Now I know what you're thinking: '"Fishing? Where in the world did that come from?" Well I decided to base this chapter purely on an alleged screenshot from the actual JTS pilot where Jimmy and Heloise are on a motor boat in the middle of a fiery red lake, and Heloise is in the middle of trying to light the "bait". If you've seen the screenshot, then you'll know what I'm attempting to do here, otherwise the whole fishing scene might come off as a bit weird and random.
Chapter 12
Eternal Damnation for Two
"Youwhoo, wake up sleepyhead."
"ZzzZZz- wha-whazzat?" Heloise slowly opened her tired eyes. She turned her head slightly to see Dorkus standing by the side of her bed. "*YAWN* What time is it? Ugh, my head is killing me."
Dorkus checked the time on his cell phone. "It's 6:47; sorry to wake you up this early, but ah, you've got a phone call."
Heloise rubbed her tired eyes and stretched. "Me? A phone call?" It was a little surprising, since she didn't know anyone in Hell. "Who is it?"
"It's Lucifer."
The girl's heart skipped a beat. "Uh oh."
It had only been a day since he hired her. What could he possibly want to talk to her about so soon? "Just relax Heloise. He's probably just calling for an update on your progress or something. Everything's going to be fine."
"Thanks." Heloise nervously took the phone from her tiny housemate.
"No problem. Whelp, I'm gonna start getting ready for work."
Heloise watched as Dorkus left the room, shutting the door behind him. She then nervously eyed the cell phone in her hand, as if it were a bomb waiting to go off. "Ok Heloise, just relax. You can do this." The girl took a deep breath, and then put the phone to her ear. "Hello?"
"'Hello?'! Is that all you've got to say to me!" Lucifer barked angrily from the other end of the call.
"Oh boy," Heloise thought to herself, "This isn't going to be pleasant."
"…I was having dinner the other night, and you'll never guess who decided to pop in."
Heloise twiddled her ponytail nervously, already guessing the answer. "T-Two-Shoes?"
"Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding! We've got a winner!" Lucifer shouted sarcastically over the phone. "And you'll never guess what else I found out on that magical evening."
Heloise bit her lip in fear, and tried to suppress the butterflies she was feeling in her gut. "Umm no, what?"
"TWO-SHOES IS MY NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR!" His voice exploded through the cell phone's receiver, sending a painful blast straight to Heloise's eardrums. "I thought I hired you to take care of him for me? How could you not know about this? What have you even been doing for the last 24 hours?"
As Lucifer vented his anger through the phone, Heloise's attitude started to cultivate in her own voice. "Don't get your horns in a twist Mr. Heinous. I found out that Two-Shoes was living next door to you yesterday, but I didn't want to tell you because I thought you'd freak out. And I did try to get a hold of him too, but he wasn't home. I was going to try again today."
"Well you better! Because now my own son is hanging out with that happy little freak!"
"Don't worry, don't worry, I'll take care of it." She assured, half-heartily.
"Good, because if Two-Shoes isn't a smoldering pile of misery by the end of today, I'm ripping up that little contract of ours and you can spend an eternity out in the cold for all I care!" Wham!
Heloise could hear Lucifer slam his phone down on the other end of the line. "Phew, glad that's over."
She gripped the cell phone tightly in her hands, when suddenly her anger finally took control of her mouth. "Well it doesn't matter anyway you big jerk! I don't even own this house; Dorkus does! And he said I can live here with him, so there!" She angrily talked back into the phone, even though the call had already ended.
She hopped off the bed and sighed. "But then I'll never get to work at the factory…" The girl could create pain and suffering on her own of course, but then she wouldn't get paid for it. "*Sigh* My life was a lot more simple back on Earth…"
Heloise continued out of her room and down the stairs, where she smelled something great coming from her kitchen. "MmmmMmm what is that?" She followed her nose toward her new kitchen, where she saw Dorkus frying something on the stove. "Uh, hello?"
"Oh good, you're just in time for my world-famous flapjacks." Dorkus whistled. He flipped the last one still frying on the stove onto a big plate that was stacked high with pancakes. "Eat up."
Heloise smiled. "Thanks Dorkus."
She sat down at her table, and started gulping the pancakes down with the syrup that was left for her. Besides inflicting pain on other people, food normally helped her take her mind off her troubles.
