Disclaimer: unfortunately I do not own anything Twilight related.
A/N: wowza! Over 7,000 views already and we're only nine chapters in, thanks guys for sticking with me.
I Love all of your reviews, it probably shouldn't amaze me how many of you out there like smut, but there you go. I hope you all enjoy this!
Chapter 10: We don't have to take our clothes off
Edward POV
The following Tuesday, I met up with the guys for a drink after work. When I arrived at the bar they were already at a table near the back, there was the first round of beers being brought to the table by Riley.
"Hey Eddie, pull up a seat!" boomed my brother as I got near to the table. The only free seats were the ones next to Jasper and opposite Jacob, as well as the one next to Riley, across from Emmett.
Taking the seat next to Jasper, Jacob looked up and gave me a small smile before turning to Riley to listen to him and Emmett talk. Taking a sip of the beer that was placed in front of me, I nodded indifferently as Jasper started talking about a patient who bit people she liked.
"What a head case" pitched in Emmett thoughtlessly.
"Yeah, well she pays out of the nose for our sessions so who am I to complain?" he shrugged and took a big gulp of his drink. I zoned out of the conversation, only really aware of how every so often Riley would touch Jacob's shoulder when he was talking or Jacob would look over his shoulder when making a point, just to smile at him.
For some reason I didn't like it at all, the looks they gave each other or any of the intimate touches. Barely contributing to the conversation, all I did was nod and grunt in agreement or disapproval but not having anything valuable to add to the conversation.
No one seemed to notice my foul mood, no one apart from Jacob who after another unenthusiastic response to a question from Riley, shot me a questioning look, his eyebrows raised and his head slightly tilted.
Ignoring him I turned my attention away from Riley's hand on Jacob's and towards Jasper and Emmett's friendly debate on the best car. I dismissed the looks Jacob gave me, watching them out of the corner of my eye, my jaw clenching with effort of remaining quiet.
When it was my round I hopped up from my seat eagerly, wanting to get away from Jacob's looks at me, walking to the bar and leaving their laughs behind me I got out my wallet as I got to the bar. Focusing all of my concentration on the drinks list behind the bar I realise that Jacob had walked up to me until he spoke.
"What's up with you?" he asked with the same questioning look on his face like before.
"Nothing" I retorted hotly, my voice giving away my bad mood, if my silence before hadn't already done that.
"You're so full of shit sometimes" my jaw tensing, I didn't reply looking down at the other end of the bar, where the bartender was chatting up a brunette with too much flesh on display. "Something's bothering you, you've barely done anything other than grunt and brood"
"I do not brood" I whined sounding pathetic to my own ears.
"Sure, sure" he retorted patronisingly rolling his eyes as he leaned on the edge of the bar with his elbow. Trying to get the attention of the bartender by casually waving at him, I ignored Jacob's comment, groaning when he brushed me off to smile at the brunette.
"What do you have to do to get a damn drink around here?" I muttered to myself slamming a hand down onto the bar angrily. Seeing that he was still chatting to the girl, I lifted my hand to pinch the bridge of my nose, closing my eyes for a moment.
"And I thought you couldn't get any more uptight. What's up, Ed?" dropping my hand from my face I glanced over at him, he looked back at me concern on his face. It was evident from the way he pressed his lips together in a thin line and the way he scrunched up his forehead a little. He raised an eyebrow when I said nothing, the bartender walked towards me casually.
"Finally, five bottles of bud"
"Don't ignore me, Edward!" he hissed as the bartender walked away again. "What is your problem?"
"My problem? I'm sorry if I don't want to see you and your boyfriend almost making out!" I blurted out, regretting my outburst as soon as the words left my lips. Averting my gaze away from him, his expression softened somewhat to something I could figure out. "you what, whatever you can do whatever you want"
"Are you jealous? He spoke very slowly almost hesitantly.
"No" I spoke too quickly and I could see that he didn't believe me. "Do what you want" slapping down a few bills as out beers came I picked up a few and he did too.
"I will, look if you're in a bad mood or whatever, don't take it out on me" he scowled and walked away not talking to me for the rest of the night.
Instead he would 'accidentally' bump my leg under the table, so that when I looked up I saw him whispering in Riley's ear or touching his leg. Then he would look at me and give me a raised eyebrow or a cheeky smile, before turning back to the conversation.
I just couldn't help- myself could I? I went to Jacob's flat over a week ago, to stop whatever we had started and what happened? We ended up ripping each other's clothes off as fast as we could, just like before. It seemed like any time I spent with Jacob, I either thought obsessively about being...intimate with him or it happened anyway. I thought about even when he wasn't around, I couldn't that deny I wanted him, lusted after him.
Did it mean that I was gay, if I lusted after a man in a way I had been always told should be for a woman, for my wife?
