Hi everyone my nets been down for a while so I couldn't get this out until today. Speed's fate is revealed in this chapter and I won't say too much but...read on! There's a little note at the bottom explaining my nonexistent knowledge of a certain scene. Thanks!
Chapter 17: Lay Your Hands On Me...Let Me Be Healed.
Survival, it's a basic human instinct; we all want to fight for life, for the chance to do more. Survival of the fittest, the food chain, the lonely deer and the hungry lion. Fight for life... Fight for other people's chance for life. In life there are choices we must make. Good or bad. Wrong or right. Yes or no. In or out. Up or down. Live or die. That's the important choice; who lives and who dies, who are we to decide who lives and who dies? Sadly it's not always in our hands; sometimes it's just people's times. But that doesn't mean that we didn't want to help, that we truly did everything we could to prevent this, that death is part of living. The dead can't hurt the living after all...can they?
'His been shot...' 'His been shot'...
'How is he?" My voice is dreamy and soft; like I've woken up from a dream. Jack looks at me, the blood covers his face; finger prints evident on his already marred face.
"His er his hurt real bad, I can normally take care of things like this but I don't want to touch him incase I make it worse. He's in a lot of pain, I didn't know what else to do; can't take him anywhere, people know he's with me."
"What are his injuries?"
Jack looks unsure, his brow tightens, "Bozo managed to get a quick look at him, said that his arm looked the worse and he thinks he got one in the leg too, Speed wouldn't let any of us touch him or go near him, we couldn't check, I don't know how bad it is."
Leg...arm, so many vital arteries so many chances he could easily die. "Do you want me to come and look at him; I don't have any surgical equipment..." Jack interrupts, his curls bounce; "Yeah that would be good I've got stuff at the house, knives and pills and whatever you need I can get it."
"Ok, Jane's here I need to let her know," I pull out my phone, typing a quick message to her; soon enough I hear her footsteps on the stairs, her voice calling out to me.
I turn to Jack, his shoulders are hunched, he looks like the life has been beaten out of him; "I'll be back in a second ok? You just stay here; I promise I'll be back."
"Jane," she turns towards me, her mouth opening in surprise, I check myself, blood has transferred from Jack to me, this looks bad, I realise.
"It's not mine Jane," She looks at me wearily, moving slowly towards me; "Then whose is it Mads?"
Before I can open my mouth, the bathroom door creaks open and Jack appears from the corner of my eye, Jane stills, her mouth dropping open. I ignore her and turn to Jack; he leans casually against the door frame, as though daring her to comment on his presence.
"Hey Janey," he drawls, his hand lazily flips in the air; Mat does the same in response, eager to see him again.
"Maddie you're kidding me right? What is he doing here? If Bruce comes back..."
"He won't come back, he isn't due back for a while," Jane, I step forward; holding my hand over her mouth as I hear Alfred calling us. Great timing as always...
"Please don't say anything, just say I had to do something at the hospital, ok? I'll explain everything later."
"Doll, we need to go now." I let go of Jane's mouth and grab for Jack's outstretched hand, he turns towards my bedroom, I look back at Jane and Mat, they both look confused, Jane scared.
"We can just drop down from the balcony in your room; it's not far down, I'll go first and catch you ok?"
I eye him nervously; it's alright for him to say he's well over six feet while I'm just over five foot, a small drop won't seem so small to me. He pulls open my window, swinging his leg over, he takes my hand and guides me through, we step out onto the balcony and look down; he pulls me to him, roughly kissing my hair.
"It'll be alright, it's easy ok? I'll go first and I promise I'll catch you, no messing." The distaste must still be on my face for he turns to me, gripping my face harder than usual in his hands.
"Look I just said I'll catch you, I won't let you fall, I'm a man of my word. I f I wanted to throw someone off a building I'd go find the Bat. Trust me ok?"
I nod, he grips me tighter and I wince but quickly reply "Yes I trust you, just do it."
He kisses me roughly before dropping out of my sight; I wince, expecting to hear a thud follow by screams of pain; instead he stands on his two feet, grinning...show off. I swing my leg over the side, positioning myself over the railing; he nods at me yelling encouragement to me. "Just do it for Speed, come on..." I jump, half expecting him to leap to the side and laugh, giggling at his own joke, laughing at my broken body; instead I feel a pair of strong arms and the familiar smell of burnt clothing.
