I'm sorry for the long wait. This is probably the hardest chapter out of the whole story to write and I hope I wrote it well. I admit I had a bit of writer's block, but after this chapter, things should be a lot easier. There's finally an explanation for Draco's behaviour last chapter and Draco and Hermione's past. There's still a lot of loose ends in this story and I promise you that I'm not abandoning this story. I'd really love your feedback for this chapter, because I need to know if there's anything I need to change or improve on and if you have questions, then I can hopefully write the answer in the next couple chapters. Thank you so much for your patience and happy reading =]!
Chapter Eight – A Trip Down Memory Lane
Hermione sat out by the lake not really moving. She could hear laughter behind her and squeals of excitement, but she took no notice of it. Luckily it had stopped snowing yesterday and it had warmed up again like it does in October, so it was wet outside, but it was a little warm. The lake was completely still and a breeze passed by her, but she was too numb to feel it. Hermione couldn't even begin to think, all she felt was empty. How had life come to this? The tears that she knew she should be crying weren't coming, because she couldn't feel anything. It was better this way, because this way it didn't hurt. The numbness froze everything and didn't make her question her beliefs and life.
She felt someone sit beside her and she expected them to speak, but they just sat with her. Normally, she would've turned to see who it was, but she was too tired to do so. They just stayed there and gave her silent support, not questioning her behaviour right now. Hermione closed her eyes and remembered what happened earlier this morning with such vivid detail, it hurt her to think about it.
HGHGHGHGHGHG
They sprinted up the stairs, actually Malfoy was pulling her up while he sprinted. He knocked on the door and waited impatiently until Dumbledore let them in. Finally they heard the faint permission to come in, so they opened the heavy door. Dumbledore was sitting behind his desk like he usually did, but this time the twinkle in his eye was missing. Hermione felt her stomach clench in anticipation at the news. This really must be serious if he looked so grim.
"Thank you Mr Malfoy. Miss Granger, I have some grave news to tell you," Professor Dumbledore started sadly.
The strangest thing happened next, Malfoy grabbed her hand and squeezed it as Professor Dumbledore started talking once more.
"There was an attack tonight," he told her and she immediately fell to the floor, but Malfoy caught her, "Your parents didn't survive."
Tears flooded Hermione's eyes and she grabbed onto Malfoy while she cried. Malfoy wrapped his arms around her and held her gently while whispering comforting words in her ear. It felt like the entire world had collapsed on her and she was unable to breathe. Sobs wracked through her body and she was shaking so hard that she had caused Malfoy to start shaking as well. She knew immediately that it was her fault. If she hadn't become a witch, this never would've happened. Suddenly, she hated being a witch. Hermione wished with every fiber of her being that she could be a muggle. That wouldn't change anything though, she sobbed, they would still be gone.
Hermione looked at Dumbledore through tearful eyes that caused his own eyes to water, "Who did it?"
"We're not sure, your house is under investigation right now. We'll find out who did it and catch them," he comforted her.
Anger started pulsing through her veins as she pulled away from Malfoy, "We won't find them, you know that! We're going into a fucking war! You guys are all too caught up in that to even care who killed my parents! How could you? Wait... how do I even know which parents you're talking about? You've kept me in the dark for 7 years! How did you think I felt when I found out I was adopted this summer that you've known this whole time?"
Hermione stared at Dumbledore with all the hatred that she could muster and stormed out of his office in her anger. She knew that Dumbledore was talking about the Grangers, but she still felt like exploding at him. As soon as she passed the gargoyle, she broke into a run and ran into the common room that had become her safe haven lately. When she got inside, she ran to the lit fireplace and cried. They were gone. Never coming back. Her father will never be able to give her away at her wedding and her mother will never be able to give her anymore advice. Hermione would never be able to spend another Christmas with them. She suddenly regretted all those times she spent at the Burrow, because it meant time wasted with them.
A pair of arms lifted her and they held her while she cried on the couch. Hermione's vision was blurry, but she knew who it was automatically. It was Malfoy. That just made her cry harder and she hated life and hated magic. It had stolen what she loved most from her. Malfoy just held her while she cried and she was brought to another moment in time.
One Year Ago... (Everything in italics from this point will be from a year ago.)
Hermione walked up the stairs to Professor Dumbledore's office. She got a message in class saying that he needed to talk to her, so here she was nervously trekking up the stairs. The wooden door seemed huge compared to her petite frame and that just added to her nerves. Hermione couldn't think of one reason why he needed to talk to her. She couldn't remember getting in trouble at all. Cautiously, she knocked on the enormous door.
"Come in," Professor Dumbledore said inside the office.
Hermione stepped in and the Professor stopped writing on a piece of parchment. She took the seat he offered her and nervously drummed her fingers on her knees.
"Miss Granger, I need your assistance with something. I need you to help someone that needs a lot of help. I wouldn't ask you this if this wasn't an urgent situation. Can you help me?" a pair of twinkling eyes asked her.
"Of course Professor," Hermione replied relieved she wasn't in trouble, "Who is it?"
Professor Dumbledore sighed as he knew this was the hard part, "Draco Malfoy."
"No, I refuse to. He's been absolutely evil to me! Why should I help him?" she cried out in outrage.
"Because he needs your help Miss Granger. He's on our side now I'm sure of it," he explained.
"How can we be so sure?" Hermione asked him.
"You'll find out in your own time, but I'm afraid I cannot say more," Professor Dumbledore told her, "I'll have to give you a separate dorm for your work though. You cannot tell anyone, not even Harry or Ron, what you're doing. You can tell them that I moved you to work on a project that you're doing for me, but you can't tell them what it is."
"Fine, I'll do it," Hermione said grudgingly as she had already told him she would, "but Harry and Ron won't like it at all."
