Hello my fabulous readers! I've had little work to do for now so I thought I'd get this one out fast. There is a bit of 'background info' for James and Maddie in this part, I just thought I'd add it to the story for Maddie's reactions to him to make more sense. Thanks for all the reviews they're like my candy!
Chapter 11: Forgive What I Have Done.
What is forgiveness? Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom; it's the remission of sins. Forgiveness means letting go of the past. 'Forgive and forget' that's what they say, it's good advice some people follow it; me? I'm not quite so forgiving, in this world where we get back stabbed practically every day it's hard to imagine who we can trust. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, we want to correct that; we want to be the one to wrong them back and be the one who is right. When someone hurts someone we love we want that person to feel our wrath. Without forgiveness old scores are never settled, old wounds never heal, we remain so bitter so consumed by what we could have done or what we didn't do that we become twisted and bitter. But we don't want to become those people so the most we can hope for is that one day...we'll be lucky enough to forget. Some people deserve not to be forgiven; they are the lowest of the low; their lies and torment of us can never be forgotten and can never be forgiven; and this is where the rules change; they deserve our hate and never our pity. Genuine forgiveness doesn't deny our anger but faces it head on; the best remedy possible.
Maddie's POV
I don't trust Bruce; I know something is happening but he won't let me know. Unlike some I know when my brother is lying and for the past week or so my brother has been lying to my face. He keeps his office door locked; trust me I've already tried getting in to it; like with hair pins and even my credit card, sly I know but I did learn a few things off Jack; besides he never use to keep the door locked. And I know the old saying; curiosity killed the cat' but didn't satisfaction bring it back? I turn round to see Mat who is laughing away at some cartoon on the TV; oh great Tom and Jerry and Tom just tried to kill Jerry; my son is laughing at death...thanks Jack. I sit down cross legged on the floor next to his rocker; his attention shifts to me and he smiles and laughs when I stick my tongue out at him. I'm looking forward to when he starts speaking and walking; though with the amount of doors and stairs in the manor we'll be spending a ton on safety equipment. He chatters 'baby talk' at me and reaches his arms out to me; I pick him up and settle him against my chest and stomach, he squirms and settles against me with ease, apart from Bruce, Alfred is the only male face he has interactions with; I'm worried about when Jack next shows up and goes near him; what if he freaks out and cries, how is Jack gonna react? He's already pissed off that people think James is his father; how is he gonna react when Mat starts crying when he goes near him? He'll brush it off like it means nothing but I know him better than what he thinks. I bounce my knees gently up and down and he shrieks with a childlike innocence; pulling none to gently on my long hair, I wince and try to pry his hands away, he grips on tighter and starts to fuss. I give it up as a bad job and wince every time he pulls on it; he turns around and wipes his face on my hair; I groan and he peers up at me from behind my hair; I laugh and he mirrors it; blowing raspberries at me as he does. The alarm to the front door sounds and both me and Mat frown; if it was Bruce he'd have just walked in.
"I think Uncle Bruce has forgotten his keys baby," Alfred went into town to shop so it's just us in the manor, "Bruce why is it you who always loses the keys?" I look up and see him, Gordon and Stephen on the door step; their faces grim.
I paste on my face what I hope is a convincing smile, whilst Mat reaches for Bruce, who is still in disguise and clearly a welcoming sight for a baby; "Hi, what's the problem guys is everything ok?" I curse myself as my voice shakes and changes volume.
"Maddie is it alright if we come in, we don't mean to intrude we just need to ask you some things, if that's ok with you?" I look to Bruce for guidance and he nods his head 'yes' slowly, not wanting Gordon or Stephen to notice.
I step away from the door and stand to the side; my grip on Mat becomes harder and he squirms in agitation, I loosen my grip slightly as a million thoughts face through my head; god what is it they want with me now?
"We can go into the living room; Bruce and Alfred have both gone out so they won't be back for a while." Stephen smiles at me and steps closer, bringing his hand to my shoulder and giving it a soft squeeze, I smile at his offer of reassurance. The cartoon is still playing and Bruce smiles at it; Mat notices and once again stretches his hands out towards Bruce.
"What's happened Gordon that all three of you need to come here?" All the focus in the room goes to Gordon who shifts in his seat, grasping the folder in his hands, I zone in as I see my name written on it.
