Hello, and apologies. Real Life can be a bitch. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and let me know what you think in a review!

20 years ago

Her predictions were coming true. The team was splintering. First Starfire, which was a shock considering how adamant the alien girl had been about keeping the team together. Her inner struggle was clear to Raven, if not everyone else. Which was her priority? Tameran or the Titans? Galfore was sick, and her people needed a strong ruler. In the end, Tameran won. Her people needed her, and she would be what they needed. Raven watched as Star grew more and more withdrawn, trying to conceal the truth of her decisions from her teammates. Raven knew her too well, and one evening of the 'Girl Time,' she managed to drag it out of Star. They were sitting in Raven's dark bedroom, with the curtains open for some natural light so they could see well enough to perform all of the girly rituals that Star was so fond of. Raven was hovering slightly above her bed, her nails already painted a dark purple. Star was sitting in the center of her bed, humming and painting her toenails. Raven broke the tension that had been lingering for weeks and asked the question that had been hovering in her mind.

"When do you leave?"

Star looked up from her sparkly pink toenails, shock hastily concealed by wide eyes and innocence.

"Whatever do you mean, Friend Raven? To what leaving are you referring?"

Raven smiled sadly. "Star, you are my best girlfriend. I can always tell when something is bothering you." She tapped the side of her head, reminding Star of her empathy. "And anyways, I know you well enough even without my powers, to know that you have something heavy on your mind. Narrowing the issue down to something serious enough for you to not tell me or Robin, I can only think of two things that important. The Titans, or Tameran. Since there are no Titan issues as far as I am aware, the problem must be on Tameran. So, when do you leave?"

Starfire put her nail polish down slowly. " I guess it was futile to try to conceal it from you, Friend Raven. You are correct, there is trouble on Tameran. I am having a hard time dealing with it. Galfore is sick. They might need me to return and take my place on the throne. Raven..." A sob caught in Star's throat. " I might have to leave the Titans!" And the dam burst. With a gigantic sob, Star threw herself at Raven and broke down.

Raven's first reaction was relief. All this emotion that Star had held back had forced her to work overtime on her mental shields, attempting to block her empathy. Her second reaction was sadness. It was difficult to see the normally bright girl so distressed. She unbent her personal boundaries enough to rub Star's red hair, murmuring soft words of comfort. Star was so distressed, it could only mean that she was planning on leaving the Titans. The glue was leaving. Once she was gone, how long could the Titans hold together? She guessed not long.

"Friend Raven, I ask that you do not tell Boyfriend Robin."

Raven looked down at Star, her hands falling away from where they had been stroking Star's hair. "What?"

"He would ask me not to go, and this is already so difficult for me. If her asked me to stay, I do not know how I would resist."

"He's not going to react well to no goodbye, Star. What should I say to him?"

"Nothing, Friend Raven. I shall write them all letters of farewell."

2 weeks later ~

"What the hell!"

Raven awoke to the dulcet tones of Robin's shriek. Oh, no. A reaction like that could only mean one thing - Starfire was gone. The girls had discussed the best way for her to leave a few nights ago, and Star must have put the plan into action. Jumping out of bed, Raven did something she never did if she could help it, and left her room in her purple silk camisole and shorts set. A Robin tantrum of this magnitude demanded an immediate response. Raven took a deep breath and teleported into the firing squad. When she re-materialized in the common room, the scene was exactly as she had expected. Robin was pacing furiously in front of the television, Cy was in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with the heavy scowl he wore alternately directed at the piece of paper in his metallic hands and at the nearly manic Boy Wonder. BB was sitting on the couch, looking shell shocked, glancing at he pink envelope sitting in front of him on the coffee table. Raven's feet hit the ground with a barely perceptible puff of air, but it was enough of an alert of her presence. Her teammates whirled on her. Raven couldn't see his eyes, but she knew that Robin was scrutinizing her person in search of a frilly pink envelope. His emotions were a seething mass of anger, hurt, confusion and suspicion. Raven winced, and felt for the bond between them in her mind. There it was - it felt like an electrical wire, attached to a part of her so deep in her psyche, that removing it would irreparably damage them both. Getting rid of it was an impossibility, but she could... There. She could tie knots in it to temporarily short-circuit it, and block the flow of emotions and thought. Robin felt what she was doing, and his head whipped around, his masked eyes narrowing on her. She tipped her head slightly, acknowledging his ire, but warning him to keep his emotions to himself. When he didn't look away, she sent a wince that his emotions had caused her sizzling through their bond, letting him know what he was doing to her. He frowned, but still didn't break his glare. His anger had almost doubled - Raven didn't have a good-bye letter from Star, which must mean that Star had said goodbye in person... Even with the partially blocked bond, Raven could almost see the cogs in Robin's convoluted detective brain reach that conclusion. She bit back a sigh. This was going to be more difficult than she and Star had anticipated.