Professor Dumbledore laughed, "That's why it's our little secret."
Hermione walked out of his office with the world on her shoulders. Everyone knew the differences that split her and Malfoy up. Why would Dumbledore put her in charge? Her head was clouded with different kinds of emotions. She hated that she was going to lie to Harry and Ron for Malfoy. That meant that she couldn't confide in anyone and that she had to do it alone. It was strange to think about it, because Hermione always had either Harry or Ron. Hermione paused in confusion. Dumbledore never told her where her dorms were. She knew that Dumbledore always had a plan, so she continued on to the common room with what she expected to be her last night.
The next morning at breakfast, Hermione got a letter from a school owl and immediately, a sense of dread filled her. Opening it up carefully, she read the letter and sighed when she realized that it was Professor Dumbledore telling her the directions to her new dorms. He thanked her once again. She glanced towards the Slytherin table and looked at Malfoy. He looked terrible. It was the only word that she could describe him with. Malfoy had bags under his eyes, his hair was messy and needed to be cut and he had lost some weight. He also didn't have that confident aura that usually surrounded him. It was almost sad to see, but she quickly erased the thought. She would not pity him after everything he did. He looked up at her and she could see anger in his gray eyes. Their gaze was torn by Harry and Ron, who asked what the letter was about. Taking a deep breath, she got ready to explain the situation to them knowing that they wouldn't be happy they couldn't help.
HGHGHGHGHGHG
Hermione walked towards her new dorms and common room with a sense of dread weighing down on her chest. Her feet felt like they were weighed down by lead and she wondered if she could get out of this. Hermione shook her head from that thought. She promised Dumbledore and she wouldn't take it back. Even if it was Malfoy and he was still the biggest git she knew, she couldn't fail the headmaster. She finally arrived to the right portrait, muttered the password and walked in slowly. She knew instantly that he was there and her heart was pounding like there was no tomorrow (that's how nervous she was). They say that living with your enemy is never easy and whoever said that was right.
As soon as Hermione entered, the room went a hundred degrees colder. She knew that Malfoy was sitting on the couch, but she would refuse to acknowledge his presence. Instead, she looked around the beautiful common room. It was a shade of blue and silver (which she had decided to paint her room that colour later on) and was filled with amazing furniture. There was a bookshelf filled with with books she had neither heard of or read, a little kitchen and two stair cases that lead to their individual rooms. Hermione turned around when she heard Malfoy laugh in disbelief.
"I should have known Dumbledore would send his precious little mudblood bookworm to babysit me," Malfoy said from the couch.
"Shut it Malfoy. It's not like I want to be here any more than you do," Hermione replied, "Which one is my room?"
"The one on the left," he replied and I left before he could add anything else.
As soon as I entered my room, I collapsed on my bed. This was going to be hell, I just knew it.
HGHGHGHGHGHG
"Oh absolutely great! Isn't life just perfect now that the mudblood is here to watch me!" Malfoy said as he noticed her enter the common room.
"Shut it Malfoy. I don't know what you did to make Dumbledore trust you, but I don't. I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing here," Hermione said frustratedly talking to no one.
"Hell if I'm supposed to know," Malfoy replied.
Hermione groaned, "I know you know why I'm here so why can't you tell me?"
"Because it's none of your business," Malfoy told her flatly as he walked out of their common room.
Hermione grabbed her hair in frustration. This was going to be absolutely impossible.
HGHGHGHGHGHG
"Malfoy! Pick up your stuff. I'm not your mother!" Hermione yelled as she saw his mess.
He stormed down his stairs, "Damn right you're not my mother! Pick it up, you are the mudblood here after all. Isn't that what you're supposed to do?"
"Excuse me? No way in hell will I ever pick up your shit! I may be a muggleborn, but you should treat me with respect. All that means is that my parents weren't cousins and yours were," she yelled out angrily.
"How dare you! My parents were not cousins and they deserve respect. I deserve respect," Malfoy said as he grabbed her roughly.
"Let me go," Hermione said in a threatening tone.
"Show me some respect," he replied indifferently like he could hold her there until she said yes.
Hermione glared at him, "I'll show you respect when you deserve it. Right now, you don't."
She wrenched his hand off her arm and stormed out of the common room angrily.
Right before she left, she turned, "Don't forget to pick up your shit."
She left and Malfoy was fuming. Dumbledore wanted to kill him, he just knew it.
HGHGHGHGHGHG
Hermione woke up in the middle of the night after having a nightmare. It involved dementors, Harry, Ron and herself running away, but not being able to run fast enough. Finding that she wasn't able to fall asleep, she decided to get a cup of tea, because the dorm the Professor gave them came with everything included. It was like living in a hotel. Hermione left her room and was about to walk down the stairs when she noticed that Malfoy was on the couch looking at something. Hermione was about to say something insulting when she noticed that he was really upset about something and was potentially crying. She knew then that whatever he was crying about had to do with what Dumbledore told her to do. Hermione snuck past him to get the tea so she wouldn't disturb him.
HGHGHGHGHGHG
"No! I'm so sick and tired of your attitude Malfoy! All you do is whine and complain for absolutely no reason. You're completely irritable and I can't stand living with you," Hermione yelled at him.
Malfoy laughed, "Like you're one to talk! You're such a perfectionist about absolutely everything and you have to control everything. I don't care if you don't like my attitude. I didn't ask for you to stay here!"
"I didn't want to stay here with you, I had no choice! What, didn't your mommy teach you manners?" Hermione threw at him.
"Don't you dare talk about my mother Granger! She's twice the woman you'll ever be," Malfoy yelled angrily.
Hermione smirked, "Why? Because I don't believe in all this pureblood crap that you believe in? I'm happy that I'm nothing like your mother."
"How dare you!" Malfoy said as he pushed her up against a wall.
