AKUSORA, Got it Memorized?

by Izzy-Lawliet

They met online, met in person, and became friends, what’s stopping them from becoming more? AkuSora.

10. I Don't Trust You, Got It Memorized?

Title: I Don't Trust You, Got it Memorized?
Author: Izzy-Lawliet (Rin)
Disclaimer: Let's go over this slowly so you can understand what I'm saying. I do not own this. If I did, do you seriously think that I would be typing a poorly written story like this?
Pairings: Axel/Sora
Rating: M
Warnings: AU, yaoi and whatever comes along with it.

Summary: They met online, met in person, and became friends, what's stopping them from becoming more?

Author's Note: So I was writing part of this while listening to 97.9 KUPD and the song How Could You by Saliva came on, I looked up the lyrics, and was like wow…it kinda fits…

xxx

I pounded my fist against the floor once. Then again. And again. I was so pissed at myself, but I couldn't not tell him. I couldn't lie to him, that would have been even worse. I just…was so pissed at myself. I, argh!

I went to stand again, just to fall again, this time caught by Reno. At first I thought it was Axel, coming back to help me, but the smell was completely different. Axel had this fresh pine sent mixed with spice, whereas Reno smelt like smoke and this expensive cologne. I pushed Reno away, backing up into the counter, which I braced my hands on, only to fall because of the pain that shot through my palms.

"Sora…" My brother called from in front of me. I shook my head, but fell into his open arms either way. I sobbed into his shoulder, tightly shutting my eyes as I tried to block out the sound of Reno's voice talking to Hayner.

"Who kissed who first?" Hayner asked, somehow staying calm in the whole situation.

"I kissed him first." Reno admitted, the smug tone leaving his voice. I wasn't doing a good job of ignoring them.

"Why?"

"Because I think I love him, too. I can't help it. When I first kissed him the other week, it was like he was teasing me, even though it wasn't his fault, he stopped, but this time…we just kept going. I knew it was wrong, and I knew that if I continued to kiss Sora, it would hurt my brother more than anything I could ever do. But I couldn't stop. It was just too damn good kissing Sora."

I heard someone being shoved against the wall. "Don't talk like that. I wouldn't care if you did, if you were going out with Sor, but you're not, Axel, your brother, is or was, whatever. Now thanks to you, he's god knows where alone, wet, and probably drinking himself into oblivion, no thanks to you. I'd tell you to go and die, but that would take away the fun of me killing you."

"Hayner!" Roxas snapped, backing away from me to yell at his boyfriend. "Just come help me get Sora upstairs. After that we'll go out and find Axel."

Minutes flew by. I was in my room with Reno sitting on the edge of the bed, only allowed to because Roxas said I needed someone to look after me. He and Hayner went to go find my boyfriend (?) and bring him back to talk to me.

"Sora?" I shook my head and lay on my side, facing away from him. "Please, look at me." I shook my head again and froze when he sighed and crawled behind me, spooning me. "I love you Sora, and hurting you and Axel was the last thing on my mind. It's just, with you around, I'm so tempted to hug, hold, kiss you, and even make love to you. I want to be Axel. I want to have the love that you and he share."

I ignored him and his hand on my body, crawling up under my shirt.

"Let me show you just how much I can love you." I nodded, not being able to say no to the silky voice in my ear.

His kisses against my skin went everywhere. His hands quickly taking off my clothes, his lips following. I keened under him, not really caring or feeling. I mean, yeah, it felt wondrous, but nothing compared to the way Axel made me feel. And I don't think Reno really cared; I think he just wanted to get pleasure. I always had a feeling that something like this would happen. Like deep down.

"Sora let me, please." I nodded deafly, not caring what happened from then on. He undressed us both; he entered me after slowly and gently preparing me while kissing my body with gentle caresses. I didn't stop him, but then again I didn't tell him to continue. I just wanted Axel, and if I couldn't have him, I'd have to settle for the second best thing.

He entered me, my hands tightening into fists in the sheets, trying to ignore the pain and think of something else. I thought of Axel, how hurt he was and how he looked after he heard what Roxas had said. I thought of all the times we have spent together over the past six months. I thought of how much he loved me and wanted to be the one to take my virginity. I thought of him. Period. His smile, his laugh, his bright green eyes and blood red hair and those idiotic tattoos that mark him for who he is.

He may have looked and acted like his brother, but Reno and Axel were nothing alike.

And I thank god for that.

