Chapter 11

Arthur was in a dazed state. You. He had no idea that such a small word could make him feel so much. He barely registered his surroundings-his thoughts were completely consumed with the idea that Guinevere and he could become something more than friends. He felt a small pressure against his arms which brought him back to reality, and he realized that Guinevere was gently asking him to release her. He quickly complied, and gave her a tentative smile. He still wasn't sure what Gwen had meant by that simple word. Sure, he had changed her feelings about Lance, but she didn't exactly imply that she was as enamored with him as he was of her. It only stated that he was making her feel…something. 'Most likely confused' he thought. Arthur prayed that she wouldn't reject the idea of going on a date with him, eventually becoming his girlfriend, and maybe even getting married. He knew he was assuming too many things all at once, but he couldn't help it as the sudden panic gripped him. What if she didn't want the same things he did? But instead, just didn't want to marry Lance and move on with her life? What if he lost her forever-what if it was to Merlin? He and she did spend an awful lot of time together…

He shook his head. He was getting preposterous-Merlin would never be able to obtain a girl like Guinevere.

"Are-are you serious Guinevere?" was what Arthur managed to choke out.

"Yes. Yes I am. In fact, if there's anything I've realized in the past few days, it's that this is one thing I am certain of," she flashed a brief smile before worry lines took over. There was a crease on her brow, and her mouth turned downwards, "But before we continue this conversation, I think I need to go back inside and sort some things out."

'Ah. So that's why she was gently asking to leave.' Arthur's common sense had finally caught up with his logic. He had already released her, but his brain was still trying to process everything.

"Yes, I suppose you should. Do you want me to come with you? Or wait here?" he inquired.

"It is up to you," she replied, "But I think it best that you remain out of sight until I can explain everything properly to Lance."

"Of course," Arthur quickly said. Whatever she wanted he was going to instantly agree. She already had him like putty in her hands, but with the promise of continuing this conversation he definitely wasn't going to refuse.

"My lady," he took her hand, and brushed his lips against the back of it, causing Gwen to smile at his silliness. However, the look in his eyes told her that he wasn't only kidding.

He watched her walk away, back through the sliding glass doors, and waited for her return.

….

Gwen took a deep breath before entering her apartment again. She knew that the atmosphere in the room would be extremely tense, and anticipating her response. 'Hopefully they won't hate me too much,' she thought, 'how ironic that this had to happen at my house and my Christmas party.'

When she entered the room the circle immediately closed up again behind her, leaving only a gap at the sliding glass door which Arthur could peer through. Lance was once again in the middle of the circle. He held the box loosely at his side, and just looked at her. Gwen knew that look. It was the look of a man who was stealing himself against the worst, but hoping for the best. It was the look that Arthur had apparently given her moments before.

She took a deep breath, and briefly took the time to reflect upon her decision. She knew that if it weren't for Arthur she wouldn't be able to have the strength to face this situation. He brought out the woman that she could be-he unlocked her potential. But technically, if she had never known Arthur, she wouldn't have ever had any doubts like she did now. She would've been blissfully happy with Lance. But it was also true that without Arthur she wouldn't have become the person she was today. The person who would not be happy spending the rest of their life with Lance. True, she and Arthur had only known each other for a month, but what a month! They were constantly together, and Gwen still smiled when she thought about how easily it had been to make the transition from poor stuttering Gwen to confident, lovely Guinevere. Arthur had brought that out in her. She believed that with her whole heart. Her mother used to say that a soulmate was someone who brought out the better person in you, and they made you want to change-to realize your potential. Not because they forced you to, but because they inspired you, and you inspired them. They were your best friend-the person you could count on to understand you and be there for you through the lowest of lows and highest of highs. Gwen didn't want to dwell too long on how accurately Arthur fit the description and Lance…didn't-anymore that is. For if she did, it made her heart ache and her head spin at how perfect Arthur seemed to truly be for her, and how painful it was to acknowledge it wasn't Lance.

She understood that she had changed as a person, thanks to Arthur's influence, and that she and Lance wanted different things now. They were different people. The divide was hardly subtle. They could still joke around, sure, but it was different from before. They both knew it-there was a palpable feeling of it in the air-but neither wished to confront the issue head on. Gwen was no longer "just Gwen"-the "just Gwen" she would've stayed like if it wasn't for the catalyst of Arthur. The "just Gwen" who would've lived happily ever after with Lance. Ultimately, Gwen was happy that she had begun the journey of living up to her regal name. It felt like she was starting to fulfill her Destiny. She had a link with Arthur that no one understood but him. Yet despite Gwen's connection with Arthur, it wasn't easy letting go of Lance. He was the most serious relationship she had ever been it-and one of the longest. He had been the first man to tell her that he loved her. He was the first person Elyan had ever approved of. He was the man every girl dreamed of bringing home. There was a piece of her heart that would always belong to Lance, but in a different way now. And there would always be a special connection and special moments that no one would ever be able to understand or experience but the other. It was hard to let go. Furthermore, she never wanted to hurt anyone, and it would've broken her heart if she thought he felt that he was leading her on.

