Undeclared

Chapter 5

Copyright: I do not own the Mortal Instruments or characters, those belong to Cassandra Clare. All original ideas and concepts belong to me.

Hi there lovely readers. So i'm so sorry this took so long to update. My beta was in New York and came back completely exhausted and just got to reading and sending me this back today, bless her heart. But here you go and before you read I would like to warn you of content that will include abuse. If you're uncomfortable with that topic don't read the part in italics near the end.

I hope you like it and enjoy!

Songs:

Tears and Rain- James Blunt (Magnus)
Under My Skin- Trading Yesterday (Magnus)
Beside You- Marianas Trench (Alec and Magnus-Final Scene)
Candle in the Wind- Elton John (Magnus' favourite song)

Alec's eyes flew open. A soft wet object was licking his face and the ticklish sensation had woken Alec from dreams he didn't want to be woken from. He turned to see the object that had been licking his face like a lollipop. It was Magnus' cat. The cat was white, with gray stripes zigzagging through it's fur. In Alec's opinion, it looked more like a large rat than a cat.
Alec had the temptation to swat the cat away, but as their eyes met, the urge fell away. The cat's eyes reminded him of Magnus. With that thought, he looked over to see Magnus lying on the bed across the room. Magnus' eyes were open, staring at the ceiling, seemingly unblinking. Emotions swelled through him when he saw Magnus. Emotions and questions.

Why was he there?

Why did he bring his cat?

Had something happened between him and Camille?

That was his guess.

Alec sat up slowly. He brushed a hand down the cat's fur, a soft purr escaping its mouth. Alec continued to pet the cat as he looked at Magnus. He had the urge to question the man, but knew it wasn't the right time or place for that. Magnus would explain when he was ready. He looked down at the cat, meeting it's eyes. They looked almost like Magnus'; the same green-gold circling in the irises. There was something very human spinning in the cat's eyes, something that looked a lot like understanding.
Alec caught the quick movement of Magnus as he sat up in the bed. He appeared to be just waking, his spiked hair now in every direction possible. He stretched slowly before meeting Alec's gaze. It looked like he hadn't slept.

"I see he likes you." His voice was low and rough.

He looked from the cat, which had morphed into a ball in his lap, to Magnus. "Animals tend to have an affinity to me."

Alec saw a small smile form on Magnus' face before he stood up. A few seconds passed before he spoke, "We should get going, we've intruded enough."

Alec went to give him the cat but instead thought better of it. "Do you need a place to stay?"

Alec saw the shock form on Magnus' face, but he quickly covered it up. "It would appear that way wouldn't it?" Magnus looked down at the floor quickly before looking back at Alec. "I come with Chairman Meow." Ah, so that was the cat's name. Kind of weird, but it fit.

"No problem. The dorm's big enough to house a cat without it being a problem." The dorm building, which was more like an apartment building slightly off campus, allowed pets. Alec had chosen the large private dorm off campus for the privacy and for the space. Now at least he could say the space paid off for the cat.

"Are you sure?"

"Hey, I can withdraw the offer if you like."

"No. I accept." Magnus sat back down on the bed, smiling. "Thank-you."

"I do have one condition."

Magnus looked up, questioningly. "What?"

"You don't happen to have an obsession with Cheetos or feet, do you?"

"God no." Magnus looked extremely disgusted at the accusation.

"Good."

"Why did you want to know?"

"Because I didn't want to have to kick you out as soon as you got here."

"Ah. Not a foot person. I can see we'll get along just fine." He winked at Alec. Now, if only Alec knew how well. Magnus sighed, falling back on to the bed, his hands clasped behind his head.

The dark, selfish side of Alec was extremely elated at the turn of events. Clearly Magnus was not with Camille anymore and now they were going to be living together. He wasn't sure what he was expecting to happen but he had never foreseen this. He figured Magnus would just be the stranger at the tree who drew. He figured Magnus would be nothing more to him than a nameless face. But no. Here Magnus was, in Alec's dorm room, his cat wrapped up in Alec's lap, and his scent filling the room. Here Magnus was, broken, and he had come to Alec. He hadn't gone to any of the other people Alec had seen him with, but instead had come to him. His heart wanted to think that meant something.
Minutes of comfortable silence passed between them when the cat finally moved. Alec was bumped out of his reverie and at that moment, happened to look at the clock. "Shit."
Magnus looked at Alec, his face full of amusement at Alec's outburst. "What?"
Alec shot out of his bed, sending the cat flying. The Chairman meowed aggressively before pawing over to jump onto Magnus' bed. He took the cat to his side, draping an arm over to pet it.

