Carla told him she didn't want to go for dinner that she didn't feel up to it. What she usually welcomed with opened arms in the form of Michelle and Kara's mindless chatter she could do without tonight. More so, she didn't think she could handle Helen Connor's judgmental stare. She looked like a priest, telling Carla she was an evil sinner a sinner to be burnt in the pits of hell. And then there was Paul, there was something about the way he hugged her in the kitchen. She could see he was wearing her famous sweater and she beamed at him, he did not return her smile. He kissed her head gently and left her alone. Carla then spent the remainder of the afternoon sleeping and when Paul woke her for dinner with Aunt Serena for 8 she told him she was exhausted. He stared at her for a time; he looked visibly hurt, like a wounded puppy. Carla was annoyed.
"What?" Carla said. Paul had made an attempt at offhanded laughing.
"What would you know, Liam says he's not going either."
Carla didn't know why he was saying that; she just turned around and went back to bed. Those were the last words he had ever said to her.
Frank stood in the den of his country home. He spins his globe getting ready to pick a country. His assistant Mary came walking in.
"Everything is in order sir, your car is waiting."
"Thank you Mary."
Suddenly the assistant broke out into tears crying. Frank was surprised; he had never really been all that nice to Mary. He liked to snap at her, for always allowing Sally Webster to pester him and not dropping her calls like he asked her to. But he did appreciate all the good things she had done for him. He goes over to her immediately to give her some comfort. He is surprised at the tenderness of which he delicately strokes her hair. She reminds him of is sister Louise.
"Shhh hush now, it's goodbye for a little while only."
"I-I'm just going to miss you is all. You've always given me a steady job and I know everyone always says g-g-goodbye isn't forever, but they usually lie."
"Well then I'll make you a promise aye. If it's work your worried about, I will put in a good world for you at Lawson and Cabot law firms. Ross Lawson is a dear friend of mine and she would be happy to give you some work. How's that sound?"
The young assistant looked up at Frank in awe, "That sounds wonderful sir."
"Good. Now you take care of yourself okay?"
"Thank you sir. I will, I will never forget the generosity."
Frank walks out to his waiting town car. He makes sure everything is in order that he has the tapes and everything.
"Robert," he says addressing his driver. "We've got evidence to destroy."
"What's the time?" Maria said as she buckles her seat belt in. They are taking Michelle's car to the airport.
Michelle is checking her hair in the rearview mirror.
"Five past ten."
"Are you sure we are going to make the midnight flight? We have to get through security as well."
"We would have left earlier if you hadn't been dragging your feet Maria! So don't blame me now that we are gonna have to speed to make it on time."
"Michelle!" Maria was frustrated and in no mood for bickering. "We are not speeding! Liam is in the back seat."
"I used to speed all the time when Ryan was a baby and so did Tom, you are being dramatic."
"Ahh," Maria scoffed. "Are you serious? This is coming from a women that has lost virtually all her family members to traffic related accidents."
Michelle jammed her key into the ignition and stared at Maria with annoyance. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."
Carla slips into the shower quickly. The house is quite at last. She takes her time letting the water engulf her. She is touching her stomach and abdomen area thinking about the talk she had with Paul. He said he was ready to have a baby, but Carla didn't have the heart to tell him she did not want the same things. Not at the moment anyways. She didn't know how she could make him understand, that the thought of bringing a child into the world where people do such horrible things made her sick. She thought of how her mother hated her brother, because everyone said he was the product of a rape by her stepfather. Carla thought about her own rape, she had never told Paul about it she had never told anyone at all. How one minute she had been at a pub and the next minute she was in a secluded field, how one guy raped her as the other one egged him on. She shivers remembering the cold draft of the field as it translates through the shower curtain.
Quickly she turns off the shower and wraps herself in a towel. She is so damaged on the inside, but so perfect on the outside. If Paul knew all the things she thought, all the things she hid from him, he wouldn't love much less want to have a child with her. And the child she thought, what a poor soul it would be. What if she didn't love it the way she was supposed to, what if she looked at it and wished it were Liam's….
She hears a noise down stairs so she quickly dries her hair and slips on an old University of Edinburgh sweater. She wants to take her mind off of things. She finds Liam sitting in the kitchen, he looks distressed and she wishes she could disappear but he has already seen her.
"Don't let me bother you, " Liam says.
Carla tries not to look at him she keeps her eyes glued to the floor.
"I heard a sound, thought I'd have a look."
Liam continues to stare at her, and she can feel herself getting hot and sweaty.
"So, this is what we are now?" Liam asks. "Just a few spoken words, I hi there and a bye there."
" I've got nothing more to say to you Liam," Carla whispers. She finally looks up his eyes have not left her and they are full of emotion.
Liam gives out a laugh, "Oh really? And that letter then…?"
"Liam please…"
"No let me finish. You had quite a lot to say in that letter. But now you got nothing to say to me at all. I mean it's surprising how long you've managed to ignore me since that night, wont even look at me, it's like I don't exist."
"It pains me Liam," Carla can feel her heart breaking. He said he didn't hate her, but Carla knew that he must.
"Oh it pains you? Well you didn't think twice about how'd it pain me to read that letter. Just shoved it under my flat door and ran away like a little girl."
Carla wants to cry, "Liam please try and understand."
But Liam ignores her. He gets up from the table and slowly walks toward her.
"How did it go again? Oh yes… Dear Liam, There is nothing more painful then writing this letter to you. Do you remember when we were kids? And we used to slip along the rocks together? You asked me what I thought love was. I told you that I didn't know but I knew it had something to do with you."
"Liam please stop!"
But Liam ignored her and kept on reciting, "I thought about it later and I realized it couldn't remember the exact moment I began to love you. So I figures that love must then be something that had no beginning…and because couldn't think of any reason for it ever ending, then that was love to."
He was inches from her now, and Carla tried to back away to create distance between them.
"But Liam," he continued. "When we were together as children I knew that something was wrong, that I loved you, but that it wasn't right and that the time would come when I would have to tell you so. I am sorry I ever let it get to the point it did. I know you blame yourself, you said you put the ideas in my head. But it was me Liam I put those ideas in your head, it was just a game. I couldn't stand to lose you, and I didn't want anyone else to have you either. But it's all pretend, a game for kids slipping on the rocks. I have to let you go…"
He stopped and Carla was now pinned to the kitchen counter up against his weight. His breath was hot and he cupped her face in his hand. His eyes scanned her body taking her all in end.
"Please Liam, I'm married. We can't keep doing this."
"Tell it to my face," he whispers. "Tell me every single word of that letter to my face and maybe I'll believe you."
"I don't love you! Accept my decision, I chose Paul!"
"Then why are you crying? If I mean nothing, why does it pain you so much?"
Carla tries to throw him off, but he is much stronger and he lefts her up onto the counter.
"I don't love you so believe it!"
"I don't have to believe blatant lies."
He begins to kiss her and she can't resist him anymore.
"You never loved him, you only ever wanted me." Liam whispers in Carla's ear.
"I love you," Carla agrees. She is caught up in the moment overcome with passion. She is lost in him, she can feel him inside of her and she knows that all she wrote in the letter was a lie. She only wrote it because she wanted to do right by Paul, because she cared not to hurt him.
"Do you hear that?" Liam stops kissing her.
"What?" Carla says breathlessly.
Liam looks out the kitchen window above the sink. He doesn't see anything because it's dark.
"Must have been imagining things, it's probably nothing." Liam lends into the kiss Carla.
She remembers faintly the sound of a car engine as a car is speeding away. At the time she thought to herself it must be the next-door neighbor.