"Do you know Mac Dawson Maddie?"
"Yeah I do Karen Dawson's husband right? Sure I know him; she's been on my table enough times when his broken another bone in her body. Why is that why you're here is it Karen, is she ok?" I knew it I failed her; and now she's dead.
"No Maddie Karen's doing ok considering. Last night we got a phone call and found Mac; he was murdered by the Joker." I inhale; at least she is ok, but Jack, what is he doing and why does my name always end up involved?
"Thank God she's ok, but what does that have to do with me?"
"Maddie, this is awkward for us, but at the scene the Joker left...messages on the wall, different injuries and they all match ones you have had in the past. We think that he's trying to tell us that James hurt you...Did he?" It's my turn to shift in my seat now; he promised he wouldn't say anything, he promised. He stood in front of me and swore he wouldn't say anything.
"Yeah but technically he actually hasn't said anything Maddie; he's having fun with the cops leaving little clues and body parts lying around everywhere."
"Not now James," I mutter under my breath urging him away.
"Maddie?" I look up as Stephen prompts me; sat next to him is James, mimicking him as they both sit forward, hands clasped.
Ok Maddie now is a good time to say it...come on say 'yes' one little word; "No, no he didn't hurt me. I don't know where Ja... Joker got that from because I said nothing to him, he's lying I never talked to him about things like that." And the major bitch and liar award goes to me.
"Maddie it's not looking good for you though; I mean why would he do this if something hadn't happened?"
I stand up and move away from them, attempting to dig my way out of the hole Jack has created for me; "Jesus guys I don't know! Why are you even asking me these questions when it seems to me you've already made your assumptions? Why do you believe him over me?" At least all three of them have the decency to look ashamed.
"Lying isn't the answer Maddie. Didn't you're mother tell you lying was bad, here was your chance to tell them and you couldn't; I'm ashamed of you, this was probably your last chance to tell on me and you did nothing."
"There wasn't much point," I mutter softly to James.
Stephen touches my arm; tracing it down from the elbow to my wrist and then touching my finger tips; "Maddie we realise this is a hard topic but these injuries; there's too many of them to be an accident. I've seen cases like this before we all have; your case looks so familiar it's like all the others I've seen before. He's dead Maddie it's not like he can come back and get you, you're perfectly safe."
"How many times do I have to say it? He didn't hurt me! Why is this so hard for you to understand? James...he liked it rough ok? He liked it rough so that's what we did..." They all look startled and Bruce winces; hell I'd rather them think I was some kind of sexual pervert than the truth.
Bruce steps forward and I resist the urge to run to him; "We should leave you to it then Madeline, if anything else comes up though we will have to come back. We didn't mean to pry," I shake hands with them all confused at their early departure.
I go to run after them when I see Gordon has left the file on the table; I flip it casually open, "Well what does it say? How are they trying to ruin my career and my memory huh? This is a downer isn't it; from model cop to dead cop, then award ceremony all for me and now what? What will I be known as, woman beater? Dirty cop?"
"It just says what they've found...I told him not to say anything, why would he say something James?" I'm desperate to actually have some form of comfort from him; his the only one around right now.
"Hmm, just what they've found, like it's no big deal? And how the hell should I know what to do? They didn't believe you anyway Maddie and you best have something sorted when they come back, Gordon left the folder here on purpose then as soon as your back is turned Bruce will go and give it back to him. Then you'll crack and everyone will know that you're crazy and you'll just have me. The way it's supposed to be, remember how good it was Maddie? Remember when we first met and how much you use to love me? Remember our first holiday together?"
I wipe the tears harshly away from my face and nod clutching onto his hand that he rests on my shoulder.
"Tell me how you remember it..."
He wasn't that hard to miss; against the older figure of Gordon he stood out and he knew he did. The gang of nurses, interns and doctors had practically gathered round to see him. Jane had dated him before and was quick to tell everyone who he was; his smile...god his smile when he did smile properly, a proper honest to God real smile; he would have stood out even next to Brad Pitt. He was guarding an inmate who had tried to kill himself and his roommate; he seemed so care-free and easy, a new cop obviously but he knew what he was doing. I stood next to the board sorting out the day's surgeries when he came and stood next to me, trying to catch my eye.