Fear suddenly filled Hermione and she wasn't sure whether or not that Malfoy would hurt her. It was possible. His eyes had a crazed look in them and before he released her, he said something that made Hermione regret everything she had said.
"My mother is dead, mudblood," he spat at her angrily and stormed away.
HGHGHGHGHGHG
Hermione hadn't talked to Malfoy for weeks after he told her about his mother. She felt completely horrible for what she had said and couldn't believe she had said that. Her parents would be ashamed of her right now. After he told her that, it was then that she started observing. Malfoy wasn't doing so well in classes anymore, he looked tired constantly with bags under his eyes and had lost some weight. Hermione knew that this was the reason that Dumbledore told her to help him, but all she had done was make things worse.
She walked into the common room and noticed that was struggling with an essay for Transfiguration. Deciding to help him out, she went to him and pointed out his mistake. He got mad, but calmed down quickly when he realized she was right.
"I'm sorry for everything I said Malfoy," Hermione apologized.
"Don't call me Malfoy," he said immediately, "It's not your fault you didn't know."
"What happened?" she asked him.
Malfoy glared at her, "Just because I forgave you does not mean I want to talk about it."
Hermione then stopped the conversation and helped him out with the rest of his homework.
HGHGHGHGHGHG
Hermione was working on an assignment. It was close to midnight, but that was her fault. Harry and Ron had convinced her to take a night off and hang out with them for once. They had fun just hanging around like they usually did, but with Dumbledore's 'project', she hadn't had time to really relax. Hermione still didn't know why the headmaster wanted her to do it. He had been nothing but rude and a terrible room mate. Malfoy left messes absolutely everywhere and she was scared to see what his room looked like. She could hear a storm raging from outside the castle and it scared her a little. Hermione had always hated storms.
As if to scare her further, the portrait opened. She couldn't really see who it was, until she realized to her horror that it was Malfoy. He looked like he was limping, holding his arm to his chest protectively and his face was full of gashes that was already causing some bruising and swelling. Hermione looked at shock at the mess he was in and knew at once he didn't know she was there or else his guard wouldn't be so low. How had he gotten those? She knew he had been in rough shape lately for no reason, but this was a little much. Who had done this to him?
"Malfoy?" she asked questioningly.
Malfoy turned to her and had a deer caught in headlights kind of look.
"What happened to you?" Hermione asked, forgetting who he was.
"Don't worry about it mudblood," he snarled at her.
Hermione stepped towards him, "Who did this to you?"
"It's none of your business!" Malfoy shouted at her.
"I'm your roommate! I deserve to know if I'm in any kind of danger and what kind of danger you're involved in!" Hermione exclaimed.
"You deserve nothing," he said firmly.
"I don't even know why I try to help you," Hermione said as she started to walk away.
Malfoy tried to walk away as well, but the leg that was hurt gave out and he fell on the floor in a heap. Hermione hated her stupid morals in that instant, because there was no way she was going to leave Malfoy alone. He was seriously hurt and it was her duty to help him no matter how she felt for him. Walking towards him, she helped him stand up and put him on the couch gently. Hermione quickly observed his wounds to make sure she hadn't missed any since she first saw the injuries. She knew immediately that his arm was broken, that he was covered in bruises and that he had sprained his foot which caused the limping.
Hermione sighed as he tried to get away from her grasp. Finally, exhaustion came around and he reluctantly agreed to her helping him. No matter how many times she asked him what had happened, he wouldn't tell her anything. The whole night had gone by as she tended to his wounds, bandaging them and making potions and healing paste on his bruises. She had double checked to make sure that there wasn't any internal bleeding and after a couple other healing spells, she finally deemed him healed. The sun was rising by now and she was thankful that it was only Saturday today and that Dumbledore had all of those potions and ingredients supplied.
"Thanks," a voice mumbled quietly.
Hermione looked up in surprise, "What?"
Malfoy glared at her, "I said thanks. You didn't have to do that."
"I know, but I couldn't let you walk around like that. There was no way you could've healed that by yourself. What happened to you? Was it your father?" Hermione asked, thinking about the rumours that sometimes circulated.
He looked at her incredulously, "My father? He would never hurt me, those are just pathetic rumours created by people who have no lives."
"Then who was it? Look, I took care of you yesterday and I deserve to know who did this to you and why. It'll be the only thing that'll keep me from telling people," she told him.
"I knew you would hold it over my head! It was Bellatrix, her husband and Nott's father. They did this because I refused to join the Death Eaters. Happy now?" he asked her spitefully.
"That's disgusting. How could they do this to you, Bellatrix is your aunt! I thought you would be the first in line to join them anyways," Hermione commented.
Malfoy laughed disgustedly, "There's no way I would want to join them and their coward 'Dark Lord'."
Hermione was confused, "Why not?"
"Because they killed my mother for my father's failure for retrieving the prophecy at the ministry! My mother wasn't involved in that business at all, still loved my father and He killed her in front of my father. Why would I want to join Him when he killed my mother?" he said resentfully.
"I'm sorry Malfoy, I didn't know," Hermione said.
"Of course you didn't know, my father kept it out of the paper before he shut himself up in the manor. I don't even know why I'm telling you this, it must be all the potions you gave me mixed together. It's not like I believe in mudbloods, blood traitors and half-bloods anyways," Malfoy told her as he dozed off.
Hermione looked at him in disbelief and at her rotten luck. There was no way that Malfoy meant what he had just said. He was Malfoy after all and constantly called her mudblood. The amount of potions he had and the exhaustion must have caused him to be delirious. She transfigured a pillow into a blanket and set it over him. Hermione hoped that he would be thankful for helping him, but didn't get her hopes up.