"Wow, this kitchen of yours has everything! I have my own one in the basement, but it doesn't have half the stuff in here." Dorkus grabbed one of Heloise's new appliances from the kitchen counter and held it up. "What do you call this thing?"
Heloise gave him a puzzled look. "Um, that's just a toaster oven."
"Incredible. A toaster, and an oven. All rolled into one." Dorkus sounded in awe.
"Yep. It's a real marvel of the future." She said sarcastically.
"Well I gotta go. Can I have my cell phone back?"
"Oh, sure." Heloise had forgotten she still had it. She handed it to the tiny creature and continued eating her pancakes.
"I'm off then. See ya this evening." Dorkus started walking toward the door before he stopped and turned. "Oh uh, before I forget; is everything ok with you and the L-man?"
"Wha?" Heloise was caught off guard, just finishing her breakfast. "-Oh of course. Everything's fine. Lucifer just wanted to tell me something, that's all."
"Oh ok great, 'cause I know how he can get sometimes, with the whole 'homicidal fiendish cuckoo' thing he's got going on. Well bye."
The small creature waved on his way out of the kitchen, and Heloise heard as he shut the door to the house.
"Yep, everything's just peachy." She lied to herself as she put her syrup covered dish into the sink. "If I can't find that Jimmy guy today, then I'm royally screwed."
Heloise made her way to the front door of the house and opened it. The bright light from Miseryville's three suns shone right into her face. "Ugh, perfect." She held her hand in front of her face as she walked next door to the small red roofed house on 26 Misery Street. "This guy better be there, or I'm gonna throw a fit all over his yard."
She approached the small house's front door and started banging loudly. BAM BAM! "Hello! Is anyone there?" BAM! The girl was about to try the doorbell when she heard footsteps coming from the other side of the door. She backed up and started fixing her maroon gown and dirty-blond hair. At least she'd look presentable to whoever she was assigned to torture.
The door swung open and behind it stood a tall, skinny, smiling blonde boy wearing a grey shirt, and brown pants, with a stupid looking black bowtie tied around his neck. "Good morning! *YAWN* Sorry to make you wait, but I was still asleep."
Heloise just stood there, wide-eyed with her mouth hung open. That face. That hair. That smile. It was HIM! The moment came crashing back into her head like a falling pile of bricks. She was running from the cops, and had just made it out of the city, when HE showed up. He helped her hide, but then he pulled her in front of a bus, singing his stupid song about lemonade, and got her run over!
"Heyyyyy, wait a sec." Jimmy narrowed his eyes at the stupefied girl, "I know you!" His smile widened as he extended his hand toward her. "You're that girl I met at the bus stop! Yeah, that's it. We were about to get some le-mon-nade when we kinda got hit by a bus. Sorry about that."
The girl grabbed Jimmy's extended hand and threw him out into the street. Jimmy landed hard on his back against the solid concrete.
"Ow! That hurt." Jimmy said as he rubbed his aching back. "Why'd you do that?"
"Because you got me killed, and now I'm stuck in Hell forever!" The girl screamed. Her face was turning red with anger and she looked poised to attack.
"Well sorry, I didn't mean too." Jimmy wiped off his shirt as he got up from the ground. "But don't worry, I'm gonna make it up to you."
"And how pray tell, are you going to do that?" Heloise growled.
"You can come with me and Beezy. We've been going all over Miseryville, and today we were going on a hike in the mountains, then swimming at the beach."
"You think a stupid sight-seeing tour is supposed to make me forgi-" Heloise cut herself off and paused. Maybe a trip around the city was a good idea. She'd be able to stay close to the boy, and get a chance to really have some fun with him. "…-actually, a trip around Miseryville does sound pretty good."
Jimmy smiled and walked back toward her. "Awesome, now let me just get Beezy and we can all head out together."
"Who's Beezy?" She questioned impatiently.
"Beezy J. Heinous. He's my friend next-door."
"Beezy J. Heinous huh? That must be Lucifer's son." Heloise concluded in her mind. She definitely didn't want a third-wheel tagging along with them and interrupting her plans. "You know, I think Beezy might be a little busy today. Why don't we just head out without him?"
"Why? He's probably just asleep in his house. We could just wake him up right now."
The girl tried to think quickly. "Well… I just came from over there, and it looked like Beezy was already heading out with his dad. I think they're gonna be gone for awhile." She stared back at Jimmy, hoping the boy was as dumb as he looked.
