Chapter 13

Unsought

Hello my lovely readers! I'm back! You can thank my lovely beta for getting this back to me as fast as she did after I sent it to her. So warning ahead of time. This is not the make-up chapter. I don't want to get anyone's hopes up, because that will be next chapter. This chapter is different. Hopefully you like it. It went in a different direction than I had planned but I wanted to write it this way.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, your reviews are what fuels me to keep going and you are all amazing. I couldn't do this without my readers so thank you to everyone. I say thank you a lot don't I? Well, I mean it. Anyway, on to the chapter. Enjoy!

Songs:

Once Upon A Time-Bare

Ocean Wide-The Afters

Run-Thriving Ivory (Magnus to Alec)

The last few days had been hell.

Every attempt Alec had made to talk to Magnus had been fruitless and exhausting. Magnus had completely ignored him and between the two of them they spent about 9 hours a day in the dorm together, eight of which were spent sleeping and one of which was Magnus doing his daily routine in the bathroom. Magnus was always sleeping by the time he got back from his day and he was always up and gone by the time Alec woke.

They needed to talk. Badly. Alec didn't know what he would say to him but he couldn't leave it like they did. Alec had completely let Magnus walk out the door. He should have run after him, or something more than what he did. But he didn't because he was scared Magnus wouldn't take him back, considering Alec wouldn't take himself back. He didn't go after him because he was a coward and he wasn't used to facing the hard things in life. He thought Magnus would be a short relationship, an experience to say the least. But no, Alec had fallen hard for him and now his heart wanted no one but Magnus. With each passing moment that he wasn't in Magnus' arms, Alec felt himself falling deeper into the hole their fight had unearthed. He felt lost, like he was fumbling through the movements of his life. It felt wrong without Magnus. Magnus grounded him unlike anyone ever had and now the ground was far away, miles beneath his feet. Alec felt cold and alone and completely in the dark. He felt like he was a ghost, walking through his day barely aware of his surroundings or his own body. His mind was too distracted in replaying the days he had spent with Magnus that it didn't even register anything else. All it registered was the burning void that he was feeling inside of him.

He and Magnus had fought before and Alec was aware that Magnus withdrew into himself. Magnus got quiet and distant following a fight and he got snappy and rude. But all Alec had had to do was apologize and they were able to work it out. But this time, this time Magnus was so withdrawn that Alec couldn't find him. He couldn't even get close enough to apologize or to even say something relevant. And that severely pissed him off. It wasn't like he was the one completely at fault here. Magnus had been in close contact with his ex-boyfriend-key word 'ex'-and hadn't even bothered to mention it to him. Alec had reason to be mad and he wasn't the only one who had to owe up to an apology, albeit he was the one who owed up the most.

Alec looked up from where he sat on the couch as the door opened. It was one of the rare moments both Magnus and Alec were in the dorm at the same time. Magnus crossed the room without even a glance in Alec's direction. He felt a pain in his chest as he saw Magnus, but an anger also went through him. It was the anger he'd buried about being completely ignored like he didn't even exist.

"Magnus…" Alec was cut off swiftly by Magnus. Yet again. Surprise.

"Are you still going home for the weekend?" Magnus' voice was strained.

Alec took a deep breath as Magnus still refrained from glancing at him. "Yes. I catch my train in an hour."

"Oh well, have fun." Magnus had dropped his bag on his bed and had proceeded to the door to leave. Magnus stopped abruptly, his hand on the doorknob. He straightened, taking a deep breath. Hope flashed through him at Magnus' actions. Maybe he did want to talk. "Bye Alec." Or not.

The hope drained away like nothing, crashing over him. He knew where Magnus was going. He was headed for William's apartment. That was where he had spent most of the last few days and Alec was sure William knew all about them. Alec was also sure he was pretty damn happy about it.

Alec sighed as he brought himself to get off the couch. They needed to talk but clearly Alec wasn't going to be getting more than a 'bye' from Magnus. After the break. They'd talk then. Alec was sure Magnus would have calmed down by then, and maybe Alec wouldn't be so much of a coward then. He hoped he wouldn't because he didn't want to go the rest of his life having clipped conversations with Magnus when what he really wanted to do was hold him and call him his.

