What Is True And What Is Not
When love is not madness, it is not love. Pedro Calderon de la Barca
The next morning Santana stops her car at Brittany's place to pick her best friend up for school, like she does every morning. But this morning there is no Brittany waiting on the front porch for Santana to come and get her. Santana knits her brows in confusion. Quickly, she gets out of her car and walks up to the front door.
As soon as she rings the bell the door is ripped open. "Santana!", Brittany's mother shouts tensely.
"Good morning, Mrs. Pierce. I just came to pick Brittany up for school. Is she almost ready?", Santana asks nicely.
"She... she... is missing... just vanished... we can't find her...", Mrs. Pierce answers, flustered. "Have you seen her?" The woman grips Santana's shoulders ungently. "She always goes to you when she is upset! Surely you know where she is!" Her voice is shrill and frantic.
Santana blinks, confused. "Brittany is missing? I have no idea where she is!" Worry and fear for the blonde seize her violently. She shouldn't have left Brittany alone yesterday after the incident with her father, she thinks guiltily.
Mrs. Pierce looks at Santana but her eyes are absent, her thoughts miles away. "She went to bed early yesterday, and this morning she was gone... the only trace was the open window in her room..." She turns away from Santana towards her husband, her eyes regaining focus. "This is all your fault, John!", she screams at him, tears streaming down her face. "You were too hard on her yesterday! It's your fault she ran away! What if some crazy rapist kidnapped her..."
The normally choleric Mr. Pierce is surprisingly calm and endures his wife's rant patiently. Then he looks at Santana, his eyes silently pleading her to help them find her. There is regret in his look and the understanding that the girl in front if him knows his daughter better than him, her own father.
Santana frowns. She feels anger at the Pierce's rise inside of her. They never really seem to care about Britt, and suddenly they want to start? But she forces herself to stay calm. "It really doesn't matter whose fault it is right now. We have to find her! You both know she likes to go for walks in the night sometimes. Surely she got lost somewhere in the city and now waits for us to find her. We have to search Lima for her! Have you already called the police?" Mrs. Pierce returns her attention to Santana and nods teary-eyed. "Okay, then I'll drive around in the neighborhood and look for her. Call me when you find her!"
Without waiting for an answer Santana runs down the garden path of the Pierce's small property and jumps into her car. Hastily she starts the engine.
Brittany sits on a bench somewhere in Lima. She is soaked to the skin and trembles violently because of the cold. Her chin rests on her knees which are drawn tightly to her chest to prevent the last rest of warmth from leaving her body. She doesn't know anymore whether the wetness on her cheeks are raindrops or tears. She has never felt so empty and forlorn in her whole life. Day is dawning, people and cars pass her busily, and sometimes someone looks at her strangely but mostly everyone ignores her. Brittany doesn't notice anything around her anyway; she just stares numbly into space.
After a while a car stops a few feet away from her bench. Someone gets out and rushes towards her. Black hair flies in the wind, beautiful chocolate brown orbs settle on her.
Slowly Brittany's eyes focus on the person. "Santana?", she croaks out wearily.
"Oh my god, Brittany!", Santana exclaims, infinitely relieved to have found her. "How long do you already sit here?" She grabs Brittany's shoulders and shakes the blonde ruggedly, suddenly beside herself with anger. "Are you completely out of your mind? You can't just run away like that! I was worried sick!"
Big, baby blue eyes stare at her pathetically and immediately Santana's fury wanes like smoke in the wind. She crouches down next to Brittany and gently brushes a dripping strand of golden blonde hair out of her face. "It's okay, Britt, I found you. Everything's gonna be okay now."
Brittany closes her eyes, feeling a sense of peace and contentment flood through her at Santana's loving touch and the familiar sound of her voice.
"We have to get you out of the cold or you'll catch your death.", Santana murmurs. "Come on, Britt, let's get you into the car. It's cozily warm in there. Can you stand up, sweetie? Please, move a little for me..." Brittany tries to do what Santana tells her but her body doesn't react on the orders of her brain. She is like paralyzed. She contorts her face in agony and instantly Santana rubs her back soothingly. "It's okay, it's okay. I'll help you..." Carefully she pulls Brittany into a standing position and with an arm wrapped securely around the blonde's waist she leads her slowly to the car.
Santana opens the door to the passenger seat for Brittany, makes her sit down and fastens the seat belt around her. Then she gets in on the other side. The whole drive back to the Pierce's house Brittany stays silent and stares out of the window at things only she can see. Santana darts glances at her every minute but decides to give the blonde some time.
When they arrive at Brittany's place Santana helps Brittany with getting out of the car and together they walk up to the front door. Before Santana can ring the door is ripped open violently and Mrs. Pierce appears. "Brittany! My sweet girl, you are okay! Oh, Brittany!", her mother squeals hysterically at the sight of her daughter.
Mrs. Pierce moves to hug her daughter but as soon as she touches Brittany the girl pushes her mother fiercely away. "No, no!", she yells, not being able to bear closeness to this woman who has never really appreciated her the way a mother should. Full of trust, she presses herself against Santana. Mrs. Pierce freezes, startled by her daughter's reaction, and stares incredulously at her.
Immediately, Santana steps protectively in front of Brittany and says calmly, but with emphasis: "Please Mrs. Pierce, let me take care of your daughter. I'll make sure she is okay."
Mrs. Pierce is too surprised and confused to contradict and mutely watches Santana gently guiding Brittany up the stairs. "Thank you.", Brittany whispers breathlessly.
