Warning: Some cussing and spanking in this chapter

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Thirty minutes later Hotch awoke abruptly when his alarm system went off. Without a moment's hesitation he jumped out of bed, got his gun out of the safe and made his way to the front door. What he saw there rendered him speechless for a moment. Reid stood dressed in sweatpants and a T-Shirt with his bag in hand in the open doorway obviously so startled by the alarm that he could not make up his mind whether to leave or come back in.

Hotch frowned and closed the distance to the wayward young man with lightning speed. Reid's eyes widened for a moment when Hotch grabbed his upper arm and pulled him back inside before shutting the door and turning off the alarm. Without a word he pulled Reid back to the guest room and placed him firmly in a corner. The young agent was too stunned to speak or argue but for good measure Hotch placed two sharp smacks on his backside with the order, "Do not move."

Knowing he had to calm down before dealing with the miscreant Hotch left the room and went to the kitchen. He grabbed a glass of water and sat down to think. His initial reaction had been frustration at Reid's blatant disobedience but now he was wondering if the kid had actually wanted to be stopped on some level. It had taken Hotch almost a minute to retrieve the gun and make his way to the front door – enough time for the boy to bolt if he had really wanted to. But either way he could not let this go. If he wanted to help Reid he had to take full control of the situation. Sighing he got up and went back to the guest room where he was pleasantly surprised to find the kid still in his corner.

Sitting down on the bed he instructed more calm than he felt, "Spencer, come here please.'

Reid turned around and made his way towards Hotch with the defiant look of a teenager about to be chastised by an overreacting parent. Hotch was surprised that Reid actually complied without arguing. Obviously he was trying to prove that he wasn't scared of the punishment.

"Do you have anything to say for yourself, young man?" Hotch asked sternly.

"No." Reid didn't even try to talk his way out of trouble.

"Alright then." Deciding to get this over with, Hotch pulled him over his lap and took his sweatpants down before starting to spank the errant young man.

Quickly settling into a rhythm he covered Reid's boxer clad behind down to his upper thighs with solid but not overly harsh spanks for less than a minute before he began the lecture. "Tomorrow you and I" SPANK "will have a talk" SPANK "about the rules" SPANK "because I can" SPANK "assure you" SPANK "that they haven't changed" SPANK "young man" SPANK "neither have the consequences" SPANK "for breaking them." SPANK "Obeying orders" SPANK "has always been" SPANK "one of the rules" SPANK "one that you choose" SPANK "to ignore when you" SPANK "tried to leave this apartment" SPANK "after being told" SPANK "multiple times" SPANK "that you are" SPANK "to stay here" SPANK "I expect you" SPANK "to listen to me" SPANK "Am I making myself clear" SPANK SPANK SPANK SPANK SPANK

Five swats to his tender sit spot finally got some reaction out of Spencer "Yes sir" SPANK "ow … I am sorry" SPANK

Deciding that it was enough considering Reid's current state of mind Hotch stopped spanking, pulled his pants back up and started to rub his back in small circles. Reid however immediately started wiggling to indicate that he wanted to get up. So Hotch helped him stand and pulled the teary young man into a hug. But Reid did not reciprocate the gesture or soak up the comfort as he usually would. Instead he took a step back and wrapped his arms around his midsection in a gesture of self-comfort.

Hotch's heart went out to him. This time he knew that the spanking had been no where near as hard as others Reid had gotten – he was not even really crying - so his reluctance to accept comfort had emotional reasons. This was going to be even more difficult to deal with. Gently he said, "Reid, please allow me to hold you. You know how this works. You were punished and now you are forgiven."

But Reid would not look at him. He just shook his head miserably and continued to hug himself. Sighing Hotch tried a different tactic. He went to the bed and pulled the covers back in a clear invitation and said softly, "Alright, then just hop in and I'll stay with you until you fall asleep. It's after midnight and you look dead on your feet. You need some rest and we'll work on everything tomorrow."

