Chapter 9
Quinn got out of her dad's car and sprinted out to the field. It was one of the big games in Western Ohio football, the Titan's vs. the Panthers. Honestly, it wasn't much of a match the Titans weren't really much of a challenge. Quinn grabbed pompoms and got out on the field. She took her place next to Santana and Brittany, having convinced Sue to put Santana back in her rightful spot now that Brittany had been missing practices to be with Artie. She smiled fakely as she watched the game, not paying any attention to anything other than the random catcalls and the sound of her father's voice booming behind her boasting her to his friends.
Santana nudged her. "Stop zoning out, Q. If Sue catches you it's gonna look bad on all of us and I don't need you pulling me down. It's hard enough being the only Latina on this white bread squad."
"Sorry, my dad is acting like the auctioneer for underaged sex trade," Quinn replied as she pretended to be excited about the touchdown attempt on the field. "I hate that man."
Santana just turned and smiled sweetly at Russell, giving him a wave before flipping him off. "Such a lovely man," she murmured, turning around to cheer what looked like a successful pass until she realized it was made by the Panthers.
Brittany grinned at both of them. "It's so cool we all get to cheer together again!"
Quinn shrugged and looked at Brittany. "Shouldn't you be with the rest of your squad over there, Brit?" Quinn asked when she saw how much Santana tensed up, "You don't want Sue to demote you to being just a regular member of the JV squad do you?" She said with a gentle touch to the other blonde arm.
"What?" Brittany looked confused for a moment before brightening. "Oh yeah, we gotta get ready for the next throw! Thanks for reminding me, Q!" She quickly hugged the other blonde before running off to join the others.
"What's going on, Quinn?" Santana asked warily. "Things are all over again which usually means someone's talking to Sue behind the scenes. I don't care what you're up to, but I don't wanna get screwed again."
"You won't be getting screwed out of anything," she smiled at her friend and scanned the field. "We're seniors, the only seniors on the squad and we're the best." She reminded her former friend, "Look, Sue demoted Brittany and she's too daft to realize it."
"She's not that dumb, Q," Santana whispered, shaking her head as she watched the girl work with the rest of the squad. "I know everyone calls her names, but she didn't get where she is by being dumb..." She shrugged, trying to force herself not to think about it. "And since when do you let anyone share your precious spotlight anyway?"
"I know she's not dumb, but she's staying back and she needs to play with the juniors." Quinn sighed, "Look, I don't wanna graduate without my friend and I don't even want to be a Cheerio anymore so I rather let someone be up here with me that cares."
Santana looked at Quinn with confused disbelief. "You've gotta be kidding me. If you don't want to be a Cheerio then quit and stop screwing me around. I don't know what your game is, Quinn, but I'm not playing anymore."
"Can... can you just calm down?" Quinn hissed as she looked at the girl. "I have to stay in Cheerios. I just don't love it and neither do you so I don't understand why you don't just enjoy being co-captain for a bit okay?"
"Because I don't love the looks I get in the fucking locker room," Santana snarled, storming away from her captain to yell at a group of JV girls trying to do a too advanced move.
Quinn followed her and glared at the scared underclassmen. "Look, you little underclassmen whores, I'm making a new decree that you little bitches have to do an hour extra of practice with JV Captain Brittany after every practice."
"What about the Juniors and Seniors?" A fresh upperclassmen asked, which caused Quinn to raise her eyebrow.
"Well, you were free to leave, but now you're doing an hour more with the JV's. Only seniors get to leave at 4:00 everyone else leaves at 5." she barked as she crossed her arms and waited for a response. "Also, if I hear one lick of backtalk behind me or my co-captain's back you will be off the team." With a flip of her hair she walked back to her perch near the field.
Santana stalked back over, trying to get a grip on her anger before she lashed out. "What the hell was that?" she asked incredulously, "Some sort of fucked up team building crap? Make everyone hate the weak ass co-captain so they bond? Well, I don't need any damn favors from you or anyone else, alright!"
"Suck my dick, Santana!" Quinn nearly yelled as she kicked the bench, "Get your head out of your ass, for God's sake," she hissed she looked at her friend. "I'm being a friend and you keep kicking me in the junk so fuck this Santana. I can't try anymore if you're not gonna pretend to be okay."
"Okay? Why the fuck should I pretend to be okay, huh, Quinn?" she asked, throwing the stupid pompoms away. "I'm not okay and I'm tired of letting everyone feel better by pretending I am! This is me! In all my fucked up glory so fucking deal! Because this, right here, this is all I had that made me feel good. This uniform and that stupid club and both of them are ruined because of him but he's the goddamn victim!" She jabbed her hand at the field where Finn was fumbling another pass.