The taxi pulled up in front of his house and a wave of happiness rushed through him. God, how he had missed being home.

Alec paid the driver and after thanking him, he grabbed his bag and exited the vehicle. He listened as the car drove away as he stared up at his house. Yeah, it was good to be home. Now he would have one full weekend to forget about Magnus, about school, about his fears, and about telling the world. Well, not necessarily that last one since that haunted his every step, especially around his parents, but he was going to try. He was determined to enjoy his weekend and no glittered men were going to stop him. No…

Alec snapped out of his reverie when he felt a body run straight into his, knocking the breath from his lungs.

Isabelle's arms wrapped around him and a warmth spread through Alec. His arms went forward, pulling his sister deeper into the hug.

"Welcome home bro." Isabelle pulled away, a smile plastered across her face.

"Yeah, welcome home. It hasn't been the same without your ugly mug to scare me every morning," said Jace.

Alec rolled his eyes. "Thanks, I love you too." He pulled Jace into a hug and a realization fell over him. Seeing Jace and making contact with him didn't invoke the same feeling in him it usually did. He felt friendship, a brotherhood, and nothing more. He didn't feel like he wanted Jace anymore and he was more than slightly relieved. His infatuation with him he now realized was childish and it wasn't real. What he felt for Jace was something he had fabricated because he was safe. Jace was family and feeling for him was easier than feeling for someone else, like Magnus. Magnus. Magnus wasn't safe. He wasn't Jace and what he felt for Magnus was completely different from what he felt for Jace

Alec pulled away from him, leaving behind everything he had ever felt for Jace. As he looked up to see his parents, who stood on the porch, he felt another crash against the lower part of his body, and tiny arms embracing him. He looked down to see Max, big toothy grin and all. Alec smiled, ruffling his hair. "Hey bud, how have you been?"

"Good. Better now that you're back. I got new comic books. Can I show you them? Can I? Can I?"

Alec laughed at his little brother's enthusiasm.

"Let him get through the door first Max. You can show him later," Maryse said from the porch.

Max looked down at the ground, dejected. "Okay." Max sulked back up the porch steps and into the house.

"Welcome home son." Maryse embraced her son as Robert took Alec's bag from him.

"It's good to be home."

Alec threw his bag on the ground as he fell down onto his mattress. He stretched out on the cold covers, his eyes searching the white ceiling above him. He let the feeling of being home wash through him as he savoured the familiar scents and sounds. He hadn't realized how much he missed home until he had seen everyone again. Talking and sending messages back and forth wasn't the same. Alec felt like a void of loneliness was slipping away from him. He had always been family orientated and moving away to Idris had been hard because he'd only be able to see them on holidays. He had coped, but this just felt good.

Looking at his mother, he felt another void build within him. He saw the look in his mother's eyes, the look of her searching his every movement to see what was up with him. Alec may not have told her but she knew something was up. He knew he needed to tell her, to tell everyone. Maybe he'd be able to do it while he was there. Maybe he'd get the courage to tell them about who he was.

Yeah Alec, because you're just full of courage.

I can do it. I almost did last time.

Hence 'almost'. You can't tell them. You're too afraid of them not loving you anymore.

Shut up. I've no need to be reminded of my fears, thank you very much.

Hey, I'm just stating the facts. Wake up and smell the flowers sunshine, you're gay and one way or another, your family will find out.

Yeah, and one way or another they'll find out I'm crazy too. I'm frickin' talking to myself in my head.

Alec groaned, shaking his head to push away the constant inner battle he had with himself. One half of him thought he could do it and the other half just shoved his fears in his face and told him he couldn't. He just wanted it to end. He knew he could end it if he just said 'I'm gay.' It was simple as that wasn't it? Two words. Five letters. I'm gay. He just had to say it and then everything would be okay. Or would it? Would they just deject him? Isabelle knew and she still acted like she loved him, but Alec had this sinking feeling she wasn't as okay with it as she said. How could she be okay with it? Her brother was gay.

