I'm sorry I took so long to update, as an apology this chapter is especially long!
What Is True And What Is Not
Love is much like a wild rose, beautiful and calm, but willing to draw blood in its defense. Mark Overby
Brittany stays at home for two days after Santana has found her, luckily having caught nothing but a nasty cold. But even when she returns to school she isn't the same again. She is constantly hazy, even more unable to concentrate than usual, lost in her own world. Santana just drags her through the school, from room to room and from lesson to lesson, without her really being there.
At first Santana doesn't think much of it as it is perfectly normal for Britt to be absent-minded. When, however, Brittany's clear moments become rarer and rarer Santana realizes anxiously that her best friend completely closes off to the real world, even to her. For days the two haven't had one proper conversation, all that leaves Brittany's mouth is incoherent mumbling about fantastical creatures. Although Santana has always loved hearing Brittany's stories she now can't enjoy them anymore as the blue eyes she looks into meanwhile are no longer dreamy and sparkling but have turned worryingly dull and lightless.
Santana feels like Brittany and her become strangers again. She suddenly understands how Brittany's parents and the other kids have to feel around her: confused, helpless, unable to grasp and handle the girl's otherness. Santana is scared. While formerly a simple touch, a gentle word, a soft look of Santana was enough to make Brittany focus solely on her as if she were the center of the blonde's world, it is now almost impossible to lure Brittany out of her daze. Sometimes Brittany smiles faintly at her for a second and Santana recognizes that somewhere deep within this isolated girl there is still the old Brittany, her Brittany. Santana would do everything to get her back. She just doesn't know how.
After school Santana and Brittany get into the Latina's small car and head to Brittany's home. Santana can sense Brittany's growing anxiety; the girl bites her bottom lip more and more violently the nearer they get to her family's house. Santana's eyes widen when a fine line of blood trickles down Brittany's chin from the injured lip. Santana has noticed that Brittany avoids her parents as much as possible lately, seemingly scared of confrontations with them. But the blonde never says anything.
Finally Santana sighs. "Britt, do you want to come with me to my place?"
Brittany looks at her hands in her lap, fidgeting nervously. After a few seconds she nods hesitantly.
So Santana turns the car around. When they arrive at the Lopez house she parks her car in the driveway. Before Brittany can move to get out of the car Santana firmly grabs her chin. She lifts the blonde's face to look at her intently and with gentle fingers brushes away the red liquid on her pale skin. The blue-eyed girl doesn't fight Santana's hand, Santana even feels her slightly leaning into the touch. However, Brittany still refuses to meet Santana's eyes; she just stares airily at something above the Latina's right shoulder.
"Brittany, stop this! Now!", Santana exclaims furiously. It drives her crazy, this feeling of being a thousand miles away from Britt. Brittany winces as Santana grips her chin a little rougher in her anger, but Santana is too desperate to calm down. Her voice stays hard. "Stop shutting me out, Britt! You know you can trust me!"
Brittany turns away.
"Brittany!", Santana yells, tears welling up in her eyes.
Brittany stares out of the front window. Then she slowly reaches out and squeezes Santana's hand. "I'm sorry, Santana.", she whispers. "It's like I'm on drugs, I'm so far away..."
Santana forces her tears back, trying to keep her composure. She fishes her keys out of her bag and quickly leads Brittany into the Lopez residence, a noble and sumptuous house that reflects the Lopez's wealth in a terribly boastful way. Santana's parents are on some business trip and her grandmother, who lives with her son's family and takes care of her two grandchildren whenever their parents aren't at home (which is the majority of her life, Santana thinks bitterly), is away for today, meeting her sister. Santana would never have brought Brittany home with her if her Abuela were home; since the old woman found out that Santana is a lesbian their relationship has been, to put it mildly, tense.
Santana's parents both are hopeless workaholics who try to compensate their lacking ability of devoting love to their children by granting them a life in luxury. But it has always been her grandmother who read Santana and her older brother bedtime stories, who attended all of Santana's cheerleading performances and her brother's football games, who comforted them when they scraped their knees and scolded them when they did something stupid. It pains Santana that someone who plays such an important role in her life can't accept her the way she is.
Santana drags Brittany up the stairs to her room. Her nineteen-year-old brother, Gabriel, steps out of his room and onto the corridor, smiling friendly. "Hey little sis. Oh, and hi Britt!"
Brittany either doesn't hear him through her haze or ignores him, anyways, she doesn't react in any way. She stops when Santana does, staring dully at the ground.
