Disclaimer: I do not own LWD or any songs that may or may not be mentioned in this chapter. Also I will try to make this chapter longer, I haven't written very many fanfics and I'm used to just writing and writing and not having chapters. It's a learning progress,

Once more I kicked Casey out of my room. And picked up the next letter, I stopped wondering why I wanted to keep reading, besides the fact that it was about me. The truth is I want to know what Casey thinks of me. I never expected that she would love me. I also never expected that I would realize a few months ago that I love her too, but that's another story.

So I admitted it, and Paul said admitting it would make me feel 10x better. It didn't. I feel 10x worse. No longer am I in denial but I'm just hiding what I feel. Not only that but I think I actually flirt a little arguments. You know I think I have gone insane, and not just for the fact that I have fallen in love with you. I don't just love you but I'm in love with you. How much more pathetic can I get? Oh here is how. There are moments when I feel you looking at me and I see this look in your eye. But it's just a short moment that it must be a trick of the light and then you say something to insult me and things are almost back to normal. Almost, but not quite. Things will never be normal between us and only I will know that because only I know the secret. Other than Paul of course but I'm not sure if he really counts at this point.

I am currently blasting I hate everything about you by Three Days Grace, and I wonder if you hear it and if you know it's because of you.

I hate everything about you.

Why do I love you?

You hate everything about me.

The sad part is the first two lines above are true about me; the last line is about you. You hate everything about me and that is all you will ever feel. Lucky me, I'm stuck with these feelings that I can never do anything about. Frankly it is a little depressing. Did you know I almost did something you would do? I almost went on a date with a guy, just to get you out of my head. But I couldn't bring myself to stoop to your actions, and I doubt it would've worked anyway. So at night I cry myself to sleep, thinking about you. Oh sure you and everyone else thinks it's because of Max, and I'm happy to keep it that way. But it's you I cry over. You who can make me angry when I'm happy, happy when I'm sad. Tonight will be another tearful night; I tear up now just thinking of everything.

Me.

I went ahead and skipped to the next letter, I couldn't bear the thought of Casey crying.

I can't stand it anymore. I can't stand sleeping in a room so close to yours. It is breaking my heart seeing you everyday and there is nothing I can do about it. Our fights have become more frequent. I will find anything that you've done to yell at you about. I'm starting to hope if I yell enough I will begin to hate you. But all it does is make the problem worse. Why do you do this to me? And then my imagination has to make everything so much more worse. I imagine these moments or these looks and before I can comprehend you've done something said something or its gone and I wonder if it was ever there at all. But why would it? With no more time I will end this letter.

You know who.

Crap, now I'll have to wait for the next letter. I decided to go bug Casey, mostly to see if she was still writing.

"Casey." I said walking into her room without bothering to knock. Sure enough she was sitting at her desk writing away.

"Der-ek. Can you knock just once?" I shook my head and laughed. It was so easy to irritate her. "What if I had been changing?" she said and then her cheeks turned pink as I smirked at her comment. I want to kiss her, badly. But of course I didn't. I also want to comment about her being undressed just to see her turn a darker shade of pink, but I let it drop.

"I just wanted to see what you were up to?"

"Homework." Ha! Liar. "Don't you have a date or something you should be one she said glaring.

"Nope, I am date free all weekend." Casey turned away from me but I saw the pink on her cheeks again. I wonder what she was thinking. "I'll let you get back to your homework." And then because I couldn't resist. "Maybe I don't knock cause I'm waiting to walk in on you changing." Then I gave her my trademark smirk and walked out hearing the familiar "Der-ek!" as I shut the door. When I got to my room I heard I hate everything about you coming from her and I chuckled a little. Now I have a little business to take care of.

"Edwin." I said barging into his room. He startled and dropped his book. "Do you remember when you came into my room earlier?" He nodded. "And do you remember what Casey caught you doing?" he nodded again. "Okay, listen to me, and listen well." Huh, I must've been hanging around Casey for too long to have used proper grammar. "Stay our of that folder. Do you understand?" he nodded again. "I said do you understand?"

"Yes Derek, sir."

"Good boy." I said and gave him a little pat on the cheek.

I wake up to hear Lizzie and Edwin fighting over the bathroom. Looking at the clock I groan. It is too early for being awake, let alone for all the noise. There was a knock on the door and then Casey opened the door. I pretended to be asleep.

"I know you're awake." She said sounding annoyed. "Listen George is gone for the day, and my mom and me are going to the mall to get that dress I was telling her about last night." I leaned up one arm.

"Alright. And?" she looked away and I realized that I hadn't worn a shirt to bed the night before. She was trying not to look at my abs. I grinned.