Alec closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he tried to push away his fears. He tried not to think of what Isabelle thought or what Jace would think if he knew. He had promised himself that he would have a good weekend and by drowning himself in such depressing thoughts, he was breaking his promise to himself. But no matter how hard he tried to push them away, they were a constant nagging itch at the back of his brain, taunting him each and every second of the day.

I'm a coward.

You're not a coward.

The second voice in his head wasn't his, it was Magnus'. At the thought of Magnus he felt himself drop deeper into the dark hole that was surrounding him. Magnus had always encouraged him to tell his parents on his own time and that he'd tell them when he was ready. He had pushed Alec to come out of the closet but never to the extent that Alec felt pressured. Magnus was always a reassuring presence in Alec's fears and he was always a reoccurring presence in Alec's thoughts. He couldn't stop thinking about him no matter how hard he tried.

"Hey sunshine, wake up."

Jace jumping on his bed next to his head roused Alec, very rudely, from his thoughts. Alec groaned as Jace sat down.

Alec sat up slowly. "Is there a reason why you're in here?"

"Yeah, I wanted to grace you with my wonderful presence." Jace smirked as he lay back against Alec's pillows. "So what's new?"

Alec's gut clenched at what was new. A boyfriend. A pain that he'd never felt before. "Nothing."

"Nothing?" Jace repeated. "Come on, don't tell me you still haven't got laid."

"And why is that of any importance?"

Jace looked at Alec incredulously. "Why isn't it? Now come on, tell me."

Alec sighed in frustration at his comment. "No Jace, I haven't. Now can we not discuss my sex life?"

"Sex life? What sex life?" Jace threw his hands up in defense as Alec glared at him. "Sorry princess, didn't mean to get your panties in a bunch."

"I'm here not even fifteen minutes and you're already annoying the shit out of me. Do you just make it your vendetta to infuriate me?"

Jace nodded. "Yeah. And you can't blame me that you're incredibly easy to rile up. And that look you get on your face is priceless."

That look. Magnus said he had one too. Goddamn it. Why couldn't he just forget about Magnus for five damn seconds? It wasn't that he wanted to forget about him, but he might as well try and enjoy himself before he had to go back and face him. Thoughts of Magnus were haunting each action he made and it was even more infuriating than Jace.

"What look?"

"That one. Here, I can get you a mirror."

"Save it for yourself," Alec muttered.

Jace shrugged as a few seconds passed between them.

Alec stared at the ground, remembering the night of Halloween. Alec knew he'd fucked up royally. None of that should have happened and right now he should have been happier than he'd ever been in his life, but instead, he was wallowing in his misery.

"Dude, are you okay?"

Alec looked up at Jace. The sarcastic egotism was removed from his face, replaced with curiosity and concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Don't you dare lie to me. You're more of a mope than normal, and that's a lot considering normal is an astronomical amount." Jace searched Alec's gaze. "Come on, spill."

"There's nothing to spill. I'm just happy to be home," he lied. Well, the first part was a lie; the second part was only partially one.

"If that's what you call happy then I think you really need to see a therapist."

"Thanks dude." Maybe he's right though. Not only do you talk to yourself, but you've clearly got some issues you need to work out.

"Look, I'm not leaving until you tell me."

"Well then you're going to be here awhile since there's nothing to tell." Alec hated how people always seemed to know what he was thinking. He wished he was like Magnus and could just cover it up like nothing and no one would ever know. But he wasn't like Magnus. And I'm thinking about him again. Great.

"I don't believe you." Jace moved so he sat right next to Alec. He nudged him. "Come on. Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me..."

"Would you stop?"

"Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me!"

"Shut up!" Alec exclaimed, the words escaping in an exasperated breath. There was no way in hell he was telling Jace a damn thing.

Jace pouted his lips and nudged Alec again. "Tell me?"

"No."

"Please?" He nudged him again.

"No, there's nothing wrong with me. I just naturally PMS, remember? Now please, fuck off before I get a stronger urge to punch you."

"Hey, hey, virgin ears here."

Alec's eyes shot up to see Isabelle and a petite redhead standing in his doorway. He took the redhead to be Clary; Jace's new girlfriend. She had deep emerald green eyes, a mass of fiery red curls and small angled features. She was pretty, Alec would give her that. She definitely wasn't Jace's usual type since his usual was big-breasted blonde bimbos who thought the square root of pi was rainbow. Maybe his brother really was changing. Yeah, he doubted that.

