"How long are you going to be staying in Dublin Carla?"

Tom had kept his word to let Carla come back to the Connor property once more before Helen, Barry, Serena and Mark came back into Town. Carla was very grateful.

"For as long as it takes."

They had pulled up to the house and before Tom had even finished parking Carla jumped out of the car and ran towards the house. Since her last visit she had felt so full of hope and purpose, she prayed desperately it was not all a fluke. Her disturbing dreams were becoming less frequent and her journal entries much more lighthearted. Remembering Paul was much more easy then remembering Liam. Liam always made Carla feel sad, but then he always had even when he was alive. Carla opens the front door and she is unable to stop her mind from travelling back in time.

She is locked in time…

Paul gleefully held onto Carla's hand dragging her towards his house. It was a beautiful spring day and he had just proposed to her. Carla of course accepted and he wanted to break the news to all the family. They clambered into the front door smiling at one another with such joy they hardly noticed Michelle and Paul's cousin Kara ambushed them as they came inside the house.

"Well what did she say?" asked Kara.

"She said yes of course," hissed Michelle before turning in Paul and Carla's direction positively beaming. "You said yes didn't you Carla?

Carla was in a playful mood. She had known for quite sometime that Paul had made up his mind she was the girl he was going to marry, and Carla was perfectly content with being Mrs. Paul Connor. The person she had wanted would never be at her disposal , so she decided she wasn't going to sit around waiting for him to notice her anymore.

"Was there ever any doubt," Carla said throwing out her hand so Kara and Michelle could admire her brand new rock.

"Ooh I love the hearts. That's so different in an engagement ring, so inspired." Kara looked envious.

Just then Paul, Michelle and Liam's uncle Mark came into the front area. "You can thank me for that. I'm the one who designed it," he winked in Carla's direction before coming over to Paul to offer his congratulations. "And don't be sulking Kara, you've been married a month now and your already coveting someone else's engagement ring."

"Andrew didn't get it designed is all, nothing against Andrew Dad but the whole story behind Carla's ring is adorable. You know the whole heart on the sleeve thing?"

Paul and Michelle exchanged looks while Kara gave up trying to explain herself to her father and stomped off to the kitchen calling for her mother.

"If you ever become ungrateful like that I'll kill you," joked Paul. "Honest I don't know how Andrew does it."

"Aww there is someone out there for everyone," said Michelle. "Look at the two of you! You're both absolutely radiant; I couldn't be happier Car. You are now officially my sister."

"Thank you Michelle," Carla leaned in for a hug and kissed Michelle on both cheeks.

"Where are mum and dad?" asked Paul when it was his turn to give Michelle a hug. "And Liam, where is he?"

"Mum and dad are downtown picking up some groceries, and I think Liam is upstairs with Olivia. She came over a bit before you guys, she's nursing a hangover. Apparently they had a big row last night. Met some friends in town and apparently Louise and her new boyfriend. Drama ensued, you know the typical Liam and Olivia fight."

Carla felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She was certain the two had called it quits, but she didn't want to appear too curious. Paul often gave her suspicious looks when she inquired as to the status of Liam's love life.

"I thought they were broken up? I thought he was back with Louise or maybe I was thinking Victoria", said Paul.

"Oh you know our Liam Paul, he is always juggling a ton of girls at once", responded Michelle. "Now come into the kitchen the both of you, aunt Serena brought a bottle of bubbly. She wants a proper celebration."

"Oh I can hardly wait," said Paul rolling his eyes. He slipped his arm from Carla's shoulder and kissed her gently on the forehead before moving towards the kitchen with Michelle.

Carla didn't follow him; she stood planted in front of the stairs just looking up. She didn't know what she was expecting really, she just wanted a sign that Liam and Olivia weren't messing around upstairs. Suddenly Carla heard a door from upstairs swing open and the loud stomping of Olivia's footsteps."

"God you just don't get it Lee-um!" Olivia said in the most singsong voice ever. "You always try to act all coy like Louise is over you. She was all over you last night! And her boyfriend didn't like it either I could tell."