"It's a busy day today for you huh?" I rolled my eyes at his pathetic attempt at a pick up line; but he knew he didn't have to rely on his personality to gain favour.
"Yeah I guess it is Officer..."
"Dawson, I'm Officer Dawson and you obviously need no introduction Miss Wayne." He purred my name out like he was feeling pleasure just by saying it.
"Of course I don't Officer, if you excuse me I have to go and see to my patient."
He glanced at the board noting I was heading to see his guy; "I'll er walk you to the room, I think we're going to the same place." I had smiled not understanding what he was meaning, but secretly loving the attention this sought after man was giving me.
He had opened the door for me and allowed me to step in first, stepping in behind me and closing the door; I had turned round and laughed; the guy was knocked out and James had stood behind me laughing at his cleverness.
"Told you we were going to the same place Miss Wayne."
And after that he never left my side; I should have noticed the early warning signs but for the first few months no alarm bells rang. In the village where he grew up he knew of an old woman, a somewhat mother figure for him whilst growing up who had a crooked back after a bad fall. She was skilled in making poises and corsages from silk flowers and ribbon. He took me to her once and we sat in front of her log fire and drank hot chocolate watching the snow fall while she sat in the corner; her work hidden from my view. I remember looking out of the window and tracing the window pane as the snow fell; my fingers tapping gently on the window. James had stood behind me and stroked my arm turning me around slowly and covering my eyes.
"Don't look, even when you feel me put it on you don't look until I say." I had nodded and closed my eyes in clear interest and excitement; he gently grabbed my wrist and closed the silk over my wrist.
"Open your eyes Madeline."
The corsage was made up of the softest of orange silk, shaped into roses; white pearls and smaller pieces of white see through ribbon joined them together. I smiled and kissed him gently; the old woman stood behind us and nodded.
"Thank you so much for making me this," I embraced them both; she refused to take my money; instead insisting my happiness was all the payment she needed.
It was just three months into us dating when he took me there; he would often introduce me as 'wife' to the townspeople who smiled and commented on how well we both looked. Here no one knew my name and I melted in as easy as I would do abroad. He promised me he would marry me as soon as he could; telling me over and over how proud he had finally made his father and by marrying me would make him prouder. I told him I was the luckiest girl in the world; I taught him how to dance and we would dance slowly to nonexistent music. He would lift me up and gently guide me back down the full length of his body; repeating over and over again 'what would I do without you?' I would always smile and reply 'Let's hope we never find out'. And he would kiss me so gently at first like he was scared I would break apart in his arms.
As a police officer he would often have to leave for days, sometimes weeks at a time to complete his training. He would always call and after the second day of being away I was called down the stairs by Alfred who handed me the orange coloured envelope; I had known instantly it was from him. I had ran up to my room to read the letter in privacy; saying the words in the letter over and over until I was word perfect and could tell what was written on the next page before I got to it. When I was at work I would repeat over in my mind the words on the pages; hearing his voice as I did so. My favourite letter of his was one of the first he sent me; I had been ill and could barely speak so I couldn't come to the phone. He had written the letter it would appear instantly, most likely after hearing I was unwell and when it came in the post Bruce had been the first to get there; I had to wrestle it off him as he tried to read it out;
'My dearest Madeline' I had snatched it out of his hand before he could read further, reading the words out loud only when I was sure Bruce had gone.
My dearest Madeline,
Not being able to speak to you and hear from you is one of the worst feelings I can go through. I heard from your brother that you were sick and have never wished so much to see someone. I wish I could be with you now so I could talk with you, lay with you and kiss you. Mrs Hope once made me some of her homemade soup when I was ill and I will soon write to her and get her to make you some. It makes my heart ache that I cannot always be in your presence. I'll make sure soon that I am with you once again, the training is going well and I will soon be finished.
Yours,
James.
"I meant it you know; you are mine for eternity, me being dead doesn't change that. You're just kidding yourself with that guy; he doesn't love you like I could. Be honest with yourself if you saw him walking down the street you wouldn't twice at him; he had to kidnap you and beat you for you to notice him."
