Breathe. That's all I can do. In. Out. Just breathe.

I can't.

I don't volunteer to take watch that night. Finnick doesn't ask and Johanna has disappeared into the forest.

It doesn't matter. I couldn't leave her even if I tried.

Oh, Katniss.

I pull her closer to me as we huddle in the sand at the edge of the trees. She's barely spoken since I pulled her out of the water and led her to eat. She didn't even bother with a single piece.

Nobody could bear to look at her. At us. They kept their eyes to the ground as they ate and left us to the suffering silence.

I couldn't blame them - even I was lost for words. The master of language was left without a tongue.

I feel her beside me shift and roll away and it's all I can do not to lock her within my embrace.

For the last few hours as the day disappeared I've never left her side despite her attempts to pull away. I know she wanted to disappear. But I couldn't let her suffer alone.

No, there was a selfish part too. I didn't want to suffer alone.

I'd lost something too.

All of my carefully laid plans now seemed useless, I realize as my fingers fondle the token I brought with me into the arena. The locket was half empty - a portrait of her family and Gale, and a spot for the child who would never be.

I can't give it to her now. She'd see it as a reminder of everything that's happened - not as a beacon of hope like it was intended.

Dammit.

She shifts further away from me, her body totally removing itself from contact with mine. I'm alone.

Without another thought I roll over onto my back and let the tears I've been holding in for hours finally fall. I try to keep it silent, to keep her safe from the desperate way I want to hold her until it's all okay.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, her back to me. It's all she's said since I realized what was happening.

It's too much then. I can't take her 'sorry' or another apology. I need her to just... I don't even know what I need except that I want her.

All I want is her to stay with me forever. Until I die in this arena.

I don't want to die. I don't want her to die. I didn't want... No. I can't think like that.

Another sob escapes my chest against my will.

"I'm sorry," She cries again.

"Stop fucking apologizing Katniss, please I am begging you, please." The words rip from my mouth like an agonized plea. I see Finnick turn to us in the dark before he stands and walks off. Beetee is too far off to be woken up.

The silence envelopes us again. I hear her crying softly, her sobs muffled by the arms she's wrapped around herself. I can't do this - I can't.

Carefully I turn back in her direction and reach out, my palm cupping her shoulder. She pulls away quickly and my heart breaks.

I don't care. Like in the water, I go against everything my mind tells me and I wrap my body tightly around her frame. I tuck my knees to the backs of hers, my chest pressing against her back and my arms pulling her close.

"I can't do this without you," I murmur into her mangled hair. I still smell the tin of the blood rain, but underneath I smell her.

"Peeta, I didn't -" I lay my hand over her clenched fist.

"You did everything right. They did this - not you. I love you. I always will." I take a breath and shift my body against hers. "You'll go home Katniss, and you'll live. You will."

And it becomes almost a desperate mantra that I repeat to myself. She has to go home. She has to keep living.

"Please don't... Don't pull away from me now. I don't want to go this way. I don't want to die with you thinking it's your fault. I want to die knowing that you know I love you. That you'll survive this," Her stiff body turns towards me then, her eyes wild with panic at my words. I try to calm the fear in them by running my hand in her hair and smiling gently. "I want to know you'll live and you'll have babies and you'll love until you die old and in your bed. Showing the Capitol once and for all that they don't own you."

I don't wait for the words I see on her lips. Instead I kiss her, deep and slow and like there's no tomorrow because for me there just might not be.

I'm laying on a cold table in a white room. I don't remember how I got here. All I know is that I hurt.

I hear the footsteps at my feet and try to look down. My body won't move. My arms are strapped and there's needles sprouting from my skin.

"Who is Katniss Everdeen?" The man says. I feel fear and rage run through my veins, my body shaking under the restraints.

"She destroyed everything," I growl, surprising even myself with my rage.

"Good, Peeta. Good."

I can't help but feel dirty when he disappears, my mind recoiling at its own treacherous thoughts.

I see her, through the window of my cell. I hate her. She took everything. She killed it.

I pace around my room, caged.

She destroyed everything.

How dare they let her live? They are fools, she's going to burn us all to the ground!

I step faster and turn on my heel, my eyes focusing on hers through the glass. My body tenses with the rage I'm trying to suppress.

But then there's a flash of a memory and she's laying with me in the warm sand and I'm saying that I love her and it's not her fault. And I know that maybe this was real.

When I look back at her then, the new memory fresh in my mind's eye, I see her tears.

It's real. So very real.

AN: I apologize in advance, these final two parts were written on my phone while I travelled this past week. This story will be tied up in the next part, I just want to clean that up a little first. Thanks again for reading, your reviews have been lovely!