"I barely even noticed the boyfriend, he didn't say much and kept to himself all night. Can you blame Louise for wanting to be social." Liam came out after her, his shirt was off showing his toned chest.

"Well you shouldn't encourage her! Anyways I am over it already. I have to met Victoria and Sara for an early dinner." Olivia stumbled clearly nursing the signs of a hangover as she clambered down the stairs. Carla could barely stand the sight of her. She couldn't understand what Liam saw in her. Olivia gave Carla a snobby glance before trailing out the door. Liam stood at the top of the staircase still shirtless, Carla tried not to take him all in at once.

"Late night," she said trying to break the ice.

"You wouldn't believe it."

"Ha you forget I go out with Paul all the time."

Liam looked consumed in deep thought his vibrant blue eyes now marred with trouble. He looked like he hadn't slept in days.

"Olivia is doing me in! She just drinks all the time it gets uncontrollable. I had to stop about five fights last night."

"I don't know why you stick with her Liam, or should I say Lee-um," joked Carla. She just wanted to put a smile on his face. It worked his eyes lit up animated and he started to laugh, it was quite infectious. Just then Paul, Liam, and Michelle's cousin Tom came through the front door, followed closely by Tom's brother in-law Andrew, and Michelle's boyfriend also named Tom.

"Carla my girl, I believe congratulations are in order," said Tom the Connor cousin.

"Congratulations for what?" said Liam still wearing the look of amusement from Carla's impersonation of Olivia.

Carla shrugged her shoulders impassively. For some reason she was afraid to tell Liam the news, she was afraid of what his reaction would be on one hand and on the other that he'd have no reaction at all. She dropped eye contact with Liam and looked down at the floor, she hid her ring finger behind her back.

"Oh goodness Liam, you must be the worst brother in the world," said Michelle's boyfriend Tom. "Car and Paul just got engaged where were you?"

Carla willed herself to look up, Liam had not broken eye contact with her the whole time, and slowly he descended the stairs creating an intimacy between them. The two Tom's and Andrew went towards the kitchen and Carla could hear them making a boisterous entrance. Liam took advantage to the opportunity, he pulled her ring finger from behind her back with such force at first it startled Carla. She yielded and he became gentler as he took her hand in his own. His blue eyes swept the scope of her fingers, and his expression was unreadable. Finally after a time he decided to speak.

"So he beat me to it hey?" There was an obvious hurt in his voice. Carla still couldn't speak she just started wordlessly, his touch was inflaming to her and he knew it. She wanted to make light of the situation.

"What were we 12, when you proposed?"

"You where 12 and I was 13," Liam responded almost breathlessly.

"Well that doesn't count Liam, that was all for fun and games."

"You made a promise Carla."

"What were we playing again?"

"I don't know, I think house. Remember we played by the lake outback. I was the fisherman, you were my wife and then we made Michelle the kid."

"Yeah, the proposal wasn't all that serious."

"It was, you made me swear on my dead grandfather and everything. Remember we used to have a secret code, just the two of us."

Carla remembered. "Yep, and how it drove Shell so irate because she didn't know what it meant. What was it again?"

"Greenish Brown female sheep…"

"Olive ewe," Carla whispered back before she could stop herself. "Of course."

"You better not let Paul hear you say that your spoken for now."

"Yes I am," Carla responded but she could sense the uncertainty cracking in her voice.

"This whole thing isn't fair," Liam said back.

Liam spoke to her in such a way that she could tell he was appealing to her, one soul to another, that deep down he knew her own intentions with Paul weren't right, that there wasn't something unspoken between them that had gone on as such for too long. His breathing was shallow and he pulled Carla into a hug. He was wrestling with the same things Carla was. She felt the urge to hug him back, and tell him she didn't mean to cause him any pain.

"It isn't fair to Paul or it isn't fair to you?"

They were now rocking back and forth, and Liam is stroking Carla's long raven colored hair.

"I just need a moment Carla."