"I don't get it, Quinn, okay? I don't get why you're suddenly trying when you didn't give a shit about me for so long. You knew about me," she placed her hand over her chest. "And don't say you didn't. You knew. But I don't know shit about you. You say you're my friend, but you've got all the power, all the secrets. I've got nothing."
Quinn's voice broke as she tried to fumble for words, she looked up nervously to where her dad was glaring at her in the stands. "I... I care about you and I don't like knowing how hurt you are..." She whispered, looking back to the field, "I... I can't, okay? I'm not ready to talk about things in my life. It's not because I don't trust you... I just can't yet." She pleaded as she heard the whistle being blown. Halftime. Quinn looked around as she thought she saw a familiar head of hair wander through her gaze, "I'm sorry, San."
"You care about me," Santana shook her head with a sigh, not believing any of it. "Sure. But your reputation and your daddy and everything else comes first." She laughed, but it wasn't very mirthful, "Figures. I'm far from number one with anyone. Let's just do this stupid show so I can get the hell out of here."
She headed out on to the field, only noticing the familiar auburn head of her off and on lover in the crowd at the last minute and giving a wave. She never quite knew how to feel about her arrangement with Kelly but at least when they were together she could forget how much things hurt for a while. She glanced at Quinn busily getting people in place before looking back to a waving Kelly with a smirk. At least maybe something would have a happy end tonight.
Quinn's eyes locked on Kelly for a moment. Her heart beat faster when she realized she was smiling. Then she felt her heart being crushed by the look on Santana's face.
Santana didn't want to think or feel or any of the other things that made her throat tighten and her heart hurt. She just wanted to perform and show everyone in the stands that judged her every day that she was worth something. Then maybe, if she was lucky, Kelly would be willing to help her forget for a few minutes that she wasn't wanted. And if she wasn't lucky, then she'd just go to the club and try to get drunk enough to not care that the person fucking her just wanted her for her face or her body because at least she'd be wanted.
"Let's fucking do this right, people!" she snapped, shoving a out of place underclassman into position. "No fuck ups or I'll personally grind you into the track with suicides until you fucking puke tomorrow!"
Quinn smirked at Santana and took her place out front. After the show went over with no mistakes, Quinn rested on the bench and sipped from her Powerade bottle. Her eyes were still trained to Kelly. She watched as the older girl made her way through the crowd and moved closer to where the cheerleaders sat.
Santana dropped onto the bench near Quinn and grabbed her own bottle taking a swig before scrubbing a thin sheen of sweat off her forehead with a towel. Noticing Quinn's attention, she glanced over. "What are you looking at?" she asked, sounding irritated from how the other girls had acted when she'd tried to grab a seat on the other bench. Noticing Kelly though, she smiled, "Kelly, hey!" Waving at the other girl, she stood back up and moved to hug her. "Come to see me strut my stuff?"
Kelly laughed. She enjoyed the playful side of the girl when she was sober though she didn't see it very often. "Sorry, but no. My baby brother plays for the Panthers so I'm here showing family support. Yay, Panthers." she faked a cheer, rolling her eyes. "I didn't even know you went to McKinley, Santana."
Quinn looked at the ground and anywhere but the girl she spent the night with recently. She pretended to be on her cellphone texting while Santana spoke to Kelly. She was relieved to hear that Kelly was not here for Santana, that she was here to see her brother.
"Your loss," Santana smirked, flirting, "I'm one of McKinley's top flyers and could have given you some tips but a Panther fan?" she shook her head, pretending to be sad and mocking, "I'm not so sure consorting with the enemy would be taken well." She glanced at field as the Titans fumbled another pass, losing possession of the ball to the Panthers again. "Luckily though, our team sucks. Maybe you and I could get out of here and have some fun?"
Kelly looked like she was thinking about it before shaking her head with a rueful smile. "Sorry, Santana, not tonight. I promised Ben I'd take him out to dinner after the game so I kinda have to be here for the whole thing. Besides, wouldn't your friend," she gestured at Quinn sitting behind her, "get upset about you skipping out?"
"Who? Quinn?" Santana shrugged, "She's the captain not my girlfriend or anything and we've already performed so no one cares. Too bad about having family stuff," she smiled, hiding the brief sting of not even getting a second thought from Kelly, "but maybe some other time and you know, if you get free, I'll probably be at the club."
Kelly's eyes widened slightly as she realized the pretty cheerleader texting behind Santana was her masculine but shy new lover, but she quickly reined in her reaction, smiling at Santana. "Well, maybe I will, you never know, but I haven't hung out with Ben in a while and he tends to talk so... raincheck?"
"Yeah," Santana shrugged with a smile, "sure. Whenever. You know me."
Quinn held her breath as she glanced up at Kelly, she swallowed and smiled sadly. "San, I'm gonna go and use the bathroom," She said softly as she got up and put her drink down and quickly ran off the field.
"Yeah, whatever." Santana muttered, watching her captain run off, "Why the hell tell me? I don't care if she goes to the bathroom." She shrugged.