"Told you I'd catch you," he sounds smug, I'm just glad he did catch me. He lowers me to the floor, waiting a second for me to steady myself before he grips my arm and pulls me away from the Manor.
"How did you get here?"
He nods to a van with blackened side windows, a bald man no older than thirty hangs out of the window, seeing Jack he quickly throws the half finished cigarette out the window, before leaping out to open the van.
"Johnny, Maddie, Maddie, Johnny. Johnny keep your eyes on the road and not my girl got it?"
The guy stutters at Jack's orders, "Now open the door for the lady; where's your manners Johnny boy?"
He moves quickly, gesturing to me when he opens the other door for me to get into. Jack props his feet on the dashboard, nodding towards Johnny; "let's go, gotta sort that dumb ass out."
He sits hunched; chewing on his dirt filled nails, muttering to himself and occasionally barking out orders for Johnny to drive faster. I sit in the back, my hands clasped, ever so often I can feel Jack's eyes on me, I catch him once and offer him a smile, he nods, Johnny's eyes remain on the road, obeying Jack down to the last 't'. I can tell we're getting close when the houses get further apart and the trees thicker; we finally pull up to an old building; it looks practically condemned.
"Johnny you sort things out outside, get everything moved and get Pegg's help if you need in it. Don't bother me unless you need to," the last part is hinted at a threat; Johnny seems to know this and nods; pulling a heavy looking box out of the van.
"Come on, come on," Jack is impatient now more than before; he taps his feet and pushes me towards the house.
I wait for him to come in, the house looks like something out of an Edgar Allen Po novel; the dimly lit corridors and the flickering lights, all give off a sense of forbidding, fitting the mood graciously I suspect. Even from the ground floor I can hear the low moans of Speed; I gingerly start walking up the staircase, Jack right behind me, his breathing rapid.
"We gave him something to help ease the pain; I don't know if it helped, I didn't want to keep pumping him full of pills."
I stop, towering over him for once on the higher step; "What pills did you give him?"
He looks at me anxiously, "Some painkillers, that's all we had, Bozo checked them before and said they were fine...they are ok aren't they?"
"They should be fine," I reply flatly, "if it helps him then I see no reason why you shouldn't have given him anything." He looks relieved as though fearing whatever they had given him might have killed him off.
He points towards the room with his thumb, "He's alive though, that's a good sign isn't it, he can't be dying can he?"
I hesitate, trying to find the correct words, he sees this and grips my elbow, the leather from his gloves stick to my skin, "Don't, don't do that. Don't cover anything up; if he is dying I should get to know."
I try and shake him off, this side to him I don't like, but his grip, if possible tightens, "I don't know without looking at him, his in pain naturally but what damage there is I don't know."
He glances down at his hand, quickly dropping my arm and merely carries on walking, I follow his coat tails, the moans and soft whispers of men get closer. He taps on the door, Bozo opens the door at Jack's knock and draws us in, I find myself dawdling, as if sensing Jack looks back and his fingers capture mine, pulling me close to his side. Bozo is white faced with lack of sleep, his eyes red rimmed from his efforts.
"How is he?"
"For a while there we thought he'd gotten better, he even sat up and started joking with us, but then he got paler, we brought him some food up and he couldn't keep any of it down."
He turns to me now, his face hopefully, "But he'll get better though, maybe we shouldn't have given him anything to eat, he probably can't after being shot, he probably just doesn't feel up to it."
All eyes are on me, James was right, Bruce can't help me all the time, "You're right his been through a lot, he shouldn't really eat at all, but he may be able to later, something light though."
Jack turns to the other men in the room, I've never seen any of them before and they all eye me with the same curiosity, "Get out, go and do whatever, tell Pegg to stay with the van incase I need him to get anything."
They all nod and step away from the bed, I half expect them to bow to Jack, instead they walk past us, eyes down. As soon as the door is shut I turn to Speed. The bed sheets are soaked with his sweat and blood; he lies there tossing and turning, white as death, his teeth chattering.
