Chapter 15

Unbroken

Helly my lovely readers! So i'm back. First I'd like to thank all of you for such lovely reviews and for making me feel amazing. I definitely feel better about everything now and the reception on that chapter was far more then I could have ever hoped for. Thank you so much. Secondly, thank you to my wonderful beta for getting this to me so fast and for giving me such amazing words of encouragement. You are amazing. Now, this is the last chapter for a few weeks now. I think it's a good chapter to leave you all with and I hope you think so too. Enjoy!

Songs:

Pieces-Red (Magnus)

Perfect-Hedley (Magnus to Alec)

Fix You-Coldplay (Alec to Magnus)

Some Kind of Home-Thriving Ivory (Alec to Magnus-Beginning)

Fuckin' Perfect-Pink (Alec to Magnus)

(So there's a lot of songs here, but I liked them all. Enjoy!)

Magnus' eyes fluttered open to the soft morning light floating through the closed curtains. He was aware of a warm object against his chest, and looking down he saw Alec, asleep and shirtless. Alec's arm was draped over Magnus' chest, his hand just above Magnus' heart. His head was resting on his chest, and he looked happy, a small smile tugging at his beautiful lips.

Magnus smiled as he remembered the day before. What he had felt and what they had experienced had been the things of Magnus' dreams. He had been so worried that he had pushed Alec away like he pushed everyone else away so when Alec came back, Magnus thought he was dreaming. The way he felt for Alec was so foreign that Magnus didn't even really know what it was until that moment. He had this burning emotion deep inside of him, so deep within his heart that he didn't even know it was possible. It was beautiful and blinding, but it was so very new to him. It was the feeling of having someone he couldn't live without, of having someone who understood him, someone who knew him almost better than he knew himself. It was the feeling of having someone that he never wanted to let go. He felt all this for Alec and he had never intended to. But he did, and he embraced it because for once in his life, he had someone he wanted for more than just a fling and it was someone who wanted him as well.

Magnus was finally feeling the last remnants of his walls falling down and Alec was slowly finding his way past the rubble. He had told himself he wouldn't do it, but he did. Alec just had a way of making him do things and feel things he had sworn he'd never do. Alec was changing him and so much of Magnus felt like he didn't deserve it. Who was he to think someone could actually want him? His father had used him as a punching bag, William had used him as a problem solver, and Camille had used him as a sex toy. No one had ever actually cared for him except his mother and at times, he came to think she only loved him because she was his mother. So why did Alec want to be with him? He didn't want to doubt that he was what Alec wanted but so much of him felt like it was too good to be true. Wow Magnus, you don't sound like Alec at all.

He was scared of being hurt again. It was that simple. He would never admit it, but it was the truth. He didn't want people to think he was broken, most of all Alec, but he was. He was shattered into millions of irreparable pieces. He was haunted by his past every second of the day and he was haunted by his mind telling him he wasn't worth a damn thing. He thought he was worthless, and most of all, not worthy of Alec.

He traced his hand lazily through Alec's hair as his eyes explored Alec's face. How could someone so perfect and amazing want a freak like him?

How could an angel love a demon?

A sadness overtook Magnus. He suddenly found the need to tell Alec everything. His mother had told him that true love is when you know every ugly and terrible thing about a person and you still see the good in them. They weren't in love, but what Magnus felt for Alec could be described as something like that. At least, Magnus had never really felt love before so he knew it was something more than just a common crush. It was so much more than that which made him wonder if he told Alec everything would Alec still think he was good? Would Alec still want to be with him knowing the baggage and the memories Magnus carried with him every day?

Alec moved in his sleep, snuggling closer to Magnus' skin. Magnus placed an arm around him, holding him there as his gaze shifted to the scars on his skin. Ugly. So ugly. How could Alec say he was beautiful when he had scars like that?

Tell him Magnus. Tell him and then let him decide if he wants to judge you or stay with you.

And if he judges me?

…

Thanks for the answer.

Magnus snapped out of his daily thought process of how pathetic he thought he was when he felt Alec shift beneath him, his eyes opening to reveal the beautiful blue orbs that Magnus was falling in love with. His gut clenched and the fire in his heart ignited as his gaze met with Alec's.