Reno stopped moving once he was in me, looking down with lovingly eyes. Dare I say it – I felt loved and cared for. But not nearly as much as I usually did with Axel.

Nothing could replace that feeling, now that I think about it.

I loved Axel, with all my heart, more than anything – maybe even more than my brother.

I loved Reno too, but not more than I did Axel, I could have loved him more, if only I had met him first, but the fact was…I didn't. And that was why I had to stop Reno.

Placing my hands on Reno's face, I got him to look at me while I mouthed at him.

Stop.

"But…" He said, starting to thrust. Hitting my prostate right away, causing me to drop my hands back to the bed and arch into him. I didn't even know what I was going to say previously. I just know that the feeling of Reno thrusting into me – completely different than the horrible feeling I got with Riku, but I knew it was also different than what I could feel with Axel.

With Reno grunting, his eyes closed tightly while he continued to thrust in me, he didn't notice the tears of betrayal I felt. Even though I was crying, I couldn't help but enjoy Reno fucking me. And yes, he was fucking me. I didn't really love him, I don't know if he really loved me, but I see why people had one night stands. Because of this carnal pleasurable feeling, it was completely enjoyable. And yet that still didn't give me a reason to be doing this.

But I didn't have much of a choice. Either way, Reno could have fucked me, whether it was with my agreement, or against it.

I could tell Axel that Reno raped me. But I don't want to break up their barely there brotherhood – which was probably gone now because I hadto tell Axel that I cheated on him. I mean, I had to. I couldn't lie to him. I loved him and I can't keep a secret from him.

So, no, I was not going to tell Axel that.

He may not have raped me, but he might as well have. This wasn't against my will, but it wasn't like he took into consideration of hurting his brother.

I couldn't think anymore as he thrust continuously into me, hitting that bundle of nerves each and every time. It was very…distracting. It felt so good, I knew it was only moments before I came. And when I did, I silently screamed, wishing that I could really scream.

For I screamed Axel's name.

xxx

I was laying, panting, trying to regain my breath. Reno was pulling out of me, gently taking into consideration that it was painful.

He curled up next to me, looked down at me and whispered words that I longed to hear from Axel, not Reno, "I love you Sora." I closed my eyes and looked away, just to have his hand placed on my chin, "It's true. I really do." I nodded either way and moved his hand away from my face.

I heard the front door slam and some muffled yelling from downstairs. Reno jumped up and got dressed quickly, fixing his hair in my mirror.

"Sorry, I'll go see what's going on."

I only left minutes later, after I carefully got dressed, trying to ignore the pain in my backside. I pulled on my boxers only, not being able to pull on anything else. I slowly limped out of my room, leaning on the walls for support.

The pain was unbearable, and yet still nothing like when that one time with Riku. Thank god. I think if it was like that, I would have to kill myself. Really? Maybe…

I took the stairs one at a time, slowly going down, being careful not to make any sound. Half way down the stairs, I heard Reno and Axel fighting.

"This is why you came here in the first place, isn't it!? Not to get me back with Sora, but to take him for yourself!"

"No, Axel, I swear. I never thought I would fall for him. But don't blame him. I kissed him first."

"That's not all he did." I looked away from the wall where the other room was and saw my brother at the bottom of the stairs, watching me slowly limp down.

"What?" Axel said, anger starting to rise once more.

"He fucked Sora." Roxas said, slowly walking up to me to help me. He must have known that I was in pain; it wasn't like he never had sex.

"No…" There was denial in Axel's voice. "Sora wouldn't let him."

"Ask him yourself." Roxas put most of my weight on him, carefully helping me down the last flight of stairs.

"Sora…? You didn't let Reno fuck you, did you?" My eyes started to water and my lips curled in an attempt to stop me from crying. "Why?" He asked, the question not being the first time he asked it tonight. All I could do was shake my head in response. I didn't have an answer, it just happened, and I definitely wasn't in my right mind when that happened. Axel turned to look at his brother, not with an expression of anger, but one of betrayal.

"Ax, I'm sorry." Reno said pathetically.

"Don't apologize for something you aren't sorry for. Isn't that what you always told me?" Axel said while walking to stand in front of me and Roxas. "I love you Sora." I nodded and mouthed it back, tears cascading down my cheeks. "But I'm leaving. I already got a ticket for the bus back to Midgar. I'm going to stay with a couple of my old friends. I won't ever be back." I nodded, completely understanding his reasons. I wouldn't want to stay here if he did this to me. He lifted his hand and laid it on my cheek, his touch causing me to shudder in needing pleasure. "I just…want to kiss you good bye." I nodded and leaned off of my brother, easily falling into Axel's arms.

