I think my day was just officially ruined. All intentions of being the newly confident Lithuanian nation flew out the window when I felt Nikolai press the blade against my skin. It's pathetic I know, but I can't help but shake with fear and…and something else. Lust? There really is something wrong with me. I know that the Belarusian is a sick, twisted, crazy man. Feliks is right. I don't know why I let myself even fall for him. But I did, and there's no going back. At least for me.

And that's the sickening part. No matter what he's going to end up doing to me, my dignity will be down at my ass, and I'll still pine for him. It's not supposed to be this way. My Soviet days are done. My oppression days are done. I'm allowed to fight back if someone decides to bring a weapon down on me again. And that includes Nikolai. But…but what if I can't get myself to do it? What if he really hurts me, and I let him?

I didn't tell anyone about this. As the day progressed, I think that Feliks noticed something off about me, but he didn't push it. I might not be so lucky later. He'll probably pester it out of me. My brothers were pretty oblivious. I'm happy for that. They just seemed content to be independent, away from the thickening horror of that damn formerly Soviet household.

During our free fourth period, Feliks, my brothers, and I went to grab some coffee on campus, before going on a walk. We reminisced some more, talking about everything and anything except for the long chunk of time at Ivan's house. We didn't address the intimidation, the hatred, the chaos, the dysfunctional family, the beatings, the scars, the confusion, the conflicting emotion, the fall, the screaming…no. We didn't need to talk about it. We lived through it together and we just understood. Feliks knew this as well. Although he didn't live in Ivan's house, I knew that he could grasp the terror. After all, his people were ravaged by both Russia and Germany, and his nation was the home of many unwanted abominable concentration camps.

I tried to maintain some form of confidence as the day progressed, but it was difficult – especially with all of the nations staring you down. I already felt bad for what I said to Gilbert, and I could tell immediately that I had really hit a sore spot with him. He didn't even bother to glance my way when I was present. Also, for my last three periods, I either had Ivan, Yekaterina, or Nikolai in my class.

For Science, I had Yekaterina sitting next to me. It wasn't too bad I guess. She sent me a very timid smile before minding her own business. Yekaterina was the only sane one in Ivan's house. She cried a lot and no one took her seriously, because whenever she walked, her boobs would bounce up and down like no other. Seriously, I don't know how the girl got such big boobs. I don't know whether to feel jealous, or sorry for her.

Thing is, she was the one who bandaged me and stroked my hair after I had just been beaten. We never said much to each other, but I appreciated it. I also think that she knows it's not Ivan who brought the weapon down on me.

In art, I found myself sitting fairly close to Ivan. My breath still hitched at the mere sight of him. He just looked so…defeated. He still had that eerie smile and that strange cold aura, but that didn't stop my heart from breaking.

The first day was free improvisation painting, so we could talk. I couldn't help myself.

"Ivan?" I asked in a quiet voice.

He didn't respond. He just stared at his canvas.

"Ivan, look…" I breathed out, closing my eyes, telling myself to keep my voice steady.

"Da?" he said. He didn't look at me.

But I knew he was waiting for me to say something. What do I say? What was I going to say to him?

I gulped and continued, "I-I…um…are you alright?"

Ivan closed his eyes and smirked slightly, almost mockingly. "Do you think I'm okay, Elena?"

My heart jumped to my throat. Did he just call me Elena? He never called me Elena before…not that I could recall. I was always comrade, or Bolshevik, or Lithuania, or Liet. Never Elena. No one ever called me Elena in that house except for my siblings.

"I'm sorry. I really am…but…" I said, glad that my voice sounded pretty stable.

He shook his head slightly, his purple eyes glowing with a sort of sadness. "It had to happen. I know. Don't apologize. I was bound to fall sometime."

My stomach seemed to flip. I've never heard him say such a logical sentence in my life. Every time he spoke, there was a nasty or intimidating undertone to it. Well, almost always. He did have his tender moments. But I've never heard him accept defeat. I never thought I WOULD hear him accept defeat.

"Yes. But that doesn't mean I hate you. Y-You understand that, right?" I asked.