"Speed..." he turns to the sound of my voice, whimpering as he tries to get off the bed.
I go to his side, gripping his large hand, "I'm hurt real bad Maddie..."
"I know Speed, but I'm gonna try and make it all better ok?" He nods and groans; the action too much for him.
Bozo and Jack hover at the end of the bed, Jack eyeing his injuries. "He won't tell nobody who did this to him, says it all happened too fast and he saw no one."
Speed moans at Bozo's words, his eyes dart from side to side, he's lying.
"Can you both go and get me some hot water and a towel for him please?"
Obediently they leave the room and I continue to fuss over Speed, smoothing the hair away from his face. He gripes my hand, his eyes struggling to focus on my face.
"I ain't feelin much hurt no more Maddie. Pain's gone. Bad sign ain't it?"
"Yeah but I'm gonna help you Speed ok, I'm not gonna let you die and if I do you can come back and haunt my ass. But you don't get to die yet ok?" He smiles and giggles, attempting to clutch at his arm and leg.
"Now that they've gone out of the room are you gonna tell me who really did this?"
"Don't know." I huff at his answer, here's me thinking he was the easier one.
"You don't know?" He shakes his head, his lips pressed firmly together.
"I'm gonna need to look at your arm and leg will you let me?" He looks from his arm to me and then back again, finally, with shaking arms he shows me his arm. I peel away the sleeve of his top as gently as I can; he hisses in pain as he shirt catches, pulling at the delicate skin, he clenches his good hand.
The door creaks open, Jack and Bozo carrying the water and towels, bringing them over quickly when they see his arm is bared.
"How bad is it?" Jack asks his voice low so that I have to strain to hear.
I tilt Speed's arm, the blood gushes out of it, trickling down his arm to my hand. I lay it down carefully; he goes back to cradling it, his bright eyes trailing my next actions. I peel open his trouser leg where the bullet has ruined the fabric; this bullet is embedded in his skin; it's not so far in; this will be easier than his arm.
"Here," Jack pushes the needle into my hand, unseen by Speed. I glance down, the anaesthetic I'll need to use later; I can't risk him just being calm on those pills.
"Can you do it?" I step away from the bed, Jack and me walking to a corner in the room while Bozo wipes blood and sweat off Speed with the towels.
"His leg looks like the easiest option, I could do that first, his arm will need more doing to it, it's in pretty bad shape," seeing the look on Jack's face I add quickly, "He won't lose it, he is very lucky though, how did this happen?"
At once he looks guilty, I start to fear what he's up to, "He was just doing a job that's all, he screwed up not me so don't look like that."
His outburst stings us both; I recoil slightly but say nothing, understanding he is upset, concerned at Speed's fate. He distracts himself, taking off his gloves, throwing them carelessly over his shoulder.
"Do you have anything I can use? Any tweezers, needles, thread?"
"I set some up in the other room, didn't want him seeing them and freaking out again. His already punched one of my guys for going near him, what would he do if he saw them?"
I nod, point taken, "I'll need to wash my hands and make sure everything is sterilised."
"Bozo, we'll be back soon, you keep with him ok? Anything happens to him, he freaks out or gets worse, we'll be in the next room."
Jack turns to me, holding his arm out for me to hold onto; I put my fingertips gently on the material of his shirt. He pushes my hand further to him when we step out the door.
"I can hardly feel you." I look to him; his still painted face is messier than usual, the black completely gone from one eye, Speed's blood drying on his neck. He takes me into the other room, his room and locks the door behind us, resting against it.
"Its ok to be worried Jack, I'm not gonna judge you."
He practically snarls at me, I flinch, but refuse to back down, "I'm not worried, I'm not, he took the job knowing there would be risks. It's not my fault, not my fault at all."
I ignore him, stepping to the table where everything has been laid out; he moves behind me, resting his hands on my waist, I turn to him, "You should care, look at who you are, I'm sure you're not winning best friend of the year award any time soon, yet Speed still stands by you, he always has. At the end of the day we all want someone to have our backs and Speed has yours no questions asked, no matter what you tell him to do for some reason, someone other than me has stuck round and taken your crap. So this thing that you're doing, where you pretend not to care, quit it. He's in there right now scared and afraid that his let you down. He picked and chose you as his friend, when you do that, when you've chosen that person you tend to stick close by, no matter how much they get hurt and in your job I'm sure that's a lot. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, like Speed and Bozo; those are the ones worth keeping, and sure sometimes close can be too close, he may annoy you, he may ask too many questions, he may not be the fastest guy or the cleverest but sometimes that lack personal space; it can be exactly what you need."