He smiled pitifully down at me, making me cry even more. His lips went to my cheek, kissing away tears on both sides before going to my lips and laying them softly together. I shuddered once more before pressing against him even harder.

Axel's tongue licked at my lips, in a way that I was so used to, and yet it still left me weak at the knees – unless it was because I was just fucked not minutes ago…

Anyways, it didn't matter, his lips against mine were more than in enough, but when he moved his tongue into my mouth, I was in heaven. I used mine against his, loving how his moan caused my mouth to vibrate.

Axel pulled away too soon for my liking, and when I tried to pull him back, he shook his head, removing my arms from around his neck.

Tears started to fall from my eyes, as I saw him walk away. I mouthed his name, over and over again. But he was already turned away from me, walking out the door.

xxx

Reno kept trying to talk to me, to apologize. I, with Roxas and Hayner's help, got him away and out of the house. I didn't feel bad for what I had said to Reno, I didn't feel bad for kissing him, but I did feel bad for letting him fuck me, something that I was saving for Axel since as far back as I could remember.

I don't even know why I let him do that to me. I felt…like I needed it, just that comfort, and that feeling that would distract me from the world around me.

Up in my room, I grabbed the razor blade from under my mattress and collapsed to the ground, pressing the blade into my skin right away, as hard as I could, successfully cutting myself and scarring my wrist. I did the same thing to the other one not a second later.

Maybe I should have thought before I did this, for I left the door open and in came my brother.

"Sora…do you need to – oh my god!" He ran over to me, prying my hand from my wrist. Too late. "Hayner!" Everything was all hazy now. I saw Hayner run in my room, along with mom. I wonder when she got home…

xxx

"He's…mute."

"Please, help him."

"Sir, you…there."

"He'll need-"

"He needs medical at…and we…distraction."

"So…a!" Axel?!

xxx

My eyes hurtso much. My arms felt limp. My head was pounding. And overall, I felt like shit. It took me a while to open my eyes, but when I did, I noticed that the lights were all off except for a dim lamp over my head, but it was pointed to another direction.

I was in a hospital room, one that was pure white, and the only things in there were a couple chairs, – that were empty– my bed, and all that hospital monitor stuff.

I looked around more, seeing as how my eyes adjusted to the lack of light. On my bed, there was a mop of red spiky hair. I ran my hands through the hair and smiled inwardly. It was Axel. I could tell my running my fingers through the soft hair.

Touching him, caused him to wake up, sitting up and looking at me with tear-streaked cheeks. I smiled so he could see and went to lift my hands to touch his face. That was when I realized that my arms were being held down by restraints. Pulling on them hurt my wrist, causing me to hiss out of pain. "Try not to do that," Axel said with a croaky voice, voicing what I thought. "They had to restrain you; you are a danger to yourself. They had no other choice, and, quite frankly, I agree with them. I don't even know why I'm here. I was walking to the bust stop when an ambulance went by with Hayner speeding behind them. They pulled over, told me what happened, and I – for some reason I can't understand – ran straight here, getting here before your brother. Now I'm rambling, so I'm gonna shut up now." He finished with a sigh, and plopped back down in his seat by my bed.

My hand still itched to be held by his, so I gently moved it forward, brushing my fingers against his for a few seconds before retracting it, hoping he got what I was trying to do. I guess he did, for he placed my hand under his and gripped it softly.

"Why did you let Reno fuck you when you told me earlier that you didn't want to with me? Was it because it was me?" I shook my head, tightening my hand to get him to look up from where our hands were entwined. "What?"

'I love you' I mouthed, feeling tears prickle at my eyes.

"I love you, too, Sora. I just don't understand why you would let Reno fuck you, when I just wanted to make love to you." I looked at him questioningly. "There's a difference, you should know that by now." I raised my eyebrows. "The first time we had sex, that was making love. The second, at my house, even though it wasn't forced or anything, it didn't have any real feelings to it, making it fucking. Do you understand?" I nodded and smiled a little.

"Or…did you let him make love to you…?" I shook my head frantically. He looked up at me.

'Only you.'

"Only me." He confirmed with a statement and stood up, leaning over and pressed his lips to mine tenderly. The kiss was nothing more than the moving a lips, one of my favorite kinds of kisses.

