Sorry it took me so long to update. I was pregnant and I had a little baby girl! Yay! Since it has taken me so long to update, I'm including a segment from last time for those who have this story on story alert because I know that I have a lot of stories on my story alert and it can be hard to remember what happened in the previous chapter…So here you go…
"Sam! Sam, please wake up!" Cas said urgently, shaking Sam's shoulder gently as he ran his other hand through Sam's hair. "Sam!"
Sam sat bolt upright, looking around wildly. Realizing who was next to him, he threw himself into Cas's arms. "Please. Please don't let him hurt me. I'll be good. Please."
The pained look in Cas's eyes tripled before he closed them and gently wrapped his arms around Sam. "Shhh. It's okay. No one will hurt you. I won't let him get you. It's okay now. I promise. It's okay."
Hearing his brother's next words, Dean nearly crashed the car, before pulling over to the side of the road.
"Make him stop. I don't want daddy to hurt me anymore. Please. Please make him stop."
Cas tightened his grip as he felt the car jerk to a halt, while murmuring assurances of "He won't. He won't. I promise."
Chapter 3:
Dean took a few deep breaths before turning around to face Sam and Cas, but when he turned around to speak, Cas beamed Sam and himself out of the car faster than Dean could utter a sound. "Son of a bitch!"
Sam stumbled, before Cas gently laid him down on the bed in Bobby's spare bedroom. "Shh.. It's okay." He assured gently.
"It's not." Sam whispered between sobs. "Thank you… He would have wanted me to talk to him… I can't… He can't know... I don't want him to hate me anymore than he already does…" Castiel hugged Sam tightly, even as Sam recoiled slightly before forcing himself to relax. "I'm sorry… Y-you're always so patient and I can barely even handle you touching me-"
Castiel interrupted angrily. "Do not apologize!" Seeing Sam flinch again at his words, he softened his voice, but kept a firm tone. "I understand why we can't be as close as I'd prefer. You do not need to apologize for being scared. It will get better with time. Just, please do not apologize for what someone else has inflicted upon you. It is most definitely not your fault."
Sam looked at Castiel with doubtful eyes.
"It is not your fault." Seeing that his words were having no effect, Castiel placed a kiss on Sam's forehead and sighed before changing the subject. "Dean does not hate you and telling him will not make him start hating you. He loves you and nothing will change that."
"You didn't see how hurt he was because of my memories in heaven. He does hate me, Cas. I'm surprised it took him this long. I mean, look at me." Sam stood to his feet and gestured wildly at himself, still not truly making eye contact with Castiel. "I'm a worthless piece of sh-"
"If you finish that sentence, I will be forced to knock some sense into you boy." Bobby's stern voice growled from the doorway. "No one says things like that about the man I consider a son, least of all you."
Sam looked startled at Bobby's presence as well as his words. "Bobby, I-" Sam glanced around the room as if confused.
Castiel chuckled slightly and both Bobby and Sam looked at the angel questioningly. "Did you really not realize that I brought you to Bobby's? Did you not recognize the room?"
Sam smiled slightly. "I guess not."
"Anyone mind filling me in on what's going on?" Bobby asked impatiently.
Castiel looked unsurely at Sam who responded quickly without pausing to breathe. "Dean and I were murdered and sent to heaven where God told us to basically suck it up and save the world. Dean got mad at me and the world and threw out the amulet I gave him and I had a flashback so Cas put me to sleep where I had a nightmare and I woke up and asked Cas to keep me safe from- from- from-"
"John." Cas said the name with distain and hatred.
Sam sighed, relieved. He flashed a minute smile at Castiel, before continuing. "Yes, him. So, Cas brought us here before Dean could interrogate me. Then I was having a pity party which you just snapped me out of because really life could be a lot worse."
"Not that much worse." Castiel muttered, but quickly murmured an apology when Bobby shot him an angry look. Instead Cas said, "So, Bobby knows?"
Sam nodded and lay back on the bed, fingering the amulet as he realized it was still clutched in his hand. "Not specifics. Honestly Cas, you know more than anyone ever has."
Bobby shot Castiel a look. "So, have the two of you finally admitted your feelings for each other?"
"Yes." Sam replied firmly. "Is that a problem?"
"No." Booby smiled at Sam, before turning to Castiel. "If you hurt him, I will kill you."
Sam snorted, while Castiel smiled. "I assure you, I will not ever hurt Sam intentionally. However, if I did, I would expect no less from you, but you would have to bring me back to life first as Dean would have already murdered me and I would probably have already taken my own life before he even had his chance."
Sam looked sharply at Castiel. "Don't say that!"
"It is the truth. I love you very much and I could never live with hurting you. It is hard enough to see you suffer at the hands of someone else. If I inflicted that kind of pain..." Castiel trailed off with a shudder, then tilted his head to the side, listening. "Dean is screaming that if we do not bring our sorry asses back there right now, he is going to beat the crap out of us. And now he is using some rather strong expletives."
"We can go back. I can handle him." Sam said with resignation.
"You are sure? I do not mind ignoring him." Castiel assured Sam.
"No. It's fine. I might as well get this over with. It's not as though he will believe me either way." Sam said dejectedly.
"That is not true. He wi-" Castiel began, but Bobby interjected.
"I'm going with you." Bobby left no room for argument as he continued. "I will make his stubborn ass understand if you can't, but I don't think it'll be a problem. Your father was an ass and Dean knows it. He just needs to realize he was also an evil son of a bitch that I wish I had killed a long time ago."
