Chapter 6: Coming into Focus

We fell backwards and we were dragged along the floor. I let go of her and looked up. What the hell? We were okay. I looked at Carol, who was shaking like a leaf. The door the farmhouse slammed just in time. The walkers were clawing at it. I sat up, my heart pounding in my ears. I looked at Rick, who was just as out of breath as I was. He slid his back down the door, wiping the sweat off of his forehead. Lori and Carl crouched in the corner. Maggie and Hershel were yelling in the kitchen. Patricia stood next to T-Dog, out of breath from pulling us inside. Shane and Glenn were standing to the side of the door with weapons in their hands. Lori got up to tend to Carol. She looked so pale, and so scared. I longed to hold her again. Even in that crappy situation, I felt like I protected her. Carol gave me a purpose. A reason to stay with this group. A reason to stay alive.

"Is there somethin' you wanna explain?" I said to Rick, sarcasm and anger hinting at the tips of my words. "We almost died out there!"

Rick casually stood up and walked to the table. He linked his fingers together and looked down at his hands.

"You deaf?" I stood up.

"No." he mumbled. "We've been trying to get that door open."

"No, ya weren't! I would've heard the knob jigglin' or somethin'!" I grew furious.

"We were try-"

"Don't lie to me!" I said, walking to the side of the table opposite him.

"I wanted Hershel's word!" he snapped at me, picking his head up.

"Bullshit!" I yelled, banging my fists on the table, "We almost died out there! He's throwing us out with them!" I shouted, pointing at the door.

"I was trying to help us to stay here!" he shouted back.

"By killing us?" I countered.

Carol placed a hand on my shoulder but I shrugged it off. My head was throbbing so loudly, I thought it would burst. My ears were warm and I'm sure my face was flushed.

"Daryl, you gotta-" Carol started.

"Leave me the hell alone!" I exploded.

She backed away from me. The room grew quiet. Maggie and Hershel emerged silently, while the only sounds left were the walkers scratching and pounding against the door. Everybody's eyes flicked to Hershel.

"As soon as it's safe to leave, I want all of you off my land." He said in a flat tone, like he was telling us what we're having for dinner. "Rick, can I have a word with you in the kitchen?"

The only thing that kept my temper from flaring up again was the hurt I'd caused Carol. She stood with Lori, who had her arm around her. She looked at the floor, refusing me begging her for forgiveness with my eyes. Rick pushed his chair away from the table and followed Hershel into the kitchen. As soon as her father was out of the room, Maggie ran to Glenn.

"When you leave, I'm coming with you."

All of us were surprised. Maggie? The farmer's daughter? Coming with us? Why? Maggie stood in front of him, checking to make sure he was okay.

"Maggie, your dad will never let you go. And I don't think I want you in danger…"

In danger. I looked at Carol. She stared intently into my eyes with indifference. I fuck everything up. Everything. That woman was all I had left. I feared losing her. What was left to live for? Nothing. Nothing at all. Carol was the only hope left in that world for me.

Glenn and Maggie were still talking when I came back to reality. Carol and Lori were now speaking in hushed voices, and Rick and Hershel's voices echoed through the house. Shane spoke up.

"Dale?" he asked. "Andrea?"

The entire room held their breath.

"They're in the RV. They're fine."

A sigh of relief escaped many lips. Conversations soon resumed. Looking around, I saw the windows were boarded up. Smart move. I walked to one of them and I moved away the curtain to expose a sliver of the glass. A walker stared right back at me. I flinched away from the window, also bumping into Carol.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"For what?" I asked, genuinely confused.

"I'm the reason this even happened. You would've been safe in this house, instead of risking your life for me. I… I can't lose you." She wouldn't look up at me.

I felt people staring at us. How badly I wished we were alone.

"Please… Please don't do this to yourself…" I whispered back.

She looked up at me with sad, tearless eyes. I couldn't pretend anymore.

"C'mere." I pulled her head into me and I wrapped my arm around her. I ignored the looks from the people around us. I couldn't lose her, and if showing that to the rest of the group was how I could keep her safe… I'd do it.