I expect him to go mental, start saying I don't understand anything especially him, but he doesn't, he smiles and gathers me in his arms, his head on my neck, standing close, like how we first did.
As if reading my mind he mutters into my neck, "Do you remember when I first did this? You yelled at me for walking in on you and I just stood there, you looked so beautiful, I couldn't believe in when you let me touch you, you were scared but you still let me; why? Why did you let me start this with you?"
I pull away and stroke the side of his face, near his eyes, "It was the look in your eyes, you looked as freaked as I did. I thought you were gonna hit me, but you didn't, you kidnapped me and yet you looked after me. I didn't expect to last an hour let alone the night, you freaked me out and you still do but I guess I like it. You make me feel good."
He rubs his face along mine again, nuzzling into me; "I love you," he whispers, as though even I'm not suppose to hear him and knowing him like I do, I know he has to be in a good mood to say that, in the right state of mind to even think it.
And I knew then in that moment, that I was going to do it. When you loved someone, you put their needs before your own, even this, my first 'operation' in over a year, the thing I was fearing the most, I would do for him.
"I should clean up," I say, knowing we couldn't hang around here forever, that Speed needed me, but what if he died what would happen? Sweet, funny, clumsy Speed, the glue in the Joker's gang.
"Can you inject him with the anaesthetic? I'll be out in a minute."
He squeezes my hand once more and turns his hands out; I drop the needle in his open palm. I grab the bottle water and pour it over my hands, grabbing the equipment I do the same, ensuring no surface is left untouched. I grab my headband that was wound around my wrist and pull my hair away from my face, I stare at myself in the cracked mirror, dragging my fingers down it I breathe in and out to calm myself. It doesn't work...what if I see James; what if I freeze up, what if I forget everything? I dry my hands, the click of the door indicating Jack behind me.
"You ok?" I shake my head, "No, no I'm not," I turn to him, pointing towards Speed's room, "that's Speed in there, what happens if he dies? I can't...if he dies... I can't."
He kisses me hard, I wipe my tears furiously away, "You'll do good in there, this is your job it's what you're good at. And yeah it's Speed but look at him, shot twice and he's still alive, hell if it had been any of the other's I'd be asking you to check over a dead body. I'll be there as well, any time you need me, I'll be there, you won't be alone."
I smile and nod, nervously re-doing my hair, "You know just what to say to make a girl feel special," he laughs and starts to wrap up the things, with his spare hand he takes hold of me again.
Speed is still, the anaesthetic is working well, his eyes open and Jack jerks, "You're keeping him awake?"
"I don't want to chance anything, if I put him under he may not wake up again, there's all kinds of risks, he can't feel a thing."
"Hey Speed, I'm gonna start with your leg ok? You won't feel anything I promise."
Bozo passes me some latex gloves and I smile in thanks. I take the knife, it's shaped almost like a scalpel, I start cutting into the skin, attempting to ease out the bullet, I glance up at Speed, Bozo is covering his mid section so he can't see what I'm doing, his eyes meet mine and I nod, looking back down. It's much longer the bullet than what I originally thought, I have to cut further. Eventually I get the bullet, flicking it out gently in my hand. I hold it up to the light, handing it to Jack. I douse his leg in alcohol, trying in vain to make sure no infection can get in.
"What now?" Bozo asks, craning his neck to look at the wound, "I have to stitch him up, then get on with the arm, how you doing Speed?"
"Finee," I look up at his slur, his eyes are still focused, it's a good sign. I thread around the broken skin carefully, Jack was right, this is my thing, this is what I do.
"I've done it, I've done the leg, see Speed it's done." He smiles, raising his thumb, we all look at each other and grin, startling when Speed's hand drops to the bed, his eyes rolling back into his head.