Ivan smiled at me. "You've changed a lot. I can honestly say that…"

I gulped.

"…I'm proud. How funny. I didn't think that I would feel this way when I saw you again. I thought that perhaps I'd be angry. You understand, da?"

For once, I didn't feel intimidated or scared when he spoke to me. I just felt a bad sad. I nodded in understanding.

"I understand, Ivan…o-oh…I'm allowed to call you that right?"

I never called him Ivan. Ever. I called him Mr. Russia, or Master, or something along those lines. And yet…here I am using his first name almost carelessly. Well, he hasn't protested yet, so I'm hoping it's alright…

"Da. I'm not your master, anymore," he answered.

I sighed. "Y-yeah. And…you can keep calling me Elena…if you want. I like it better than being called Lithuania."

Ivan's eyes twinkled slightly. "Elena is a very pretty name."

I couldn't help but smile back.

Maybe…maybe I could tell him about Nikolai…get it off my back…

No. I'm an independent nation now. I had to deal with this myself. I can't just rely on Ivan for everything anymore.

I had my last class, world history, with Nikolai. He sat right behind me. At least I had Feliks with me as well. He helped ease the tension…even by just a little bit. I couldn't relax against my chair though, not when I felt his eyes searing the back of my head. Not when I feared that I would feel a dagger against my spine.

And I couldn't focus. It's like I had some sort of Nikolai-radar. His presence was eating away at my skin. I couldn't breathe properly. I knew that he was glaring at me. I could feel it. I could literally feel his huge abominable waves of hatred crashing down on me. I think Feliks realized this too, because he was looking at me uneasily.

I wanted to glance backwards so badly, but I was terrified to. I didn't want to display fear on my face. No. No fear allowed. I can't let myself be afraid of another nation. I've had way too much of that.

I thought I could get over this. I was always afraid of Ivan, but I could never harbor anything but warmth for Nikolai. But now, the roles were reversed. I don't fear Ivan anymore. But I am terrified of Nikolai.

Bu that doesn't mean my feelings for him aren't hindered.

And that's just beyond stupid.

Once the bell rang, I let out a breath and stood up. I made the mistake of turning around and coming face to face with Nikolai. I was frozen for a second, my throat dry and my heart pumping against my ribcage. The skin between my breasts where he had placed the blade seemed to throb.

His violet eyes pierced me like a knife as he shoved past me, not being discreet about making sure I stumbled.

I looked after him, my mouth wide open. He seemed to stand out amongst the mob of students, the icy and almost intoxicating aura swirling around him.

"Did he just like shove you?" Feliks snapped, his eyes narrowing at the door.

"Um…"

"Because if he did, I will like kill the bastard."

Oh Feliks…if only you knew what else he did today.

I just shook my head. "Old grudges die hard. It'll pass with time."

"You better be right. I still think that guy's bad news."

I bit my lip before responding, "They're all bad news."

After that class, Feliks and I headed up to check out our dorms and maybe change into some more comfortable clothing. After all, we had the rest of the day to ourselves. I was considering dropping by my country just to check how things were, but I changed my mind last minute, realizing that I wasn't really in the mood. After all, I'd get an urgent report if something was wrong. Plus…I'd feel it.

The dorm hallways were just as I remembered them. Long, tall, and lined with wooden doors engraved with numbers. Feliks's room was right across from mine.

He winked at me and said, "Let's pray for good roommates this year."

I nodded before pulling out my key and sticking it into the lock of Room 568. I pushed the door open to see the familiar white room with the sliding glass door that led to the balcony. There were twin beds in the room, one propped by the window, one against the left of the wall, and another right next to it. I guess, I'll be having two roommates this year.

And the room wasn't empty.

I had just walked in to Alfred F. Jones, his shirt and pants off. He was in nothing but his boxers.

Oh dear Lord. I quickly covered my eyes, feeling my cheeks going red as I mumbled, "Shit! I'm sorry!"

"It wouldn't hurt to knock, you know," he responded in a slightly snappy voice. That made me feel worse. Alfred wasn't one to be snappy.