"Oh, well then I guess it's ok if we start without him."
"Yes! He bought it!" Heloise grinned. "Now I just need to steer him on a little tour of my own." She cleared her throat, and then slyly started to work her deception. "Hey Jimmy, instead of a hike in the mountains, why don't we go somewhere else instead? I know a few fun things we could do." She smiled sweetly, suppressing her urge to laugh maniacally.
"Oh, sure I guess… Hey wait- How do you know my name?"
"Uh oh." Heloise froze. She quickly tried to find a way out of her momentary lapse in judgment. "I-er- uh, don't you remember? You told me at the bus stop." She smiled nervously, praying Jimmy wouldn't remember what had actually happened that morning.
"I did?" Jimmy scratched his head. He didn't remember telling her his name. The only thing he remembered doing was finding that sweet quarter on the ground, and singing his song about le-mon-nade. But come to think of it, there were a lot of things that he couldn't remember. "Huh, I guess maybe I did."
The girl exhaled in relief. "Phew, that was close." From now on, she was going to be much more careful about what she said to this boy. She didn't want to get caught.
"So, did you ever tell me your name? 'Cause I think I forgot it." Jimmy thought aloud, trying to recall what else he had forgotten.
"My name's Heloise."
Jimmy smiled. "Hell-ou-weez? Wow, that's a pretty name."
The boy's compliment caught the devious girl off guard. "Oh-um. Thank you."
"Well we better get a move on." Jimmy took a few steps before he realized he had no idea where he was going. "Oh that's right, you were gonna decide where we should go. So where to first buddy?"
Heloise thought it over for a second and then grinned. "Why don't we go fishing? Fishing can be really fun."
"Awesome, let's go!"
Jimmy grabbed the small girl's hand and bolted up the street, lifting Heloise's entire body as he went. They both ran for awhile, then slowed their pace as they neared their destination at the edge of the city.
Spread across a few acres of land, away from the tall skyscrapers and concrete slabs of the city, was Miseryville's own park. The grass was a decayed shade of forest green, with little patches of flowers here and there. The trees were all dead and brown, with crooked trunks and long thick, curved branches that resembled monster claws. There was a walkway that circled through the park, and off into the distance, the two spotted a large lake filled with what looked like lava.
"That must be it." Heloise remarked as Jimmy finally ceased running. The girl fixed her wind-swept hair and looked around. "Why don't you go get us a boat, while I get the supplies."
"Sure thing!" Jimmy ran toward a shack with a row of boats lined in front of it on the far side of the lake.
"Good; now then." She raced back towards the city. There were a few extra things she was going to need in order fish properly.
...
"Thanks mister." Jimmy waved as he exited the boat shack.
The boy skipped over to the boat he had just rented, seeing Heloise already waiting for him on the shore.
"Finally, what took you so long?" Heloise hissed irritably. In the amount of time it took Jimmy to get the boat, she was able to run into the city, get the gear, and run back.
"Sorry, the guy at the shack challenged me to rock-paper-scissors, since I didn't have enough money to pay for a boat." Jimmy smiled. "I totally beat him with paper."
"Yeah, yeah, super interesting. Now c'mon, the fish won't wait forever."
Heloise began yanking the cord for the boat's motor in order to start it up. VRRRrrrrrrr. VRRrrrrr. VrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
"Hey um, shouldn't we be wearing life jack- Ooph!" Jimmy was pushed into the boat by the small girl.
"We don't need life jackets silly. We're already dead." Heloise hopped into the boat next to teen and began steering the motor toward the middle of the lake. She took a deep breath and exhaled. "Ahhhh; isn't it so peaceful out here?" The loud buzzing of the boat's engine brought back memories of that chainsaw killing spree she went on over the summer back on Earth. "Ah, good times…"
The boat reached the lake's center, and the girl cut off the motor. "Alrighty then…" She looked at Jimmy, who was staring over the boat at the red lake below them. "This is going to be way too easy."
"Hey Jimmy," Heloise cut into Jimmy's daydreaming, "could you test the water while I set up the fishing rods?" She smiled sweetly. "We have to make sure the water's just right before we start."
"Oh sure Heloise." Jimmy bent over the boat and reached down with his hand to test the lava water.
"Hmmm. Uh huh. Yeah…" The boy turned back around and wiped his wet hand on his shirt. "The water's a bit warm, but otherwise I think it's ok."