"Speed, Speed?" I rush up to his face, listening to his breathing, Bozo taps him urgently on the face and he coughs, spluttering for air.
I lean back, "Oh my god..."
Jack laughs behind us, slapping his thigh, even Bozo smiles, "Dammit Speedy we thought you were a goner then."
"Not...not so lucky...boss."
"He must be feeling better," Bozo smiles, "He's cracking jokes."
"I still need to do your arm Speed," I turn to Bozo and jack, "Can you hold him down, make sure nothing happens, any sudden movements could happen and I don't want him to get hurt on the knife."
They position themselves either side of me, Speed attempting to watch all of our movements at the same time. I grimace at the mess, dousing it once again in alcohol, searching for any partial fragments.
"I can just sew this back up, there's nothing in there, nothing else I can do, this one you'll need to keep an eye on." I sew it up, grabbing some material to make a make-shift sling for support.
"It's done he's gonna be ok," I turn to Jack, "I actually did it, his not dead!"
He grabs me and picks me up, "You did it, what did I tell you I fucking knew you could do it!"
He spins me and I laugh, clutching onto him with my bloodied hands; Speed smiles weakly and Bozo, the exhaustion catching up on him merely slumps next to the bed, his face the picture of relief.
Jack puts me down, still holding onto my hands, "See boys this is why I brought her, didn't I tell you she was the best?"
I laugh at the pride in Jack's voice, I did it, I can actually do this, for the first time in a while I feel confident in my abilities, no James, no freak out, it's like the world wanted me to succeed.
"He'll need plenty of aftercare though guys, he won't be able to get out of bed for a while and that arm could need therapy afterwards. He's lucky that I could take care of him here, how it didn't do more damage to him or kill him..."
Jack looks triumphant, the stress erased from his face, "That's cause whoever did this is a fucking amateur and Speed is the luckiest bastard in the world," he turns to Speed, thankfully refraining from hitting his good arm, "Aren't ya Speedy? Nothing can take this man down; he'll be sorted in no time, back to business in a month I give it."
Speed raises his good hand, waving off Jack's boasting the relief that Jack is no longer mad at him is immense, "Bozo let the rest of the guys know."
I wipe the sweat off my face, eyeing Speed up I know something isn't right; I need to get him alone while he's zonked out of his brains. I wipe some blood off Speed, he smiles gratefully, I soak the cloth in the small amount of water that's left, feeling a nudge on my hip I look at jack, he takes the cloth off me, cleaning Speed himself, gently dabbing at his wounds. I smile and stand back, crossing my arms and observing the scene in front of me, he looks at me like he's doing the most natural thing possible.
"What? You're covered in blood, don't wanna mess him up again so I thought I'd help, it's no big deal."
"Who did this to ya Speedy?" Once again he doesn't answer; Jack inhales deeply and just nods, continuing to clean the blood away.
"Jack can you go and get some more water please for my hands? I'll just clean everything up here," Jack frowns at Speed, not wanting to leave, "I'll be here with him, we'll be fine."
He leaves and I casually start packing things away slowly, his movements are still sluggish, I smile to myself. "So Speedy, remember when I asked if we were friends?"
He opens his eyes and nods, slower than normal, "Yeahh..."
I sit down on the bed, taking his large hand in mine to clean, "Well friends tell each other the truth don't they? So if I ask something do you promise to tell me the truth?"
"Sure, Maddie... friends..."
"Who did this to you?" He turns his head away, focusing instead on the dirtied wall, "Speed, look at me."
He turns his head slowly to meet mine, biting on his bottom lip, "When I asked you for help last time to leave, you didn't want to, so I think you owe me a favour. Now who did this to you?"
He jerks his head in the direction Jack headed off, I'm alarmed to see the tears in his eyes, "He'll get hurt..."
"No Speed, he can take care of you all, just please tell me, I won't say anything to him I promise." I snap my fingers in his face to re-focus him, "Speed, who shot you?"
He groans, "Sam, Sam hurt me."
A/N: As if I could let Speed die! No I'm no doctor; I can't even draw a straight line yet cut one into a person, so the operation scenes may not be so detailed and believable but it's pretty much what is basically done. Reviews as always will be appreciated, thanks for reading!
Feels-Like-Paradise.