And how were the dynamics of her and Lance going to change? They had a lot of the same friends, and Gwen wasn't particularly anxious to lose any of them. Yet she would be portrayed as the villain in the situation of their break-up. Also, Elyan and Lance were best mates-how awkward would that be to still have your brother best friends with your ex? Would it be difficult for both to move past everything? Gwen wouldn't be able to sleep well at night knowing that she was the one to cause her brother to lose one of his best friends.

But her heart, Arthur, was the one who continued to give her the strength to move forward. The only one who could've helped her say the two letter word which would effectively end one chapter of all of their lives, and begin a new one.

"No."

...

"I'm sorry Lance, I really am."

Lance heard these words as if at the end of a tunnel. They were distant, and echo-y. The room had fallen very quiet. Everyone looked anywhere but the middle of the circle. What was once a swinging, be-bopin party (which had anticipated more celebrating, after all Lance and Gwen were perfect for each other, weren't they?) seemed to instantly change to a sober event. Gwaine, always trying to help, was the first one to attempt to break the ice.

"Well…the pub down the way is still open. I say last one there has to buy a round!"

And with that, he grabbed Percival and Elyan gruffly by the shoulders and forged his way to the door. Taking up Gwaine's lead, the party soon emptied of everyone but Lance, Gwen, and Arthur (who was still outside, he wasn't sure whether or not to go in). Merlin lingered briefly, wondering if he would be needed. However, the particular scene didn't seem to need his help, and besides that he had other places to be before Christmas Eve was over.

"Lance?" Gwen quietly asked. She was afraid of Lance's silence. He was already a man who kept mostly to himself, but he had never shut off completely like this before.

"This…was unexpected," was the only response that he could get out.

Lance was trying to process everything that had happened. He had not expected Gwen's refusal. Something had been slightly off about her the past month. He wasn't blind to her subtle changes. She was still the Gwen he knew-sweet, compassionate, humble. Yet there was also a confident young woman who demanded more out of life. She was to be respected, admired, and wise. Lance saw glimpses of her in the courtroom, when he could attend her trials, but that was only when she appeared. He had privately called it "Courtroom Gwen" in his head, but now he isn't sure if it was that, or it was always who she was.

Of course, he had been slightly off the past month as well. Ever since meeting Vivian at the gala spending time with Gwen didn't seem quite as…enjoyable…as before. However, he had pushed aside these feelings to focus on his much stronger ones for Gwen. He wasn't an idiot-Guinevere Leodegrance was the best girlfriend he had ever had. She was modest, smart, kind, and a great cook. She laughed at all the same things he did, and she came from a good, respectable family. They had a mutual trust and respect that he honestly believed true love could be built upon. He thought they had built upon it together. 'I guess not' he glumly acknowledged in his head.

"It's kind of unexpected for me to. But I-I've changed," Gwen started to say, slowly gathering confidence in her words, "If I was still the person I was when we met-everything would be different. I think that we would be perfect for each other. But I met someone. Someone who's slowly begun to change me. And now I'm in the middle of it before I even knew I had begun! Oh Lance, I'm so sorry. I don't ever want you to feel like I was leading you on. Because I really wasn't. I loved you with all of my heart. I still do, but not in that way. And…it's scary. For me. To not choose you-and sad. Because you're an amazing man. A man who I never dreamed of ever having the privilege to date. You're like-like the perfect boyfriend. The man on the street who every woman wants, but then finds out he already has someone. It was hard for me to realize that I was the someone who had you when we first started dating. Even now it's hard for me to realize that. But I know that if I accept your offer, now, it would be unfair to both of us. For me because I now realize that I couldn't truly love you like I used to. Not now, after I've changed. And for you because you deserve much better than that. You deserve a woman who loves you for you, and you both are completely happy with each other. I just hope that you'll forgive me someday for this moment."

Then she slowly, hesitantly, leaned forward on her tiptoes and brushed a soft, chaste kiss to his cheek. The light pressure awakened his reflexes and he jerked back instantly. He didn't want her pity. He wanted her very large, compassionate heart for his own. But apparently she had met "someone else". Someone who had changed his sweet Gwen into this fierce woman.