"Sora? Are you awake?" I turned my head away from Axel reluctantly to look to my mom who had walked in with a couple cups of coffee.

I smiled at her, trying to lift my arms, to push myself up, completely forgetting that I was tied down to the bed. Axel pushed on my chest before the restraints tugged too hard.

"Don't move, Sora, honey." I nodded and kissed her cheek when she bent to hug me. My mom handed a cup of coffee to Axel. "Here." Axel took the cup thankfully and smelled it with a smile. "How are you feeling?" I nodded my head and mouthed that I was feeling a lot better, especially with Axel here.

"Mr. Hikari." A nurse and a doctor entered the room. I looked at the nurse fearfully, for she had a syringe with some liquid in it. "Don't worry, that's only if you don't cooperate." Axel glared at them both and held my hand tightly, standing in the way of the nurse. "Sir, please step outside while we talk to Sora and his mother."

I shook my head, not letting go of Axel's hand. "I stay with Sora at all times."

"Doctor, he's allowed to stay." My mother said, having seen the look in my eyes when they asked him to leave. Axel walked around to the other side of the bed so the doctor could see me.

"Right, anyways. Sora, you lost a lot of blood when you cut your wrists, and from what we've seen, that wasn't the first time that you had cut. We are going to keep you here for at least a week to do a mental evaluation and find out if there is anything in your life we can change so you aren't tempted to do again. Do you have any clue as to why you cut yourself?" I didn't answer, but I looked away. "Please, we must know."

"Sora, honey, you can tell them." I looked up at Axel, who had his eyes avoiding mine.

"Is it this man? Sir, what is your name, your age, and relation to the boy?" The nurse asked, setting down the syringe to take out a pad of paper and a pen.

"I'm Axel, eighteen, and I'm Sora's…" What was he to me? We weren't still together were we? I looked up at Axel, wondering what he was going to say. "Boyfriend."

I haven't felt this happy since early last night when Axel said he wanted to marry me. He was still my boyfriend! I felt so elated.

"Do you know why he harmed himself so drastically?"

"Yes, it was because we were going to break up and I was going to leave, never coming back. He felt guilty about doing something, but we talked about it before you came in. Everything's fine again." I looked to Axel's eyes when he glanced at me, and I know that there was a promise of us talking about it for real later.

"Do you think he's ready to return home?"

"As long as I'm with him, he's ready to do anything." That made seem kind of pathetic, but it's true. With Axel with me, I can do anything and everything.

xxx

I was home now. In Axel's arms, staring at the blank TV screen, he was talking, but nothing really registered in my mind.

"Sora…you have to listen to me, it's the only way I'd consider staying. Are you listening?" I nodded and looked at him to prove my point. "Okay, so, in the past two weeks, I've come back, we've broken up, gotten back together, you cheated on me…twice and now we're okay. Did I miss anything?" I nodded. "What?"

'You forgot to mention that I love you.' I mouthed to him.

"Well, I wasn't exactly sure if you still did." I'm appalled. "I know, you're 'appalled', I can tell by the look on you're face. But, I don't know if I can still trust you after everything that happened." I nodded my head in understanding. It was only natural for him to feel that way, I mean even I didn't completely trust him for cheating on me. "Good, now kiss me so we can make up." I smiled widely and pressed my lips to his, pulling back only after a minute went by. "You call that a kiss? I'm…" I cut him off with my lips, pushing my tongue into his mouth right away.

"Gross!" I ignored my brother and continued to make out with Axel, my hands going to his slightly damp hair.

Axel pushed me back onto the couch, his hands running along my arms, going up to my wrists where he held them against the arm of the couch.

When he grabbed my arms, I gasped out, tears coming to my eyes and falling down my cheeks when I sat up. Axel gathered me in his arms, hugging me tightly, apologizing for hurting me.

"I forgot, I did, I swear, I'm sorry Sora." I shook my head and carefully moved my wrists from my chest to look at the bandages. There was blood starting to seep through, meaning that we had to change them now. "Rox!" Axel called.

"Yeah?" Roxas asked, coming in with a mixing bowl and his hand kneading something.

"Can you or Hayner get me the medical stuff for Sor?" Roxas nodded and went back to the kitchen mixing something that had to taste horrible. He didn't get any cooking skills from mom. Not whatsoever. Nope, that's all me.