Again Reid reacted completely different than the older agent would have expected. Channeling his emotions into anger once more, Reid started shouting, "Why do you even care if I am tired? Or if I get sleep? And why do you want to stay here? Are you so keen on hearing me fucking scream with fucking nightmares because I am too much of a screw up to sleep in the dark? Will that make you happy?"

"Reid!" Hotch was completely taken aback but then he realized something. Checking the nightlight behind the door he understood what was going on. He took the light out and walked over to his young agent who was shaking with emotions.

"Spencer look at this, please." Hotch ordered and continued after Reid complied, "This is a new nightlight – it's supposed to be on automatically when the light is turned off. I guess it's not working. I am very sorry, Spencer, I know you don't like sleeping in the dark because of the nightmares and I am appalled that you think I would take pleasure in that. Nightmares are normal especially in our jobs and have nothing do with being a 'screw up'. I don't ever want to hear you talk like that again, young man. …" the older agent trailed of unsure what else to say.

Reid had not moved or said anything but now slowly tears were spilling over and down his cheeks. With a heavy heart Hotch continued, "Reid, was it like that two weeks ago when you were here?"

Reid nodded.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Hotch asked curiously before it dawned on him, "Did you think I was trying to punish you extra by making you sleep in the dark?"

To his dismay Reid just shrugged. Hotch felt as if he'd been punched in the stomach. Did the kid really think he would be that cruel?

"Are you serious? You thought I did this on purpose?" he asked stricken.

Crying harder now, Reid turned away and just mumbled, "I deserved it."

"What?" Hotch placed his hands on Reid's shoulders to turn him back around, "Spencer, you know that isn't true. You deserved the spanking you got but after that the slate was wiped clean. I hope that somewhere you know that I wouldn't do that. It was an accident and I wish you'd have trusted me enough to say something."

"So that you'd know what a coward I am?" Reid asked him now sobbing. The anger was gone and replaced by despair.

Not knowing what else to do Hotch just pulled him into a hug fully intend on letting the young man cry first before talking to him. But nothing was going to be that easy that night. For a moment Reid melted into the embrace but then started to struggle and just whispered desperately, "No, don't touch me. I don't deserve … I don't want you to care about me. Let me go."

The kid's anguish tore through Hotch's heart. But he held on and tried to calm Reid down, "Ssh, stop fighting and just let me hold you, Spencer. I promise it'll be alright."

But Reid kept struggling even more intensely now. Unable to get out of the hug he started pushing and screaming at the same time, "You can't … don't do this … I don't deserve to be hugged … just let me go … I am a worthless fuck up …Just leave me alone."

"Reid stop it this instant," Hotch ordered sternly giving him a small shake, "You are no such thing and if you continue to degrade yourself like that I will take you over my knee again. I would not allow anyone to talk like that about you … and that includes yourself."

"But it's true … I can't do anything right … I shouldn't be allowed …" Reid was nearly hysterical now.

More out of instinct than a conscious decision Hotch just dragged Reid back to the bed holding on to his arms so he would not accidentally hurt himself with his struggles. Although the young man was a little taller he luckily outweighed his lanky frame by almost 50 pounds and was strong enough to control even a desperate Reid. Sitting down on the bed he pulled the kid over his knees and starting to swat the backside in front of him for the second time that evening – though this time he left the pajama pants in place.

Reid stopped struggling immediately and simply cried as Hotch lectured, "I never ever" SPANK "want to hear you" SPANK "talk like that again" SPANK "You are a very gifted" SPANK "very strong" SPANK "and very capable young man" SPANK "and you deserve" SPANK "to be held" SPANK "just like you deserve" SPANK "the friendship, love and support" SPANK "I and your teammates" SPANK "have been offering you" SPANK

With these words Hotch stopped spanking and immediately pulled Reid back up and into a hug. The desolate young man didn't struggle against the embrace this time but he made his feelings known, "You are wrong." He wailed against Hotch's shoulder.

"What am I wrong about, Spencer?" Hotch asked surprisingly gentle.

"I am weak. I don't deserve any of this. I have been using again." He cried and tried to free himself from Hotch's arms, "You should just kick me out and fire me. I am useless … ."

