Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.

Ok, so here is the newest chapter, I honestly considered dropping this story, and well, fanfiction altogether, but thanks to a wonderful review I realized I really didn't want to so thank you very much "Peabodytheowlet" this chapter is just for you, I hope you enjoy it. And also thanks to those who reviewed before XXBlackfireXX, Michelle7 and the always loyal Kikikiki. Thank you so much for the support

Chapter 17: 'Tis bound to repeat

I glanced to the right, a sudden sound catching my attention as I sunk another Oreo into the gradually melting ice-cream. A small squirrel came out of one of the bulky bushes and dodged right back in at the sight of us with merely a twitching it's funny nose in distaste.

I took the Oreo to my mouth and started to chew slowly.

It been a little while since we'd got to the park and sat down near the empty playground, and it had been silence ever since. Paul hadn't said a word since we left the supermarket, only quietly taking off his jacket and setting it over the damp grass for us to sit.

More silence.

Another cookie…

Silence.

-"Ok"-Paul suddenly snapped setting down his nearly untouched ice-cream to the side and staring sternly down at me-"What's wrong?"

-"What do you mean?"-I said, grabbing another Oreo, my eyes set on the play ground barely visible through some weirdly shaped bushes. Paul growled lowly.

-"You were smiling less than an hour ago and now you're..."-Paul paused, swatting his hand to my Indian style seated form with vanilla ice cream in hand, half eaten cookie and blank features:-"Like this… What is it?"

-"PMS?"

Silence

-"PMS…" He repeated, monotone. I shrugged starting to bring the rest of the cookie to my lips when all of a sudden the ground was gone from under me to find myself partially sprawled over Paul's chest, face barely an inch away from his own, eyes boring into mine fiercely, and hurt.

-"Am I really that untrustworthy?"

I waved a sigh:- "Other than you're the cause I dropped my cookie, I don't know you!"

I set my hands on either side of the jerk's head and tried to lift myself off of him, only to be held down more firmly, both of his arms wrapped around my waist like iron bars. I struggled for a second, trying to avoid Paul's eyes that looked up at me with a strange patience that angered me even more than his hot hands holding me gently. I glowered down at him to what he only stared, his eyes looking older and older with each passing second of furious silence.

-"You do know me Cory"-He said, his voice barely a thin whisper-"and although you may not know everything about me, I've told you the most important part of my life: that I love you"

I never thought of myself as a very kind person, from the beginning I knew what I was, for better or for worse, and as of this moment, I was positive I had never wanted to hurt someone as much as I did now. If it was what Paul needed to get over this nonsense and get on with his life, I could only say it as a service to mankind. I was a dead end anyway.

-"You know"- I purred, pulling my abundant waves of canopy hair to one side and away of Paul's face, locking his eyes to mine as I whispered venomously-" you have to actually know how to use the 'I love you' card, that if you really want to get laid"

Shock distortional Paul's features, his grip slackening around me as he took a moment to process what I had said, I tried to take that loose second to escape his arms to only have him instinctively hold me tighter, so when I turned to glare at him again his cheeks were bright red and eyes with a crazed gleam in them I could barely hold of the smile threatening to take over my lips.

-"I never said-"Paul started, stumbling as he tried to get his point across but it was really useless. He'd already opened the door, and now it was time for me to tear up the house. It was for his own good anyway.-"I mean I'm not-"

-"So you don't want sex?"- I cut him off half sentence; I could almost see his brain cells scrambleing to form out an understandable sentence as the new possibility of sex was inserted in his brain. As if the thought had never crossed his mind.

Paul's pulse was hammering under his skin so hard I could practically count each one of his heartbeats against my chest.-"Yes!-I mean NO! I just-"

I hadn't thought he'd make it this easy, I laughed under my breath, passing one leg to his other side to settle stradleing his hips as I leaned closer with a smirk:-"So you are after sex"

His breath hitched, staring up to me with wide, animalistic eyes. it took him a second to regroup whatever rationality he had left in him to answer, his fingers digging themselves almost painfully so on my hips, voice dripping with anger:

-"When I said I loved you, I meant it"

I stared down at him, face numb with disappointment as I saw his unwavering conviction take over once again. Getting him to see the light was going to be harder than I thought. For both of us.

