Thank you for being so patient, uni work has been getting on top of me and I've been working hard to get it down to a reasonable level. I've already written some of the next chapter so hopefully I'll have that out soon as well...enjoy!

Chapter 19: Stand By Me.

We have obstacles we need to overcome, things we must do in life to help us think we're ok, that we did good. The problem is we're human; we want to push ourselves, be the best we can be, be better than the next person who comes along. As humans we can get a little too confident with these thoughts; the ending doesn't always turn out great, we can't skip off into the distance holding hands, stories like that don't come true. That's all they are; stories. Reality is much stormier. Much murkier. Much scarier. The ones that start in dark and stormy nights and end in the unspeakable. I'm not saying life always turns out like this; I'm not being a pessimist. I'm just giving out the facts. No matter what happens don't get comfortable. Don't get cocky. Don't think you're invincible.

Bruce's POV

He heard the gunshot, it was loud, so loud that it sounded over his own heartbeat, the fear pulsated around him. He urged himself to move on, to go to the noise, ignore the screams of pain that he realised came from him; he ran, faster than he had ever done before, so fast he felt he were flying, literally flying. Someone was crying from behind the closed door, gasping for breath, their voices low, almost at a ghosts whisper. He pushed on regardless; the blood already pooling at his feet, sticking to his boots. She lay in his arms, gasping for breath; her hair was once again blonde, dyed red at the ends from the blood. His hands were placed over hers, his voice whispering terms of endearment and reassurance to her. "Maddie..." his voice shook, yet neither of them turned. Her head rolled to the side and the other man shook, his screams of anguish hurt his ears, the paint that usually adorned his face was gone, replaced by blood; Bruce clenched his eyes shut. He tried again his voice louder this time, "Maddie!" He whirled around when someone shook him, she stood behind him, smiling, the blood still spreading, her hands damp with blood. "You can't save me, you can't save everyone Bruce."

"Maddie!" he inhales as though drowning, completely alone in his room, even the baby doesn't stir from his screams.

Another nightmare, worse than the others, so much worse and his scared now more than before; he needs to stop, needs to relax, but how can he when they seem so real? When it's his own blood, his sister who is dying, who blames him for everything? He needs to spend more time with her, when she was gone he'd see her everywhere and now he barely has anytime for her. He has since found out its common for people separated from someone they love to keep seeing that loved one amongst strangers; something Alfred said was to do with the recognition units in our brains, seeking out the person constantly, needing their presence. These cruel tricks of the mind lasted only a few moments, but it was long enough to feel with physical force how much he needed and still needs her. Coping with these dreams are getting harder, he's losing sleep over them, losing time during the day thinking about them, Maddie teasing him, asking who the lucky girl was; telling him she'd never seen him so quiet. He calls her on her phone sometimes, even when he knows she won't be able to answer; he craves the need to hear her voice, to talk to her even if it's just her voicemail. His mother once told him he didn't have much to say until she was born, then he had a sister to talk to and he never stopped. He doesn't want to stop now. If he did and she was gone again, he'd lose a part of himself. The part of him he'd miss. It's a one way conversation, one he knows he should be having with her; he just can't bring himself to form the words. And now she's doing this operation, it's so soon, too soon, he'd rather she start small, perhaps assist in an operation but she never does things by halves. He settles back down into his pillow, kicking himself free of his sheets, he'll take her away, somewhere hot to celebrate her being home and Mat's birth; they've both been too engrossed in other things to be able to have a real family holiday. He needs to change that, he nods, feeling better, but at the same time he can still hear her voice, still see the blood. Taste his own fear.

"You can't save me..."

Stephen's POV

According to old records, the building was once an old an hospital, turned apartment block, until someone with more money than sense turned the residents out into the cold one winter and broke through plaster and beams until at last the mansion stood once proud. Now against the cold backdrop of the day, it looks cold and unwelcoming; the once grand building is now boarded up and shut away from the rest of the world by the wrought iron gates. Mid after-noon and already the pavements are almost deserted; it's too cold to be out for no reason. He walks purposely up to gates, rubbing some of the ice off the padlock, he can see why the Joker picked this place, it's the perfect building; even local teenagers don't go anywhere near it. However when the Joker took it over it did still have some degree of its former splendour, until the local mobs got their hands on it. He walks on towards the place where Maddie was found, his gloveless hands stinging with the cold. Once, hundreds of bouquets lined the gates for James, some lay half buried in the snow for months afterwards. He read some once, fingering the damp cardboard; looking closer he'd actually realised most of them were for Maddie. His shock must have registered on his face as Gordon had told him many had been thinking of the worst; the floral tributes were thanksgiving for Maddie's safe return. News of people surviving in Gotham rarely happened; to hear of a survival was cause for celebration, it brought the community closer, made them think life wasn't so bad. And now, nearing two years later, nothing remains of the incident, it's like it never even happened, of course since the Joker they have to replay every moment; the moment Maddie was found, seeing James dead, the after effects, he is re-living them all. The inside is damaged from an old fire, yet in some places work has been done, obviously by the Joker's men, the walls have been fixed in an attempt to stop the place falling apart. Gingerly he climbs the stairs, tracing what he imagines to be Maddie's steps, did her fingertips grip this banister? Did she grimace as she tried to avoid the crumbling, broken parts of stair? He glances down at the notes; walking down to the last room, the bloodstains remain on the wooden floor, the splatters of blood on the peeling walls. He tries not to imagine Maddie being here, did he ever leave her in this place, this room alone? No one would willingly choose to come to this place. He doesn't want to do this; he doesn't want to be here, he'd rather be the coward this time; bury his head in the sand and leave it there. He scours the notes, Maddie's testimonial and places the first yellow marker down, he steps back a few paces and places the next down, continuing to do so until he puts the third marker down.