Head in my hands I mulled this over as I sat on the edge of my bed, having gotten to the park I when through with Bella's plans. Smiling but not really enjoying myself as I should have, considering all the effort she had put into the evening. I had kissed her held her in my arms, but it hadn't felt the same...it didn't feel right.
I knew I loved her, I never wanted her to be hurt or for me to be the one that hurt her. I just couldn't control myself when Jacob was involved and it infuriated me that someone could take away my control so easily. Nevertheless it also excited me, not to be the one thinking everything through, to be able to just let go.
Glancing over at my clock I saw that it was nearly midnight, tugging off my shirt and jeans I lay down. Another sleepless night would not make me feel any better, but as my lids drifted shut a barely conscious thought drifted into my head, although it was more of a memory.
Do what feels right...
~X~X~X~X~X~
Wrapping up my last lesson of the day, I walked to my car loading my music books in the back seat when my phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Hi Edward it's me" right away I recognised Bella's voice. "Have I caught you at a bad time?"
"No, I was just leaving school" getting in the car I did my seat belt not starting the car yet.
"Good, then you can pick me up and we can go see this beautiful place, that I was thinking would be perfect for the wedding reception" Bella had made me see quite a few places that would be 'perfect' so I wasn't really looking forward to wasting my time, looking at another place we wouldn't use.
"Sounds good I'll be at the office in ten minutes"
"Okay, see you then" disconnecting the call I dropped the phone onto the passenger seat and started my car, pulling out of the car park I made it to the second set of traffic lights when my phone rang again. It was flashing and vibrating on the passenger seat, eyeing the phone I saw Jacob's name flash across the screen.
Looking up the light was red so I reached out to try and pick up the phone, but my fingertips pushed it further away, trying again it fell to the floor still ringing madly. Hearing the toot of someone's horn I realised the light was green, so ignoring the ringing I drove on, after another minute I reached Bella's office and the ringing had ceased.
She came out of the building smiling excitedly when she saw my car, picking up my phone and feeling slightly disappointed that I had missed the call, I opened the door for her.
She leaned over and kissed me on the lips before whipping out a set of printed instructions and telling me which way to go. Soon we pulled up to The Edgewater hotel, named so for obvious reasons. Walking inside it had the cosy feel of a cabin lodge with a fireplace and comfy chair in the lobby, a tall thin man with thinning grey hair and pale aged skin approached us.
"Hello, I am Mr Sorrento, the manager of this hotel. How may I help you?" Bella was practically buzzing with excitement as she looked round, taking it all in.
"We're here for a tour, we're getting married and we heard you had an opening sometime soon" his eyes lit up and you could almost see the dollar signs in his eyes as he smiled and gushed over us, leading us through the lobby.
Oh good god this was going to be a long day.
~X~X~X~X~X~
Absentmindedly strumming on my guitar and looking at the clock every so often, waiting for who knows what, when my mobile rang. Picking it up alarmingly quickly when I saw it was Jacob calling me.
"Hi" was what I said first attempting to convey nonchalance and disinterest, but failing badly when I thought of the way Riley had touched Jacob the other day.
"Hey Edward, are you alright. You're not in one of your shit moods are you?"
"It is so nice to hear from you Jacob, after all you say such nice things" I responded drily putting my guitar away and sitting up.
"Just checking, you can be such a downer when you're in one of your moods...anyhow, I've had a really shit day, do you mind if I come round?"
"Sure" was all I said, trying way too hard to be offhand, but I couldn't help it.
"Cool I'll be round in ten, should I bring some drinks?"
"If you want"
"Ok, bye" I put the phone down and hopped up from the sofa, going round the apartment and picking up odd bits and pieces, tiding up quickly before he came. A few minutes later there was a lazy knock on my door, chucking a few bits into my laundry hamper I went to the door flinging it open to see Jasper at my door. To say I was surprised was a bit of an understatement, he looked defeated somehow as he stood by my door.
His eyes were bloodshot and his hair was unkempt, he looked like he hadn't slept in a while either. I could smell the alcohol on him as he clung on to the door frame, probably to stop him falling over.
"Hey man what happened to you?" he stood a step forward and staggered, stepping forward I grabbed him and half dragged him to the sofa. He let out a pained moan and sat with his head in his hands, it sounded like he said 'Alice' but I wasn't sure. Leaving him on the sofa I went into the kitchen and made him some coffee, bringing it back I put it on the table in front of him as he looked up from his hands.
"What happened Jasper?"
"I h-had an argument with Al-Alice" he replied slurring his words as he reached out for the mug and holding it in both hands as he took as small sip.
"But haven't you been fighting for a while now?" he shook his head slowly and frowning as he looked at me.
"It was different this time...she found that sh-she can't have kids. She knew it for a while"
"I thought you didn't want kids?"