But Carla couldn't let this go on any longer. There were places in the heart where time stands still and secrets of the soul threatened to get out. She gently pushes him away from her trying to redefine the boundaries between them. To let him know she wasn't his, she belong to Paul, she had chosen Paul.

"Playing it safe then?"

"I love him Liam, I thought you'd be happy for me."

"I would, if I was certain that it was what you wanted."

Carla didn't understand him. She marveled in him, was intrigued by him, consumed by him. She had loved him ever since she figured out what love was, she remembered what it was like to hold his hand as they slipped across rocks, what it was to be innocent in thoughts. And then she felt angry, he stared at her with such yearning and she wondered why he always had to do this. Sometimes she felt like he left her in limbo, he never let her thrive. Sometimes she wondered if he wanted her to be just as unhappy as he was, never having all the things he wanted.

"You had your chance, you had your chance and you gave me away. You chose others."

His voice is wrought with emotion but he says every word concisely, "I did not give you to anyone."

"Car where are you?" rung Michelle's voice from the kitchen. She rounded the corner, "Are you coming for some bubbly or what?" Michelle looked at Liam whose eyes were welling with the onset of tears. "What's the matter with you? Better yet, the both of you."

Liam didn't take his eyes off Carla, "Nothing."

"Nothing," repeated Carla.

"I just found out I lost something I never really had to begin with." Liam turns around abruptly and heads up the stairs.

Michelle stands confused on the verge of scratching her head, "Cryptic much."

Carla stood in silence on the verge of tears. It wasn't cryptic at all. Liam had just closed the door on them, whatever they had been and whatever they were. He had settled the relationship on his terms, and although Carla should have been grateful, she was heart broken. In her heart she knew it was right, but her heart wasn't ready to say goodbye. He had just done so, and he did it so easily. Did she always love him more, she wondered in that moment. Carla figured that she did.

Carla was standing outside Liam's bedroom door. She didn't even remember walking up the stairs she was so entranced in her memories. She had come back to make peace with Paul, but todays trip just reminded her of why she fled to Dublin to begin with. She hadn't been able to handle all the cruel word Maria had spewed about the nature of her and Liam's relationship. There was some truth to Maria's words when she said Liam and Carla played games with one another. They had let each other go countless times, but it was all just a fluke. The moments they pretended to let each other go were just to fool themselves into thinking they were noble and self-sacrificing. But what had they really sacrificed? Carla remembers making love to Liam the night before she married Paul; she remembers when they began to kiss as kids when it was innocent until it wasn't anymore. They had never really fully accepted their feelings for what they were, and they were content in knowing that they intended to do nothing at all to resolve them. Every time they let each other go, they knew it wasn't over but just a premature set back, that they could have their fun but at the end of the day, they only ever wanted each other.

Carla was facing the reality of what the relationship really was. It was Liam trying to hold onto her, making omissions of her true feelings when he thought he was losing her forever. She did the same to him, when he was with Maria. And Liam was right when he said it wasn't fair, but Carla had been bitter. Still she followed Liam blindly, letting her heart control her actions and letting him rule her mind. He consumed her in life and he did in death.

On his door there is etched into the wooden frame a quote, although Carla is not sure from where.

"There are no men like me, only me."

She finds it fitting for the only man she ever truly loved. He was loved most by everyone, his mother, his grandmother, his sister, and countless women. Hell he was the only child in the family allowed to etched quotes into the wall. There was something about him that no one could wrap his or her head around. Carla couldn't even articulate why it had always been and always would be him that she loved. He didn't have to try with people, they just liked him automatically, and he was lucky for it. He had her forgiveness every single time he dug the knife deeper into her soul. But was it right for her to hold onto him because of it? Was it healthy to continue living in the past? Coming back to this place was the right choice Carla realized, it was what she needed to help her understand the way she idealized Liam was not healthy for either of them. She wanted him to always save her, to be her comfort. But the only way things were going to change was if Carla started doing those things herself. It was the only way she would truly recover she had to let him go.