She entered her room and walked towards the shower to wash off the dry blood and sweat that covered her. The water pounded on her back as she thought over what he said. She knew the amount of potions caused him to be so open with her and now she knew why Dumbledore wanted her to watch him. It disgusted her how evil and ruthless Voldemort was. He caused pain in not only his victims, but his followers as well. She couldn't even imagine losing her parents, it would be too tough to deal with. Hermione never thought that there would be a day that she would feel sorry for Malfoy. After what Malfoy had told her before falling asleep, she was determined to find out what he meant when he said that.
HGHGHGHGHGHG
For the next week, Hermione observed Malfoy. His body seemed to be healing well so that you couldn't even tell he was injured. After Hermione had come down to check on him, she found that he had left. Deep down, she was glad because she didn't know how to act around him anymore. Hermione couldn't believe that he had changed. It was possible, because something life changing had happened to him, but he still acted the same as ever. He bullied the First Years, called muggleborns mudbloods, called purebloods who befriended muggleborns, blood traitors, so she didn't understand it. Since that night, he had avoided her like the plague. Hermione desperately wanted answers to the questions that occupied her brain, so she decided to corner him after class.
Transfiguration finally ended and when Malfoy wasn't paying attention, she pulled him into an empty classroom and locked the door. He looked confused, but then smirked.
"If you wanted to make out, all you had to do was ask," Malfoy said confidently.
Hermione rolled her eyes, "That's not why I pulled you in here. I want answers."
"I was wondering how long it would take Miss Know-It-All to crack," he said indifferently.
"What did you mean when you said that you didn't believe in mudbloods, blood traitors and half-bloods," she asked urgently.
"I meant exactly that," he said bored.
She huffed, "But you still act the same way you always do. You're constantly making fun of people for their blood, so excuse me if I find this hard to believe."
"You're quite slow. I think it's obvious that I can't show that I've changed, because A) no one would believe that I changed, B) my mother's death would have to be known which is something my father and I don't want, C) if I showed it, I would get worse than what happened to me a week ago and D) it's really no one's business to know what I do and don't believe in. I need to protect my father from more torture than he has already gone through. Is that good enough Miss Perfect?" Malfoy asked her tiredly.
"Yes that's fine. I don't quite believe you though, I'll need to see it to believe it. Why did you tell me about what happened to you?" she asked.
"Pansy is already going through a lot of shit, Blaise knows the situation so we don't talk about it and I just wanted it off my chest. I was exhausted and completely insane when I decided to tell you. It slipped out. Are we done with the 20 questions?" he asked frustrated.
"One more thing. Can you at least try to make an effort to be nicer to me?" Hermione asked reluctantly.
Malfoy looked at her curiously, "If you stop asking me questions and you don't tell anyone about the other night. You better not have by the way, then I'll be nicer to you. Dumbledore counts."
Hermione looked up at him warily, "Fine."
"Fine," he replied as he left the classroom as she unlocked it.
Hermione sighed. She wanted to trust him, but she just couldn't really bring herself to do it. If Harry and Ron knew, they would be so mad. Hopefully Malfoy kept up his end of the bargain. Hermione walked out of the classroom to join her best friends.
HGHGHGHGHGHG
Hermione blinked at the rush of memories that went through her head. She had tried to forget about them for the past year and she couldn't bring herself to remember more. It hurt her to think about it. A year ago, she had to help Dumbledore by helping Malfoy when he needed it. At first he had been completely spiteful and angry, but she couldn't really blame him at all. After he had gotten those injuries from a few Death Eaters and she had helped him, an understanding settled between them. He wouldn't wear the mask he usually wore and he would be nice to her just like she would be nice to him. Hermione was pulled out of her thoughts by the person beside her.
"I'm so sorry Hermione," Pansy told her gently while grabbing her hands.
Hermione pushed back all her thoughts, "You didn't do anything. Don't worry about it."
"You need to cry at some point," she reminded her.
"I'm trying not to think about it," Hermione said flatly.
Pansy seemed to sense that she didn't want to talk about it, "So what was up with you and Draco? I thought you guys hated each other."
"We do. It's a long story," she replied.
"I have time," Pansy told her.
"What do you want to hear? Last year, Dumbledore assigned me to help Malfoy. I didn't know why at first, but then after this huge fight I found out his mother died. Then he got attacked by a few Death Eaters for refusing to join and I had to tend to his wounds. We became friends. End of story," Hermione said flatly.
"That can't be the end of story or else you would still be friends," she said.
"Obviously. I don't want to talk about it," Hermione said angrily.
A memory pulled Hermione from the conversation temporarily.
Hermione couldn't help but smile at him. They were currently in Ancient Runes and for the past few weeks, she couldn't stop staring at him and he seemed to have the same problem. Draco smiled back and Hermione was glad. It was the first time he smiled in a long time. It took a lot for him to smile, but lately she noticed that he smiled more. Professor Babbling was droning on about something that would have interested her in the past, but now she thought was dreadfully dull. He was cautious that he was wearing his usual Malfoy mask, but it was a gentler version of it. Draco made a sign that meant he wanted to meet up after class and she nodded. Harry and Ron were going to be disappointed, but it was hard spending time with Draco and she had that little excuse that Dumbledore gave her. The class was finally dismissed and she and Draco flew out of class. Hermione loved spending time with him.
"Hermione?" Pansy asked cautiously.
Hermione stood up abruptly, "Look Pansy, I don't want to talk about. I need space."
Hermione walked away from her position for the first time in hours and noticed that she had missed supper. That meant that she would have to go eat in the kitchens and for once she didn't mind. Her mind was blank and she was just going through the motions. Luckily no one noticed as they were all busy with their friends. Up ahead, she saw Harry, Ron, Ginny and Emma and she feared a confrontation. They had seen her so she had to walk past them since it was the only way to the kitchens.
