This chapter introduces a little theory I had about how people ending up in Miseryville become monsters. I mean, since it's Hell, you'd think there would be other humans around the place, but since there are just monsters shown, I went with the obvious conclusion that they somehow ended up turning into monsters over time.

Also, in case you haven't guessed, Samael is Samy's full name. Although the show never actually says it, it's kind of implied since many of the main characters have their names derived from a biblical name (Lucius-Lucifer, Samy-Samael, Beezy-Beelzebub).

Chapter 6

Everything's Coming Up Heinous

Jimmy ran through the hallway, passing an endless amount of office doors and product testing rooms along the way. He stopped by one testing room door that had a clear glass window set on the top. He peeked in out of curiosity and watched what was happening.

Inside he saw monsters in lab coats and hazmat gear holding a cage of what looked like furry little monster gerbils. The gerbils had an extra thick coating of brownish-purple fur and had multiple little black eyes.

"Awwww, they're so cute." Jimmy whispered. After seeing so many miserable monsters, it was nice to see something adorable and fuzzy in Hell.

As one of the monsters equipped with hazmat gear took a gerbil from a cage, the scientist monsters stepped back and observed, having their clipboards and pens ready. A cylinder drum with a weird yellow and black circle label on it was then brought by a team of hazmat workers to the cage. The worker holding one of the gerbils carefully scooped up a small amount of whatever was in the drum with a beaker and then proceeded to pour it out on the small creature. It was thick and goopy, and gave off a black-purplish glow.

"Awwww, now they're giving it a bath. That's so sweet. That green dude must have been way off. This place doesn't seem so ba-" BOOM!

The cute gerbil that had been doused with goo had exploded right in the hands of one of the workers. The worker's hazmat suit was a little torn but he appeared fine. The gerbil, however, coated the room.

"SWEET CORN! WHAT HAPPENED?" Jimmy screamed in shock. He tried to make sense of it and finally it hit him. "They must be experimenting on those things." Jimmy then noticed the cage full of shaking, trapped gerbils still in the room. "I've got to help them!"

He tried to open the door but the knob wouldn't turn. "It's locked! What am I gonna do now?" He panicked and started banging on the door. "HEY! LET ME IN! No one's hurting those poor, defenseless creatures on my watch!" He kept pounding on the door until his shouts hit the ears of the workers inside. One of them finally opened it but blocked the entrance.

"Excuse me; we're in the middle of testing here. Unless you have Code 3 or above clearance I can't let you in."

But Jimmy ignored him and squeezed through into the room. He ran straight for the cage of gerbils when a huge noise startled him.

WEEW WEEW WEEW WEEW WEEW!

He didn't realize it at first, but one of the scientists had pulled the security alarm. From out of nowhere, dozens of tall, muscular Minotaur men wearing red kilts, wristbands, and boots swarmed the testing room and seized Jimmy.

"Hey, let go! I have to rescue these guys! Look at them, they're scared and cramped. You can't just trap them here and do weird tests on them!"

All of the gerbils let out squeaks of joy, which made Jimmy smile. Unfortunately the scientists and guards weren't as moved.

"Kindly remove this trespasser please. He's already cost us valuable time. This Misery Inc. Sunblast Sunscreen™ has to be the shelves by Monday, and we're already behind schedule."

"GRUNT". The Minotaur guards didn't appear to be able to talk, but understood and dragged Jimmy out of the lab.

Jimmy struggled. "Let go of me! That's no way to treat helpless animals!" He tried in vain to get the guards to listen to him, but they remained silent with the same angry, intimidating face. Jimmy could hear the gerbils squeaking loudly with fear as he was being carried away. "Poor little guys…"

The guards dragged him to the main lobby he was trying to reach before. He didn't have time to look around as the guards immediately shoved him into one of the lobby's elevators. Of the many averagely small looking buttons on the elevator panel, a guard pushed a large, glowing red one that had the Misery Inc. logo imprinted on it. The elevator began to rise slowly. The guards had let go of Jimmy by now, but still surrounded him to make sure he didn't try and flee. Feeling he needed to loosen the silent tension, Jimmy tried to get on the guards' good side.