Vic was the first to break the silence, and in true brother form, he gave Raven the benefit of the doubt. "Raven, did you get an envelope from Starfire?"

As evenly as she could, Raven looked him directly in the eye. She had done the right thing. "No."

"Did you know that she left for Tameran?" Beast Boy was the next to speak, his voice unusually sober.

Raven transferred her even gaze to him. "Yes, Beast Boy." She said, a bit more gently.

Robin expoloded. "YOU KNEW, AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?"

Raven winced, and added a few more knots to the bond in the interest of preserving her sanity. She had never felt so much emotion from Robin before. He reached for something familiar, and attacked Raven in full-blown interrogation mode.

"When did she tell you she was leaving? When did you plan for her disappearance? And why the hell didn't you tell anybody?"

Raven felt her own anger rise. How dare he interrogate her like a criminal? "Robin, we planned this a few nights ago, when I finally guessed what was on her mind. And I didn't tell you because of THIS!" She gestured at him, his anger. "I knew that you would react like this and I didn't want to make this any harder on Star than it already was! This wasn't easy for her, and you would only have made it more difficult. You have no right to be angry with me; or Star for that matter! She explained the situation, didn't she?"

Robin paced away. "Yes! She chose to be a queen and abandon her responsibilities as a hero. Irresponsible.."

Raven cut him off, furious. "No! She took responsibility! She is beholden to her people before this city. There are people to fill her shoes here, but nobody can do her job on Tameran."

"SHE LEFT ME!" Robin's bellow was filled with pain, so much that Raven was brought up short. So that was the real reason that he was so angry... She should have known. A small, selfish part of Raven's heart sank. "She broke up with you?" She asked Robin quietly. Her abrupt change in tone crumbled the last of Robin's bravado. He slumped and walked out of the room, closing the doors gently behind him. That was a bad sign. It would have been better if he had slammed them. Silence settled on the rest of the Titans.

Again, it was Vic who broke it. "Rae, could you please explain what exactly is going on? Star told us that she was needed on Tameran, and that she couldn't bear to say goodbye. She says she loves us, and will always think of us as family. Rae, does that mean what I think it means? Is she really never coming back?" Cy's voice broke slightly on the last part.

Damn Starfire for putting her in this position! She didn't want to be the messenger with the bull's eye on her back - the perfect misplaced target for the anger of the boys. She didn't want to be the bearer of bad news yet again! But, how could Raven deny Star anything? She was her best girl friend, the one she came to when she had a problem she wanted to talk about. Star loved her unconditionally from the very beginning, and had always done her best to make Raven feel loved and accepted. This was probably the last thing Raven could ever do for Star. Vic was right, Star was never coming back. At first Raven had tried to argue, reasoning that she could come back to visit, could take a vacation or two, could split time between the Titans and Tameran. Star had listened to her arguments patiently, as if she had already heard them, and Raven realized that she would not be able to change her mind. Starfire threw herself whole-heartedly into everything she did. She didn't know how to give anything less than her whole self, and trying to have two equal responsibilities would be impossible for her. She loved her home planet, and would want to be the best ruler possible. The Titans would be a huge distraction. She would pine after Robin, after the relatively free life of a super hero, after her friends. She had to choose, then make a clean break and stick with her choice. Raven understood, but it didn't mean that she liked it. She would miss Star more than she could ever express, for fear of blowing up the city.

It seemed as though Raven's silence had spoken for itself. Cyborg turned away, sadness in his face as he accepted the fact that the team was down a member permanently.