"Joker stood here, Maddie there, James here..."

He steps into the position where the Joker would have stood, raising his hand in a mock gun gesture, he shakes his head.

"No, not that would be impossible... unless."

He drags his feet, passing the blood, the spot where James fell and stands in the final place, he raises his hand once again and almost as if he was the one to do it, he shoots at the exact spot, imagining James as he falls. They never asked, no one thought to read over what Maddie had said, that things never added up, they accepted the answers they wanted to hear and moved on. How is he supposed to move on from the truth?

Maddie's POV

"How are you feeling about today, you sure you can go through with it?"

I purse my lips at what I imagine to be Bruce's nonexistent faith in me. He jiggles Mat up and down on his knee; I watch them both, threading the thread and needle through the tender chicken breast, practising one last time before my operation. He hasn't stopped looking at me all morning, it's un-nerving and now, given my mood, annoying.

"Of course I can, if I wasn't would I be doing do?"

Bruce scrutinises me, still without missing the tiniest detail, the darkened look on my face, the sharp intake of breath; I avoid his stare and continue with my work, he sighs and shifts Mat to the other knee.

"Call me after you finish then ok? Then I'll take you out to dinner if you want?"

I shake my head, smiling as I finish the stitch; "I'm staying at the hospital tonight, whatever happens I'm not leaving him on his own, his wife had to go back home, she won't be able to get back until tomorrow so I said I'd look after him."

"Come on Maddie, how many doctors are at this hospital? Surely you can leave; they know you've had Mat so they should be ok with letting you go."

The bin lid slaps against the wall as I flip it open, Mat whinges slightly as he hears the loud noise, Bruce soothes him before he starts crying, "I said no Bruce, just drop it, you can come and see me that'll be fine, just don't expect me to come home with you."

He shrugs in an easy going manner, not rising to take my bait, "If you want, I'll bring Mat if it isn't too late." I relent, cursing myself for my foul mood, "Maybe if it isn't too late, you'll be ok putting him to bed?"

He turns Mat so he faces him, bobbing him up and down, "We'll be fine, won't we matter, we will...oh god!"

I turn around, expecting Bruce to have dropped him; instead I burst out laughing at the patch of vomit on Bruce's sleeve, Mat lets out a burp and grins.

"That's what you get for doing that when his just had something to drink."

"Yeah, but still this is a part I didn't sign up for! Can you imagine James doing it?"

At the mention of his name we both still in our movements, "Maddie I'm sorry I wasn't thinking, you know me sometimes I open my mouth without thinking."

"It's fine Bruce; we can have that dinner tomorrow night if you want?"

He looks relieved and continues to mop at his sleeve; "Yeah I'd like that, just me and you ok? We should start spending more time together, like we use to."

Before the Joker came along and James died... it's what Bruce wants to say, what we both know is true but neither will admit it. I leave Bruce to clean himself up, I'm calm, since Speed I know I can do this, the threat of Sam is, for the moment in the back of my mind. I open my jewellery box and trace the gold cross, it's old, the metal no longer shining, it was once my mothers.

"Please let me be ok..."

I close my eyes and squeeze the necklace, shutting the box shut I turn my back on the past, shutting out the memories.

"Maddie, you ready up there? Stephen's asking to see you!"

"Tell him I'll be down in a minute!"

I've not really seen him since our 'date' so him coming here doesn't really surprise me; he probably thinks I've been avoiding him. I meet Bruce as he is about to leave, Mat in one hand and in contrast a briefcase in the other.

"He's in the living room, said he just wanted to see you before the operation...don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

I laugh and shoo him away, walking into the living room Stephen has his back to me, I stall at the site of the official looking folder in his hand.

"Hi Stephen how is everything?" He shifts the folder from his hand to behind his back, his smile barely reaches his eyes, "I'm doing ok thanks Maddie, i really need to talk to you, I know you're gonna be busy for a while so I thought we should talk now, you know sooner rather than later."

