AN: im jus crankin dem out!1 if dis keepz up i jus mite publish it! (Oh, that would be…..lovely….)
da next day me an hary went doun 2 da big kitchin where all da chillin were chillin :) (Actually, despite what other commentators have said, I kind of like that little phrase….)
i sat down at a tabel nex 2 a pak o crackers whu sayd "boi u cnat sit here!" (Again with the booooiiii. And what kind of crackers? Saltines?)
"y" i sed
"u haf 2 sit at da bak of da kitchin!" (Wow. Nobody EVER says that anymore….I wonder if he knows…)
den hairy came down an sayed "dun mind him. dat tabel is fo da snake ppl. ur a ravencaw (Ca CAW! Ca CAW!)! u hav 2 sit at da ravenclaw tabel!" so we sat at da ravinclaw tabel. "dun mind dat cracker. daz rassist." (WHAT is a CRACKER?)
"ok" i sed
"des r mi frinds" dere wuz a pretty gurl named herman (OH GOD NO. That's almost worse that B'loody Mary). she fell in love wit me. it wuz so grat. (Again, faster than Sims!) we had brekfast togedder. den we went 2 skool (Apparently Hagwats, unlike Hogwarts, isn't a school_. furst we had magik class. the teecher wuz an old womin wit glases and an ol droopy suit. "letme see wut u can do" she said. i pointed at da ground. "fried chikin" i sed. (What the f…) sum fried chikin apered on da flor. she piked it up an took a bit. (Pike is a kind of fish. She fished up the chicken?) "yum yum" she sayed and eatted it all. "i no wut class u should go in. u shud go in da blak magic clas." (RASSIST!)
"wut" i sed. (I love that…so much better than 'what'.)
"dun worri, im nut rassist" she sad. "sum children r good at blak magik whil odders r wite magik." (What? I've never heard of that. And how is fried chicken black magic? Apart from the obvious, of course…)
"well ok" i sed (I'm surprised he didn't at least call her a cracker.)
she gave us lots o homwork. (Why? You didn't learn anything…)
we had mor classes. den hary tok me outsid. "heres a bromstik" he said. and he gave me a bromstik. (No, really?) "wats dis 4?" i sed. "4 bromstiks fool!" harry sed. "dunt get hurt turtle" sed herman. (I read that every time as "Turrrrrrrtle". Kind of like 'boooiiii')
"now dis is wut u hav 2 catch" sed hary and he took out a ball wit wings. it flu in2 da ski.
but u hav 2 dog (Woof woof, bark) dis cuz it will try an hit u" he took out a big blak ball that hit me in mi hed. "ow i sed"
"sorry" sed hary. he took out his wand an sed "go away" and the big blak ball flu into da sky. (That's now how it worrrrrrks…..)
den he tok da biggist ball of dem all. it looked lik a soccer ball. "u have to pass dis so it goes into da hols." he throgh it at me an i caut it. "UR AMAZING" sed harry potter. (OMG, URRRR AMUUURRRZZZUUURNG) so we flew up in da sky an began 2 play. mi ballz startd 2 hurt. "my balls hert!" i sed. (Redundant and repetitive.)"sit on it lik dis" sed harry potter. an i did.(Pointless detail.) meanwhile we playd an alot o ppl came arond an watcht ud. dere wuz so many of dem dat dey filed up all da seets. dey wa cherin. den i saw da flin bal. i didnt wan t harry to see it so i sed "imma gonna go up here fo a whil" (*whistles innocently)
"wel alrit as log as u dont cach da snickers!" (Go Mars Bars!)
"ok" i sed lik i didn se it.
"wel ok" sed harry potter "bcuz im aboot to put da ball in ur hole!" (Gimme a homo! Gimme a sexual! Lol, just kidding, y'all.)
i went up but wen i wuz abut (What is it with this guy and butts?) to get it a guy in a big blak cap came in on his brommsticks. He poented his wond at me "die". i den fel off mah bromstik. "AHHHHHHHHH!111111111" i sed. (One one one one one one one!)
"TURTLE!11111 (TTTTTTUUUUUUWWWWRRRRRRTLE one one one!)" sed herman. da ppl scremd when i wuz fallin. it hit da grund. then i died. (OH YAY! Much rejoicing~!)