"I didn't, i-it's what she's wanted for a while. I still don't think I-I want kids but it something I always thought would just happen, but know we won't get the chance" I was taken aback I did not see that one coming. Sitting down on the sofa next to him I looked up at the clock as silence fell over us, she couldn't have kids.
"When did she find out?"
"That's the thing, she's known for weeks. S-she knew for weeks and she never told me, she just fought with me and let me think I was the one in the wrong. How fucked up is that?" I knew it was a rhetorical question so I didn't speak I just let him rant for a while. "She wouldn't let me go to the doctors with her or anything, she's just shut me out" he sounded so hopeless and so defeated.
Just as I was about to say something to Jasper, someone knocked loudly on my door. For a moment I wondered who it was, until it hit me. I had completely forgotten that Jacob was coming round! Jasper barely looked up as he drank his coffee, standing up and walking to the door I was more concerned about Jasper so I prepared to tell Jacob we'd have to reschedule as I opened the door.
"Hi Ed" he said a smile on his face until he saw Jasper with his head in his hands, the smile faded into a look of first confusion then concern as he wordlessly walked up to our friend. He had with him a bottle of whisky which he put on the coffee table as he put a hand on his shoulder, while I closed the door. 'What happened?' he mouthed at me.
'Alice' was my response, he nodded in a silent understanding, knowing how they had been around each other the last time we saw them together. Jasper drained his drink and Jacob took the mug from him walking past me and into the kitchen, putting it in the sink he turned to face me as I followed him.
"Why is he here if he had an row with Alice?" filling him in quickly he shook his head, his lips set in a hard line as he walked back into my living room, to sit next to Jasper again.
"What am I supposed to do if she doesn't tell me what's going on?" he moaned leaning back and putting his hands over his face, in a move that was a little too dramatic.
"Well for one you should get off your ass and stop sulking, go home and talk to her" he looked at Jasper unsympathetically as he moved his hands away from his face.
"Jake, she didn't tell him so how was he supposed to know?" I pitched in defending Jasper, as he wouldn't do it for himself.
"Couldn't he see she was upset, we did...even so, can you imagine how she must be feeling? Obviously she didn't tell you because she thought you wouldn't react well and you've only gone and confirmed what she thought"
"Can you blame him? Alice should have told him!" crossing my arms over my chest I looked away from Jacob to Jasper who had an odd expression on his face. He held his hand up for me to stop, both of us fell silent as he looked at Jacob while he spoke.
"Jake is right" he nodded at Jasper, a self-satisfied smirk on his face as he listened to him. "I shouldn't have left, she was upset and I never asked why, never took the time to..."
"Then why...are you still here?" Jacob's tone was less judgemental as the light went on in Jasper's head. Standing up and swaying again but shrugging off Jacob when he tried to help, he went to the door stopping as he opened it to look at us.
"I should go!" but before he could take one more step his expression morphed into one of someone about to be sick. Jacob hopped up and pulled him away from the door and into the bathroom as quickly as he could, while I shut the door and followed them. Stopping myself at the bathroom door when Jasper started throwing up in my toilet, frowning I took a step back the sounds of his retching filling the apartment.
Jacob sat on the edge of the bath tub, waiting for Jasper to clear his system, before getting out some mouthwash and handing it to him. Taking the mouthwash and rinsing out his mouth, he leaned his head against the side of the sink closing his eyes for a minute, while I went to the medicine cabinet to get some aspirin for him, then to get a glass of water.
~X~X~X~X~X~
Half an hour later he had left and me and Jacob were left alone, sitting on the couch we had opened the bottle of whisky pouring ourselves generous measures, before seating ourselves in front of the television.
"You said you had a bad day, what was wrong?" he shrugged his shoulders then shook his head drinking from his tumbler and not looking at me while he spoke.
"It doesn't matter now" dropping the subject I started flicking channels, settling on the Elizabeth Taylor version of Cleopatra, it was a few minutes in already but we hadn't missed much. As we watched the film we ended up sitting pretty close, with one of my arms over Jacob's shoulder and his head on my chest.
It was quite...comfortable, every so often I really wanted to reach over and kiss him or more. But I was also content to sit and watch the movie with him, occasionally trading comments about the movie or the late Elizabeth Taylor. We didn't do anything special we were just spending time together, without it leading to anything else and although we had done this many times before...that night it felt different. And I found out that I didn't mind the change that much, but I didn't quite realise what it meant.
So when he had to leave after the film had finished, I was disappointed I wanted to spend more time with him, wanted more of him.
"You know we haven't had a night like this for a while...it was kinda nice" he said as he went to the door, voicing the thought I had in my head.
"Yeah it was" he leaned forward a grin on his face as he kissed me, it was over way too quickly but before I could protest or do anything else he was walking away from me.
A/N: I know this was a bit of a boring chapter, but some realisations will come to light for Edward but he needs time to figure it out, next chapter we skip ahead a couple of weeks to Jacob's POV, until next time!