I have to defend Jack he doesn't deserve this; "It wasn't like that and of course I would never had looked at him; he's a well known killer. Anyone with some sense about them wouldn't look at him in the street. You don't know him how I know him; I may have memories with you but now I have better ones with him," I nod towards Mathew who is settled in his rocker, "And now I have his son and maybe that's not ideal but I could never wish I hadn't met him."
"We could have that back Maddie, you don't need them you just need me. The Joker is like a dog Maddie that you can't train, you may think you have him tame but the minute you think everything is ok he'll kill you. I would never have killed you, I knew my limits."
"When you love someone, when you create a child with him, you don't just suddenly lose that bond. He's like that because he has been hurt so many times in life it's hard for him to trust people. But he let me in you only pretended to. You never knew your limits that what always the problem with you among other things."
He digs his sharp nails into my shoulder and I wince as they cut through the thin material of my top; I go to loosen my hold on his other hand but he grips painfully onto it.
"No one would believe me with anything anyway even if I told them how I was feeling, what do I do? I don't know what to do. Should I tell Jane?"
He sniggers behind me and sniffs my hair; the blonde waves pouring through his fingers like gold; "Yeah sure tell her, why are you asking for my advice anyway? You weren't bothered by it when I was alive why bother now when I'm dead? You just ignored me then Goldilocks, why should I care what happens?"
"I'm asking you because right now you're the only one who isn't denying anything is wrong with me. Why do you keep agreeing with everything I say?"
He scoffs at me and I feel the vibrations echo through my body; "Because I am you. I'm your brain, your mind everything. You're talking to yourself and imaging the things you think I would say; this is your reaction it doesn't have anything to do with me, I'm six feet under Goldilocks."
"Don't call me that name you know I hate it. You're real I know you are I can feel you right now." I turn around so we're face to face, "Touch me! Go on do it! I felt you just then, I feel you every time you touch me. That has to mean something right?"
For a second I think he won't do it; but slowly he reaches towards me and grabs me; pulling me sharply to his chest; I wince and look down when I feel wetness; his blood is all over my stomach it's like a haunting premonition of what's to come, I pull away, stumbling and fall back onto the seat. "See Goldilocks, you may think you're touching me but I'm nothing, I'm not here."
I let out a cry; closing my eyes from what he has finally given me; the truth. and Mat starts fussing and I open my eyes, peering out from behind my fingers; James is gone and once again it's just me and Mat. I pick him up gently and rub his leg; he settles and rubs his eyes. I wordlessly start walking upstairs; settling him in his cot and turning on his mobile. The jungle animals spring to life and he reaches up to them, grabbing for their shadows on the wall next to him.
"Mommy will be back in a minute baby." I walk into my room and stand in front of my dresser; pulling at my hated hair; this is what always set me aside from Bruce when we were growing up, this is the hair that caused people to question my mother's fidelity, my birthright. I open the drawer and my hand closes around my scissors, I hold them up to my hair and hack at it; feeling nothing as the hair falls to my feet, I don't even blink. I stop when I am satisfied; I'll need a professional to finish it off, but I can't leave the house looking like this. I throw the scissors onto the floor next to my hair and grab the hat from my wardrobe. It fits just so onto my newly cut hair and I grab my bag and turn to leave, not bothering with whats left of my long, blonde hair.
Stephen's POV (after they leave manor)
"So did anyone believe her, or did you all think she was doing some first rate acting?" Batman refuses to answer and Gordon still looks troubled; he left the folder there and hopefully this will awaken some sense into her.
"Not for one minute and I don't think she did. She's scared and upset; I think she's been living in fear for so long that when he finally leaves her she doesn't know how to act. This could be why she never left; it's like when someone's trying to give up drugs and they're worried about the person they'll be without them."
"I don't... I just don't understand why she felt like she had to hide it...if it happened. She could have told m... she should have told her brother he could have helped her. She should have gone through this alone, what can of person deserves this pain? She was always welcomed back at the manor...she always had somewhere to call home" Batman's voice is wavering with the shock; he sounds like a heart broken man; the case has hit them all hard.
"Trust me it happened, what I want to know is, is how did the Joker get it out of her? How did he find out? She didn't have any fresh injuries when we picked her up so apart from the first night she was with him he hadn't laid a finger on her, nor had he let anyone else."