Slowly, Paul's fingers began to soften its steal pressure on my hips leaving only a tingling sensation of a barely forming bruise. The pain I hadn't really paid attention to nor did I do now, assessing instead the drastic change taking over his dark features to a more lighten expression of thoughtfulness rapidly changing to one of bemusement and mischief as he broke out on a lopsided grin.

-"Or is that what you're after?"- I felt a strange twitch of my eyebrow, somehow frozen into a stoic mode of utter disbelieve as Paul gave me a toothy, wolfish grin and a mock submissive shrug- "Cause if you do, I don't really mind you know?"

-"Someone's sure of himself"- I said, half annoyed and half amused at the outcome of what supposed to be my game. Paul smiled even further, giving another shrug of nonchalant as he casually added:

-"By the way, your pants are moving"

I blinked a couple of times, trying to understand what he meant as I finally took notice of my cell phone vibrating violently in my front jean pocket, thus, pocking at Paul's hip. I had to roll my eyes as I made the connection of that jab, unable to stop the small resignated laugh as I climbed off him with a murmur

-"Smooth Thail, real smooth"

Paul chuckled deeply, letting me go but taking my free hand hostage in his own as I started to make up a good excuse to tell my mother as to why I wasn't home yet, only that, as I checked the ID… it wasn't my mom calling.

-"Who is this?" I snapped immediately after flipping the phone open, my voice taking that same cold demeanor I had thought I'd left behind so long ago.

-"Mmmm, Cory?" A soft, nervous voice answered. I had to sigh as recognition drew on me with the shrilly tinge of that voice, that sadly, I could recognize anywhere.

I felt the urge to rub my temples as the ghost of a migraine was starting to drill into my brain, only to remember my hand was rather occupied. The migraine turned into a full blown brain tumor.

I pulled my hand free, continuing to ignore Paul as I had other stupid things to tend to.

-"How did you get this number Tara?"

There was silence for a moment, in which I assume Tara build up the corauge to snap back:- "That isn't important now, Cory, I need you to come to Amber's house ASAP"

I barely heard anything she said as I tried not to claw Paul's eyes out when I suddenly felt gentle caresses on a random strand of hair, softly puling a curl and releasing it, making it bounce back into place with a sinuous dance.

What did I do to deserve 2 imbeciles on one day?

-"Cory?" Tara called, voice sounding as if she suspected of being hung up as she once more tried to call my attention back to her. I glared at Paul, carelessly relaxed on the smooth grass, one arm flexed behind his head serving as a pillow while the other entertained it's self with a lock of hair. I swatted his hand away as I answered Tara with the most civilized tone I could muster

-"I can't go Tara, I'm already busy with this… thing"

I shot Paul a look to what he only smiled like an arrogant, snotty child in a Toy store who knew he'd gotten his way.

How I wanted to slap that grin off his face.

-"Well drop the thing and come over here, this is a life or death situation!"- Tara shrieked, some ruffling could be heard on her side of the line. I rolled my eyes; leave it to Tara to make a tempest in a tea pot. That's when I heard it: -"Tara please don't do this!"

I blinked rapidly as I tried to catch the following argument; still I missed most of it.

After a moment of what I guess was some struggling over the phone an agitated Tara spoke in a more hasty tone: -"Look if I explain will you come?"

I smirked, from threats to bribe: -"Make it interesting"

There was a small pause of indignation and then it came: -"Well, I suppose I should start from the beginning…"

I waited with as much patience as I was able, munching on another cookie and occasionally giving Paul the finger when I felt him pull on more strands of hair. Paul smiled.

I was about to tell him off when Tara started:-"Well, do you remember that school trip we went on when you first came here?"- I hummed a nod –"and you remember that older girl Lauren? How she started picking on Amber and you stepped in and then she called you that god awful name?"

-"Oh, you mean when she called me a 'Bean eating cunt'"- I cut in, enjoying both, Tara's akward silence and Paul's sudden halt.

-"Yeah that… well, and do you remember that then you sort of…mmmm"

-"Proceeded to make her forget what a bean was…"- I completed for her with a smile.

I remembered that day with a bit of fondness, I was honestly grateful to that girl, Lauren was her name? back then I had been groveling in self pity, not really doing much other than the strictly necessary. But then, after a whole day of pointless wandering I caught up to something that made me feel the first spark of life in me for what seemed an eternity.