"Soooo… How long have you guys been in Miseryville?"

The guards said nothing, but looked down at him, still with their angry, intimidating faces.

Jimmy gave a nervous laugh. "Heh, so um, where exactly are we going?"

Again the guards remained completely silent, but one of them pointed up.

"Yeah, I know we're going up, but where is up?"

"Grrrrrrr." One of the Minotaur guards growled at Jimmy, who quickly stopped asking questions. The guards didn't look like they were in a talking kind of mood. In fact Jimmy was almost sure they couldn't talk at all. But Jimmy wasn't very concerned about what they were going to do to him. Sure they were huge, hulking, and scary looking, but they didn't appear like they were going to hurt him.

Finally, the elevator stopped and the doors slid apart. He was pushed out into a large office. The walls were all a deep emerald-green color and the floor was covered mostly by a plush, diagonally patterned grey rug, with some dark green carpeting on the edges of the room. Along one side of the office's walls were huge, towering statues of Lucifer the Seventh, all in different heroic and suave poses. Along the opposite wall were three large circular windows, looking over all of Miseryville. To the boy's left, an enormous monitoring station, complete with a giant television screen and long panel of colorful buttons, could also be seen. And finally, at the end of the lengthy office, located under a humongous, ornate portrait of Lucifer Heinous VII, and sandwiched between two tall bookcases, was a large wooden desk with a tall, brown upholstered chair behind it. Jimmy couldn't see anyone in the chair, because it was facing the other way.

Oomph! The Minotaur guards gave Jimmy another push into the office and then quickly ran back into the elevator. Before he could ask where they were going, the guards pushed a button to close the elevator doors and were gone. They seemed visibly afraid of something, but Jimmy didn't really give it a second thought.

He turned his attention back to the dreary, empty office. The only light shining in the room came from the three large windows. He walked over to them and pressed his face against one. "Whoa, you can see everything from here."

Jimmy gazed down over the entire city. He could see all the buildings he had passed in downtown and even the neighborhood where his soon-to-be house was.

"Oh and look, Miseryville has a park, and a forest, oh and a beach! Ooo, and so many mountains! I'm definitely gonna have to check those out."

Jimmy noticed that the blinding light from above that he had seen in the morning had faded. He tilted his head up and was able to look into the sky. It was a bright orange-red color with many flat, sharp looking orange clouds floating around. And farther up, partly concealed behind some of the orange clouds, were three bright suns blaring down on the planet.

"No wonder it was so bright out." He thought. "I guess I just have to get used to them."

"Are you going to keep gawking out of my window all day?"

Jimmy jumped up with surprise and looked around frantically. He was sure he was the only one in the room, but that voice was definitely coming from nearby.

"Over here you twit."

Jimmy turned toward the desk. The brown chair that was facing the end wall had swiveled around already, and there sat a short, red devil creature wearing a brown suit. There were dark red circles around his eyes and his long red nose was pointed up. His face gave a cold, annoyed expression and his voice didn't sound very welcoming either.

"So, is there any specific reason why you broke into my factory and tried to sabotage one of my newest product's testing?" The short red monster asked coldly. This kid had better have a good excuse for interrupting his afternoon nap.

Jimmy recognized the monster immediately as the red devil from the welcoming video. He remained frozen for a moment and stared blankly. The ultimate ruler of Hell seemed less friendly in person. "Oh, hello Mr. Heinous. Uh, my name's Jimmy."

The red devil rolled his eyes. "As if I'm ever going to remember this twerp's name." He thought to himself.

Jimmy tried to explain everything that had happened to him. "… and you see I was just trying to help the gerbils. I didn't come here to cause trouble; I really just wanted a new house. I found a really nice one and I wanted to keep it before anyone else got to it and BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH-"

Lucifer just sat there, pretending to listen. Sheesh this kid was mouthy. The red devil propped his head on his fist, tired but still irritated. "Ah huh. So you just decided to invite yourself into my factory, disrupt my product testing, and interrupt the busiest part of my day? Just for a stupid little crap-shack? Did it ever occur to you to just go to the Realty Department on the other side of the building?"