"I'm going to be late for class." Alec hurried over to his dresser, grabbing clothes before rushing into the bathroom. In his thoughts last night, he had forgotten to set both his alarm and his phone and now had 10 minutes to book his ass over to the other end of campus. Yes, it was worth the time with Magnus if he was late, but it didn't mean he wanted to be late.
Alec threw his shirt over his head, not really caring that it was the same one he had on yesterday. Pulling his jeans on, he took a quick look in the mirror. Yeah, he looked like he had just gotten out of bed, but screw it. What difference did it make?
Alec hurried out of the bathroom, grabbing his bag and his binder from his desk. He swung around to look at Magnus. He went to say something complex but decided to resort to, "I'll talk to you later." Amusement was all over Magnus' face as Alec dashed out the door with five minutes to go. To his own astonishment, he made it with 1 minute to spare.

Magnus opened the window as the door opened behind him. He swung around, grinning at the bemused look on Alec's face.

"What did you do?"

"I decorated. You like?" Magnus looked around at the dorm room.

"You said you came with the cat, not a fluffy rug." Alec angled his head at the rug by Magnus' bed.

Magnus laughed. "Sweetheart, this room looked like my Grandma decorated it. It needed a little spice. Besides, I stayed away from your side."

That he had. But his side was another question. Magnus had decked his bed in what Alec would label as a canary yellow bedspread. The bedside table had been switched from a simple mahogany one to an extreme electric blue and his desk had so many things on it Alec was almost unable to distinguish most of it. Magnus had also hung red curtains on the window that at the present hour sent a bright red glow throughout the room. There were about four untouched bags on the floor which Alec inferred were full of the colourful, eccentrically wonderful wardrobe of Magnus Bane. So, it wasn't what Alec had expected when he got a roommate, but then, it was what he expected from Magnus. Clearly Magnus had gotten bored and he had used the redecoration of the dorm as a way to feel better. Alec was definitely questioning how Magnus had come upon the new furniture pieces so quickly. But Alec had to say, at least it was better than him not showering and having a tarantula named Fluffy.

"If you don't like it I can…"

"No, it's fine. The place was a little boring anyway." Alec walked over to his desk, throwing his bag onto the chair before falling onto his bed. The soft feeling of the mattress beneath his skin was like heaven. His day had been long, and he was just going to leave it at that. The only good thing about it was Anna, and that was simply because they had chosen to do an assignment together.

Alec flinched when Chairman Meow jumped up on the bed. He slowly made his way to Alec's stomach and curled up there, rising and falling with Alec's breathing.
He looked over to see the smile on Magnus' face. It was nice to see him smile, especially since Alec was sure his heart didn't want him to.

"Camille hated when he did that." It wasn't as much a reminiscent comment as it was a statement.

Alec looked into Magnus' eyes, seeing a sadness fall into them.

"Magnus, what happened, if you don't mind me asking?" Alec didn't want to intrude if he wasn't wanted.

Magnus sighed, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "We broke up." He paused. "We admitted to each other what we've been denying for months. I mean, it was destined to happen. The two of us are just too different. But we separated on good terms and I'm sure Camille will find someone to make her happy."

"And you?"

"Will be absolutely marvellous as I always am. But again, thanks for this."

"The things you do for like, right?" They both laughed, a comfortable atmosphere falling between them.

It was then that Magnus spoke, "Alright, so if we're going to be roommates, I think we should know each other better."

"And how do you want to do that?"

"20 questions."

"Seriously?"

"So call me corny and sue me. Now come on, you first."

Alec groaned, as he sat up slowly, shifting the cat. He turned to look at Magnus, leaning back against the wall. "I'm warning you now that I suck at creating questions." A grin pulled at Magnus' mouth as Alec contemplated questions. He knew it shouldn't be that hard since he wanted to know so much about the man, but he just wasn't sure where to start. It wasn't his fault he hadn't played this game since he was 8 and he wanted to ask far more than 20 questions. Then he thought of one, and that, he owed to Jace.

"Favourite song?"

"Candle in the Wind, Elton John. Favourite band or artist?"