The girl looked at Jimmy's unharmed hand and then gave an annoyed expression. She was expecting the lava to melt it until there was nothing but bone. "Didn't the water hurt you at all?"
Jimmy looked down at his hand and shrugged. "Not really. My hand does kinda itch now though."
Heloise frowned and bent over the side of the boat. She dipped her fingers into the seemingly fiery lake and then paused. "Huh. This can't be real lava; my hand doesn't even feel hot."
The lake's liquid did seem to be rather thin and clear-looking for lava. It was almost like regular water dyed red. "Man, Miseryville is weird."
"Anywho," Heloise persisted, "I've almost got your rod ready."
Jimmy watched as the girl tied some sort of weird looking bait on the end of the rod. It looked like a small, fat red keg with a string sticking out from the center. There were even some letters printed on it.
"Tee-En-Tee." Jimmy read aloud to himself, struggling to get a good glimpse while Heloise was adjusting it on the rod's hook. "T-N-T? What kind of bait is that?" Jimmy asked.
"Oh um, it's a brand new kind. Yeah, it's been scientifically proven to help you catch more fish." Heloise grinned.
"Gee thanks." He smiled and started humming, eager to catch a huge fish. "Hey, uh, what are you doing now?"
He saw Heloise attempting to light the string hanging from the bait with a cigarette lighter.
"Oh this? I just need to warm up the bait a little. Fish don't like cold bait." She lied through her fake, innocent smile.
"Ohhhh, that makes sense. Man, you sure are smart Heloise."
The girl grinned. "I sure am." She chuckled in her mind. Fwoosh. The tip of the bait's string finally ignited.
"Alright here you go!" Heloise quickly tossed the rod with the lighted bait to Jimmy.
"Awesome, so how does this work exactly? I just cast it out on the water and then reel it in right?…Right Heloise?" Jimmy looked back up and saw no one there. "Heloise? Where'd you go?"
"Hahahahahaha! So long sucker!"
Jimmy turned his head to see Heloise swimming in the lake, heading back toward the shore. "Hey where are you going?"
"I know where you're going! A one way trip to Kaboomsville! Bwahahahahahaha!" The girl laughed maniacally as she swam for the edge of the lake.
"Kaboomsville? Is that another part of Miseryville?" Jimmy asked naively.
He turned his attention back to his rod, where sparks were starting to shoot from the bait's rapidly shortening string. "Oh man, it must be really warm now." Jimmy didn't want his bait to start getting cold. "Look out fishies, here comes Jimmy!"
The boy closed his eyes and drew his arms back, along with the rod, and then threw them both forward, sending the fishing line, and bait, hurling over the lake.
"Ha! That'll teach him not to cross the smartest and best serial killer Hell's ever seen!" The girl proclaimed proudly to herself. She continued swimming toward the shore, proud of the sweet revenge she was sure she had inflicted on that jerk. "I'll just tell Lucifer I was working my evil magic on him and he suddenly exploded. I'm sure that'll make the old grouch happy." Sploosh.
The girl's face was splashed with water as something plopped into the lake right in front of her.
"What in the world…" She wiped the red water drenched over her face and saw the drum of TNT floating in front of her, with the fuse still lit and now incredibly short.
"Wow, look how far it went!" Jimmy smiled as he gripped his rod. "And it landed right by Heloise! Now she can catch all the fish that come for the bait, instead of me reeling and casting all over again. She really is smart."
"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Heloise's high pitched scream pierced the quiet presence over the lake. "REEL IT IN! REEL IT IN!"
"Huh?" Jimmy could hear Heloise screaming something, but she was so far out into the lake that he had trouble understanding her. "Did you say you wanted to 'Wheel a pin'? That doesn't make any sense. " Jimmy laughed to himself.
"REEL! IT! IN! YOU IDIOT!" Heloise screamed as she saw the fuse was about to reach the drum. There was no way she'd be able to swim away from the blast zone in time.
"Ohhhh, 'Reel it in'; that makes much more sense." Jimmy chuckled as he started pulling the fishing line back in. "I bet this is gonna be a real whopper!"
Seeing the keg of dynamite being reeled away from her, Heloise started swimming as fast as she could in the opposite direction. She needed to get as far away from the blast zone as possible.
"Man, this fish feels pretty heavy. I hope Beezy's hungry, 'cause we're totally having fried fish toni-" KABOOOOOM!