"Virgin. Ha. Don't make me laugh," Jace said, warranting himself a glare from Isabelle.

"Watch it Wayland," she warned, her eyes steely.

"Oh, I'm so scared. What are you going to do, attack me with a stiletto?"

"I don't know. Do you want to give it a test?" Isabelle moved to grab the aforementioned stiletto from her foot, but was stopped by Clary.

"Come on guys. No one needs to die today."

Isabelle lowered her foot to the ground. "Yeah, today. No one said anything about tomorrow."

Jace raised his hand to bring focus to himself. "Well I did. I have no plans to die tomorrow, or the days after that for that matter."

"Then watch your mouth."

"Alec was the one swearing, not me."

"Alright guys, settle down," Alec cut in. He looked from Isabelle to Jace. Why they found the need to act like they hated each other would never make any sense to Alec. He looked at Clary who had also been playing mediator in the little spat and thought to change the subject. "Anyway, Clary. Since Jace has carelessly failed to introduce us, I'm Alec. It's nice to finally meet you. Jace has told me quite a bit about you."

Clary blushed slightly. Thank god, I'm not the only one who blushes. "Good things I hope."

"I've got nothing bad to say. She's amazing," said Jace, leaning back once more against the bed pillows. He grinned at Clary and Alec sensed a small silent exchange pass between them.

"Ugh, the thought of what I know is going through your head right now is disgusting," said Isabelle.

"Why do you jump to the conclusion that every thought I have is disgusting?"

"Because you're a 17 year old horny male who never got the memo to keep it in his pants." Isabelle turned her attention to Clary and went to speak when she was pushed out of the way by an exuberant Max. He was holding about a dozen comic books and the smile on his face brought a happiness to Alec. What he wouldn't give to be a kid again, where his only worry was whether Batman beat the criminal in the end of the comic.

"Alec, can we look at my comic books now? Clary gave them to me. You can join too Jace." He flashed a big smile in Clary's direction before looking back at Alec.

"Nice to know I'm the afterthought," Jace said.

"You three go ahead, we're meeting Simon at the library. We should be back in an hour and then we'll catch up." Isabelle smiled at Alec and before leaving, she cast a glare in Jace's direction. They both left leaving Jace, Alec, and Max alone.

"So can we?" Max asked.

"Sure Max. Come here."

Max walked over to the bed, throwing his comic books down before he got on. He positioned himself between Alec and Jace as he grabbed the first one. Reading comic books with Max was a common occurrence between the three of them. Whenever he got a new one, they would gather on someone's bed and read it. Max would constantly interrupt to comment or make reference to another comic but it was an hour that Alec always enjoyed. One, Jace was actually silent for more than 10 seconds, two, he got to spend time with them, and three, he was able to forget everything else that he'd been thinking about before. And now, for one hour he was forgetting about Magnus and how he had realized that he loved him.

"So Alec, what's been happening at school?"

Alec looked up at his mother from his half eaten dinner. What's been happening? Things you don't want to know Mom. "Nothing much. Just been really busy with schoolwork and stuff. We've got exams coming up."

"Stuff? What kind of stuff?" asked Jace.

"School stuff." Actually, boyfriend stuff but I'd rather you didn't know that. He could say it right then and there and just let them all know. He could say it and get it over with and he would never have to worry about it again. But no, he'd keep worrying because he couldn't tell them.

"Jace told us you got yourself a roommate."

Alec's heart skipped a beat. He had refrained from telling his parents about his roommate because it would lead to a conversation he didn't really want to have. But leave it to Jace to blab. Now he was going to have to tell his mother everything about his new roommate, well not everything because Alec wasn't doing that. "Uh, yeah. His name's Magnus."

"And what's he like?"

"He's nice." He was more than nice, how about wonderful? "He's an art and history major and he's a good roommate." Better than a good roommate.

"I told Alec there's no such thing as a good roommate, but he doesn't believe me," said Jace.