"Phil Collins." Magnus nodded in approval. "Favourite food?"

"Italian. Favourite movie?"

"Lord of the Rings."

"Beautiful darling, beautiful."

The questions went on to equal far over twenty. Yeah it was corny and a little pathetic for two grown men to be playing 20 Questions, but honestly, Alec couldn't care less. He had learned that Magnus had an obsession with Tic-Tacs, he did not play any instruments, he liked Shakespeare (most surprising fact), he loved art because it was the only place he could fully express himself, he grew up in Brooklyn, he hated science, he was not religious, he dreamt of travelling the world, and finally, as a child he had an imaginary friend named Bob (on which Alec had commentedvon Magnus' originality). He had learned all that and more, and they were still going.

"Tell me about your parents."

The animated motion to Magnus' face was wiped off. A dull glaze fell over his eyes as he broke the hold he had had on Alec's gaze.

"They're dead." His voice was ice, crashing through Alec's being.

"Oh, I'm sorry."

Magnus looked up to meet Alec's eyes. "Don't be. They died when I was young and I was raised by my uncle. I barely remember them." Alec felt like there was something more behind the words, like there was a truth that Magnus was covering up. He knew he shouldn't push the subject, so he didn't. Magnus clearly didn't want to talk about it. It made Alec wonder if Magnus' parents were the reason for the hurt he saw within him. He wondered if they were the reason Magnus acted like he didn't care about anything, yet in his drawings there was coldness, sadness, and an anger Alec didn't think possible. Magnus did a good job of acting like he was okay, but Alec could just see it in his eyes. There was something there that was trying to break free, but Magnus wouldn't let it.

The silence that filled the room was tense. It passed between them until Alec's phone went off in his pocket. He looked at Magnus who didn't appear to want to talk much more, so Alec decided to take the call. It was Jace. Alec knew he had to take it or Jace wouldn't give up calling until the next millennium.

He hit the talk button and put it to his ear. "Hey."

"And again, you sound so amused to hear me."

Alec just had to smile at hearing Jace's familiar voice. "Sorry Mr. Egotistic. What do you want?"

"I want to ask you a question."

"Shoot."

"So say you liked someone and wanted to impress them on the first date. Where would you take them without appearing too forward?"

Alec had to contemplate Jace's words for a few seconds. "Are you asking for my advice?"

"No I'm asking for the Pope's advice. Yes, I'm asking for your advice, which I might add it kills me to do. But it's for Clary."

Alec had to laugh at the whole situation. It was so weird of Jace to ask this question, and most of all ask it of him. But then again, this was new territory for him. Alec really wanted to meet this Clary girl. If she was able to get Jace to act as un-Jace-like as he was, she must have been something special. "Well, I'd take her to a movie, something preferably that she'd like. None of that weird shit that you watch."

"She likes ones based on comic books."

"Well that's perfect. There's one coming out this weekend. Then take her to dinner, again, food she likes. After that take her to the lake, stargaze, talk. If you really like her it's about talking and getting to know her. Let her know that you're not actually a player and that getting into her pants isn't the first thing on your hormonal agenda."

"Ok, if I wanted that last bit I would have gone to Isabelle."

"You asked bro."

"So talk? You think that'll work?"

"Well I'm not exactly the dating expert, but it's worth a try. But again, why are you asking for advice? Really man, did you take something?"

"No. Jesus, why does everyone think I'm being different? You'd think you guys thought I got abducted by aliens or something."

"Did you?"

"No. It's her. She's changing me."

"Well make sure you thank the girl for me. She must be a saint." Alec laughed at the aggravated breath that escaped Jace's lips.

A few seconds passed between them before Jace changed the subject. "But what about you? Anna crazy enough to find something in you she likes?"

"She's just a friend." Alec looked over to see Magnus moving across the room to the bathroom. He glanced at Alec, smiling as he passed.

"Yeah, friend with benefits." The amusement in Jace's voice was highly apparent. "How the hell did you do it?"

"That's not Anna. He is my roommate."

"Foot fetish?" Jace's interest was almost overwhelming.

"No."

"Cheeto obsession?"

"No."

"Shower deprived?" The questions were coming out more and more anticipated. Jace really didn't want to be wrong in his prediction.

"Nope."

"Mama's boy?"

"No."

Jace let out a disappointed breath. "Damn. I was really hoping your dorm experience would be hell."