Hotch just held on to the crying young man but sternly said, "Reid, if you don't stop that right now. I am taking you back over my knees and this time it will be for a proper spanking. Do you understand?"

Not getting much of a reaction besides crying, he continued, "I know you have been using again. And I am sorry I wasn't there to stop it but I am here now and I'll help you. Morgan will help you and the rest of the team will too. You will get through this. I know it's hard but giving up is not an option."

"But … I don't want you to help me … you can't do this … the team needs you." Spencer protested.

A little puzzled the unit chief answered, "Spencer I don't understand. You are part of the team and you need me."

"But if something happens …"

Now it dawned on Hotch. He wondered why he hadn't realized it earlier, "You think if you let me help you I will end up leaving like Gideon?"

Spencer just nodded against his chest.

Now the usually so stoic unit chief had to fight tears of his own, "Alright listen to me … I can't promise you that things will stay as they are forever… but I can promise you that you mean more to me than you'll ever know Spencer and as long as I can I will be there for you. I know you don't believe that right now but I am asking you for a chance to prove it. Can you do that?"

Without any real answer to Hotch's words, Reid continued crying for a long time before calming down a little. Finally he said still in Hotch's arms, "It's stupid … I miss Gideon."

"I know, Spencer. I do too. And it's not stupid." Hotch tried to soothe him.

For the first time Reid looked up at him and asked, "Do you think he'll ever come back?"

The childlike innocence almost broke Hotch's heart but he didn't want to lie to the kid either. The unspoken answer must have shown on this face. Reid dropped his gaze again and tearily said, "I know. I just wish he'd come back and give me one more chance to do better … to be who he wanted me to be …"

"Reid no," Hotch interrupted, "you have never been anything other than what Gideon wanted you to be. His leaving had nothing to do with you."

"Yeah? He never even called." Reid chocked out.

"I know," Hotch started rubbing Reid's back in an effort to comfort him, "and I know it hurts that he is gone but never doubt that he loved you like a son."

"And how did I repay him?" Reid asked with a tear strained voice, "I was horrible. Testing him all the time. Then getting kidnapped and addicted to Dilaudid and he had to take care of me. I took all his energy and attention and then he had nothing left when Sarah was murdered. He would have been better off without me. You all would be … I am just …"

"Reid, stop it." Hotch interrupted him but he didn't have it in him to be stern with his upset youngest anymore, "You didn't know Gideon before you came into his life. He has always been a bit too insightful and a bit too sensitive for this job. He battled depression on and off through the years. But I have never seen him as happy or as whole or as content than with you around. And taking care of you was something he wanted to do not a burden. You meant the world to him and he was proud of your accomplishments. Even when you 'tested him' he knew that what you felt for him."

"I never told him. I should have been better." Reid started crying more heavy again.

"Ssh Spencer … you were just what he needed. I think without you he would not even have come back after the bombing."

"It wasn't enough …" Spencer wailed.

Hotch sighed. What was he supposed to say to that? Even though he never doubted the older man's feelings for Reid, it obviously hadn't been enough to hold him. The unit chief suspected even that part of the reason Gideon left was that he didn't want his surrogate son see him battling through another trauma. Hotch understood but abandoning the kid still wasn't right. Not knowing what else to say he turned to old fashioned comfort, speaking soothing words to him while rubbing the younger man's back, "Spencer, please calm down. I know things seem horrible right now but it will get better. I promise. We'll work on it together …"

After a long time Reid cried himself out and became a little self conscious of still being in his bosses arms. Hotch just laid him down on the bed and moved to a chair next to him. There was no way he would be leaving the kid alone yet. After another couple minutes – Hotch was almost convinced that Reid was sleeping already – he could hear a very soft, "Thank you Hotch." coming from the young man. Smiling a bit for the first time that night he gently ruffled the kid's hair. He stayed for another hour to be absolutely sure that he'd stay asleep and left the light on when he left.

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I hope you liked this chapter. The next one will be a bit more from Reid's point of view.