"Chain of command? Who knows. But, hey, I better be getting back before my brother realizes I'm consorting with the enemy so I'll see you around." Kelly smiled waving at Santana as she walked away.
"Yeah, see you." Santana just dropped down to the bench as she walked off and crossed her arms over her chest wondering how easy it would be to sneak out of her house and down to the club later or if she'd have to wait until Saturday like usual.
Kelly headed back to the bathrooms, looking around to see if anyone else was in there but her and Quinn and sighing gratefully as she realized they were alone. "Quinn?" she asked softly, coming up behind the girl, "Is that you?"
"No," she lied as she looked in the mirror, avoiding the looks the other girl was giving her. The look of pain and anguish splashed against her face as she saw her own reflection.
"Oh," Kelly shrugged, looking slightly stung, "well, um... I heard my friend Quinn was a cheerleader here and well, if you see, um... her could you let her know that I thought she looked really good out there." Turning back to the door, she let her hand rest on the handle for a moment, giving Quinn a chance to acknowledge her in some way.
"I didn't want you to see me like this," Quinn whispered. "I didn't want you to see me." She looked down as she felt tears coming as she looked away. She sniffled and turned around, "It's too much... it's just all too much."
Kelly took a deep breath and turned around. "Like what? As a cheerleader? As a role you're playing? Quinn, you are a very handsome and virile man. Wearing a costume or playing a role doesn't make you less of one."
"It's hard to think that when I'm wearing a skirt and a padded bra..." She whispered as she looked at the older girl. "I didn't want you to see me as a girl and I didn't want you to see me with Santana." She swallowed, "You should... spend time with her. She's sad and I can't fix her but you doing whatever you do together makes her less angry."
Kelly watched her for a moment before speaking. "Quinn, I think you know what Santana and I do together. That doesn't make her less angry or sad or whatever it is you think she is. It doesn't... fix her. I didn't lie to her. I'm spending the evening with my little brother. And I don't think you'd feel very good if I left this bathroom to go fuck your friend while you and I are doing what we're doing."
"I think she's more important and she was with you first." Quinn looked to the ground, "I think you should stop seeing me so you don't hurt her." What Quinn wasn't saying was that when she saw Kelly she thought that the girl was there for Santana and she'd felt her heart break. She knew that she could never be with Kelly in public so she might as well let Santana be happy for a little while.
"A lot of people were with me first, Quinn," Kelly pointed out softly, watching the girl. "And maybe I have a certain reputation, but it still doesn't feel very good to be dropped because of it. I thought maybe we could be friends beyond what we were doing so I took you to my home. Believe it or not, but I don't do that very often. But fine, if that's what you want, Quinn, I'll... leave you alone and just go let your friend fuck me like the slut I am." She smiled briefly, turning to the door, "Thanks for reminding me who I am. I needed it." She started opening the door, her jaw working as she tried to swallow down the sting she felt from letting Quinn as far in as she had.
"Kelly!" she choked out. "Please don't leave me," she whispered as she looked up to the girl. "I don't care about your past or your reputation. I just don't wanna hurt you or her," she whimpered as she moved to cling onto the other girl. "Please..."
Kelly's hand fell from the door handle and she wrapped her arms around Quinn. "I don't want to," she whispered, knowing she would have to. "I like you, Quinn. You're sweet and very charming and you make me feel like I'm a lot better than I am when we're together. I want to be your friend. Even after what we're doing now is done, I still want you as my friend, Quinn. You deserve someone who can commit to you and you alone as your girlfriend and that's not me. But I do like you and I like what we're doing..."
"I don't wanna hurt Santana by liking you," she whispered into Kelly's neck, "but I like you and I'm so scared."
"Santana doesn't like me," Kelly shrugged, "or well, she does, but not how you mean. She likes the familiarity of being with me. The comfort of sex if you want. But," her lips quirked, "it's not my name she calls out when she calls for someone when we're together."
Quinn sighed and held tighter to the other girl. "Can... I see you tomorrow?" She whispered as she looked up, "I don't like how I feel right now and I wish that I could be here right now as myself."
"Don't we all want to be ourselves all the time?" Kelly smiled reassuringly as she could down at Quinn and squeezed her. "Sure you can see me. I like hanging out with you. Plus it totally makes me look good to be seen with a cute stud like you." She kissed her forehead gently. "Just call me when you figure out what you want to do and I'll meet you wherever, okay?"
"How about breakfast?" She asked as she pulled away, "We can have breakfast at the diner in West Lima?" she smiled and looked at her, "Say nine AM? I need to go back to my squad..." She straightened up and kissed Kelly softly, rubbing her eyes as she sprinted back to the field.
"It's a date," Kelly whispered as she watched her run off, heading back to the bleachers with an almost sad smile.