An: heres anodder chapper! Oh, joy. I am so. Happy. P.S. I'm not doing these in parentheses anymore unless they are in the middle of a sentence.
da next day i wook up in da hosbitel. "ur all betta" sed da nurse. What? He DIED!
"nigga don scar me lik dat" sed herman. I can't picture Hermione saying that word…
"u almost dyd" sed harry pottr. He DID die! No 'almost' about it!
"wut was dat?" i sed.
"it wuz da dark lord vadermort and he wantz to hurt ur mama" Wow…um….
"WART?11" i sed PLANTAR?11
"u gotta lisin turtle u gotta kill vadermort. it sed so in da profasi"Is that a kind of Italian meat or something? Profasi?
"dat sounds dangerus" sed herman
"yeah he wants 2 destroi da world" sed harry
"ok" i sed "if he touchs ma mama IMMA POP A CAP IN DAT NIGGAS ASS!11111" It's somehow so funny…
den da dubledoor cam in. "shuddnt u chilldrn b in class?" he sed
"but da dark lard almst killd turtel!11" sed herman You just can't trust that mayonnaise and shortening…it's not healthy!
"dun say dat name" sed da vadermort (WHAT? Where did HE come in?) "especially u turtle"
"well ill hafta suspind u all" sed dumbeldoor "especially u turtle" (But he just almost got killed by overdosing on fatty substances!) den da dumbldor runnd awy on his bromstik. so we all went bak to our rooms. Did Vadermort leave?
i went to sleep. when i wuz alssep i saw da man wit da blak cape and da blak coat. dere was a snake coimg out of da front a himself. (Somehow that actually sounds black…) he wuz sittin in a char in fron of da fried place. (THE FRIED PLACE…oh, my sides hurt from laughing…) he sed 2 da snape "imma kill dat nigga boi soulja spirit buu jackson" I woke up scard. (Yeah, that was SOOO scary.) dere wuz som1 under da cofers wit me. it wuz herman. she wuz nekked. "lets hav sex" she said. so she bends over and i stuk my big blak cok in her tinee wite ass. ACKCH! AAACCHCKKK! *choke* Worst. Sex. Scene. Ever.
"YES TURTLE YES" she sed. den i cam. an we stop. Well, that's rude…not even thinking of her pleasure…"what r u doin" sed harry next to me. "noddin" i sed ambarrist. "oh. i tot i herd somting."
"i didnt heer noddin" i sed. Never mind that she just yelled YES TURTLE YES…you totally didn't just have sex with Herman.
"oh, okay" sed harry and he went bak to slep. den we all went doon 2 brekfest. "how did u slep?" sed herman. "gret" i sed an slimed. Is that the same as 'cam'?
"what're u guys takken bout" sed harry pottr.
"aww noddin" i sed an i smield. What is this random jumbling?
"yeh" sed herman an she smiled. Ohhh….he meant 'smiled' all along…
"yeh" i sed an i slmied 2. YOU ALREADY WERE SMIELING. You don't need to slmie as well.
"what r u boiz smilin bout?" sed da dumbeldoor. Herman's a boy?
"ah noddin"
"well u had bettr hury up an get 2 clss" sed da dubledoor.
"ok we sed an den we went 2 magik class Ooooh….descriptive.
"did u all do ur homerk?" sed da teakher?
"i didnt" i sed.
"why not, turtle! u hav such potenshal!" she sed Is she stupid?
"bcuz he was almost kiled bi vadermort" we sed.
"u fot vadermort? u must b a grat wizrd!" she sed. "fin u get an a+" she sed. Yes, yes she is.
we sat thro class.
AN: haha u thot i wuz ded didnt u! well i trikd u lololol mor chpters cummin soon Oh. Yay. Much. Rejoicing. ~.