"So, you are babysitting the kids." She said and then walked out slamming the door behind her. I groaned again. I went downstairs and sat in my chair until all the children had come downstairs.

"Lizzie, you're in charge of breakfast for the three of you. Edwin watch Marti while she watches cartoons. After breakfast the three of you will stay down here and watch TV until I come back downstairs. Understood?" they all rolled the eyes but said yes so I let it slide. "There should be no noise at all. If I am disrupted there will be hell to pay." They all nodded.

"Are you reading Casey's diary?" Edwin asked and Lizzie started to laugh.

"No, because he can't find it." I shook my head at the blatant disrespect I was getting from them, but again I let it slide, I have something more important to do.

I ran upstairs and searched Casey's room until I found her new hiding spot. Why she can hide her diary so well, but not these letters I couldn't understand. But it was okay because in my opinion this is better than her diary.

This will be my last unsent letter to you. There were few letters but a lot was said. I'm not sure what I will do with them. Maybe I will hide them with my diary, maybe I will burn them. I was in your room earlier and I saw papers in your pillow case. You looked pretty embarrassed that I saw them. I assumed they were love letters, maybe like mine that you didn't send, but with your confidence you will, and you didn't deny it. This mystery girl really has you hooked though. I hope you treat her right but it seems like your changing for her. The dates have stopped completely, and now you're writing love letters? This is something I never thought I would say but she's lucky to have you that is if she ever accepts you. And of course she will, what you want you get. Of course when I saw those letters my already broken heart broke some more. You unknowingly broke my heart, and I still love you will all the pieces. That will never go away; I will never find someone else that feels so right for me. But eventually I will find someone, but they will always be second best. Always. Another song that reminds me of you I hate myself for loving you by Joan Jett. And I really do. I hate that I fell in love with you. I probably would even if we weren't step siblings, just because you are who you are, but not as much as I do now. Because I have to live with it and live with you. Sometimes I think I'm ready to burst and just tell you how I feel. Other times I feel ready to burst with tears. At school I see some blonde in the hallway acting like a whore and putting herself out there and I want to die. I've never had someone make me feel so broken in my life. And now you have found this girl, the girl you're actually serious about and now I have never been so jealous in my life. The other day we were fighting about who knows what and you said something, all I could think about was kissing you and so I stormed off to my room. You thought you had won and in a way you have. You hold all the pieces and fragments of my heart and you don't even know it. Remember when I mentioned being in your room earlier? You carried me out, and it was nice being close to you, but at the same time it tore me apart. I dream about you holding me in your arms I dream about kissing you and I can't make them go away. I don't sleep at all anymore because the dreams are too much, the tears are too much, and the pain is too much. I would say that I wish I never met you but it wouldn't be true because being with you feels like it would be right. How delusional am I? I've tried arguing more, I've tried avoiding you, I have tried everything I can think of to change my feelings and they have not gone away. I don't think they ever will, but like I said I will find someone maybe. But he will only be second best compared to you, and I have already given my heart away. It is no longer mine, and I think you've had it for a long time I just never noticed. I hope you never find out about any of this because the embarrassment would be too much. The look of disgust that would be on your face would be too much for me.

I used to think that our relationship was just a hate, but now I realize its just a love-hate relationship. I love and you hate. Something else about us that is opposite. It's strange really, we have so many things different about us, I always forget about the things we have in common. You might not realize it but we do have things in common.

You were just in my room again. I lied and said I was doing homework. The whole conversation really isn't that important what is important is what you said when you left. You said you don't knock because you're waiting to walk in on me changing… you shouldn't say things like that. First I wonder if you mean it then I realize I am an idiot and you don't then I kind of wish you did and then I hate myself for wishing that and it goes on and on in pretty much the same fashion. Oh if you only knew the things you put me through.

I hope you are very happy with the mystery girl, and I hope that she is everything you were looking for in a girl. People say that you date so many girls because you just need to find the right one; well I'm hoping she is it. In my heart you are "the one" for me but in my head I know its just a stupid fantasy. I wish my heart for once would agree with my head. But since you have my heart and we can't agree on a thing I guess it makes sense.

Anyway this will have to be the last letter I write to you because its no longer helping to release my feelings for you. They remain as bottled as ever. Not to mention I am trying to make this unrequited love as un-pathetic as I can, and writing you these letters you are never going to see, well it seems pathetic to me. Maybe over time it will become easier to hide my feelings. Then again, maybe it won't.

I'll never understand how I came to fall in love with you.

Sadly lost of love,

Just me.

I put the letter back where it belonged and went downstairs to pretend to watch the kids. And I was keeping an eye on them but the whole time I was coming up with a plan.