I recalled it almost to perfection. How that girl had sneered at Amber, and Amber's embarrassed and helpless face, how I'd walked up to them without really thinking, I'd told her to leave her alone and then, as I pulled Amber away, how Lauren had insulted me to my back, a smirk clear on her voice.

The sudden shock I felt of such a display of insolence was enough to freeze me to the spot, then I turned around and walked up to her calmly, electricity tingling on every inch of my body, as if I'd finally pulled out of the water after hours of mute submersion.

'Do you mind repeating that, I didn't quite get it'

And then she did. I remember felling something strange on my face, a sudden stiffness I couldn't quite place until it suddenly snapped: I was smiling.

Then I made sure to thank the girl for the kind gesture… thoroughly.

Tara huffed on the other line:-"Would you let me finish a sentence please? Well as I was saying after the fight started someone came in to stop you from smashing Lauren and her friends face into the wall, happen to remember who this person was?"

I frowned as I concentrated on that part of the story, I do remember someone wrapping their arms around my waist, pulling me off a sobbing and wailing girl, but I couldn't remember who that was, since I sort of scored them in the crotch and was released not 5 seconds later.

Tara took my silence as an answer and sighed:-"That was Jamal, remember? Well you obviously don't, I mean-"

-"What does Jamal have to do with any of this?"- I snapped heatedly, Tara wasn't making any sense and I was really, really not in the mood for riddles.-"Besides, if Amber doesn't want to see me I won't make her"

-"That's exactly the point in discussion here!"- She cried, I could imagine her scrawny arms flailing about in her frustration.-"She doesn't know what she wants!"

In that she was absolutely wrong. Amber knew exactly what she wanted, she just didn't have the balls to go and get it. I kept that to myself as I felt the intent attention of Paul on my face, suddenly realizing how much he had heard and that wasn't good.

-"Look Tara"- I snapped, straightening in my position to an irritated stance-" Amber is a grown girl and is very capable of solving her own problems so let her do it her way"

There was a moment of absolute silence and then came the final stab:-"If you really were her friend you'd be here"

Oh God…

I felt a warm hand stray comforting patterns over my stressed back as I sighed:-"I'll be there in a hour"

I had to pull the cell phone away from my ear as a high pitched shriek came; spoiling the pretty pity trip and making my head throb with annoyance. I fell for her stupid melodramatic game. I pinched the bridge of my nose:-"Oh and Tara?"

-"Yes?"

-"Lose the number or lose the phone"- I snapped the phone shut without waiting for a response. I didn't have time to argue with a snotty brat.

I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my chin over my crossed forearms. My eyes wandered aimlessly over the playground, slowly filling up to the brim with blissful children. So innocently taking on life with a full blown smile. I stared at one young boy in particular, his chubby face stern in concentration as he sat on the very top of a high slide, as if contemplating the odds of his oncoming decision.

My eyes soften on his features, his golden curly locks swaying with the softest of breezes, his round; full cheeks flushed red with excitement as his big green eyes narrowed in determination. And then he was off.

I smiled at his shrill of delight.

-"Yesterday was Amber's birthday"- I said, adverting my eyes from the boy I didn't know and landing on Paul's blank face.-"And she asked Jamal out on a date, and he said yes"

-"Is that a bad thing?"- He asked softly, sitting up to listen more closely, no anger or jealousy or impatience in his eyes of voice as he waited for me to continue.

-"No, I was very happy for Amber, she is usually so shy… I couldn't believe she'd finally done it"- I paused; realizing Paul's hand was still on my back, drawing randomly away as if it meant nothing. I didn't bother reminding him of my personal space and more so relished on the quiet understanding he was giving.

It was strange, I never really saw Paul as someone who could sit still and just listen, his personality just screamed of insensitive jerk. Or maybe I just wouldn't really see him.

I sighed:-"She won't talk to me now, and Jamal is acting weird… and Tara is being annoying"

Paul smiled, dropping his hand to lie on the floor:-"You think Jamal did something?"

I shrugged:-" I don't know, I don't think so"

-"Because if he did…"-Paul's voice was very suggestive, letting the phrase hang on a playful threat.

I smirked. Now that is the Paul I know, giant idiot berserk.-"That won't be necessary"

-"I don't mind really"-Paul insisted, a brilliant smile on his copper features, eyes tingling with childish expectance-"As a matter a fact, we can go right now"

I bit my lip to fight back a laugh:-"They're already out of school"

Paul's smile turned into a wolfy smirk:-"He might still be in the parking lot"

I smiled at him for a second, realizing just now what he was really doing.

