I am on a roll today so here is chapter 5

It was a dreary Thursday evening as Dr. Harrington drove into the corrections center just three hours away from Manchester. She made the drive every week usually on Sunday, but the events of today were urgent and she had to fix things quickly. She went through the mandatory check for weapons, and the inspecting of her mobile device like a routine she was going through the motions. She felt like an expert now and as she slide into her booth and picked up the phone, she smiled at the cold face staring back at her. She was clearly screwed, her smiles usually worked on men.

"Why are you here Katherine? I wasn't expecting you until Sunday." The voice on the other side was anything but the warmth she so longed for at the moment. But she knew Tony Gordon was not one to be sympathetic.

"I screwed up Tony. I am so sorry-"

"How the fuck did you manage to screw up. We have been working on this plan for 3 years. Tell me what you did?"

"She is suspicious of me. I got a little carried away. I know you want to petition the judge and have the question of her character examined. I know how badly you want a retrial. I did everything you asked, I provoked her she went into a rage and I took pictures of the assaults aftermath just like we planned."

"Then what happened Kate? If it all went according to plan and you got the pictures what went wrong?"

"Tony darling please let me explain with out you interrupting me. I am shaken up as it is."

"Get on with it then," Tony glared across from the panned glass.

"I think I mentioned a story she hadn't told me yet. There are so many you see, it's hard to keep track. Sure it got a rise out of her and she attacked me like we wanted, but there was something about the way she looked at me as she left, like she was on to me. I don't know if she remembers which stories she did and didn't tell me. I am praying she does not."

"Carla is a smart woman but she is paranoid too., especially since the death of her precious Liam. Katherine you have messed things up. Now I have to fix this." Tony sighed and tilted his head in deep thought. He looked up and met Dr. Harrington with stern and deadly eyes. "Now here's what we are going to do…"

Dr. Harrington lend in eagerly ready and waiting for his every word…

Carla didn't want to go to sleep. She had driven in her car for hours trying to calm herself down on the desolate roads of the country side. She was determined not to be anywhere in town where she could be tempted by the alluring scent of liquor. Finally when she had calmed down and her cravings had past she went home. She had ordered in some sushi but didn't have the stomach to eat a morsel of food. So she sat on her couch in complete darkness, the clock ticking away she was not sure what time it was anymore. She just wanted to know, how did the doctor know such an intimate story? Carla was sure she had never told Dr. Harrington what had transpired between her and Liam the day before she had married Paul. Only three people knew about it, that was herself, Helen and Liam. Liam never told anyone, and Carla was certain Helen would not be eager to share the story either. Perhaps she was being paranoid. Perhaps this was a distraction for all the painful and hurtful things said in today's session. Carla couldn't believe she had slapped her psychiatrist and not only slapped but practically assault her. She had drawn blood. She hadn't been that angry since she was 15 and had fought off one on her brothers punk friends who was trying to beat her. That was her survival mode; she only used it when protection was absolutely vital. But perhaps it was necessary today as well, Carla didn't want to relive that night with Liam, a night so wonderful it was painful all the same. But the problem was the harder she tried to not think, the more the memory kept gnawing at her until finally…

Carla was having her Daisy Buchannan moment. She had locked herself in her hotel suite, the family had all booked rooms in the hotel for the wedding, it was near a beautiful church that Paul insisted they get married, or rather Helen. It was a nice Catholic Church called St. Monica, conveniently Monica is the patron saint for married women, and Carla felt it was one more dig by Helen at how classless she considered her. Carla was nervous with the mounting pressure of never feeling good enough, and she was stressed because no one from her side of the family would be attending. Her last hope was her old fraternal grandmother, the only family she felt she ever had. Her grandmother was ill and suffering from the last stages of leukemia, Carla had tried to fight for the wedding to be closer to her grandmother's town, but Helen wouldn't hear it and Carla didn't want any conflict.