"Ok sure," I sit down expecting him to join me, instead he remains standing, as though trying to keep as physically far away as possible.

He raises his folder and I zero in on my name on the front, a hand clutches at my heart; "Maddie I know this is difficult but I need to talk to you about James and the night he died, I know we're been through this before but something has come to my attention."

I look around, anywhere but him; "Ok sure, what do you need? I already gave a statement to an officer the same week I came back here...back home."

"I checked it over, please don't ask me why but I did, I went to the scene and I know what happened. I..." He stops, looking at me in distress, "I know you were the one who shot James, from your witness statement it would have been impossible for him to have been shot by the Joker. The bullet went through the abdomen and out the back, the only person who could have made that shot was you. I know why you would have lied, what's been happening lately...with the Joker and what James was like...I don't blame you. I've had cases where women have walked free after killing their abusive partners... this isn't your fault..."

I interrupt him, refusing to listen; "I er... I'm fine with James... We were fine...What...what happens now?"

He stares at me, I steel myself for his next words; "I'd read you your rights, arrest you, take you down to the station and we'd go from there."

My mind is oddly calm; though the rest of me, my heart included is beating irregularly against my ribs, my breath is short and laboured; I shiver violently despite the fire. He grabs at my hand, finally making contact with me, at first I think it's to restrain me, then in the same instant I notice his thumb circling the back of my hand, his comforting me.

"That's what I would do if I wasn't your friend, instead I'm going to pretend this never happened, I'm gonna burn this file and have it just disappear, this is the only copy. Then I'll walk out of here and let you carry on with your day, we won't mention this again and just go on with our friendship like nothing ever happened."

I'm stunned by his compassion, I always heard he was good with victims' families, that he was hands down the best guy on the force, I just never realised it until now.

"Why, why are you doing this?" His fingers go to mine, he loosely loops his longer fingers through mine, I grip onto them, marvelling at his skin.

"I know what he was what he did and if it was up to me I'd have killed him too, I don't need to hear you say what he did to you; I already know too much and that's enough for me. I care about you more than I should do, I know we couldn't happen again...I know you don't feel the same way, that you never will but what I feel for you, I can't ignore it... I've tried to for years I've tried to but it's not...it's not happening. I'm not gonna use this as blackmail, I'll burn it right here right now and I won't mention it to you or anyone else, not even Gordon."

He stands up and burns the file, we watch the flames flicker and cover it; I kneel next to him and capture his hand into mine. "

You've always been there and I really do love you but I don't want to build up your hopes, I'm with someone and its serious and maybe it will work out maybe it won't but for now I'm in it for the long run, and I think he is too. And I really appreciate this, you could lose your job over me and I won't forget this, you're one of the few people I trust right now and one of my only true friends and I really need that."

He nods his head hanging; "I hope he treats you better than James did or I ever could, you must be sick of cops now right?"

I laugh and hug him, "I'd offer you a lift to the hospital but I need to get back and see Gordon, I really want to see you soon though."

One of my tears falls onto his finger and I watch, entranced while he licks it off, "You're so good for me."

"But I'm not right for you, huh?"

I shake my head, "Some I think what it would have been like if we'd carried on, but I knew James would never have allowed it, he'd have hurt you..." Stephen scoffs, he always was bigger than James, "and he would have hurt me."

He looks up, staring into my eyes, listening to my confession; "I couldn't have let you get hurt, what you've done for me, I swear I will never forget and if you ever need anything I'll do it for you. You even need a kidney I'll give you one of mine," he laughs, his dimples showing, making him look younger than his years.

His cell goes off and he glances at the caller id, "I need to go, but I meant every word of what I said, you need me and you know where I am."

I watch him go, sitting back on my heels, the door slams shut and I walk over to the window overlooking the driveway, he stands with his back to me and I watch as he puffs in the cold air. I make the decision there and then, the cold air hits me and I wince; I tap him on the shoulder and he snaps his phone shut, I lean up and gently kiss him, hsi mouth moves to mine and I still for a second, tasting mints and inhaling his aftershave. I pull away, mouthing 'thank you' as I turn and leave him. I poke the ashes in the fire place; how and why he went back to the scene I don't know, I've not been there myself and as far as I know neither has Jack. He meant every word he said and I meant everything I said. It wasn't just James who had his affairs; I did too. The difference between me and James...he never fell in love.

A/N: I know, my endings are always leaving you hanging, but what can I say I love the drama! I'm thinking about writing the rest of the next chapter as I write this, it'll definitely be out sometime this week...and thanks to those still reading The Deepest Cut, it makes me so happy! And good news happened to me...I got Britney tickets! (Not that you're interested but I'm so bloody excited! God I'm that type of freaky fan, I need to chill out and stop rambling) As I'm in such a good mood scratch that first bit the next chapter will be out tomorrow!

Love,

Feels-Like-Paradise.