"Probably because Magnus is a good roommate Jace." Alec caught the flicker in Isabelle's eye and hoped that she would keep her mouth shut.

"Well, that's good. But you've seemed a little off today Alec. You said a few weeks ago that you wanted to say something important and then you brushed it off when I asked you about it. Is everything really okay? You know you can tell us anything."

Ha! Yeah, I'm sure. Clearly his mother wasn't aware of what it was he needed to say when she said he could say anything. But it would just be so easy to say it now, to just let the words fall and let the events play out from there. But he couldn't. He felt like he was falling and there was no one to catch him if he fell. There was no Magnus. He wasn't there with him. Magnus was his strength. Magnus was the one who stole away his fears and without him, Alec was just another scared child who didn't have the strength or courage to tell his parents he was gay. He wanted to tell them but he couldn't, and he knew that now.

Alec dropped his fork on the plate. "Yes, everything's fine." He snapped. He caught the looks everyone was giving and sighed deeply. Damn it Alec, get your act together. You're like a walking billboard that says, 'Hey I've got a secret but I don't want to tell anyone.' You keep this up and they're going to be more than just curious. "Sorry. Honestly I'm fine. There's nothing to worry about. I'm just stressed with school and I brought it home with me."

"You should learn to leave it behind Alec. You're here to have a good weekend and I don't want school ruining that for you," said , it wasn't school that was ruining it for him.

"I promise you it won't. I'll be better tomorrow." Alec glanced down at his plate as the family fell silent and continued eating. For once, Alec actually agreed with Jace, not that he'd admit it out loud. He was moping. He felt like shit. His heart was broken, his mind was reeling, he was scared, he was nervous, he was depressed, and he was hating himself for what had happened. He was so deep in the moping hole that he didn't know how he'd get out of it. He should have forced Magnus to talk to him and then maybe he wouldn't be feeling the way he was now. But if he had, what would he have said to him? Would he have honestly been able to tell Magnus how he felt or would he stumble over it as he stumbled through his life?

"Alright. Alec come on, I've been cleaning up the dishes for you while you've been gone and now that you're back, you're helping." Isabelle stood up, glancing at her brother with a mischievous glint in her eye as she walked away.

Alec groaned as he stood up. "Fine." He collected his plate and Jace's as he and Isabelle started for the kitchen.

Alec scraped off the excess food into the garbage can before rinsing the plates off and setting them in the dishwasher. Alec turned to go collect more but was stopped by Isabelle grabbing his arm. He looked at her. He knew there was a bigger reason to him helping with the dishes than she originally let on.

"We're going to talk."

"Can I say no?"

"No."

"Fine."

"Alright, what's up? Where's Alec and what have you done with him?" Isabelle closed the door behind her as she made her way over to Alec's bed. She sat down, moving over so Alec could follow suit.

"He's right here." Alec moved to sit down next to her.

"Nuh uh. This is like one of those stupid movies where you wake up and realize everyone you know has been replaced with aliens." Isabells shuddered inwardly. "So what's up? Did you and Magnus fight?"

Alec groaned, looking away from Isabelle. "Is it that obvious?"

"To me yes. To the rest of the family you're just extremely moody and in the need of a major stress reliever." Isabelle smiled softly, trying to meet her brother's gaze. "So tell me, what happened?"

"I don't know, we fought." Maybe it wasn't so bad that Isabelle knew about him and Magnus. This way for once in his life he could actually talk to someone besides himself about how he was feeling. He had to say, answering your own conversations eventually got you nowhere but back to the beginning.

"And?" she asked, urging him onwards.

"And I just let him walk out the door."

"Now Alec, I knew you were an idiot, but really. You never just let a man him walk out the door."

"Iz, please." She wasn't making the situation any better than it was. She was just making him feel like more of an idiotic piece of shit than he already did.

"Sorry," she said. "Go on."

"Well, we fought."

"I got that. Over what?" she asked.

"I got jealous. His ex-boyfriend showed up and he wasn't so subtle about the way he felt towards Magnus."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, and William just transferred to Idris to join the English program. He just showed up on Halloween and Magnus said that he was going to tell me but he didn't know how to say it. I got angry and I accused him of still loving William. I saw the way William looked at him, it was undeniable and for some reason I didn't want to believe that Magnus was telling me the truth about them. I called Magnus out on not wanting to wait for me and I said that he would go back to William because William could give him everything he wanted."