The night before the wedding, Carla left Michelle and Tom to their cooing over new born baby Ryan and walked out into the reception area. She pressed the elevator button lost in her own worries and thoughts, when the doors finally opened and she was met by non other than Liam and his current prissy freshly squeezed dumbo. Carla couldn't even remember her name now. Perhaps it was Victoria or Louise, it didn't really matter Carla was annoyed and in a foul room.

"Hiya Carla!" Liam said beaming at her. His dark black hair was in a tousle and his girlfriend Louise, Victoria, whatever giggle in delight hanging onto his arm like she was never going to let go.

God he looked so beautiful Carla thought, even when he was letting other women fawn all over him. But just a quickly as the thought entered her mind, she banished it in shame and resolve. She was going to be Paul's wife tomorrow.

"Have you seen Paul?" Liam asked trying to get his girlfriend to stop playing with his hair so he could collect himself.

"I don't know why you'd even ask me that Liam. You know the bride isn't supposed to really spend the night with the groom before the wedding. It's bad luck."

For a second Carla thought she saw the faint shadow of hurt etch across Liam's eyes. Perhaps it was the words bride and groom that where fazing him, Carla felt a smug satisfaction. He had his chance and blew it, he many chances.

"Ooooh snappy, " chimed Liam's annoying girl friend, bringing him back to earth. He had forgotten she was there as he stared intently at Carla. He now turned to her and pulled her hands off of him.

"Really Olivia?"

Ha Carla thought, Olivia I wasn't even close

"Put a lid on it. You've been a goner all evening, my brothers wedding tomorrow requires that you actually attend and not pass out in a cab like you did before the rehearsal dinner."

"Hmmm," said Carla not nearly as entertained by the scene before her as she had been moments earlier. She didn't want to hear about anything any girl did with Liam, whether it be romantic dinner dates or Liam nursing a drunk girlfriend in the back of a cabbie. She abruptly pushed herself past Olivia onto the elevator, leaving Liam to collect his girlfriend who was now stumbling in his arms singing "It's my birthday I can cry if I want to cry if I want to…" the doors shut and Carla thought peace at last…

Ring Ring

Carla snapped back into the present, her mobile phone was on the kitchen table ringing. She rushed over to kitchen to answer it. It was Michelle.

"Carla?"

"Hey Michelle."

"Where have you been I rang you like 20 times. Sally has been round to see me, she said she wasn't sure if you were coming in today or not and is flustered by her duties and responsibility. I really don't know why she is telling me for."

Carla rolled her eyes and sighed, "That girl I swear, actually I am positive I told her I wouldn't be in today. Thought she'd be happy with the duties and all. What time is it anyways?"

"9:00 am. Have you been drinking or something?"

"Hah very funny Michelle, no I haven't been drinking, I just lost track of time is all. I haven't been able to sleep lately."

"You should get Dr. Harrington to prescribe some sleeping pills or something."

"Hmmm maybe, we will see," Carla was in no mood to discuss the Dr. at the moment.

"What's that hmmm for missy?"

"Nothing Michelle. Honest you're all jokes today aren't you. What happened?"

"Met a bloke, what else?"

"Oh my Michelle you are killing me, do tell."

"I will but over coffee and some pastry, mine is not a story for the phone if you get my drift."

Carla couldn't help but playfully roll her eyes. "Where and when?"

"Roy's at 1:00. Oh and Maria is coming as well." Michelle hung up before Carla could respond to that last little bit of information.

When Carla arrived at Roy's around 1:00, Maria and Michelle had already ordered coffee and pastry. They were huddled in a corner sharing secrets like a bunch of schoolgirls. Michelle's face lit up once she noticed Carla, Maria's soured immediately.

"Hello," said Carla, sitting down across from the two. She already felt isolated with Maria's obvious cold inclinations toward her. Carla remembered why she always had very few girl friends during school. They were always so two-faced and catty. "How is everyone?"

"Good," responded Michelle immediately. Maria abruptly rose from the table and collected her purse heading towards the washrooms.