Sam replied with a pained look on his face. "Bobby, don't say that. I know he was your friend and I deserved everything h-"
"No!" Castiel screamed in a loud angry voice that caused Sam to visibly jump into the air. "Don't you dare say that. Ever!" The angel began to shake in anger. "Never say that." He took a step towards Sam, trying to find his words.
Sam stepped back in shock. "Cas, calm down!" Bobby said sternly, trying not to raise his voice and frighten Sam more.
Cas seemed to see Sam's fear and his anger was instantly replaced with sorrow. "You were just a kid. A child. He was supposed to protect you. I can't-He hurt you."
"Sorry." Sam muttered.
Cas took a step towards Sam and seeing that he didn't back away, he approached him. Slowly, Castiel wrapped his arms around Sam and Sam broke into sobs again, apologizing over and over. "Shhh… Please don't apologize." Cas whispered. As Sam quieted, he added. "I'm sorry I scared you. It's not your fault Sam. None of this is your fault."
After remaining quiet for Sam's mini-breakdown and Cas's gentle support, Bobby spoke up. "We aren't going to see Dean tonight. You need sleep, Sam. I'll call him and tell him you're here. Knowing Dean, he'll be here by morning. You rest tonight. I'll leave you guys alone." He left the room before anyone could argue with him.
"I don't want to sleep." Sam mumbled into Castiel's chest.
"I know."
"You are going to make me aren't you?" Sam said quietly.
"I will not make you do anything, but I think you should if you want to have this conversation with your brother tomorrow." Cas replied.
"I love you." Sam said quietly, gazing into Castiel's eyes. After hesitating for a brief moment, Sam kissed Castiel deeply. It was by no means their first kiss, but it sent a thrill of desire through both men. Castiel sighed contentedly as his tongue caressed Sam's. Sam pulled back reluctantly and a few tears fell as he mumbled. "I'm sorry I can't give you more."
Castiel gently wiped the tears from Sam's cheek. "I do not need anything but you, Sam. I love you. Just being near you and knowing you love me as well is enough for me. I will never be angry with you because you can't go further than kissing. I am angry at that man and no one else." He paused and gazed deeply into Sam's eyes. "Do you believe me?"
Sam hesitated, looking for any sign that Castiel was deceiving him. Seeing none, he smiled. "Yes. I believe you."
Castiel put Sam to sleep again at Sam's request, while Castiel lay down next to him watching for any sign of distress. Four hours later, he noticed Sam's fists clenching and his face contorted in a grimace. As a whimper of pain escaped Sam, Castiel began to try and wake up Sam.
His dad had told Sam he was going to be sick from school today while Dean went without him. Being twelve, he was old enough to recognize the pattern, even if he couldn't do a thing to stop it. His father would be back soon from dropping Dean off at school. Sam felt the tears fall down his face. The knowledge that he would soon be punished settled in his heart and he shook with fear.
Sam did not understand why he did bad things that got him in trouble. Most of the time, he didn't even remember doing the bad things, but daddy said he did. Sometimes he gave daddy an ungrateful look or made his daddy think bad thoughts. Sam tried to explain that he didn't mean to do these things, but it didn't matter. He had still done them and needed to be punished.
He hated when his father punished him. He hated the things his father did, the things his father said. Daddy had all kinds of names for him: Worthless, whore, ungrateful, murderer. Sam didn't understand how he had killed his mother as a baby, but his father knew he had. So, he knew he deserved his punishment and as much as he hated it, he didn't fight anymore.
John walked into Sam's room and gestured for him to follow him. Sam's mind went blank as he robotically entered John's bedroom. He obediently fell to his knees and took his father's cock in his mouth and performed the way he had been taught. When John pulled at his hair, he let his father's dick thrust further into his mouth.
"On the bed. Clothes off." John said angrily and Sam obeyed quickly. "Look how eager you are. All ready for me with your ass in the air. You little fucking whore. I don't know how you can be my son. Dean's not a little bitch like you. He's a tough strong boy. You're a weak worthless piece of shit."
Sam remained silent, only letting out a small whine of pain as John forcefully pushed into him.
"Oh God. So fucking tight boy. Stupid little demon, tempting me like you do. Fuck. You feel good boy. I wish you had never been born, then this would be Mary and me. But you took her away and ruined everything for me and Dean." John grunted in pleasure and picked up his speed.
"I'm sorry." Sam murmured.
"You think that makes a difference?" John questioned in anger, thrusting harder. He came quickly and collapsed on top of Sam.
"I'm sorry daddy." Sam said, knowing his father always wanted to be called daddy or he would get really mad.
"Don't you dare fucking call me daddy. I hate you. You should never have been born. You should have died instead of Mary. I hate you so fucking much. I'll teach you to call me daddy again." John shouted, getting off the bed. He grabbed his belt and approached Sam. Mercilessly, he whipped Sam through the boy's cries and apologies…
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Sam said, tossing and turning, as Cas called his name. Finally, Sam opened his eyes and realized where he was. He burst into tears and continued his repeated apologies. Cas tried in vain to calm Sam, but it was useless.
After ten minutes, Sam showed no signs of calming. Unsure of what to do, Castiel's normally stoic angel demeanor dropped and he yelled in a panic, his voice breaking slightly. "B-Bobby!"