"Sorry…I just assumed…I didn't know…"

So one of my roommate is Alfred F. Jones, country of the United States of America. Otherwise known as "the hero." The guy who barely gives me a second glance, who confuses me for one of the other Baltics, the one who doesn't even know my real name, and the one who calls me "Russia's bitch."

Great. Excellent bonding opportunities right here.

"It's fine. It's your room too. Sorry for um…well…I'll just finish changing ," he responded lamely. Once he was finished, I uncovered my eyes and tentatively took a step forward. My things were on the bed right under the window. I sighed in relief as I made my way over there.

"Um…I'm sorry. What's your name again?" he asked.

I turned to look at him. His glasses were askew and he stared at me with curious cerulean eyes. He looked kinda stupid to be honest. But everyone also knew that Alfred was very attractive, no matter his circumstance. I couldn't disagree with that. I felt a blush creep on my cheeks.

"It's Elena Laurinaitis," I responded.

"You're…Lithuania, right?"

"Yeah."

There was a slight silence as I turned to my suitcase, unzipped it, and pulled out a red loose fitting T-shirt. Oh God, Feliks will kill me for wearing this "monstrosity," but I was always one for comfort over looks.

"You look different from what I remembered."

"Oh? Good or bad thing?" I responded, surprised to hear that I sounded almost…flirty? Where the hell did that come from?

He laughed in response. He had a nice laugh. Maybe I could become friends with Alfred F. Jones.

"Definitely a good thing. No offense, but you always looked so…weak before."

"I know. But different times call for change," I mused. Yes. I'll wear this red shirt. Feliks be damned. Maybe I'll be extra daring and pull on a pair of sweats…

There was another silence. Then I heard him speak again.

"Hey, I'm sorry if I ever…um…insulted you before. Just wanted to get that out of the way. It's just…I don't like Russia or his groups and you were part of it then…and I didn't understand that you sort of had no choice…and the hero isn't supposed to judge people like that…" he started to rant in an almost child-like way.

I couldn't help but smile as I turned around to face him. Everyone says that Alfred F. Jones is hot. I disagree. I think that he's more…cute than anything.

"It's fine, and understandable. It doesn't matter anymore anyways," I responded. He grinned sheepishly in response, scratching the back of his head.

I turned back toward my clothing and said, "Hey, can you turn around for a sec? I need to change."

"Yeah, sure," he responded. I looked over my shoulder to see him facing the opposite wall. I quickly stripped myself of my uniform, slipped on the red shirt and the gray sweats. Aww, so comfy! I love pajama-like clothing. Feliks always snapped at me whenever I wore it in public, but it's not like I give a damn. Well…until he forcefully grabs my arm and strips me himself. I would call it violation, but…oh God. The thought makes me laugh.

"Okay, you can turn around now," I responded.

Alfred turned around before musing, "The only problem with co-ed dorms is the whole changing thing. Don't be too embarrassed if I accidentally walk in on you naked. Just a heads up. It's happened before."

My cheeks flushed at his statement, but I just shrugged in response and answered, "Alright then."

He collapsed on his bed, laying out spread eagled, his arms and legs dangling off the mattress. "Hey, do you know who our other roommate is?"

I shook my head. "No. I hope he or she is nice though."

He nodded in agreement. "It better not be Francis. The dude will freaking screw anything that breathes."

True. Very true. I remember my Christmas experience with Francis Bonnefoy. It involved some alcohol, and it wasn't very pretty. Let's just say that in the end, Ivan and his pipe got involved. Francis ended up bleeding on the floor and my virginity was still intact. (Thank God.)

"Yeah, I know," I said with a slight laugh.

I stared at the empty bed. The mysterious roommate's belongings sat there, all in black bags. I frowned. Who would have black bags? It's too generic to tell. I didn't want to go snooping though. Knowing me, I'd mess it up somehow and misplace a few items.

"I already checked the bags. There's no name on them," Alfred said from the bed. He closed his eyes and breathed in and out slowly. He looked quite comfortable on the twin sized mattress.

Suddenly, the door creaked open. My head snapped toward it to see who was entering.