"You look absolutely dreadful Hermione. Stay up all night with Nott?" Emma asked suggestively.
Ron looked angry, "You were with Nott?"
"Yes I was with Nott yesterday, but I don't see how that is any of your business. You are not my boyfriend and none of you guys are my friends so you don't have a say in my life. If you don't have anything intelligent then don't even bother opening your mouth. I'm so glad you came here Emma, now I'm not stuck with these idiots," Hermione snarled at them and walked away.
"Looks like I hit a nerve," Emma said loudly to Ginny.
Hermione kept walking to the kitchens and when she got there, a house elf appeared and she ordered. It was finally finished and Hermione ate it quickly, but felt like throwing it up after. She kept it down, but that didn't help with her anger. It was bubbling and she feared an explosion. Actually, she didn't care anymore. She left the kitchens and walked around. A blonde figure was up ahead dancing and this just enraged Hermione more. How could they be happy when people were dying right now? Once she approached the figure, she saw that it was Luna Lovegood.
"Hello Hermione, you look lovely as always," Luna said dreamily, "Neville asked me out!"
"Why would you go for someone as pathetic as that? You know that it won't last. He's just going to move on to someone prettier and smarter than you. Either that or he's going to die and leave you alone," Hermione said to a shocked Luna.
"What has gotten into you Hermione," she asked surprised.
"That would be me," a voice to her left drawled.
She knew that voice from anywhere, "Oh good. It's Malfoy. I was just telling Luna about the wonders of life. You know how people suddenly die or leave for no reason!"
"Yes, I know what you mean. You'll have to excuse her Luna, she's took a potion accidentally and we don't know what she took. She's been acting like a crazed lunatic," Malfoy said as he dragged her away.
Once they were out of sight and in an empty hallway, Hermione started hitting Malfoy angrily.
"Why would you drag me away from her? I wasn't finished! I hate egotistical people like you. You're selfish and all you want is to make other people miserable!" Hermione yelled at him.
Malfoy let her hit him until she tired out and she started crying.
"It's just not fair! My parents were innocent, nice, caring people! They didn't deserve this. It's all my fault," Hermione said and Malfoy held her.
Deciding that she was going to accept the comfort, she hugged him while she cried. Another memory flashed through her mind.
Hermione walked into the common room tiredly towards the end of the night after a day of hanging out with Harry, Ron and Ginny. They had had a lot of fun just messing around doing spontaneous things that popped into their heads. When she walked further into the strangely dark room, she noticed that Draco was crying silently. Without a thought, Hermione rushed to him and enveloped him in her arms. They had become somewhat like friends lately and she knew how much his mother's death was affecting him. They stayed like that most of the night and she wondered what was wrong to make him react like this. Rubbing his back soothingly, she talked to him knowing that he probably wasn't registering anything she said. Finally he pulled away from her and though you couldn't tell he had been crying, his eyes were bloodshot.
"My mum's will was read today and she gave me this," Draco told her, answering her silent question.
He handed her the box and she noticed that it was filled with letters, photographs and little things of Draco's that she had collected over the years. It brought out another question.
"I'm so sorry Draco," Hermione whispered.
"It's not your fault, it's His," he muttered angrily.
Hermione couldn't think of any words that would comfort him, so she hugged him once more and he pulled her tighter to him, happy for the comfort that she brought even if it was from her. He had been falling apart quite often and she was the one that brought him back. It was at this moment that he realized that they were friends. Only friends did things like this. Hermione couldn't believe how much had changed in the past few months ever since she helped him when he was attacked. She just wished her friends could see how much he had changed.
Malfoy walked Hermione back to their common room and she was exhausted from the day. He seemed to know exactly how she was feeling and brought her over to the couch. She laid down and was just about to fall asleep when she felt him place a blanket over her. Dreams took a hold of her and made her forget what happened today.
Hermione was struggling with an Arithmancy essay that Professor Vector had assigned that day. For some reason the piece of information that she needed was on the tip of her tongue, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't remember it. She had spent the last ten minutes trying to figure it out and she was just about to give up, when a book landed on her desk. Hermione looked up and saw that it was Draco that had sent it on her desk. Smiling, she opened the book not realizing that he had seen her smile. He smiled back and went back to doing his assignments.
HGHGHGHGHGHG
Hermione was relaxing on the couch when she heard him storm in. She had come to know him somewhat in their short time living together and knew that little things set him off when he was stressed or upset about something. His mother's death counted for something big and she wasn't surprised that he was angry most of the time. It was how he dealt with it; he was angry at the world for taking away the woman that raised and loved him all his life. Hermione wouldn't wish that on anybody and it made her not take her parents for granted. She couldn't imagine ever losing her parents or what that would do to her.
"Stupid fucking blood traitor. I should hex him for what he did," Draco mumbled under his breath, but she could still make out what he was saying.
Deciding to announce her presence, she spoke up, "I thought you didn't believe in that kind of stuff."
He jumped at the sound of her voice, "Guess what? Right now I do, so don't even talk to me."
"You know deep down that it's wrong to distinguish people as purebloods, half-bloods and mudbloods," Hermione said and smile when he flinched at the last word, "It's racist and no one has control over it. It's just how you're born. I know that I'm happy I'm a muggleborn."
Draco calmed down, "You're just saying that."
"I'm not. I've had the chance to live like a muggle and I appreciate magic so much more, because I've lived half my life without it. I know a lot about the muggle world and I know a lot about the wizarding world. I have the best of both worlds," she explained.
He scrunched his nose disgustedly, "Who in their right mind would want to live like a muggle? It's disgusting."
"It's not disgusting. You should take up muggle studies and actually learn how muggles live. They're not that different from us," Hermione said frustrated and ignored him.