Hesitantly, Raven opened the door to the roof. The bond told her that Robin was here, though she probably would have known that anyways. When in doubt or pain, Robin invariably sought high places. And Raven had only known one time when he had been in more pain. She walked up behind him, not saying anything until he was ready to talk. He was standing stiff, facing the sunrise, tension trembling in every line of his taut body. When he realized that Raven was going to make him talk first, he slumped and sat on the edge of the roof, his legs dangling in space and his head in his hands, fingers viscously dragging through his dark hair, messing up the meticulous spikes. His voice, when he spoke, was quiet and agonized.

"Sorry for going off on you, Raven. You didn't deserve that."

Raven sat next to him, her legs crossed. With a sigh, she leaned back on her hands and tilted her face towards the sunrise, letting the gentle light play over her pale features. She didn't bother to respond to the apology and remained quiet.

Dick laughed harshly. "You're not going to make this easy on me, are you?"

With that, Raven turned and looked at him, and her heart twisted. His mask was off, his electric blue eyes turned on her, just like she always wished they would be, though in her fantasy, his eyes were full of love, not pain. With an almost inaudible hiss of pain, she turned away. She had to be strong for him right now, had to be his best friend that understood him better than he himself did. Her feelings had no place here. Still looking at the sky, she asked; "Want to tell me what that was all about?"

He grunted. "Can't you just... You know." He waved his hand between their heads. Raven knew what he was asking. He wanted her to open the still mostly shut down bond and read his emotions and mind. "No, Richard. That would be cheating."

He laughed without humor. "You really aren't going to make this easy on me, are you." It wasn't a question, so she didn't answer. After a pause, he started talking again. "I really loved Star, you know that. And she just left, without a goodbye. It reminded me of... Of..." He broke off with a pained noise and gripped his hair, tugging with disturbing force. "Aw, hell. Raven. Please don't make me say it."

All of a sudden, things clicked and Raven understood. His parents. Some of the pain that he was broadcasting was about Star, but most of it was old pain that her leaving had dragged up. Raven cautiously opened her empathy and examined his pain. She couldn't help but flinch when it hit her. Waves of rusty red agony that were buried in his soul, still there so many years later. Fresh crimson splashes, from Starfire. And running through the core of it, strands of black and purple twisted together - Revenge and guilt ran through the pain. Rave shut down her empathy with a gasp, and collapsed against his side, panting furiously. How had he hid this from her? True, she tried to stay as on the periphery of his mind as she could get, in an attempt to respect his privacy. She'd had no idea that the pain ran this deep. How the hell could she have missed this? It pervaded his being, guilt twisted with a thirst for vengeance, and surrounded by pain pain pain... With a start, she felt his fingers against her face, and his voice filtered through the residual emotion.

"Raven? Are you alright? What happened?"

She jerked herself away from him, her treacherous emotions almost getting away from her and accomplishing the goal of throwing her arms around him. She decided to get angry instead. "God damn it, Dick. Why didn't you tell me?"

He knew what she meant, and didn't shame them both by lying or evading. "Because I don't think about it, Rae. I can't think about it, or I wouldn't be able to function. Bruce taught me how to harness it, let it become my motivation and my fuel, and that has worked for me for years. Please Raven, please don't ask anymore."

Raven agreed, then left quietly, teleporting directly to her room. What else could she do? He was hurting right now, and her interference would only make things worse, though she ached to make them better. At that thought, several books encased in dark power tore themselves to shreds, responding to her wildly fluctuating emotions. Denial was no longer an option. Raven had to face her feelings, or risk destroying the city.

She cared about Robin, more than she had ever let herself admit, as more than a friend. Was it love? There was no good answer to that question. She admired him, his ability to hope and fight even the most powerful darkness. She needed him, needed him to help her not drown in her own darkness. As much as she hated to admit it, he had become her knight in shining armor. He had become the closest person in the world to her, the one who would go to the depths of hell with his mortal enemy just to find her. She even liked him, which was saying a lot for her. She liked spending time in his company, liked drinking a cup of tea late at night, staying up with him while he obsessed over Slade. Was that love? Raven wasn't sure. She didn't have any particular desire to stick her tongue down his throat, could not locate the emotion that the humans called "Lust." All that Raven knew was that her feelings were incredibly complicated towards the Boy Blunder, and ignoring them wasn't helping anything.