Gabriel frowns, confused, and nods towards the blonde, asking: "Is she okay, Santana?"
"Yeah, great!", Santana snarls. "Mind your own business, Gabe!"
"Calm down, sweet sister.", he says mockingly. "You girls have fun getting on your sweet lady kisses, but be careful Abuela doesn't catch you!" The tall, dark-haired boy grins amusedly when his little sister blushes crimson. "Anyway, I'm gonna leave now for football practice. You two are good on your own, right?"
"Of course. See you later, Gabe.", Santana says curtly before shoving Brittany into her own room.
After they have done their homework, or rather after Santana has done their homework while trying to get Brittany to concentrate, Santana gives up and decides to take Brittany to the pond in the park near the Lopez house. Brittany has always loved going there to feed the ducks. This time, however, Brittany just nods passively when Santana announces her plan. Santana sighs.
Brittany and Santana enter the kitchen to grab some old bread for the ducks. When Santana sees who sits at the kitchen table, she stops dead in her tracks. "Abuela!", she exclaims, startled. Her grandmother is supposed to be gone until late that evening!
The old woman lifts her eyes from the newspaper she is reading. At the sight of her granddaughter and her friend, her face tightens and she stands up. "How can you dare to bring this girl here?", she asks, cold anger in her voice. "You can count yourself lucky you are still welcome in my house! I thought I expressed myself clearly when I said I expect you to stop this sinful behavior immediately!"
"It's not your house, okay?", Santana shouts defiantly. "It's my parents' house and I can bring whomever I want!"
"How can I have failed at your upbringing so profoundly?" Alma Lopez suddenly sounds tired. "I just went to church and prayed for you, Santana. But God doesn't seem to hear me."
Santana looks at her grandmother, her eyes pleading and desperate. "Maybe he heard you, Abuela. Maybe he even answers. Maybe you just don't want to listen."
Alma Lopez's eyes become soft for a second. Then she shakes her head furiously. "No, Santana. What you do, what you are, it's a disgrace."
Santana's eyes begin to blaze with fury. She turns around abruptly and fiercely grabs Brittany's hand. "Come on, Brittany, we leave. Let's go feed the ducks."
Santana drags the other girl along behind her so ferociously that Brittany almost stumbles. "Yeah! And the mermaids!", Brittany giggles happily. "Goodbye, Mrs. Lopez!"
Santana isn't sure whether Brittany really is unaware of the severity of the situation or if she exasperates her grandmother intentionally. But one thing she knows for sure: If the looks of her Abuela could kill Brittany would be stone-dead.
They sit down on a bench next to the pond. Brittany shivers at the cool wind and scoots closer to Santana, cuddling into her side. Santana smiles despite the sorrowful thoughts of her grandmother's words on her mind and wraps her arm tightly around the blonde's shoulders. She looks at Brittany whose eyes are fixed on her.
"I'm sorry, San. But you are so strong, you don't need your Abuela's approval.", Brittany says full of conviction and trust. "You have always been the strong one of us." Santana feels relief and gratitude flooding through her. Her sweet, caring Brittany hasn't disappeared completely.
Santana shakes her head sadly. "No, that's not true. Everybody thinks I am because I'm always so mean to everyone." She squeezes Brittany's shoulders affectionately. "But to be as kind-hearted and innocent and loving as you are, that's real strength."
Brittany smiles a little. "Maybe we can be strong for each other, Santana. Maybe together we are strong enough to survive."
"I'm so glad I have you.", Santana whispers. Her heart beats faster when she leans in and connects her lips with Brittany's in a tender kiss.
Brittany is dancing. A few days have gone by without anything happening and right now Brittany is in the dance hall of her dance school. Official practice is over but her teacher has allowed her to stay for some more time until he leaves and locks up the school.
Brittany spins and jumps and turns and stretches, the music constantly filling her ears. The movements are natural to her, she immerses herself completely in them. Her whole body is covered in sweat, her clothes stick to her skin, but she doesn't mind. She hopes this state of blissful oblivion will never end.
Brittany hates that she feels so unfocused and dazed most of the time lately. But she can't fight it. Only when she dances she feels like herself again.
All at once, however, the dance hall around her begins to change and transform in front of her eyes. Brittany's eyes widen as plants grow out of the ground and the walls of the hall crumble when gnarly roots and branches of big, mighty trees break through them. Within a minute the whole ground is covered in dark green ivy, vines hang down from the ceiling, oaks and maples fill the hall. Vague shadows lurk between the trees and begin to circle Brittany menacingly.