A huge explosion ripped through the lake, creating a massive, red tidal wave that was heading straight for the edges' of the lake, along with Jimmy.
"Whoa, look at the size of that wave!" Jimmy gawked as the wave was getting closer and closer.
The mini-tsunami picked up Jimmy's boat as if it were a piece of driftwood, and began carrying it on a straight collision course with the shore. "Uh oh. This isn't good."
CRASH! The boat smashed against the rocky shore, sending huge pieces of its debris flying in all different directions. Jimmy flew along with them, landing hard on his stomach as the tidal wave buried itself on the lake's edge.
"Owwwww, that was pretty wild." Jimmy moaned, half-delirious from the crash. He looked around at the soaked remnants of the park. "At least no one will have to water the plants for awhile."
He stumbled up, trying to wring out his soaked clothes. "Aw man, all that and we still didn't even catch any- FISH!" Jimmy yelled out as he spotted what remained of the lake.
The entire lake was half-empty, with hundreds of dead fish carcasses floating on the surface. "Sweet corn! Look at all of them!"
He ran into the half-empty lake and started scooping up as much fish as he could fit in his hands. "Heloise is going to be so happy when she sees all these." Jimmy suddenly stopped and looked around. "Hey, where is Heloise anyway?"
He squinted his eyes, and scanned the lake for any movement. "All I see is dead fish and water… Oh wait!" He spotted some sort of bundle on the opposite side of the lake's shore. He couldn't make out what it was exactly, but it appeared to be wrapped in a maroon colored cloth.
Jimmy grabbed a few more fish and stuffed them into his shirt. He then ran along the lake, keeping his eyes on the maroon bundle still lying stagnant by the lake's rocky shore. When he approached it, he could see long, dirty-blonde hair sticking out from under it. He flipped the bundle over, only to see Heloise, soaking wet and unconscious. Her drenched maroon gown was twisted around her body, and her pony-tail had come loose, leaving her long, wet hair untamed and strewn all over the place.
"Oh it's you Heloise; gee did you see all the fish we got?" Jimmy pointed back to the lake bursting with floating fish corpses. "Yeah we're definitely going to be eating fish for awhile."
Heloise remained unresponsive.
"Youwhoooo, Earth to Heloise. Are you asleep?"
The girl's body didn't budge. She was still unconscious, and didn't appear to be breathing either.
Jimmy looked down at Heloise's wet face, which was beginning to turn pale. "Hmmm… Oh I know! You need mouth-to-mouth! Don't worry buddy, I've seen this on T.V."
The boy took a deep breath and then started blowing into the unconscious girl's mouth. Her head began inflating like a balloon and the color slowly returned to her skin. Finally the girl's eyes popped open.
"Gack! Uck!" Heloise hacked up water which went flying into Jimmy's face. "*Cough* Ah! Wh- *cough* what happened?" She was delirious and out of breath, and seemed to be in a state of shock.
"'What happened?'" Jimmy jumped up and down and pointed toward the half-empty lake, "We just got a ton of fish, that's what happened! Your bait really worked!"
It was slowly starting to come back to her. "Oh yeah, the bait."
She remembered swimming for dear life from the bait, and then the Kaboom. Everything after was a hazy blur of gushing, dyed-red water. She looked at Jimmy, who was also soaking wet, but still perfectly fine and smiling. "Damn. I really thought that would work."
Heloise stumbled up, and began knocking out the water trapped in her ears. "Well that could have definitely gone better."
"Are you kidding?" Jimmy grabbed a handful of large, dead fish stuffed in shirt and showed it to her. "That went great! I don't even know what we're gonna do with all this fish."
"Ick." The girl pushed the fish away. "Let's just keep those wrapped up until we get home."
"If you say so." Jimmy stuffed the fish back into his shirt. "So where to now buddy?" Jimmy beamed excitingly.
She looked up at Jimmy's smiling face and frowned. He was definitely going to be a challenge. "Let's just go back to my place." A devious grin tugged on her face. "I bet we can have lots of fun there."
"Sure thing. Here, you look kind of tired." Jimmy hoisted the girl on his shoulder and began walking toward the edge of the park. "That was awesome Heloise. Let's go fishing again someday."
The girl clenched her annoyed teeth into a fake smile. "Yeah, we'll have to do it again real soon."