Hayner came in a few minutes later, carrying a bag of gauzes, medical tape and an ace bandage. Hayner looked at me briefly, his eyes staying away from mine and my wrists.

"Thanks," Axel said, accepting the bag and dumping them out on the couch. I heard a little grunt from Hayner, showing that he heard. Axel dug threw them and, what I'm assuming was supposed to be subtle, moved the scissors from my sight. I sighed, but didn't let him know I noticed. "Give me one of your arms, babe." I laid my forearm palm up on his knee, waiting patiently as he got the gauze and antiseptic out.

He started to gently rub the antiseptic on my wrist and the gauze, before laying the piece on top of my arm, holding it there with a gently touch while he started to wrap a new ace bandage around my arm, holding it in place with one of the clip thingies. Once he finished, he lifted my arm and pressed a kiss to it, before do the same thing to the other one. When he was done with both, he shoed the things on the floor and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me down on top of him so my head was on his chest.

"Do you know how much I love you, Sora?" I shook my head. I mean, I knew, but I didn't. "I love you with all my heart. And it hurt when I found out you were kissing my brother, not only because you did it, but because he was supposed to someone that I trusted to be around you, and I think he hurt you as much as he did me." I nodded against his chest, smiling when he giggled at the sensation of my hair running along his neck. "I…want to be yours and you be mine forever, but only if you want it. Before you answer, I want you to know…that I probably won't trust you again for a long time, you'll have to earn it, but then again so do I." Again, I nodded. "I don't know what's going to happen with me and Reno, but I just know that we won't be as close."

I felt guilty for that, I really did. I don't know why either. I mean, yeah, I guess I do. I ruined their relationship because I didn't know how to tell Reno to stop. But…it's his fault too, he should have known better than to go for his brother's boyfriend, that's just wrong.

"And, this is your last chance. I know I may sound like a hypocrite for saying this, but I can't be with you if you cheat…" I kept nodding. I knew how he felt. I felt the same way, but I think I would forgive Axel for anything.

"Okay, good, do want dinner?" I shook my head and stood up, pulling on his hand and then went up the stairs, ignoring the pain that still softly radiated throughout my body.

Once in my room, I laid down on my bed, pulling Axel on top of me.

"Sora…" He said, looking at me curiously. "Are you saying…" I nodded, pulling his shirt up, running my hands over his skin when it was exposed. "You're still in pain though…"

'I don't care. Just make love to me.' I mouthed to him, smiling when he brought his mouth down on mine.

Our clothes were slowly and lovingly removed from our bodies, us taking turns on removing them from the other with kisses pressed in between. I couldn't get enough of touching his body, I know it was only the other day when we last had sex, but this time was different. He was going to make love to me…finally, and there was nothing to stop him.

I felt his hands run over my body.

I felt him kiss me everywhere softly.

I felt him prepare me with even more care than Reno.

Then I finally felt him enter me, pressing in with the utmost love and compassion.

I felt complete.

His thrusts were slow throughout. And his words were soft and comforting, and I felt no pain. Whatsoever.

"Oh, Sora…" He moaned softly, thrusting in a certain angle, causing me to arch up into him and grip him tighter to me. "Yes…" Axel said, making sure to hit that same spot. Every. Single. Frigging. Time.

I moaned and moaned, wanting to show him how good I felt. It didn't even occur to me that I couldn't make sound. I just know that I wanted to voice how I felt to him.

My throat started to hurt, probably from the fact that I was putting strain on my vocal chords and I didn't let it up. I stressed them even more, and I don't even think I knew that I was doing it, I just know that Axel made me feel so good and I wanted to let him know that. Next thing I know, I hoarse scream hits my ears and I can't help but think that that wasn't Axel.

Axel collapsed on me, his head pressed against my chest as he was still inside of me. I moaned again, this time knowing that that wasn't Axel moaning.

His head snapped up and he looked at me, eyes wide and shining. "You didn't…" I moaned again, smiling when I made a sound. "Oh my god!" He yelled and pulled me into his arms, pressing kisses all along my face.

I was shocked. I mean, yeah, I knew there would be a chance that I could talk again, just didn't think that it would be this soon…even though fourteen years isn't exactly soon…but still.

"Ax…el." I said, my voice sore and hoarse. "I…love you." I had to let him know. I had to tell him that I loved him, I had to let him hear my voice.

"Oh, Sora…" His eyes watered. "I love you too. You don't how happy I am to finally hear you say that." I smiled at him, tears filling my eyes as well.