final resting place, where they knew they would find the third member of their team.

They found Shikamaru huddled in front of the simple, unadorned boulder carved with Toshiyo's name. He turned when he heard their approach, his tear-stained eyes widening a little, but then turned his back on them. Ino and Choji advanced slowly, coming to a stop right behind them. They each put a hand on his shoulder, and let the silence stretch out.

"It should be me instead." Shikamaru whispered after a while.

Ino chose her words very carefully before she spoke. "Is this because of the alarms?" Shikamaru didn't respond, but Ino saw him flinch.

"Do you think they would have done any good?" Ino asked quietly. "Would we have been better able to protect Toshiyo with a few seconds warning? Would Asuma have gotten back in time? No, Shika." Shikamaru shrank a little more with each deliberately spaced question.

"You know the alarms wouldn't have done any good, and you joined us before the fight started. But you still think this is your fault?" Shikamaru only nodded.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Shika, you saved my life. The knife was coming down. I was as good as dead. But I'm here, thanks to you."

Shikamaru shook his head violently. "But it wasn't enough! I was too weak… I was too late."

"Damn it Shikamaru! What makes you so great, that all the responsibility for the failure lands squarely with you? Does the world revolve around you, so that everything that happens is a direct result of your success or failure?" Shikamaru froze with his mouth open, shocked by Ino's sudden anger.

She continued, lowering her voice and softening her tone. "I went through the same thoughts as you, Shika. So did Choji. Why did I miss my attack? Why was I too slow? Why didn't I set the alarms? But it doesn't end there, Shikamaru. Why didn't we camp somewhere else? Why didn't the prison guards keep better watch over the convicts? Why, Why, Why? You could obsess over it for years. There's fault to go around. But blaming yourself isn't the answer, and neither is blaming others. We can only control the future.

"You're a good shinobi, Shikamaru. There's nobody smarter than you, and nobody who fights harder to protect his friends. We need you. So are you going to drown in guilt, or stand with us?" Ino and Choji each reached out a hand, willing Shikamaru to get up.

He looked at them with haunted eyes. "I can't forgive myself that easily," he said through clenched teeth.

"Then don't. I know I can't forgive myself for failing Toshiyo. But we can make sure this never happens again." Shikamaru looked at the tombstone for a long moment, as if etching the sight into his memory. Then he clasped his teammates' hands and got to his feet. A hard swipe of his sleeve dried the tears in his eyes. They embraced, clinging tightly to each other in the darkness.