Draco knew that the conversation was over and that he had offended her. It wasn't his fault that he thought like that, he was surrounded by people who thought like that. When you believe something for all your life, it's hard to stop believing it even if you know it's wrong. That's exactly how Draco felt. He knew now that blood had little importance in life, but he still didn't care to know muggleborns or half-bloods just because of that. If there was a choice between a pureblood and a muggleborn, he'd go for the pureblood naturally. It was just how he was raised, no matter how much it disgusted him.
HGHGHGHGHGHG
Hermione was walking to class when Draco stopped her. Determined not to look at him, she turned her head away.
"I'm sorry Hermione," he said quietly, "I didn't mean what I said yesterday. I know that muggles aren't disgusting, well I'm trying very hard to believe it, but I need your help."
Hermione finally looked at him, "I'm only forgiving you on one condition."
"That's fine," Draco said smiling at his luck.
"I'm going to teach you about muggles," she said looking into his eyes, daring him to back out.
Too bad he loved a challenge, "Ugh. Okay."
They both split up in their own directions to get to their different classes with thinking different thoughts. Had Hermione really just asked him to learn about muggles? She thought that she was definitely starting to go crazy. First, he apologized. Second, she accepted and third, he was going to learn about muggles. This was a weird day that's for sure.
HGHGHGHGHGHG
A month had gone by and Hermione had already taught Draco a lot about muggles. Whenever they were doing something, she would explain how muggles would do it. She explained to him the use of ballpoint pens, pencils and paper one time when they were working on their homework together. Hermione had a lot of fun trying to explain the different things to him, because she knew he was curious. He tried to hide it, but it was easy to tell. Tonight she was going to teach him how to cook banana bread (it was her absolute favourite) the muggle way, because she kept raving about it saying that it tasted better when made without magic. Hermione asked a house elf to deliver the ingredients and she smiled when she saw them neatly placed on the counter.
Hearing footsteps walk behind her, her smile got even bigger when she knew who it was. Twirling around, she looked him over and noticed he looked perfect as usual. Hermione used to reject and deny those thoughts, but as soon as the butterflies fluttered in her stomach, she knew the game was up. Hermione had feelings for him and she couldn't deny it any longer. His long blonde hair fell neatly in his gray eyes and he was wearing his usual smirk, but now it looked more like a smile.
"Hey, I was wondering when you were going to show up," Hermione said as she grabbed an apron and handed Draco the other.
"No way, I'm not wearing that," he said as he backed away from her.
She rolled her eyes at him, "It's just an apron, come on, no one will see you I promise."
"I'm going to have to wear that, aren't I?" Draco said reluctantly.
"Yup," Hermione said smiling.
Draco grabbed the offending red apron and put it on while making faces at her. Hermione shook her head at his antics and grabbed the recipe book. She really didn't need it since she knew the recipe by heart, but she knew that Draco would need it. Grabbing a bowl, her and Draco set to work grabbing the random ingredients. Hermione couldn't count the number of times that she laughed, because Draco was so clueless sometimes. He would always tease her afterwards, but he was a little embarrassed, he just wouldn't admit it. Finally after a half hour of mixing ingredients, all that was left was to put it into the pan.
Hermione gave the bowl one more stir and looked at Draco, "Do you want to taste it before I put it in the oven?"
"No, why would I want to taste that?" he said as he looked disgustedly at the bowl.
"Trust me, it's not going to kill you. Try it," she insisted.
Giving in, he took a spoonful and tried it. Hermione watched his face in anticipation for his reaction. She hoped that he would like it, even though he had it a million times before. This time was different because they both made it. Finally, Draco cut the silence.
"It's really good," he told her.
"Are you sure?" Hermione asked nervously.
Draco laughed, "Yes Hermione, it's good."
"Okay good," she replied, "See it wasn't so bad."
"Yeah, whatever," he said smiling, "I still need to get back at you for making me wear this apron."
"You wouldn't do anything," Hermione challenged him.
Draco smirked, "Try me."
"I don't believe you," she taunted him.
Draco scooped a handful of the dough and threw it smack in the middle of Hermione's face. Hermione looked completely shocked at what he had done. Finally the shock wore off and Hermione went up to him to grab the dough that he held out of her reach. Cursing his height, she decided another plan of action. Draco looked worried when Hermione looked confident suddenly. She started to tickle him and he immediately started laughing uncontrollably. Grabbing the bowl, Hermione threw some dough at his face and set the bowl on the counter so they could still use it.
Hermione started laughing at the face he made and he couldn't help but join in. If anyone walked in, they would have thought the duo was absolutely crazy. There they were standing with dough all over them, laughing so hard that Hermione struggled to keep her balance. When she felt like she was going to fall, she grabbed onto Draco, but that only caused him to fall as well.
She just laughed harder and he shook his head at her antics. Hermione slowly stopped laughing and noticed that Draco was on top of her and hadn't seemed to have notice yet. Suddenly, they became serious as if the whole mood changed.
"Are you okay?" Draco asked her worriedly.
Hermione looked into his eyes, "I'm fine."
Finally, Hermione couldn't take the sexual tension that seemed to have taken over the room and she kissed him. Draco kissed her back heatedly after the shock wore off. Her hands wrapped around his neck while he pulled her closer to him. Hermione felt like she was on fire and she had never felt like that before. Kissing him back with even more passion, she felt like she could kiss him forever. When Draco started putting his hand up her shirt, Hermione suddenly remembered who she was kissing and came back to reality. When she did that, she pushed a confused Draco off of her.
"What are you doing?" she hissed.
Draco looked confused, "What are you talking about? You're the one that kissed me."
"Yeah and it was a mistake," Hermione said as she backed away from him.
Draco started to get mad, "You don't mean that Hermione. Look I'm not stupid. I know that you've started to like me and I like you too. I don't get what your problem is."