He slowly backed away from Gwen. It now felt wrong and awkward to be in her apartment with her. He wondered if things would ever have a sense of normalcy to them again. He turned around and started to the door. The space felt all-too-small now that the rejection had been made. His neck was burning up with his embarrassment. She continued to follow him to the door, and stood by him, watching him turn the handle.

"Just-just tell me one thing," Lance said, turning to face her, the door slightly ajar, "Who is this someone who changed you?"

"Arthur Pendragon," Gwen said softly, her eyes meeting his. They were full of sadness, but there was something else there as well. When she said his name a spark lit behind her chocolate orbs that Lance had seen when they were first together. But it had been dead from her eyes the past few weeks.

"And did-did you-you know…while we were dating?" Lance wasn't sure he wanted to know. The words came out haltingly, against his will, however and surfaced. Even though he knew that Gwen would probably never do something like that. Heck, she had insisted that they didn't because she was waiting for her wedding night.

"No!" Gwen's hand flew to her mouth, her eyes wide and horrified, "I could never do that to you Lance. I can't believe you would even think I would!

"Arthur," her eyes lit up again at his name, "and I are only friends."

At least that was what she thought. She had very confusing feelings towards the man. Some days she would catch herself thinking about him, and how he would react in a situation. She was slowly beginning to use him as a model for how she based her decisions. Other days she just thought of him as a good man-but for someone else. 'Perhaps Vivian' she thought hollowly-even though Arthur assured Gwen that there was nothing going on between them.

Lance laughed humorlessly at her remark. Now that she had said his name he thought back to all the times she was with Arthur. Instead of being with Lance as she usually was in her free time, she had decided to be with Arthur. Lance tagged along once or twice for their outings, Gwen was never trying to exclude him, but he felt something drop in the pit of his stomach every time he saw them together. Now he knew why.

-Flashback-

A week ago:

The gala had taken place two weeks ago. During the space of those weeks Lance and Gwen had been pushed in pulled in many different directions. Gwen had a hard case she was working on. Every day that she had been the first to arrive in the office and the last to leave. She had gotten several calls from Arthur about when she would be free, and if she would like to join him in an outing. She had never actually given him her number, but she supposed he wrangled it out of Merlin. The man was pretty persistent and stubborn when he wanted to be. Merlin never stood a chance in Gwen's mind.

Originally, she wanted to say no. She was finally going to get a little free time to herself after work, and she was looking forward to either some quiet reading time or being with Lance. She had already been hanging out with Arthur several times prior to his calls. Yet when she heard the honest, unsure timbre of his voice drift over the lines and settle into her ear her resolve melted. He sounded so exposed that she couldn't disappoint him. Every time she was with Arthur something changed inside of her and left her with an unsettling feeling. Firstly, it felt like she was betraying Lance to go be with Arthur (she had never exactly told Lance where she was going). And secondly, Arthur continuously challenged her, and shook her to her core. She always left their outings together with a different perspective of the world that wasn't entirely unwelcome. He left her a better person.

Now that she was officially going on another excursion with Arthur, she couldn't be with Lance later that day. Not that he would ever had to know. He never fully did. She never exactly lied to him, she had always told him she was with Arthur, but he never saw them interact together. Gwen didn't want to stir up trouble, although she already knew she was. Whenever Arthur's name was mentioned Lance tensed up. Yet he never doubted her faithfulness to him.

However, as soon as Gwen agreed to go with Arthur, Lance had called her.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Hey Gwen! How's work going?" Lance asked.

"Great. I finally finished off the bulk of the 'heavy lifting' for the case, if you will. I finally have some time to myself!"

"Excellent! Listen, I was wondering if you wanted to go out tonight. There's a new restaurant that's opened up just a little ways down from the office and I wanted to know if you'd like to try it out. We haven't been on a date together for ages."

"Oh…um I'm sorry Lance. I actually just made plans for tonight before you called."

"With who?"

"Um…Arthur Pendragon," Gwen squeaked out. She put her palm to her forehead. Lance was not going to date another ditched date together for Arthur well.
"Arthur Pendragon? Really? Gwen, wasn't he the reason we couldn't go on our date last week?" Lance inquired, slightly irritated. He was never outright angry with her, but she could tell he was displeased.

"Well, yeah…but listen. It's nothing! Honest! We're just going over to the bistro on 33nd street and grab some dinner. You can come if you want! Yeah, how about you come with us?"

Internally, Gwen groaned. She knew this would be a very bad idea, but she never wanted to exclude Lance. 'My boyfriend,' she thought.