Jimmy gave a nervous smile. "Sorry about that. I'm new around here and I've never been to this factory before."

Lucifer was just noticing for the first time that this kid was fully human. No horns, no wings, no third or fourth eye, no fur, no nothing. Normally anyone new to Hell gained at least fangs or pointed ears after the first day.

"You know Johnny, you-"

"Actually it's Jimmy sir." Jimmy smiled.

Lucifer quirked his brow and gave a dry smile. "Jimmy. You know you're very lucky. Normally I'd have someone like you dipped in acid and then thrown into a boiling pit of lava piranhas. But today I'm in a sort of merciful mood." He looked over Jimmy one final time and then clasped his claws together. "You said you wanted a house, correct?"

Jimmy suddenly grew a wide grin. "Oh yes please Mr. Heinous! I've wanted one so badly since the day I got here!" Granted, it had only been a day and a half since Jimmy arrived, but to him it felt like an eternity.

The red devil pulled open a drawer behind his desk and starting running through a stash of papers with his red claws. Finally he found a form and placed it on his desk. Then he took a pen from his suit jacket's pocket and placed it on the desk, next to the form. The next thing Lucifer did caught Jimmy by surprise.

"SAAMMMMMAAEEELLL!" Lucifer shouted deep from his lungs. The sound echoed with force throughout the entire factory and made Jimmy jump up from shock.

It couldn't have been more than five seconds before the elevator door opened up and out came a small, green hunchbacked troll. He ran straight towards Lucifer's side and groveled.

"Y-y-you called, your Heinous?" The troll stuttered, visibly shaking with fear. He was wearing the same grey suit and shoes from the welcoming video, and spoke with the same lisp. Up close, Jimmy could also see just how old he really was. The troll looked hundreds of years old.

Lucifer lowered his eyes towards his lackey and gave an innocent smile. "Could you stand right over there please?"

"Uh, s-sure thing boss." Samael scurried over to a spot right next to Jimmy. The fact that Lucifer was smiling and even taking the time to say please to him was not a good sign.

Lucifer then turned his eyes back towards Jimmy, still smiling sweetly. "Alright, Jimmy. How badly did you want that house again?"

Jimmy was practically jumping up and down from anticipation at this point. "Oh, I want it really, REALLY badly sir! I'll do anything you want."

The red devil's innocent smile morphed into a wicked, unholy grin. "Anything?"

Jimmy bit over his smile, and tried his best not to explode from enthusiasm. "Yes, yes! ANYTHING!"

Lucifer again plastered an innocent smile over his face. "Good. Well then all you have to do is kindly kick my lowly assistant here in the teeth." He turned back towards Samael and grinned. "C'mon Samy, let's see those pearly whites."

The troll shook with fear. He knew he should have just stayed in bed that day. He forced his face to twist into a wide smile showing all of his teeth. The fact that he was nearly on the brink of tears wasn't helping.

Jimmy's uncontrollable excitement slowly began being displaced with confusion, as his body was just starting to process what he had been asked to do. "You… want me to kick your assistant in the teeth?"

Jimmy turned towards the troll. Samy's mouth was still fixed with a wide, open smile, even though the rest of his body was shaking with terror. Samael's eyes were also tightly shut and both of his fists were clenched, awaiting the punishing pain he was about to receive to his mouth.

The boy frowned. There was no way he could do something like that. "I'm sorry Mr. Heinous, but I don't think I can hurt him."

Lucifer's grin was beginning to fade. "Look, Jimmy. See this paper?" He held up the form from his desk and shook it in his hand. "It's a housing contract. I'm prepared to sign it for you RIGHT now, but first I want to see some bloody teeth on the floor. And maybe hear some painful screams from Samael, even though I get those every day. Besides, you said you'd do anything for me, right?"

Jimmy's frown widened. He wanted a house, but not like this. Samael's smiling teeth were chattering loudly at this point and the tears he was holding back before had already begun to leak.