And, my heart started to pound.

My head started to spin.

My legs started to tremble.

I'm fucking doomed. As good as dead.

Nikolai Braginski entered the room, his sharp and piercing gaze finding me right away. He glared at me with as much abhorrence as he could muster. Which was a lot. I physically felt the violent stab of his eyes. And that's saying something.

You've got to be kidding me.

How the hell can I room with him? He'll kill me. He'll freaking kill me when I'm asleep.

"Oh shit," Alfred muttered, glaring at Nikolai. "Looks like we have a commie in the house."

I cringed at his words. Former commie, Alfred. He's as much of a commie as I am.

Nikolai kept his steady glare on me. I gulped and quickly looked away. I started to open my suitcase and sort through my clothes nervously. I didn't even know what I was looking for. Maybe for a way to soothe the fire that was igniting within my body, the chills that ran down my spine, the unbelievable hammer pounding at my ribcage, the tingling sensation on my skin…

Oh God, Feliks will flip a shit when he hears about this. Eduard and Raivis will both be horrified beyond belief…

My Nikolai radar immediately flared to life. I sensed his every moment. He made his way to his bed…which was not far from mine. I knew Alfred was glaring at him. I knew that Nikolai was ignoring it. I knew that he wasn't going to talk much. But he didn't need too. His message was loud and clear as he sat on his bed, staring at the wall with a bitter expression on his face.

Say one word and I will plunge my knife into your fucking gut so hard that your intestines will fall out. And I will enjoy every second of it.

My scars seared. Memories of his face covered in my blood filled my head. His eyes flashing dangerously as he rinsed his hands under the dirty basement sink. I was lying there, broken...wanting nothing more than to die…or for Nikolai to come and fix me. To undo the damage. But he never did. He gave me one more look of disgust before leaving me there.

A few more minutes of tense silence followed. Suddenly, a grouchy looking Alfred jumped up. "I'm using the bathroom," he mumbled.

I looked at him, my eyes pleading not to leave me alone with Nikolai. Yet, a part of me wanted him to leave…so I could be alone with the Belarusian. That definitely was not my common sense.

But Alfred remained oblivious as he locked himself in the bathroom.

I gulped, and stared at my bed, aware of Nikolai's presence. I dared myself to look over my shoulder at him. He just sat there, his eyes narrowed in hate, a shadow covering his face. His platinum blonde hair fell into his eyes and my breath was taken away at his…beauty. I know. It's awful. But I can't help it.

Should I say something? Anything?

"U-Um…" I choked out.

Wow. Good start, Elena. Bravo. That's really going to stop him from killing you now.

I think his eyes just narrowed a bit more. Shit.

My heart was literally pounding in my ears now. I couldn't think straight.

"N-nice w-weather, don't y-you think?" I choked out. I wanted to smack myself. And apparently so did Nikolai.

Because before I knew it, I felt my hair being pulled. Rather roughly. I let out a squeal of protest, but Nikolai's other hand covered my mouth.

His eyes blazed at me, his tower looming over me. "Let's get this straight. Next time you talk to me, there will be nothing left of you but bloody entrails. If I ever see you talking to my brother or my sister, I'll take your blood entrails and burn them. Got it?"

My head was aching and I couldn't breathe right. He was clocking my nose and my mouth from proper oxygen intake. Everything was spinning and I felt the tears form in my eyes.

I was afraid. Just like always.

Always afraid. Always helpless. Always enamored.

"I said, got it?" he spat, his voice hissing and icy. He yanked on my hair again, causing me to cry out a bit. He knew that pulling my hair was my weak spot. It really hurt me for some reason. I felt like my scalp was going to be ripped off.

I nodded fervently. Anything…ANYTHING to get him to stop pulling my hair.

The door opened and Alfred exited the bathroom. Before he could turn to look at us, Nikolai had let go of me, and was now sitting on his bed, the same grim expression on his face. He looked like he hadn't moved an inch.

And then, there I was. Covering my mouth to prevent a sob as the tears spilled down my face.

There is no way I'm getting any sleep this year.