The dance room has morphed into a savage jungle.
Brittany screams.
Her legs fail and she falls bonelessly to the ground. Fear and confusion take away her breath, she feels as if she would suffocate any moment. Her stomach churns violently and she vomits.
Faintly, she hears her dance teacher call her name but it is not enough to pull her from her daze. She stares at the jungle around her like hypnotized, unable to move or to think clearly.
A moment later her dance teacher, Cole, clutches her shoulders and tries to shake her back into consciousness. "Brittany, what's up with you? Please, say something! Are you okay?"
She lies weakly in his arms. "There is a jungle in the dance hall...", she manages to say, entirely frightened. "Don't you see the jungle...?"
Cole shakes his head in panic. "There is nothing in this room but the two of us, Brittany. What are you talking about?"
Brittany whimpers helplessly. Fuzzily, she mutters under her breath: "It shouldn't be like this... it has never been like this before..."
Brittany can't remember anything that happened thereafter, she must have lost consciousness. When she wakes up she lies in an uncomfortable bed in a sterilely white room. The door opens and a man with a white coat comes in. Brittany is so scared at the sight of him that she can't breathe.
"You've woken up, that's very good.", the man says friendly, but his detached tone makes obvious that it is just a set phrase that he says a hundred times a day. "My name is Dr. Peter Beckett. You don't need to be scared, girl."
Brittany gulps. "Where am I?"
"You are in the Lima Hospital. Your dance teacher called the ambulance after you broke down during your dance lesson.", Dr. Beckett explains while scanning through the file in his hands.
"Santana.", Brittany croaks out. "I want Santana..."
"I don't know who that is, but your parents are here. I will go get them." Before Brittany can stop the man he leaves the room. Brittany feels for her mobile phone where it usually is in her pocket but it is gone, along with her clothes. She just wears a thin hospital gown. Her eyes land on her bedside table. Her mobile phone lies on it. Hastily she grabs it and dials the number that is so familiar to her that she could dial it in her sleep.
"Santana?", Brittany whispers when the dark-haired girl picks up on the other end of the line.
"Brittany? Britt, are you okay?", Santana wants to know, instantly concerned at the sound of Brittany's nervous voice.
"Yes... no... I don't know... I'm in the hospital.", Brittany tries to explain but she has trouble forming sensible sentences.
At the last few words Santana freaks out. "Oh my god, Brittany, what happened? I'm on my way to you!"
Quickly, Brittany calms her: "Don't worry, Santana, I'm not hurt." Through a window in her room she can look onto the hospital corridor and sees her parents approaching. She adds hastily: "I'll tell you everything when you are here, okay, San? I have to go." With that she hangs up, hoping Santana would hurry.
Her mother enters the room and storms towards her, crying: "Oh, Brittany! You are okay!" Brittany avoids her look and stares at her hands.
"Brittany.", her father says firmly. He grabs his wife's arm and pulls her away from Brittany. "We made a decision." Her mother bursts into tears and turns her head away. Her father looks steadfastly at Brittany. Suddenly she is as scared as never before. "We are really worried about you and think it's the best for you if we commit you to a mental institution."
Brittany lifts her gaze, panic-stricken. "You can't do that!", she wails. "I'm your daughter! You can't just lock me up!"
"We are so sorry, Britt.", her mother sobs. "It may not seem like it to you right now, but we only want the best for you!"
In that moment Santana dashes into the room. A spark of hope ignites inside of Brittany and she longingly extends her arms towards Santana. The Latina immediately takes Brittany into her arms. "It's okay, I'm here, Britt.", she murmurs into Brittany's ear.
After a few seconds of body contact between the girls Mr. Pierce yanks Santana away from his daughter. "Say goodbye, Brittany. She has to leave now."
"No!", Brittany begs sorrowfully. "Please Santana, they want to lock me up in a cell, save me..."
Her father, however, rudely shoves Santana out of the room. The dark-haired girl struggles tooth and nail against him but he is too strong. Tears silently run down Brittany's cheeks as two nurses retain her. Helplessly, she has to watch Santana being dragged away.
"No, Mr. Pierce, you can't take her away from me!", Santana hollers in exasperation. Her voice resounds loudly in the hallway. "I'm going to go all Lima Heights on you! I'm Santana fucking Lopez and I won't allow anybody to hurt my girlfriend!"
But all their resistance is vain.
The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
Robert Frost