"Seriously? What is going on with you two?"

"Really Michelle, why are you asking me? I am making an effort; she is the one who is clearly hostile. I am sure you will figure it out what makes most Connor women tick, starts with an L, ends with an M, been dead 5 years now."

"Not cool," Said Michelle. "I came her to talk about my beau and you two go and ruin it with talk about my dead brother. You guys both know before any of them were your husbands, they were my brothers right?"

Carla was now getting irritated, "Of course Michelle!"

"Good, just seems like sometimes you guys get lost in the ongoing pity party that has been the last five years, seven if we are talking Paul. Just wanted to make sure you realized that Liam and Paul's death is much more then the two of you."

"You should tell Maria this to, not only me. I wasn't trying to start anything Michelle. I really don't want to have a row, can you just tell me all about your beau. I was so excited coming over here."

"Okay fine if you really want me to," Michelle smirks.

Carla repressed her impulse to roll her eyes.

"His name is Jack Thomas…"

It is evening once Carla gets back to her flat. Maria did join them again eventually, but spent the whole evening avoiding eye contact with Carla or talking to Michelle. Carla is exhausted and heads into her kitchen to get a glass of water. She notices there are a few messages on her answering machine and presses play.

"Mrs. Connor, this is Dr. Harrington calling. I wanted to meet with you to discuss the last therapy session we had. You left my office flustered and out of sorts. I want to explain to you, that you are on the right path to recovery and I want to help you make sense of all that happened. I know you may think I crossed the line with some of the comments I made to you, but if you let me explain you will see that it was all for the purposes of releasing your anger. It would be a mistake for you to quit treatment and counseling now that you have made such a break through. Please be in touch a soon as possible. I would like to meet before next weeks regular session."

Carla pressed delete. She was still uneasy about her previous session with the doctor and what she had done. She was alarmed that Dr. Harrington would let her get to such a level of insanity; she was alarmed that she had allowed her self to go as far as she had. And even more, she was still bothered by the story she was sure she had never shared with Dr. Harrington. How could she have possibly had known about it?

Carla sat in front of her mirror at her dresser brushing her hair out for bedtime. Her collarbone was exposed and her necklace rested beautifully on her skin. It was the necklace her grandmother had given her as a child. The one in her dream, the one Liam had fought to get back from Paul when she was 12, the one she was wearing the night before her wedding day…

Carla sat in front of the mirror in her hotel room brushing her in a routine fashion. She was in a trance, lost in the sorrow that the only family member she was close to would not be coming. Still she thought as her hands clasped the necklace, I still have this. Gran always told her to wear it as a child and that in wearing it her Gran would always be close to her, even when she felt far away. Carla wanted to cry. How hard could it have been for Helen to have the venue closer to her Grandmothers home? Carla could have made sure that her Gran would see her in her wedding dress, even if she had to go to the cancer ward to make it possible. Carla let out a stifled sob before her dreary depressing thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the hotel door. At first Carla wanted to ignore it and just lock herself in the bathroom for a good cry, but then she heared his voice.

"Carla."

Liam? What is he doing here, And at this time? Strange. Carla rises from her seat, putting one foot in front of the other. For some reason her legs feel like a cross between lead and jelly. If she wasn't careful she might tumble to the ground like Olivia had earlier. Her stomach feels uneasy, and her hands sweaty as she reaches for the door handle. Slowly she turns the knob noticing that her heart has begun to beat loudly. He probably just wants to talk, say good night, she reasons with herself. Liam stands in her doorway with his rose colored cheeks, even more flushed than usual. His black hair is still tousled, and his blue eyes penetrating, taking her all in.

"Can I come in?"

She always wondered why he bothered to ask. He knew what her answer would be before she had even said it. Carla walks over to her light and switches it off; she is in total darkness in her surroundings and in the mind.

"You should've never let him in" Carla is talking not of rooms but of the mangled worn down heart slowly desecrating from within.