Cat POV
If only I could put the world on mute for a moment, and not notice me scream in frustration.
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
"I DON"T KNOW! Something! Get away from you! Geez, I don't have ALL the answers Cat. I don't even know where I'm going. Just away from you. That's all I know."
For what feels like the thousandth time tonight, I flip my pillow over and close my eyes. Again. I don't know why I couldn't fall asleep before and I don't know why I can't now.
Why did he want to get away from me so bad?
Whatever it is, he left in a hurry. He didn't even make his bed. Which is now being occupied by Jade, to my displeasure. I'm stuck here in stupid Camp Cat. I wanted his bed. That's MY BED. WE made out in that bed.
I know he doesn't like Alex. Every time he spoke about him, he looked like he was swallowing Drano or something. Looked completely disgusted.
I hope he's not disgusted with me. What I really hope is that he doesn't hate me for meeting Alex. I think they can get along. They both like a lot of the same stuff. Alex is a English major at…UC Santa Barbara. And he likes sports. Robbie can talk sports until he's blue in the face. OOH! They even are both Christians! I know they can like one another.
Well…I think I know what's keeping me up.
I need a smoke.
I always think clearer when I smoke. Yeah, you can shut up about how it's not healthy. I failed miserably at Methodist trying to quit. I ended up having a nurse get me some and I paid her $10 a week for all that I needed.
I throw off the covers, grab my lighter and cigarettes and pad my way out to the backyard by the pool.
Aahh…Much better.
Why on earth is Robbie so mad at me?
God, I miss him so much it's not even funny. Not Alex, who I haven't seen since I left Santa Barbara, but Robbie. I think I'm cheating on him because I'm thinking of Robbie so much.
I have to be the world's WORST girlfriend.
"What are you doing out here?" Jade's voice asked behind me.
Damn.
%$*#
"Nothing." I replied, nonchalantly. Hopefully she'll go away and not see that I'm smoking.
"Doesn't sound like—CAT!"
Damn. Damn, Damn, Damn.
Here comes the lecture.
"You're STILL smoking? I thought you quit!" She said very quickly, sounding furious.
"Does it look like I quit?" I retort. She's really annoying me. I'm out here, trying to clear my head and enjoy this cigarette, and she just HAS to come out and bitch me out about it.
"No, clearly you didn't! Why?"
"I'm stressed! Now what do you want?"
That might have been too harsh.
She looked at me, looking slightly hurt.
"Ok, what the hell bit you today?"
"Nothing!"
"Well then, do you want me to leave?" She asked, taking a half step to the door.
No.
"No, just please don't yell at me about me smoking. I'm stressed ok?" I said, looking up at the blank night sky.
I miss the stars. I remember I said that once, and Robbie drove 45 minutes the next night just so I could see them.
Robbie again! OMG I need to stop!
"Stressed? What about? You wanna talk about it?" She offered.
"I guess…"
"Ok, let me grab some water and I'll be ready." She said, darting back inside.
He can't love me again…can he?
After all, why? He likes Laken. I think. And I took a vacation to Methodist Mental. The hottest spot in all of California!
"I'm back. Now what's up?" She asked, pulling up a chair.
"Umm…I can't stop thinking about Robbie."
"Ok…" She said, giving me a weird look.
"I think I'm cheating on Alex since I can't stop thinking about him. I love Alex! He's the perfect guy, the best body, and the best sex! Why am I cheating on him for—"
"Cat!" She suddenly cried out. "TMI."
"Sorry."
Yeah…I probably didn't have to bring up sex…
"You're not cheating on Alex. You're worried about Robbie. Why? I have a suspicion you talked to him and that's why he's in Seattle."
He's in SEATTLE?
"What? Seattle?" I blurted out. She quickly looked like she was caught red handed.
"Yeah…"
"Why didn't you tell me? When did you talk to him?" I demanded.
"Yesterday, and you were crying at the time, so why upset you more?"
Good point.
"I want to know where he is!"
"Why? What's eating at you so much that he won't come off your mind?" She retorted quickly.
Damn, she really trapped me there. Nice one, I'll admit.
"He said he didn't want to be around me right now! He's mad about my music and Alex and I suspect other stuff and I DON'T know why?" I howled.