"My problem? Have you forgotten how you've treated me the past few year? Yeah, I admit that I've started to have feelings for you because you changed, or at least you've convince me that you have. I was stupid to say that," she told him.
He walked closer to her and grabbed her gently, "I have changed and I'm sorry for what I did to you. I was a stupid idiot who deserved to get his ass kicked. I like you Hermione, you're not just some meaningless girl. I want everything with you. I want to call you my girlfriend so that every guy knows what he lost and I want to be the one you turn to when you cry or you need someone. I want to be that for you. Since my mother's died, it showed me that life is short and that I have to stop pretending to be someone else. This is what I want, I want you and I have for months."
Hermione looked at him in shock, "I don't believe you and I don't want that. I don't like you, I just wanted to hook up with you. This means absolutely nothing to me."
"You don't mean that," Draco said as some colour from his face was lost.
"Let go of me," she told him.
"Not until you admit that you want what I want," he told her.
"I don't want it. This means nothing," Hermione retorted.
"Prove it," Draco said as he kissed her once more.
Hermione kissed him back before returning once more to her senses. Looked at him with scared and confused eyes, Hermione sprinted out of the common room leaving a hurt Draco.
HGHGHGHGHGHG
Hermione woke up from her vivid dream and she felt angry at herself. There was so much of her life that she now regretted. She felt like she was so alone now even though she knew she wasn't thinking clearly. Tears started prickling her eyes and she tried hard to blink them away because she hated that she was still affected by him even today. Her mom had been the one that helped her move on from him, but now it was all up to her. She never felt that way with anyone else, not even Ron. That moment was the moment that changed their delicate friendship. Hermione had been scared of her feelings at that point in time that she had been scared of letting him know how much she liked him. Her father had always told her not to waste any opportunities and that's exactly what she had done.
Finally, she couldn't blink back the tears any longer and she cried for hours feeling absolutely hopeless. She didn't deserve to be happy with everything that had happened this year. This had to be the worst year of her life. Feeling worthless, she just stayed in bed determined to punish herself for what happened to her parents. If she never existed, then her parents would be alive and healthy.
HGHGHGHGHGHG
Hermione woke up the next day sad and confused. She was determined to think that she made the right choice the night before, but if that was true, why did she feel like her heart had been broken the night before? Looking around, she noticed that the sun was barely, so she stayed in bed thinking about yesterday. Hermione didn't know when she got the guts to kiss Draco, but she did and now she regretted it. Now that she looked back, she felt like crying because of all the wonderful things that he had said to her that she rejected. Before they hung out, she was sure of her feelings. Now, she was confused. There had to be a reason why she reacted like that and she was determined to think that it was the right thing even though that pang was still there. Noticing that the sun was now up and now that she had her resolution, she got out of bed and started getting ready for the day.
After showering and fixing her hair, she got dressed in her uniform and left for the Great Hall. Even though the last thing she felt like doing was smiling, she did because Harry and Ron would suspect something was up if she didn't. Guilt flooded her as she thought of Draco, but she knew she did the right thing and he would see that now. Taking a deep breath before entering the Great Hall, because she was scared about what she would see, Hermione walked to the Gryffindor Table with a smile plastered on her face. Harry and Ron waved at her from their spot and she joined them.
"Hey 'Mione, how are you?" Harry asked her.
"I'm good, but a little tired," she lied, "How about you?"
"I'm good. Hey Ron, have you noticed that Malfoy looks healthier than he has all year? He must have been just acting," he asked Ron.
Hermione was surprised and thought she heard wrong, but when she looked at Malfoy, he looked happier than he had all year. He looked at her and sneered, before turning back to his old friends that he had suddenly gotten in touch with. Hermione felt there was this huge pressure where her heart used to be and she suddenly regretted what happened yesterday. Draco had opened up to her and she shoved it back in his face. She had to admit that he looked even better than he did yesterday. There were no longer bags under his eyes and he looked like he got all of his colour back that had been slowly coming back over the past month. His hair was finally cut short again and he was laughing with his friends.
"Hermione did you hear what I said?" Ron asked.
Hermione focused back on Ron, "No I didn't, I'm sorry. What did you say?"
"Can you help me with our Transfiguration essay?" Ron asked.
Hermione looked back at Malfoy laughing and figured out that she had made a mistake yesterday. She knew that she had completely lost Draco. Deciding to try and forget about him, Hermione looked back at Ron.
"I will," Hermione said as she tried smiling.
This day was going to be torture seeing him in every class. That was when Professor Dumbledore signalled for her to meet him in his office after breakfast. Nodding, she returned to her breakfast.
HGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHG
Hermione knocked on Dumbledore's huge wooden door that lead to his office. After he told her to come in, she entered and sat down in one of the chairs that he offered.
"I'm sure you're wondering why you're here once again Miss Granger," he said smiling.
"Yes sir," Hermione replied.
"The reason you're here is because you no longer need to look after Mr Malfoy. I'm happy to say that you did a good job on getting him back on track and now you're free to do as you please. I had your stuff moved back to Gryffindor Tower already, so thank you again for your help," Professor Dumbledore dismissed her.
Hermione smiled weakly as she left. This meant that she wouldn't be able to talk to Draco anymore and she couldn't tell her that she regretted her mistake. She had just been scared at what everyone else would have thought. Hermione knew that no one would have accepted their relationship even if they made it work otherwise. She would forever lose Harry and Ron and they were the bestest friends she could ask for. They were constantly there at her side and she was so happy to have friends like them.
There was also the whole matter about what his father would think about it. He hated muggleborns with a passion and he would not be able to accept it. Even if Draco didn't care about that stuff anymore, she knew what it meant to have a parent's approval. She wasn't even sure if her parents would like her to start dating Draco. After everything that she had told them about him, Hermione knew that her parents would also disapprove of the match.