Gordon speaks gravelly behind him; "That attack where she had the glass in her back that would have left scarring. Unless that is if she hadn't seen a plastic surgeon, we could always ask her about that, maybe if we bring that up we could get her to start talking about it."
"So what we're supposed to get a warrant to see a scar on her back that may or may not be there? We'll be laughed right out of the judge's office Gordon, give me a break."
Gordon turns; his coat billowing behind him; "We have to do something! What do you think the Joker will do if we don't do anything? His already blown up a hospital full of innocent what do you think he would do with us? Something has happened with him; it started when Maddie was with him and it's not ended just because she's gone."
Stephen winces and draws his finger across his neck; the full impact of what would happen settles over them.
"I could talk to the Doc see what he says; see what the difference between rough sex is and being attacked. I mean how rough do you have to be to dislocate a shoulder and break a few ribs?"
Gordon nods; "Right and I'll keep an eye out for anything else; I'll check James' cases see if anything stands out; something might come up."
"I'll be around, I'll look after the Wayne girl," Batman's voice seems to have recovered, though said man still looks ghastly pale beneath his black armour.
Stephen waits for them both to leave Wayne manor before leaves; he admits it he likes Maddie, she always deserved much better than James; of course she only sees him as a friend and while he was content with that a while back now he isn't so sure. He yawns, he's been up for hours he realises; he needs sleep and food; he can always call the Doc on the way back home. He dials and waits for the doc to answer; he does so after the fifth ring; his voice lagging and tired.
"Hey doc it's me Stephen, we've just finished interviewing Maddie Wayne and I have a few questions to ask you if you could help?"
"You caught me just before my shift ended, how can I be of service?"
"You've dealt with a lot of dead body's right? What's the difference between rough sex and abuse?"
"Simple, especially in the case of miss Wayne; a dislocated shoulder during sex would be quite hard to manage, as would many of her other injuries; if she has no scaring nor bruising on her body I would scratch that out straight away. I looked at the files you left me on her and this isn't rough sex; this is abuse, it's way too much of a coincident for it not to be. Besides the injuries during rough sex would be around the wrists, ankles and vaginal area. Does this help you out Stephen?"
"Yeah doc thanks and you take it easy."
He ends the call and shakes his head; James wasn't supposed to be like this; the people who looked up to him. Yet instead of telling them she told the Joker; something must have happened between them for her to have revealed something so big like this to him. She clearly made an impression on him; it's not every day the Joker goes round trying to help the cops and other people. He remembers how fast Sophia left; did James get to her too?
Maddie's POV
"I think this would suit you Miss Wayne, what do you think?" I look up and turn to the mirror; the excited woman behind me ruffles my chin length brown hair artistically. No more Goldilocks now James.
"I think the colour is amazing I'm so glad you decided to have a new look! Brown is such a good colour on you and the style of the hair; it's a totally new look, a complete reinvention!" I smile at her words; this is what I wanted a reinvention, a fresh start. I stand up; dusting the hair off me and grabbing my coat and Mat off my aide.
He nods and smiles at me; he still doesn't talk much but it's better than nothing. "It's nice," my head shoots up to look at him and he tries again, "It's nice ma'am you look nice." "Thank you" I utter back as soft as he did.
The young woman behind the counter can barely hold her excitement as she takes the money off me; "Will Bruce Wayne be coming to pick you up?" Of course, it's all about Bruce, no such luck today girl.
"No sorry, though maybe I'll bring him back here soon. You can keep the change...Adele." She gushes and holds the door open for us. I look into a passing mirror and smile; I don't recognise myself; good right now I'd rather be anyone but me.
Ohh the drama! I'm really glad I got this chapter out fast to you; it's freezing where I am so I'm wrapped up in my pjs, ugg boots, my friends jumper and scarf...oh the life of a poor student but at least my fingers are warm with all this typing! thank you all so much for staying with me and for all your messages/reviews. Hopefully I'll be quick to update again soon!
Yours,
Feels-Like-Paradise.
P.s Tom and Jerry is a really old cartoon is England, I dunno if it was broadcasted anywhere else but I loved it a as kid I use to sit there for ages watching it; it doesn't sound as bad as it does, honest, it was like 'slap stick' humour but so funny when you're four years old and easily pleased!