"And what did Magnus say?"

"What, when I finally let him speak?" God, Alec felt terrible. If there was a prize for failing epically at a fight, Alec would have won it. He had done everything wrong and that was why he was where he was. "I never even gave him a change to explain and I just stood there and accused him of ridiculous things because seeing William made me jealous. He reminded me of all the things I wish I could give Magnus and I was angry and I took it out on him. When I finally let him speak, he told me he didn't love William and all he wanted was me. Then he told me to forget it and he left and I didn't run after him." Alec stopped and let his words hang in the air between them. Saying it all out loud made Alec hate himself more for what he had done. He had been such an idiot and he couldn't hammer that point into his brain anymore. Saying it all aloud make Alec realize that everything he had said was wrong and completely irrational. But still, Alec saw that look in William's eyes; that he couldn't deny.

"Why didn't you run after him?"

Alec looked up at Isabelle. He had expected her to enforce his realization that he was an idiot, not to ask him that. He let a few more seconds pass. "Because I'm a coward."

"That doesn't make you a coward Alec, just an idiot."

"Thanks Izzy." Alec looked down at the ground mournfully.

"Seriously though Alec, many people wouldn't have run after him. You fought Alec, that's natural when you're dating someone. You didn't honestly think it was going to be all glitter and rainbows did you?"

Glitter and rainbows. Magnus is all glitter and rainbows.

"No. I may not have had a relationship before but I read. I understand how these things work," Alec said. But how much could a book really teach you? It was different when it came to real life and understanding things for yourself.

"Then you understand that people have had worse fights then that and still gotten back together. You've just got to go after it Alec."

"I think I already lost that chance."

"No, you haven't." Isabelle placed a reassuring hand on Alec's arm. "If you mean as much to him as I believe you do then he'll at least listen. Then it's up to you to convince him that you really want him and are in it no matter what."

"And how do you know that'll work?" Isabelle had dated, but nothing serious. She had flings, she went on dates, she did not, however, have boyfriends. When she fought with a guy, she moved on to his best friend, so how was she so learned in how relationships worked?

"I read too Alec. And besides, someone has to know how to solve these things since you're completely clueless."

"I am not clueless."

Isabelle just glared at him.

"Alright, you're right. So you really think he'll listen?"

"Hey, I'm never wrong." She smiled. "Come here." She threw out her arms to take Alec into a hug.

"Really?" He didn't understand Isabelle's affinity to hugs.

"Yes really. Now come on before I force it upon you." She glared at him.

Alec sighed as he relented and hugged his sister. It felt good to have her there with him. Originally, he was scared when Isabelle found out but it hadn't changed a thing between them. Isabelle had just become a reassuring voice in his head and a person that he could talk to. A small weight was lifted from his shoulders at telling her and talking to her about it. And she was right. To fix it, he just had to tell Magnus that he felt the same. He had nothing to lose and he would regret it if he didn't.

He just needed to go back to Idris and go to Magnus and tell him the truth. That he wanted him and that this was serious to him. It wasn't some joke, or just some fling. It was so much more than that to him. It had taken him a little bit to realize that and so he hoped that he hadn't taken to long. Had he ruined everything completely with Magnus or was there a chance that they could have something again? Would Magnus forgive him for what he had said, for what he had done?

Alec could only hope that he would.

So good, bad? Personally it's not my favourite chapter but I liked writing as Isabelle and Jace for this. Hopefully you all understand why I did this chapter this way. I wanted to give time between the fight and the make-up for Alec and Magnus to figure things out and calm down from what happened. Now the next chapter will be the make-up. I think that's considered a spoiler but none of you can really be surprised right? Anyway, it will live up to the rating and it will be a first for me, so we'll see how it goes. I'm setting off to try and hammer some of that out now. Also, I added some extra pictures on my profile of the characters and locations if anyone was curious. Alright, so until next time my lovely readers. Thanks for reading!

Be the change,

Amber