Jimmy turned back to the red devil and gave a nervous smile. "Uh, actually, maybe I could just clean your office for you? Or help in the factory for awhile? Or I could even help you out as your assistant? Or maybe as Samael's assistant? Or I could probably BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH-"

Lucifer began to tune out Jimmy's voice. Any trace of his grin had been replaced by a long scowl. He was actually showing mercy on this brat, but the kid was refusing to take it. He could have just thrown the little snot-nose into the boiling piranha pit, but instead he only asked for a simple kick to his assistant's chompers. Was THAT too much to ask for? It wasn't really that hard. Just lift your foot and kick. It's that simple.

"…I'm also pretty handy in the kitchen, so maybe I could work as your private chef? Or even as your personal driver? Even though I don't really have a license yet, but still I cou-"

"Look, Jimmy…" The red devil cut off the boy's endless babbling. His amusement with the kid was nearly all but gone and the merciful mood he had been in had deteriorated into a calm rage. He gave the boy a cold, matter-of-fact expression. "…I don't know exactly what you were like before you came to Hell, but now that you're here, you're going to have to stop with the good guy act."

Lucifer stepped off of his large brown chair and walked over to Jimmy. He grabbed the boy by his black bowtie and pulled Jimmy down to his eye level. Lucifer's soulless black eyes locked onto Jimmy's. "You've got to stop with the nice-nice. I'm not going to let you walk out of here until you've earned a mark."

Jimmy scratched his head. He didn't have a clue what a 'mark' was. "You mean like a birthmark?"

The short, red devil face-palmed. "No you idiot! A monster mark. You know, like scales, or claws, or sharp teeth, or horns or SOMETHING!" Lucifer then realized he was starting to visibly lose his cool. He quickly caught himself and calmed his demeanor. No use overexerting himself because of some stupid kid.

Jimmy's frown disappeared. "You mean you're gonna turn me into a monster?" His eyes widened with excitement. "Awesome! In that case, I'd like green scales and five eyes. And maybe some monster teeth. Oh, and definitely some wings so I can fly all over the place!" Jimmy began flapping his arms again and started running around the room, pretending to fly.

The short, red devil's patience was slipping significantly. His eye began to twitch and he clenched one of his fists tightly. NOBODY could be this stupid. He bit his lip in anger and tried to calm himself. He was going to break this kid, no matter what.

Finally his head was cleared somewhat and a calm smile returned to his face. "No silly, I can't turn you into a monster. Only you can."

Jimmy stopped running and scratched his head. "How do I do that?"

Lucifer took a deep breath. He hated explaining things to people, especially when he had worthless minions that could do it for him. "You see Jimmy, in Hell people turn into monsters when they do bad things. You know, sinning: breaking into houses, kidnapping children, violently stabbing someone; the usual stuff."

Jimmy still gave a look of confusion. "But I haven't done anything like that."

Lucifer folded his arms. "That's the problem. You're going to have to start if you want to fit in here in Miseryville. I mean look at you. No claws, no gills, no feathers or tentacles. You're practically a freak."

Jimmy's face saddened, which made Lucifer grin. "But don't worry. I'm helping you, see?" The devil gestured to Samael, who was still exposing his teeth in a wide smile. Samy's face was wet from tears and his eyes were still closed. The troll didn't want to see himself get hit, but it was torture not knowing when the blow would come.

"All you've got to do is give Samael a quick kick right here," Lucifer pointed at the center of Samy's smile, "and TA-DAH! You'll earn your first monster mark. Maybe you'll even get those wings you've been dying for. And of course, I'll sign for your dream house!"

"But won't that hurt him?" Jimmy asked with a frown. He wasn't really the cruel, sadistic type, and he certainly didn't want to get wings or a house if it meant hurting someone.

Lucifer's grin dropped. "Of course it's going to hurt him. That's the point. You don't get to be a monster of Hell without breaking a few innocent jaws here and there."

Jimmy tried to look for a way out of this. He suddenly wasn't feeling so excited about getting a house or becoming a monster anymore. "On second thought Mr. Lucifer, maybe I'll just go to the Reality Department after all, but thanks for everything though!"

He bolted for the elevator, but didn't get very far.