"Good morning love. Sleep good?"

Alec nodded, his facial features still clouded with sleep. He looked beautiful laying there, his body melded to his. It felt like it was meant to be that way; it was perfect.

"What time is it?" Alec asked, his voice groggy with sleep.

"Don't worry, you're not late for class. It's only 9 o'clock."

Alec's eyes softened as the worry escaped his features. Magnus had a tendency of making Alec late for class on mornings Alec had class and Magnus didn't. But he promised him he'd stop and so he had. He planned on waking Alec soon, but it had seemed so cruel to wake him from the sweet dreams he appeared to be having that Magnus resorted to just staring at him until he woke himself.

Magnus shivered as Alec's hands lightly traced down Magnus' chest, his fingers slipping over the scars etched in his skin.

Tell him Magnus. Tell him.

He knew Alec wanted to know, he could feel it in his touch. Alec was gentle, his touch barely a whisper on Magnus' skin and yet Magnus could feel the questioning radiating from his fingertips.

Alec's hand stopped to linger on a small, but rather jagged and deep, scar that ran across Magnus' left shoulder blade.

Tell him.

There was no pity in Alec's touch, which was weird. Magnus expected pity. People always pitied him. The social worker had pitied him, his foster families had pitied him, William had pitied him, and Camille had pitied him. But with Alec, Magnus just didn't sense the pity but more the curiosity, followed by understanding. Not that Alec understood but he felt it in Alec's touch.

Tell him.

Magnus took a deep breath. "I got that one when I was nine." The words fell from his mouth as he choked to get them out. He knew when and how he had got each and every one of his scars. It was part of his remembering of what had happened to him and why the scars were a constant reminder of what had happened to him. He couldn't forget because, etched in his skin, were the memories.

Alec's eyes shot up to Magnus' face. No pity. Magnus hated pity, he didn't need it. He had had his fair share his whole life and he didn't need a single drop more of it. He would never understand why people pitied others. He didn't understand how people could feel sorry for something they knew nothing about. He just wanted to feel normal and forget, not like he was some puppy on the side of the road that needed to be taken care of and nurtured. Pity made him remember. But the look in Alec's eyes was not pity. It was far from it. There was sorrow and empathy, but in it, was an understanding.

"My father was drunk that night, as usual. He threw a beer bottle at me. He said it was my fault that bottle was in his hands and so I should suffer the consequences of my actions." A large weight lifted from his shoulders as he said those words. They hurt like a thousand scars to speak out loud but it also felt good to say it and hear it out loud.

Alec looked away from Magnus' eyes to the scar his fingers traced listlessly. He didn't speak but instead his hand trailed down further to a thin one that gripped his side and laced to his back and over his spine. There were many like that across his back and chest. They were the ones that hurt the most; the ones that brought back the most pain and the most memories.

"My father's belt."

"How old were you?" Alec's voice was small, barely heard over the pumping of Magnus' frantic heart. What was Alec thinking in that head of his? Magnus was suddenly regretting having told him. He shouldn't have. Now he wouldn't look at him the same.

"I don't know." It could have been anywhere from when he was 7 to when he was 16.

Alec's hand stayed there for a few seconds as if contemplating movement. Slowly it began to trail to yet another scar that brought to Magnus a whole new reel of memories. They pounded his thoughts, reminding him of people and places and a time he had long since buried away.

"My foster father's belt."

His hand touched another one.

"That was my own stupidity. Fell out of a tree when I was five."

Alec's hand stopped, his fingers splayed across the rigid edges of the scar tissue. His eyes stared down at Magnus' chest and Magnus only prayed his eyes wouldn't show pity when they finally looked up at him. His heart beat anxiously in his chest. In just a few simple words, Magnus had bared his whole past and soul to Alec. He had shown Alec every broken piece of him and every dark and dreary hole in his existence. He had lain at Alec's feet, the bare bones of why he was who he was. Magnus had never wanted to let his past define him but still, it haunted and changed him; there was no denying that.