Jade simply looked impressed.
"Well then."
"Jadeee…please help me."
"Don't worry about the music stuff ok? Those chips will fall where they may. Alex…that's a different story." She sighed.
"Why?"
"Well it's kinda obvious isn't it! He's jealous!" She exclaimed.
"Jealous? Why?"
"You have been the centerpiece of his life, like it or not for a looong time now. The best time to him was when you guys were together, but he's perfectly happy when it's just you guys and no distractions. Alex came into the picture and completely messed up that picture."
"So you think he likes me?"
Oh crap. Not this again. Not saying I don't care for him…but I don't want to have to hurt him for his own good.
"Girl, I have absolutely no idea. We've been thru this before."
Yeah…let's not talk about that.
About how much I've damaged him.
"So am I cheating on Alex?" I asked, afraid of her answer.
"No! God no, if being worried about someone was cheating, there would be no more faithful people."
"Good." I breathed.
I'm a good girlfriend.
"I think I know why he's always been so touch and go about your boyfriends though." She said, sounding like she's not completely talking to me.
"Huh?"
She turned to face me.
"I never told you why Robbie and I stopped talking in the first place did I? You made up some excuse and left, while the others heard it."
"No…"
"Ok…so Robbie and I are in 4th grade. Things are great, sleepovers as often as we could have them, and school is great. I didn't notice how Robbie occasionally came in for a extra hug. Why? He's my best friend, and it's a hug. Who cares right?"
He liked her…
Oh no…
I could feel the tears coming.
"But then he told me he was transferring to a Hollywood Arts feeder, Bates Academy—"
That's where I met him…
"—and I lost it, yelling at him that I hated him and didn't care about him. Terrible stuff. I didn't know he liked me. One day in art, after tons of people pestering me about it, I asked him and he confessed."
Poor guy…he's got to be the most unlucky guy ever.
"I yelled at him, threw my crayons at him—" She laughed. "—and stormed out. We4 didn't talk for like 2 years. Wait…why are you crying?" She asked.
"Why doesn't he hate me?" I asked.
"What? Do you want him to hate you or something?"
"No! But he should. I've broken his heart so many times it's not even funny." I sobbed, putting my head in my arms.
"Cat, outside of Alex, I say forget the stuff that happened before. That happened a long time ago. It's time to forget it. He obviously did. Otherwise he probably would hate you."
"But what about Laken!"
"Laken? Who cares? She's been out of the picture for months now! She's a bitch anyway, no loss there."
"So he doesn't like her?"
"No!" She said definitively.
"Then he's mad at me!"
"No way." Jade monotoned.
"Jade! Help me!"
"Cat, simple. Give it time and work with what you got. Keep going with Alex. If it keeps going, great. You can live out the rest of eternity together."
"And if not?"
She gave me a odd look.
"Then follow your heart. It can't lead you wrong. Anything else?"
"Can I sleep in Robbie's room?" I squeaked out.
"…why?" She asked, looking befuddled.
Luckily for me I already had a excuse made up.
"The water heater is keeping me up. And you're a heavier sleeper than I am."
She slightly smiled and began to stand up. "Sure, let me grab some clothes from in there and you can go in ok?"
"Thanks Jade." I smiled.
Robbie POV
The sound of Carly's happy voice greeted me as soon as I opened the door.
"Good Morning!"
"Morning Carly, thanks for inviting me." I smiled, looking to Sam and Freddie subtly glaring at each other.
"Oh no problem, I've never been a fan of those continental breakfasts and why not eat with us?" She smiled.
Good point.
"What's up with you two?" I asked Sam and Freddie.
"Sam's mad for no reason…"
"No reason!" Sam howled.
Carly turned away from the stove to glare at Sam. "It was a accident. Nothing wrong intended."
"Well my eyes tell me a different story!"
"Sam! It was a accident! Carly called me up there to help her out. I didn't mean to fall asleep."
"Why didn't she invite me too?" Sam snapped at Freddie.
"Maybe you can't work music editing software to save your life!" Freddie snapped. Sam opened her mouth, but couldn't find an appropriate retort.
Meanwhile, I slowly had snuck over to where Carly stood, frying bacon.
"What happened?" I asked quietly, as Sam and Freddie continued to duke it out.