"Thanks dude."

"You're welcome. So what's his name? What's he like?"

"Your interest in this subject is unnatural." Alec shifted the cell to his other hand as the Chairman came up to lay by his leg. He started petting the cat absentmindedly, something that had become a habit throughout the day.

"Well?"

"His name's Magnus. He hates feet and he hates Cheetos."

"And here I thought you had rotten luck." Jace paused and Alec could hear Maryse yelling in the background. "Great, I got to go. Dinner calls. Thanks for the shitty advice and I'll talk to you later."

"Yep." Alec shut off the phone as Magnus left the bathroom.

Magnus raised an eyebrow at Alec, something Alec had noticed he did a lot, and in all honesty, he found it extremely attractive. "Who was that?" Magnus sat back down on the bed, looking at Alec.

"My brother. Well, technically he's adopted."

"You sound close."

"You got that?" Alec would definitely not have gotten that.

"I can see it in your eyes and your voice. Clearly he annoys the shit out of you, but you sound like you still love him."

"Yeah, although sometimes I wish I didn't." His words had two meanings, one sarcastically and one literally. Being away from Jace had numbed Alec's emotions for him and coupled with the new found emotions he was feeling for Magnus, Jace had become a bit of an afterthought. Alec didn't actually hate the feeling though, because what he had been wanting was happening. He was scared of feeling for any guy, let alone Jace. So knowing that those feelings were on the back burner made Alec feel a little bit better about himself.

"I know what you mean." Alec looked at Magnus. Camille. Alec had a feeling he was talking about how he felt for Camille when they were together.

Magnus looked at Alec, watching the way the sun hit his hair and lit up the blue in his eyes. There was an innocence in his eyes that captivated Magnus. It was an innocence that very few people had. It was an innocence to hurt, sadness, people, and the world. Magnus kind-of envied it; he would kill to be innocent to the experiences he had had.

Those were experiences that haunted him every night, experiences that were the reason Magnus was who he was. He didn't know if he would ever tell Alec what they were, but there was something about Alec that made him want to. Magnus was scared of people's pity, of the way they'd look at him afterwards, but looking in Alec's eyes, he felt like he didn't need to be scared of that. He felt like Alec wasn't judging him for who he was, and that was something he had never had. Sure, he was eccentric, he'd admit that, and he had gotten the glares and the judgmental comments. He even knew that there was a small part of Camille that judged how he was different. But with Alec, he didn't feel judged. It didn't bother him either way, since he'd already faced the worst judgment available, but it made him feel good knowing there was one person in the world who was okay with him.

When Alec had asked him to move in, he was reluctant to say yes. His heart wanted him to but he wasn't sure it was the right thing to do. He was starting to feel something for Alec and he wasn't necessarily sure Alec could reciprocate those feelings, which was why moving in was a daunting idea. He still questioned it when he said yes but then he heard the phone conversation with Alec's brother. He recognized that look. It was the look of having love for someone you shouldn't have it for. It was the look of being scared for loving someone yet being almost happy for feeling that way. Magnus recognized it because he had had the same look and emotions before when he was figuring it out himself. So now he felt okay with saying yes. Now he could spend the time with Alec that he had wanted to since the moment he saw him. Now he could really get to know him and see if what he was feeling was true. It just came down to whether Alec would feel the same way. Magnus wasn't religious, but he prayed he would.

Thunder clapped outside the window as rain pelted the glass. Lightning lit up the room, filling the dark void that had become his home. His mother's voice filled the air, her shrieks echoing with the thunder. Magnus threw his tiny hands over his ears, trying to drown out the pain that was encompassing his senses. But it didn't work. Nothing worked. The thunder, which was so loud against his panicked heart, only acted as a backdrop to the agony in his mother's voice.

"Stop! Please! Stop!" Her pleas etched themselves in Magnus' heart, keeping him frozen to the bedspread.

The familiar sound of his father's fists echoed through the house, followed by his mother's body falling to the cold ground. His father's voice overpowered her screams as he told her it was her fault. She was the one who birthed a demon child. She was the one who ruined his life.

She was the one who put the whiskey bottle in his hand.