Lance thought about this. It wouldn't be so bad to go and see them interact together. At the very least to assuage his fears. On top of it, although he and Arthur were politically enemies, Arthur always treated him with respect. That was particularly seen at the gala together.

"Yeah sure, why not?" Lance's tone warmed up, "Sounds like a great idea."

….

Gwen's tinkling laugh drifted over the table to Lance's ears. They had been seated at a table in the window of the small bistro. It was a quaint place, not romantic but not unwelcoming in appearance. Arthur and Gwen sat opposite each other, and Lance sat by Gwen. The fourth seat remained unoccupied, although Lance couldn't help but wish it wasn't. At least then he would have someone to talk to.

Gwen and Arthur had been non-stop chattering since they had arrived. Initially, Arthur's face showed a slight displeasure at Lance for tagging along, but he quickly dispelled it when he looked at Gwen's hopeful eyes. Lance didn't miss the exchanged look between them. If anything, it felt like he was intruding on a private exchange between the two. Which was wrong, since he was the one dating Gwen.

The entire time at the table Gwen and Arthur seemed to connect like he and she never did. They were laughing and talking as if they had known each other for their whole lives-not three weeks. Until, apparently, their lives had always been loosely connected.

Arthur had been telling Gwen of various tales of his childhood. Some of them seemed to be rather elaborated on, but Lance didn't question him in front of Gwen. He knew that would only upset her.

"…so Leon-he's an old family friend-and I were going up to Glasgow when-" Arthur was interrupted by Gwen.

"Leon? As in…Leon Wyatt? The personal guard to the royal family Leon Wyatt?"

"Yeah-how'd you know?" Arthur inquired.

Here, Gwen blushed and said, "My mother….she and Leon's mum were really great friends. They worked in the same clothing store. Leon's one of my oldest friends."

"Wait a second…" Arthur's mind had just put two and two together except that it couldn't possibly be-but it was!

"Are you the girl that Leon went on and on about when we were kids? Gwenny! That's what he called you!" Arthur pronounced.

Gwen went a deeper shade of scarlet, and laughed. Her and Arthur's hands were resting side by side on the table top and she pushed at his in a jesting manner in an attempt to knock it off the table.

"Well, yes. I suppose you could say I was. Although I don't go by that name anymore-not ever! It's only reserved for Leon to use."

"I can't believe that you two were friends! Leon was very possessive of you, let me say that! I'd always ask to be introduced to you, but he said that my antics would scare you off. And he didn't want that! He was completely enamoured of you when we were teens! Although, since he never proved that you existed to me, I always thought that he was making you up."

Gwen laughed again, "Oh no no. Well, I had heard about you-not exactly you. You as a boy named "Art". But I was never invited to meet you by Leon. I always wondered why. Now I know!"

They exchanged a look of awe between each other. To be so close all their lives, but so far was insane. Through Leon and his stories they really had grown up together-but so far apart.

Lance didn't miss a thing between them, and attempted to steer the conversation out of these uncomfortable waters. It felt like the further they went down that path together the more they would forget his presence. His interruption caused Gwen to look uncomfortable for a brief moment, but then she happily went along with his line of conversation. Yet even as the dinner progressed and Lance was developing a grudging respect and admiration for Arthur, he couldn't help but feel threatened. And the odd feeling in his stomach didn't depart.

-End Flashback-

It hadn't been a good idea. He saw that now. He had seen it then. He didn't want to see them mingle together any more than necessary for this reason. The reason that he always knew in his heart he would lose Gwen to Arthur. He had seen it since the first night he saw them interact at the gala. There was just something about Gwen's reaction to Arthur that had made him see it. But he hadn't given up hope that she would still say yes to his proposal. It could've just been a passing fancy in the blonde haired man. Alas, it was apparently all a disillusioned dream.

Yet he couldn't bring himself to be mad with Gwen. She was right in saying that it would be unfair to both of them if she had accepted. But right now he didn't want to hear that. Right now he wanted to follow the party to the bar and drink away his problems-if only for a little bit.

"I know you couldn't Gwen, but I just had to know. You understand, right? And look, thank you for being honest with me. I guess I believe you if you say that you and Arthur didn't do anything together. But right now, I just can't handle all of this. So goodbye."

Lance realized it was a rather unceremonious way to bid her goodnight, but the frustration, embarrassment, and anger were building up in his mind at Gwen's rejection. He knew that if he stayed any longer he would say things that he would regret later-especially since when they were dating they had never actually had a real row. He yanked the door open further, and briskly stepped out onto the threshold and into the night. He didn't look back once at Gwen.

To be continued