"Oh, I had some inspiration for a song late last night and asked Freddie to come help me get some basic chord ideas down before I forgot them. Sam came here around 7 this morning to find Freddie passed out next to me on my bed."
"On the bed or in the bed?" I asked. She simply gave me a befuddled look.
"There's a big difference." I explained.
She seemed to accept that and said "On. Freddie and I have never slept together."
"You know, there's a easier way to cook bacon."
"What? I thought we were talking about Freddie and me."
"No, we're talking about bacon now. How's the sound of putting it in the oven for 30 minutes and forgetting about it until you take it out, fully cooked?"
She looked surprised. "Can you buy it?"
"Yeah, I have a extra one at home if you want it." I offered.
"Yeah!"
"Great, I'll ship it when we get back."
"Did I hear about a easier way to cook bacon?" Sam asked, turning her head around.
"Yeah, thanks to Robbie."
Sam quickly tackled me into a hug.
"What's going on here!" Spencer called out, stepping out his room with a Sham-Pow in his hands drying his hair.
"Robbie knows an easy way to cook bacon." Sam said, still hugging me. I gently pried her off me and grabbed a glass for some orange juice.
"Whoever invented that has a date coming to him." Spencer quipped. I quickly stuck my head in the fridge and grabbed the OJ. I swear I heard Sam growl at him.
What kind of girl growls?
"Ok, easy now. We're ready." Carly said, placing a full plate in front of Sam. "You guys can serve yourself."
"Why didn't Sam serve herself?" I asked, getting to my feet.
"She doesn't believe in plates. She just grabs the pans and refuses to share. So we have to treat her like a 7 year old." Freddie said placidly, spooning out some scrambled eggs and hash browns.
Quickly, something silver flew under my arm and towards Freddie. I whipped my head around to see it lodged in the wall and quivering.
"Sam!" Carly cried.
It's a steak knife. Freddie is frozen next to the stove. The piece of toast he was holding has a small hole in it.
"Why did you throw the knife!" She cried.
"If you had been on target, Freddie's dead!" I cried out. That only seemed to send the Shay's into a fury.
Spencer quickly accosted all her silverware and replaced them with plastic equivalents. Carly did the same with her glass of orange juice.
Sam didn't seem to notice, and had devoured her plate by the time Freddie sat next to me. Carly was brave enough to sit next to Sam.
Spencer declined to eat, saying he wasn't hungry. All he did was stand in Sam's line of sight and look angry.
Breakfast was a tense affair. Sam immediately said she was still hungry, and Carly said breakfast was done being served.
She immediately made a move to my food, and I snatched my plate away. She quickly fixed me with a dark stare.
"Don't try to intimidate me Sam. I've had two attempts on my life and fought off a third. You don't scare me."
To my left, Freddie smirked.
"Momma scares everyone."
"Momma has hugged me. I'm more afraid of alien abduction. Sorry."
Sam could only growl.
Finally, we all finished and we all did our dishes.
"C'mon, I want to show you the new song." Carly said, right as Sam finished her plate and had it whipped out of her hand by Spencer.
We moved back to the same room as yesterday, and Freddie and Carly collapsed on beanbags next to one another.
Sam simply sat next to me and looked out of place.
Poor girl.
"Wanna hear it?" Carly asked me, remote in her hand.
"Sure, what the heck." I shrugged.
Freddie smirked and pressed a button.
Just woke up, it's day 10. It still hurts, like back then.
Tears like rain flood my bed, can't erase what I did.
This is what I get for telling you I don't need you around…what a lie. And this is what I get for thinking there was ever someone better in my life!
And it's all kinds of wrong…without you. I can't breathe when you're gone.
Don't know what to do. Now the best of me is lost…in a memory.
And it's all kinds of wrong without you.
The song abruptly stopped.
"And that's when we got so tired and fell asleep." Freddie said definitively.
"That's it?" Sam asked, looking surprised.
For once, I agree with her.
"Yep." Carly simply said.
"What did you think?" Freddie asked me.
"This puts me back in the worried camp about Cat's music. We're not that good yet."
All three of them rolled their eyes.
"You'll see Robbie…you'll see we're right and you're wrong. You just gotta have faith.