Magnus' heart skipped a beat when he felt the cold sensation of a tear on his skin. It had fallen from Alec's closed eyes, the closed eyes that Magnus was dying to see. A shot of pain ripped through him unlike the pain from telling Alec. This pain was the pain of knowing Alec had shed a tear for him. No one had ever shed a tear for him. No one. And why would they? He didn't want Alec to cry for him, not when he himself had shed so many tears already.

"Don't cry for me Alexander."

Alec's eyes shot open as he looked at Magnus.

An unbelievable feeling of relief shot through Magnus. There was no pity in Alec's eyes. There was sorrow and empathy and hurt, but not pity. There was also understanding; something Magnus had never seen before. It was a deep understanding, and for what, Magnus had no idea. Magnus took in a deep breath as he let the feeling in Alec's eyes sink through him.

Alec shut his eyes to let another tear squeeze out and down onto Magnus' chest. When he opened them they were still watery with fresh tears, but he was trying not to cry.

"I'll never hurt you Magnus."

That comment shocked Magnus straight through to his core. No one had ever said that to him before. He was so used to being hurt that he just expected it, but Alec had said he'd never do it. Those words meant more to Magnus than anything else ever had. No one had ever worked to protect him; everyone had always just used him. He had grown accustomed to it and had put up the 'I could care less' façade, so as to protect himself. But now, Alec was saying he'd protect him, he wouldn't hurt him. Magnus almost didn't want to believe it. He didn't deserve that.

"Everyone hurts everyone eventually." Magnus felt the coldness in his voice himself and sensed that saying that probably hit a chord with Alec.

Alec's eyes faltered before he took a breath. "Not like this. No one should be hurt like this." His hand traced one of the older scars on his skin. "No one deserves this."

Deserves.

There was that word that haunted Magnus every day of his life. Maybe he did deserve it. Maybe he didn't deserve Alec. Maybe he deserved to be lonely and broken the rest of his life.

Deserves.

But who decided who deserved what? Killers deserved to die didn't they? Humanitarians deserved to live until they were 90, didn't they?

"Some people do," Magnus mumbled.

"But not you Magnus." Alec moved his hand to take Magnus' in his. The feel of Alec's warmth against his skin was electric and slowly, it calmed his heart. "Not you." He looked up into Magnus' eyes, and Magnus felt his heart break for a whole different reason then pain. It broke for the feelings he felt for Alec, and for the emotions those few simple words sent through him. He had heard a lot in his life but never this from someone other than his mother. These words meant so much more to Magnus than Alec would ever know. "I wish I could take it away from you."

That sentence ripped through him. "No. Don't ever wish that Alec. These are my scars to bare, my demons to face."

"But you shouldn't have to bare them alone, or face them by yourself."

His words touched Magnus to the bottom of his soul, small lights in the darkness that consumed him. "I have my whole life, so I don't expect anyone to bare them with me."

"Is that why you hide your life from everyone? You're scared they'll try to carry the pain with you?"

"No. I'm scared that they'll try and act like they know what I feel." That was the worst, when someone looked at you and said they were sorry that had happened and they acted like they knew what it felt like. Yeah, because the social workers knew what it felt like to be beat day in and day out by their father.

"Why?"

"Because that's what they always do. They look at me like my past defines me and I'm something that needs fixing. I hide who I am because I don't want to become my past. I don't want people to see that, but to see me. I just want to be understood, not looked upon with pity."

"Do I look at you with pity?" Alec looked up at Magnus.

Magnus met Alec's gaze. "No."

"What do you see?"

"Everything I never expected to."

"So then tell me what happened. I won't try and act like I understand. I'll just listen."

I'll just listen.

No one had ever just listened. Hell, no one had listened to him in general since his mother had died. He had always been silent to the world and now Alec was looking at him just wanting to listen. He was there for Magnus to tell his story to, to let it out. And for once in his life, Magnus was ready. He was ready to tell someone all of it.