Magnus wanted to scream for him to stop. He wanted to take the punches for his mother but there was no point since his would follow. Magnus squeezed his eyes shut, pushing his hands harder against his ears. He rocked back and forth to the rhythm of the rain, trying hard to focus on anything but what was happening in the room. But he could still see it in his mind's eye. He could still see him hitting her, screaming at her in his drunken rampage. He could still see the tears trailing down her face and the blood trickling along her skin. He could still see the pain and the wanting for it to end etched in every inch of her being.

Magnus felt tears fall down his cheeks, but he quickly brushed them away. He wasn't supposed to cry. His mother had told him not to cry, that it would be okay. She said that in the morning they'd go to the beach, grab some ice cream and enjoy the day together. She told him this was just a nightmare and when he opened his eyes, it would be gone. But when he opened his eyes, it wasn't gone. When he opened his eyes, he saw his mother on the ground with his father towering over her.
He saw his father turning on him, his eyes flaring in the light of the storm. They were evil. Pure, undeniable evil. His father started towards him, his body moving slowly as the whiskey played with his balance.

"No! Leave him alone! He didn't do anything!" His mother's pleas were lost in the thunder and lightning.

"Son, don't cry. Crying is for the weak and pathetic." He glanced at his wife and back to Magnus. "And you're not weak or pathetic, right son?"

Magnus shook his head, too scared to utter a word.

"Good, 'cause I don't like tears," he slurred.

His father's hands were the last thing he saw as he tried to carry himself to a place far, far away. But all he saw in that far away land was blood and darkness. A cold, cold darkness.

Magnus shot up in his bed, sweat dripping down his skin. He panted, his heart beating frantically in his chest. He closed his eyes, trying to breathe as the nightmare filled him again. It was like this every night, no matter what he took to stop it. As much as he tried to forget, he would never be able to. His father's hands had left permanent scars not only on his body, but on his heart, mind, and soul as well. He would never forgive his father for what he did, for what he caused his mother to do. He would never forgive him even if it was his father's dying wish.

"Magnus? Magnus listen to my voice."

It was then that Magnus noticed Alec at the edge of the bed, his face frantic with fear as he searched Magnus' eyes. The sight of him there calmed his heart, settling his breathing to an almost steady pace.

He looked at Alec, trying to calm his body out of its spasms. He tried to lose himself in Alec's eyes, but he couldn't. He couldn't lose the emotions, the excruciating pain. He couldn't lose the memories.

The shaking continued, as it always did, but tonight he couldn't get a hold of it. He couldn't stop the convulsions in his muscles, the pain in his bones.
Magnus felt Alec's hand on his arm, the only warmth in the cold world he was withdrawn into. The warmth spread through him, calming him a little bit more.

"Magnus?"

Alec's voice sounded far away, lost beneath the screaming of his mother and the yells of his father. The memory was playing again, flashing through his mind slowly, dragging out each and every painful second. He didn't know why it was doing this, and of all nights. It was rare for the memories to take such control over him. Typically they would wake him, overtake him for a few moments and then they'd go away. But there were those select few times where they played so realistically, he could physically feel everything all over again. This was one of those times. This was one of those times where the pain and the memory became him.

Magnus continued to shake and grasp at breath. He couldn't see Alec in his vision anymore, but he could still feel his touch on his skin. It was comforting; the only thing on his skin that wasn't causing him pain.

Magnus didn't register Alec's movements, but before long, he felt more warmth envelop him. Alec had moved up onto the bed and had taken him into his arms. He kept saying it would be okay.

It would be okay.

That was what his mother had told him. But this time it was different. Alec's words were breaking through the memory, overtaking him with light instead of darkness. He held onto Alec's words, savouring them. He tried to hold them to his ears so that they wouldn't disappear. He tried to close his eyes and picture Alec's image.

Slowly, the shaking ceased and the memory disappeared, leaving Alec and Magnus alone in the room. No evil. No darkness.

Magnus' body felt limp and it was covered in a sheen of sweat. Alec's body against his was the only thing he could feel, the only thing he wanted to feel. He didn't want to move, out of fear of losing the sensation of happiness that was flowing through him.

And so he didn't move. Instead, he stayed there, and for how long he didn't know. But eventually he closed his eyes and let sleep overtake him. No memories plagued his dreams for the rest of the night.

Only happiness.

Only Alec.

There you go. Hoped you liked it and let me know what you think. The next chapter has been finished and is being edited now. It should be up soon as long as life decides to like my beta and myself this week. Anyway, thanks a lot for reading and I love all of you for being amazing readers.

Be the change,
Amber