That's what was running through her head yesterday, but now she knew that that didn't matter. If she had feelings for him and he for her, then that was all that would matter. If Harry and Ron were really her friends then they would want her to be happy. Her parents would also want that and her mother was forgiving. She knew that Draco would protect her from his father, so that wasn't an issue either. There was nothing standing in between them like she thought. Hermione was just scared, but she had to take the risk. She had to tell Draco that she wanted the same things that he did and that she didn't care about anyone else's opinion that mattered. Only his did.
Determination was written all over her face as she decided to search for him. Classes hadn't started yet and she knew that he would be late anyways. The longer she waited, the bigger chance she had to lose him and she couldn't risk it. Walking fast around the castle, she thought of places that he could be. Desperately she wished she had Harry's map. A classroom door opened and she saw Draco walk out. Relief flooded her as she walked towards him.
As soon as he saw her, he was about to walk away, but she asked him to stop and he did.
"I need to talk to you about yesterday," she started.
"I don't want to talk to you about anything," he interrupted her.
"Listen to me and don't interrupt me. I made a mistake yesterday Draco and I want to fix it. I was so scared to show you how much I really did love you that I chickened out. Instead of being happy that you had feelings for me too, I thought of all the reasons why we couldn't ever work. I was scared out of my mind, you have to understand. I was wrong though. None of those excuses matter, all I want is you. When I saw you this morning completely okay, it hurt me to think that I didn't have an impact on you at all. I want everything that you want and I want it with you. I've never felt this way about anyone before and I wanted to tell you this before I lost you forever," Hermione told him nervously.
Draco didn't say anything at first and his face was completely blank so she couldn't see his emotions at all. She wanted to know what he thought, but she had a feeling that she wouldn't want to know. Draco was about to say something when he was interrupted.
Daphne Greengrass walked out of the same classroom he was in with her clothes rumpled and her hair was messier than it usually was. Hermione suddenly looked at Draco and saw that he was in the same state that she was in. It didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened in there.
"Draco, have you seen my bra? I couldn't find it in there..." she trailed off as she looked at my shocked expression, "What are you looking at mudblood?"
Draco looked helpless and torn, but after a few seconds, he made up his mind.
"I'm sorry, it was in my pocket for some reason. I don't know how it ended up in there," Draco told Daphne with his sexy smile. He walked towards her and grabbed her hand as they walked away from her.
Hermione was completely crushed and angry when she saw him walk away. She had just poured out her soul to him and he didn't even say anything to her except to throw Daphne in her face. Hermione sat down against the stone wall upset, but she wasn't going to cry. If he didn't want to change even though she knew he had, then that was his problem. She swore that she saw a look of regret cross his face when he looked at her before he walked away, but she wasn't sure if that's what she saw. By this time, anger was pulsing through her and she refused to let anyone know what had happened between them. Hate slowly crept back into her heart and she swore that she would never let her guard down around him again. He would never hurt her again, she would make sure of it. Harry, Ron and Ginny would never know that she had any other feelings except for hate for him. To them, she would only have been working on Dumbledore's project. Hermione knew that Dr-Malfoy would never tell anyone else. He made his choice and she made her choice as well.
HGHGHGHGHGHG
Hermione felt someone shake her shoulders and she was surprised that she had fallen asleep again. Remembering that she wouldn't let anyone else get hurt because of her, she determinately ignored them. They shook her again and again, gently and she hoped they would leave.
"I know you're not asleep Hermione," a deep voice told her.
"Look, I'm not in the mood to talk," she told them.
"Come on, I"m your best friend. At least look at me. We don't need to talk, we can just sit quietly, I promise," Blaise told her.
Feeling guilty, Hermione flipped over and looked at him. He still looked as perfect as ever and she felt bad that she was such a mess and that she was interrupting his time with Pansy. Her and her stupid problems that ruined everyone's lives.
"Don't think that, I know that look. It's not your fault," he told her soothingly.
Hermione looked at him and weakly said, "But it is. If I wasn't a witch then they would still be alive."
"How do you know that? You can never say things like that because we won't know if that's true or not. Think of all the lives that you have saved by being a witch. You have saved Potter and Weasley's lives countless of times as well as the other Weasleys. You have also saved the Wizarding World by preventing Voldemort's return every year. You also wouldn't have met me and that would've been a loss," Blaise smiled at her.
"Yeah, but now they have Emma. I just can't help but think it's my fault. I've just been so angry lately and I can't help it, I even yelled at poor Luna earlier," Hermione told him sadly.
"I'm sure they miss you Hermione, but they're too stubborn to admit it. They'll come around one day you'll see. It's understandable that you're angry. I would be worried if you weren't. You can explain it to Luna if you want afterwards and I'm sure she'll understand. Trust me, you should've seen Draco when he lost his mother. He was a lot worse," he said, "I know you hate him, but you should thank him. He's been taking care of you since you found off nonstop. He won't slow down."
Hermione sighed, "I know he has been. He promised me that if it ever happened to me that he would look out for me like I looked out for him. I know how he was like Blaise, because I'm the one that helped him get through it. He used to be my best friend."
"What are you talking about?" Blaise asked confused.
"There's a real reason why we hate each other. I used to be in love with him and I completely crushed him after I helped him get over his mother's death," Hermione admitted and a stunned silence followed her statement.
Thank you so much for reading. I'd love to hear what you think. We're now half done this story and I appreciate your support and patience. Up next: We see where Draco and Hermione really stand, Blaise and Pansy's reaction to Hermione's admission, Hermione finds out who her real parents are and there's a Hermione/Ginny conversation and where was Nott this chapter? You'll find out soon =].