He was trying to cheer me up with his dumb antics. My smile turned sad as I ran his smiling face with my eyes. How could he still be wasting his time on me?

Paul's eyes dimmed as he noted my sudden change, tone becoming concerned:-"Is something wrong?"

I stared at him for another second, swallowing the guilt as I tried to smile for him:-"I hadn't really noticed until now but… you're actually… a really decent guy Paul"

He stared at me with an undecipherable gaze as he asked lowly:-"Is that a bad thing?"

I sighed brokenheartedly:-"No actually it's a good thing… for you"

Paul arched a perfectly dark eyebrow in question, I smirked, leaning into him, noticing the stiffness take over him and the heat of his skin irradiate tenfold, I stopped an inch from his slightly parted lips, catching his awestruck eyes with mine for a fraction of second as I whispered onto him:-"It's a good thing for you… that I'm not into decent"

I gave him a soft nudge on the nose with my own, grabbing a handful of cookies, my ice scream and backpack in a fast fluid motion before winking his way and taking my leave. I didn't turn back, and he didn't call onto me. Moments later I was out of the park and on my way to Amber's house.

I got there faster than I had expected, maybe eating and walking really made time pass more easily. I not once thought of Paul.

As I walked up to the Willis house I breathed in deeply, leaving the empty ice scream can in the trash can just next to the mail box. I walked tensely up to the front door and knocked a couple of times.

It took a little while before I heard a soft struggling on the second floor, I couldn't make out the words but the desperate and pleading tone on Amber's voice told me enough. She really, wholeheartedly, didn't want to see me.

I turned on my heal and started to walk down the porch steps when the door abruptly opened and a pair of dainty hands took hold of the back of my clothes and pulled me inside the house with astounding strength.

Before I knew it I was dragged inside, up the stairs and dropped ungracefully on the plushy, pink endowed mattress. I glared up, hoping to find a head of frilly red curls to crash onto a blond mess of bloodshot baby blue eyes.

My heart wrenched painfully as I could only stare at Amber's distraught state. How could this have happened in just a couple of hours since I'd seen her in the cafeteria?

-"Amber what… Tara! What the Fuck did you do?"- I hissed, getting to my feet in a fury. I found Tara standing innocently by the door, or more like blocking it, staring at me with little patience left in her maroon eyes.

-"A reality check"- She shot back, glaring sassily-"Much needed by the way"

I was about to give her a taste of real sassy on that rat like face of hers when a soft hand was laid on my shoulder. I turned, surprised to find Amber holding me back with low cast eyes.

-"She's right I really needed that, just please, listen to what she has to say"

I sighed and nodded, noting the smug smirk on Tara's face. Oh how I wanted to punch her right now…

-"Look Cory, by now you must already know that Amber dearest has a crush on our team leader Jamal "- She started with a straightforward tone, her words sharp and somewhat cruel-"As a matter of fact, she has thrived for his attention since she was in kindergarten"

I turned to Amber, shocked to hear that. I had noticed she liked Jamal yes, but I never really thought much of it, nor considered it as something greater than a simple high school infatuation. Tara went on without pause.

-"Also, she finally got up and asked him out yesterday… and she came up with some very interesting piece of information"

-"Get to the fucking point Tara"- I growled, fed up of that sicken amused tone she was using, apparently unaware of Amber's pain staked face. Tara pouted and just as she was about to complain another voice finally broke down the horrible truth.

-"Jamal likes you"- Amber crackled, staring straight into my eyes with fierce determination.-"He has liked you since he first noticed you on that field trip we had at the beginning of the semester"-Her voice cracked-"He just never knew how to tell you"

My anger died down as denial took place, but I just couldn't speak, I stared wide eyed at the struggling girl in front of me, holding back her tears as she obviously broke down from within. What could I possibly say to soothe her pain if I was the one to bring it upon her in the first place? Amber sucked in a harsh breath.