Magnus took a deep breath. "My father was not the loving, teach you how to ride your bike, coach your baseball team sort of father. My father was a broken man who was haunted by his past and he let it overtake him." Magnus paused. Now there was a fear he hadn't seen surface in a while. Haunted. Overtaken. He was scared he might do the same. Magnus took a breath as he pushed on. "He was angry at himself for his life and at first, he took it out on the beer bottle, but then, he took it out on people. It started with my mother after I was born. I was four when he first hit me." Magnus sensed Alec tense against him but he didn't speak. His first memories he had of his life were abuse. His first memories weren't happy, but dark and so, so painful. He kept his story clipped, sparing Alec the details that still haunted him.

"That was my childhood. My mother always tried to make my days better. We would always go to the ice cream shop or the beach. It was her way of helping me forget what awaited us when my father got home. She was always smiling but underneath it, I knew she was broken and there was nothing I could do for her. I felt helpless. She was trying so hard to protect me but I couldn't protect her." Magnus' heart beat with pain as he remembered all the times he couldn't help her, all the times his father hit her and Magnus couldn't do a single thing about it. He remembered the day she died. He should have tried harder to stop him, but he didn't. He didn't protect her. Magnus felt a tear sting at the corner of his eye. Don't cry Magnus. You've cried too much already. Magnus fought back the tear. "Even when she needed me the most I couldn't protect her." Magnus paused, memories flashing through him like a thousand iron sharp knives.

Blood. So much blood.

"And when was that?" Alec asked innocently, pushing him forwards.

'No! Mom, stay with me! Mom! You can't go!'

"The night she died." The words trickled slowly from his mouth as all he saw was her. "I should have protected her."

No heartbeat. Cold. So cold.

"I should have stopped him from touching her. I should have done more." And there it was. That tear. It fell, rolling slowly down his cheek, burning a track down his skin. "I should have saved her."

"You couldn't have Magnus." The meaning in Alec's words was there, the reassurance blazing in Alec's eyes.

"I should have stopped him. There's no excuse to why I didn't."

'Why?'

"You were twelve. You couldn't have stopped him. But you tried Magnus, you tried."

"I should have tried harder."

'Because.'

"I know you tried as hard as you could." Alec squeezed Magnus' hand harder, as he met his eyes, his gaze staring right into Magnus' soul. "Don't beat yourself up for this Magnus, there was nothing you could have done. You know that."

Magnus felt that tear fall from his chin onto his chest. "But I was a coward Alec. My whole life I've been a coward."

"You're not a coward Magnus."

"I am Alec. All I've ever done is run. I ran from helping her out of fear, I ran from my life, and I have run from love."

"None of that makes you a coward Magnus."

"Then what does it make me?"

"Scared. Alone. Lost. But not a coward. A coward runs and hides, but you, you have run and faced the world. You have taken everything the world has thrown at you and you have continued on. That makes you strong Magnus, not a coward. Most people would break from what you've gone through."

"But I am broken." There it was. He had admitted that he was a million broken irreparable pieces with no chance to ever be fixed. Magnus had resolved himself to accept that he was broken, but it didn't make it hurt any less. Every day those broken shards pierced at his soul, at his being, and tried to stop him from moving forward. But he pushed through the pain because he had to. He had to survive for her.

"Anything broken is meant to be fixed."

Magnus' heart jerked. Alec was hitting home with his words. He was hitting a place that no one had ever known before. "I don't think I am. Not with everything that has happened to me."

Alec waited a few seconds before talking. "Well, what else happened to you Magnus?"

Magnus took a deep breath. The next few years of his life were not days he cared to remember. Life with his parents had been hard, but at least he had had his mother. After his father had gone to prison, Magnus was alone. Alone and scared in a world ready to rip him apart. "After my mother died, I was thrown into social services. I spent a year in a group home before I started bouncing back and forth between foster families. I don't even remember how many now. They always got rid of me within a few months; said I wasn't worth the trouble. I was 14 when I found a family that kept me for more than a few months. It was at this time that I came to realize that I was bisexual. The family was nice at first but then the father realized what I was. He tried to beat it out of me. He said I was an abomination to the world; a demon. The son of a murderer and gay; an abomination against God. They got rid of me when I was 15 and it continued like that for the next three years. One foster home after another. Some were nice and they accepted what I was but others were just like him; just like my father. So I left the system as soon as I could. I got a small inheritance from my mother's family and it was enough to buy an apartment and finish school. And you know the rest of the story." He looked down at Alec, feeling a weight lift from his shoulders. Now Alec knew. He knew everything and now he was able to choose what he wanted to do with the information. He prayed Alec wouldn't look at him differently, but looking in his eyes, he didn't see anything different. He still looked at Magnus with those innocent, blue eyes that told Magnus everything was okay, that it didn't matter what had happened to him.