Santana nods, squeezing Brittany's hand. "It's okay, Britt." She gingerly shoves Brittany into the small bathroom next to Brittany's room. There she begins to take off Brittany's soaked, cold clothes. Brittany endures the procedure without objecting, standing there completely motionless unless Santana lifts her arms or her feet so she can strip of a piece of clothing. Brittany shivers whenever Santana's fingertips softly graze her bare skin. Her blank eyes are fixed on Santana's face the whole time. Once Brittany is completely naked Santana turns on the shower and Brittany stiffly climbs under the stream of hot water. Slowly, it dispels the cold out of her limbs.
After several minutes of showering in silence Brittany asks: "Santana?"
"Yes, Brittany, I'm here.", the Latina instantly answers from behind the shower curtain.
Brittany sighs with relief. Then she takes a deep, shaky breath. "Santana, do you think I'm crazy?" Her voice is hoarse from the long night in the cold.
Santana hesitates. Finally she responds full of conviction: "No, I don't. I think you are special."
Once Brittany has finished showering Santana gently rubs her dry with a soft, fuzzy towel and helps her into some comfy clothes that the dark-haired girl has found in Brittany's closet. Then she guides Brittany to her bed and neatly tucks her in. Brittany's eyes flutter shut as the warmth of the blankets encasing her makes her sore muscles slacken off and the tiredness finally hits her with full force.
Brittany hears Santana quietly shuffling away. Frantically, she reaches out her hand and only just catches hold of the tail of Santana's shirt. Brittany opens her eyes just as Santana turns around. Sea blue eyes meet coffee brown ones. "Can you lie with me?", Brittany asks shyly.
Santana's face that has been tight with worry since she heard of Brittany's disapearance swiftly loses its edges and melts into a disarming smile. "Of course, Britt. Anything for you." She crawls under the covers to lie down next to Brittany and spoons her from behind, wrapping her arms firmly around the other girl's middle. At long last feeling safe, Brittany sighs contentedly and snuggles deeper into Santana's hold. Blissful sleep captures her in its clutch. Santana presses an affectionate kiss to tousled blonde hair before closing her own eyes.
Brittany sleeps smoothly and dreamlessly for the rest of the day. When she wakes up the sky is already darkening and the room is enveloped in a mysterious twilight. Suddenly she becomes aware of the fact that something is missing. Santana. Panicking, she hectically looks around the room. She breathes a deep sigh of relief as soon as she discovers Santana sitting on her sofa, reading some magazine.
Santana must have heard Brittany stirring because she looks up and a soft smile appears on her face at the sight of an awake Brittany. "Hey, Britt. How do you feel?", she asks quietly.
"Good, I think...", Brittany answers insecurely. Santana sits down at Brittany's bedside and squeezes her hand.
"Look, Britt, your Mom made us hot chocolate.", Santana says and holds a cup with cocoa out to Brittany, another one for herself in her other hand. Brittany sits up and grabs the cup with both hands, enjoying its warmth. She pictures her mother standing in the kitchen, making her cocoa the way she used to when she was little. Quickly, she pushes the thought of her parents away again. It is too painful.
"What happened last night, Brittany? Why did you run away?", Santana wants to know, concerned and still a little angry at the blonde for her recklessness.
Brittany avoids Santana's gaze. "I couldn't sleep and needed some fresh air... so climbed out of the window. I saw a strange shape on the street and followed it. But then it disappeared and I didn't know where I was anymore..." Her voice quivers at the memory.
Santana huffs exasperatedly. "But why did you follow the shape? How can you be so thoughtless? I don't like to think what could have happened..."
Tears fill Brittany's eyes at the sound of Santana's fierce voice. She feels overwhelmed. "I... I don't know... I'm sorry..."
The moment that Santana notices Brittany's despair any sign of anger leaves her face. "No, I'm sorry, Britt.", she hurries to say soothingly. "It's okay, it's not your fault. Please, don't cry." Gently, Santana brushes the sad girl's tears away with her thumps.
When Brittany has calmed down Santana asks carefully: "Was this shape you followed someone real... or someone of your own world?"
Brittany shrugs. "I really don't know, San."
"I hate to say that but this thing, what you see, it gets out of control.", Santana states while observing Brittany closely to gauge her reaction. "Maybe we should ask someone for help. Someone else than your parents. You know... a doctor."
Brittany stares at Santana wide-eyed. "No! You can't do that, please, Santana! They will hurt me!"
Santana sighs desperately. "Britt, I would never allow anyone to hurt you." Then she adds forcefully: "Do you trust me?"
"Yes, Santana, of course I trust you. More than anyone else.", Brittany whispers quietly.
"Then you know I would never do anything to you that you don't want to. And you also know that I will do everything in my power to shelter you from harm.", Santana explains firmly. "But what am I supposed to do when those two collide? What is more important? You know my answer."
"Santana.", Brittany says decidedly. "I may seem so sometimes, but I'm not stupid. I am aware that something is wrong with me."
Santana shakes her head furiously. "Don't you even dare to think that. You are perfect."
"No, Santana, I'm not.", Brittany declares valiantly. "But that's okay. I can accept that. And you know why? Because I have you. I don't need help from some doctor, I don't care about all those people looking at me like I'm crazy. I only care about you. All I need is you."
"I know, Britt. And you will always have me." Santana's voice cracks. "Because I need you, too." Brittany nods, assured. She knows she can rely on Santana, that Santana will always be there for her. Brittany lies back down in her bed and, sensing Santana's protecting presence next to her, tiredly closes her eyes.
Brittany feels Santana's lips ghost over her cheek. "It's okay, Britt, go back to sleep. I will be here when you wake up."
Some say that true love is a mirage; seek it anyway, for all else is surely desert. Robert Brault
Next chapter will be up soon!