-"That's not all"-Tara cut in, eager to share the news, blissfully oblivious of her 'friend's' pain-"He is going to ask you out"

I opened my mouth to curse her to hell and beyond when Amber dropped the final bomb:-"And I want you to say yes"

I snapped my head towards Amber, her fierce blue eyes ablaze. Then of course, Tara had to cut in:

-"It's the perfect strategy Cory, just think of it"- She chipped away, smiling brightly and clapping her hands with unconcealed excitement-"you, the exotic beauty, take him into a teenage dream, showing him a new world of exciting colors, then, when time is right, it ends in a dramatic explosion of reality… he'll be heartbroken, and who is going to be there to pick up the pieces?"- Tara danced forward, wrapping her thin limbs around a trembling Amber, pinching her tear flushed cheek lovingly-"Our precious little girl"

I didn't see it coming, I didn't even feel myself move as I suddenly had Tara viciously slammed to the baby pink walls, my hand tightening around her straw like neck, effectively cutting her air ducts and most importantly, the bull flowing out of her stupid mouth.

-"I'm nobody's joy ride"

I faintly heard Amber shriek and then her hands pulling me away from the now sobbing brat. I stared blankly at Tara gliding down the wall to the floor, holding her abused throat as she wailed softly. I didn't feel sorry, I didn't feel anything… I was numb again.

I backed away and with a single glance at Amber's direction, I took my backpack from the rugged floor and walked out the door. I couldn't stay here anymore. I walked down the stairs noting the hurried steps behind me but never acknowledging them. That until she spoke.

-"Cory please listen"

-"I've heard enough from you two insolent brats, I do not plan to waste my time with more of your nonsense"- I cut her out briskly, walking up to the front door in a dignified stride. The door was pushed shut and out of my hand reach as Amber blocked me in.

-"Tara is an idiot, an insensitive idiot who just sees this as an amusing first person soap opera, but let me explain"

I stopped, waiting as she took my appearance in, staring me up and down with a strange expression on her face, as if she could not recognize me. And I really suppose I don't look myself either.

-"I don't want you to say yes to Jamal so you can break him down, nor do I want to have to be the reason to his pain just so I can play glue and stitch him back up… I don't want him to be hurt in the first place"

"I want you to say yes because I want to see him happy, and I know you can make him happier than I ever can, it's just you"

-"I understand that"- I said, my voice turning deeper as I slowly corner her, making her press against the wall with no chance of escape, cowering like a dirty little rat under the cobra's gaze. –"No need to adorn it with self-sacrifice at all child, 'tis all very clear what you intent, you want to whore me out to your one and only love"-I sneered, my voice dripping sweet venom, poisoning her with each word, bringing her as much pain as I felt:-", just a toy to amuse the boy and keep him sufficiently content, isn't it? A fleeting light to blind him to any other possible threat, you wish me to trap him to a brilliant fantasy so he will never be ripped away from your grasp… How disgustingly pathetic"

She broke down in tears, sobbing wretchedly as she fell to her knees. I stared down at her with a blank expression, so plain. I rolled my eyes and pulled the door open before walking out without a single glance back.

The numbness was back and I could feel the horrible prelude to all the pain just at the turn of the corner. Silently I sourly applauded myself for the magnificent slaughtering of childish hope and any chance of friendship with Amber. That's what I was good at anyway, bringing things down.

I was half way cross her lawn to the sidewalk when I heard it:-"Have you ever loved someone so much… you see in their eyes that only reason… to simply give up?"

A sudden bolt shocked me, frozen mid-stride as the numbness sleeked out of my limbs, leaving nothing put that trademark tingling of life on my cold fingertips. I slowly turned to face the broken girl on the otherwise cheerful front porch. Her eyes burning with resolution.

My mind brought back that time when it had been my lips to say those words to her, how I'd smiled broken to the rain banging outside the car's window. That one face clouding any other logical thought.

Amber hiccupped a sob:-"The only reason to ever stop fighting back… My to-"

-"Die for"- I completed with her, voices mingling with the same emotion. I looked up at her, finally understanding just what she asked of me.

My throat caught harshly as my shoulders fell in resigned acceptance, submissive:-"Fuck you Amber… Fuck you to hell"

Amber cried again, but now of relieve. I silently shook my head at her and walked away.

I started to run a couple of blocks away, angry at myself and not at Amber because now I understood, and honestly, had I been in her place…

-"I would have done the same fucking thing"

Maybe even worse, I would have made her enjoy it.

I certainly wouldn't, I let out a soft moan as I ran inside my house, my chest clenching horribly as I stumbled into the bathroom, ignoring the startled voice of my mother as I doubled over the toilet and with a violent shove of my fingers, I forced myself into emptiness.

History is always bound to repeat its self, knowingly or not…

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