Alec looked from the scars on Magnus' chest to his eyes and there was a sadness in them that tore through Magnus. He had seen sorrow from people when he told parts of his story, but in Alec's eyes, he saw all the pain reflected back at him. He saw Alec wanting to help him, to free him from the pain, from the darkness and the memories. Underneath it all was an anger, an anger Magnus had seen only a few minutes before when Alec's hand was tracing over the scars. I'll never hurt you. That was a big promise to make to Magnus since everyone seemed to hurt him eventually. And if they didn't, he hurt them first.

"Magnus..."

Magnus saw that Alec was fighting the tears. God, he hated knowing he was hurting Alec. This was why he carried his life on his own shoulders, because no one else needed to feel the pain too.

"I'll never hurt you. I swear. I won't let anything else happen to you."

And there went Magnus' tears. Damn it. He had been trying so hard to hold them in but the look in Alec's eyes ripped him apart. He'd never seen such sadness or meaning in someone's eyes before. Never for him. No one had ever promised him anything or swore to protect him. Never.

"Alec..."

"No, Magnus. Please. What happened to you...I'll never let it happen again. You are amazing and deserve so much more than that." Alec bit his lip, fighting his own tears. "I promise you I will never hurt you. I can try and help you so you don't have to face the world alone. I can fix you. Not that I feel you need fixing since you're already perfect but I can help you not feel not so broken anymore."

"That's a big promise Alec." God, this boy was amazing. He was so much more than Magnus could have even dreamt up. So much more than Magnus had ever wished for. For the first time in Magnus' life, he felt truly accepted, truly wanted. The feeling that was rushing through him was the most beautiful sensation he had ever felt.

"I never break my promises."

Magnus smiled lightly. "You know I'm going to hold you to that right Alexander?"

Alec laughed softly. "Yeah, I know." He kissed Magnus' knuckles softly, before moving his lips to the scars that lined Magnus' torso. He placed his lips softly to each one as he made his way up to Magnus' lips. There he placed another soft kiss that erupted a fire in Magnus' heart that was ready to tear him apart.

Magnus laced a hand around Alec's neck, pulling him down deeper into the kiss. It was soft but full of passion and everything they meant to each other. "Thank you." He whispered against his lips.

"You're welcome."

He pulled Alec in harder, taking Alec to him. He had never wanted someone the way he wanted Alec. Alec made him feel like he was on top of the world and he made him forget everything that had ever happened to him. He felt like a new chapter was beginning in his life, a new chapter with Alec and with a new him.

Anything broken is meant to be fixed.

Magnus didn't think he was repairable. So much damage had been done on his soul and on his heart that he didn't think it was possible to really, truly feel that way towards someone. And yet what he felt for Alec was exactly what he thought he would never feel. It felt like love, but he knew it couldn't be. And yet Alec had broken down his walls and got into his heart. Alec had made him feel…love again, something he thought was impossible. Alec had healed his heart.

I can fix you.

Baby, you've already fixed me.

So, this chapter was extremely hard to write and I don't know about you guys, but I cried for Alec and Magnus. That's just me. Hopefully you all liked it and Magnus' story was told okay. I rewrote his story over and over again until I was happy with it. But anyway, thank you so so much for reading and I absolutely love every single one of you. You are all amazing and I will miss all of you while I'm gone away. So I hate doing this to you but there won't be an update until probably the 26th since i'll be gone for two weeks without a computer. I really hope you all don't mind and again thank you so much for reading. Bye and i'll miss you all!

Be the change,
Amber