Chapter 24

Unforgettable

Hello everyone! I'm sorry this took so long to update but life got crazy. School hasn't given me a break with school, plus I've had exams, and then there was a death in the family. But I'm here now and you can thank my wonderful beta for getting the back to me so quickly. Also, thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews last chapter, you have no idea how happy they made me.

Anyway, warning, this chapter is darker and will give you an insight into what it is that's been haunting Magnus. I hope you all like it and please enjoy. Thanks for reading!

Songs:

Breakeven-The Script

Choking on the Concrete-Greg Holden

World So Cold-Three Days Grace

Magnus' hand moved effortlessly over the page, each line flowing out of him, an extension of his hand. White became black, line after line forming one after the other, coming together in perfect harmony.

Magnus looked down at his subject, who was smiling in his sleep, his chest rising and falling peacefully. Magnus smiled to himself, remembering the night before. If there had ever been a perfect night in Magnus' life, it had been that night. Everything had gone better than Magnus could have planned. He had expected dinner and some snuggling afterwards where they fell asleep in each other's arms, not dinner then sex before falling asleep in each other's arms. And the sex, well... Magnus had to say that for a virgin, the boy had been amazing. It meant so much to him that Alec had taken this step with him. He knew Alec was nervous the whole time, scared of doing something wrong but nonetheless, the weight of the night didn't escape Magnus. Alec had given him his virginity, a part of him that Magnus knew he was scared of giving up. Alec had trusted him, had let him lead the way and that felt amazing to him, to know that he trusted him enough to lead him through that. He'd taken it slow, not wanting to do anything Alec wouldn't like. Magnus remembered his first time and it wasn't anything relatively memorable so he wanted to make it memorable for Alec. He wanted Alec to look back on the moment with happiness and not sadness and regret as he did. He wanted to treasure Alec, to make him feel like the most important thing in Magnus' world. He wanted to give him everything, and he thought he'd done a good job in that. Alec hadn't been complaining so he took that as a good sign.

Magnus felt Alec shift beside him in waking. He smiled, dropping his pencil on the half finished drawing of Alec. "Morning."

Alec's eyes fluttered open lazily, his lips parting in a smile as their eyes met. "Morning."

"Sleep good?"

"Never better." Their eyes met, a few comfortable seconds passing between them. The memory of last night flashed though Magnus, each touch, each emotion playing through him with heated intensity. He just hoped it had been for Alec as it had been for him. He hoped he'd given Alec everything he'd wanted. Magnus had had sex with his fair share of people, he'd admit that, but it had never been anything but physical pleasure for him. With Alec, it was so much more than that. With Alec he wanted to love him with each touch, with each breath and movement. Where Alec had given his body over to Magnus' control, Magnus had given Alec his heart, handing him the strings to make it beat as he pleased. Alec held his heart as no one had before. Alec was the reason it beat, the reason it felt anything.

"Thank you, for last night."

"Anything for you." He leaned down, kissing Alec's forehead lightly. "How are you feeling?"

"Sore, but good." Alec said innocently.

Magnus laughed. "That'll get better. First time's always the hardest."

"Yeah?" The word was slightly lost as Alec's eyes slipped shut as he tried to fight off the remaining tendrils of sleep. When Magnus was up, he was up, but with Alec, sleep liked to tag along for a little bit before he was awake enough to notice anything, which was why he hadn't yelled at Magnus for drawing him yet. What? Magnus couldn't resist. Alec had looked so serene and beautiful in his sleep that Magnus' hands were itching with need. He drew Alec a lot, both from memory and in situations like this where Alec had no idea he was doing it. Next to his mother, he never really stuck to drawing one specific subject, but Alec fascinated him, had fascinated him from that first moment at the tree. He loved the slight dip of Alec's nose, the sharp curve of his jaw, the etched muscles beneath his skin, and the beautiful colour of his eyes. Magnus always saved his eyes for last, finding he could never get them right. Magnus had never had problems capturing something but there was something about the deep, captivating set of Alec's eyes that Magnus just couldn't figure out. He'd drawn them, but he'd come to the conclusion that he'd never get them right. Alec's eyes were too perfect to capture, a drawing doing nothing for them.

Alec opened his eyes as he sat up. The blanket slipped off his chest to pool at his waist. Magnus fought the temptation to remove the blanket completely for the sake of his need and his unfinished drawing, but he refrained.

"Magnus." Alec glared at him and Magnus couldn't help but laugh. "Why are you drawing me?"

"Because you're beautiful and I like to," Magnus said simply.

"I'm not beautiful." Alec crossed his arms over his naked chest. Magnus found Alec's defiance of his looks adorable, but at the same time he wished Alec could see what he saw. Despite the fact Alec's whole wardrobe was black, brown, and loose fitting, Magnus still found him beautiful, especially without any clothes on. What Alec didn't notice was that he was naturally beautiful. Magnus worked to look good, Alec just was.

"You are in every single way. Even when you wear those hideous holey sweaters you won't let me throw away."

"They are not hideous."

"Alec baby, they're hideous. Which is why, if one of them just happens to rip in half when I'm tearing it off of you in the throes of passion, it was completely an accident. I did not do it on purpose."

Alec rolled his eyes. "You know you're just going to have to suck it up and deal with my clothing choices right?"

"Unfortunately, I know, but I'm still hoping I can change your mind one day. But, I'm definitely not complaining about your clothing choice right now." Magnus grinned, raising an eyebrow at Alec.

"I'm not wearing... oh." Alec blushed slightly, pulling the blanket up closer around his hips.

"Yeah." Magnus set his sketchpad on the table next to him, not wanting anything between him and Alec anymore. He leaned forward, capturing Alec's lips with his. The kiss was soft, speaking enough to them that it didn't need to be anything more.

Magnus pulled away lightly, resting his forehead with Alec's. "Never forget how beautiful you are."

"How could I? You don't seem to want to let me forget."

"Nope." He rubbed his nose with Alec's, pulling away to look at him. He stood up, letting the blankets fall from his hips, leaving him naked in front of Alec. He smiled as Alec's eyes trailed over him. Magnus loved that Alec was becoming more comfortable with things like this. Magnus had always been slightly selfconscious about his body, given the scaring. He'd never admit it, but where he knew the rest of his body was perfect, the skin under his clothes was not. But Alec made Magnus forget his insecurities about his scars, his hands tracing over them softly, just like they were another part of his skin. For once Magnus didn't care anymore. His scars were a part of him and he didn't care if Alec saw them anymore. He knew the truth and he hadn't judged him. He'd just loved him, physical and emotional scars included.

"Like what you see?" Magnus raised an eyebrow, forcing a blush to Alec's cheeks. God, he would never get tired of seeing that. It was tiny little motions such as that ever present blush that turned Magnus on. Alec would never realize it, but he did enough to Magnus just sitting there doing nothing.

"Yeah."

Magnus grinned. "Come take a shower with me."

Magnus caught the hesitation in Alec's face, just as he had expected. "Magnus, I..."

"Just a shower Alec. I think we've both had enough for a few days, don't you think?"

Alec bit his lip but Magnus saw the change in his face that said he agreed. "Okay." Alec stood up, letting the blanket fall discarded on the bed.

Magnus smiled, taking Alec's hand with his, and leading him into the bathroom. He turned on the shower head, ensuring this time that it was at a realistic heat that wouldn't burn them both. He pulled Alec into the tiny shower, letting the water pound on his back. He slipped his arms around Alec's waist, pulling him into his arms, letting the water sooth his muscles and wash away all his worries. Alec buried his head in the crook of Magnus' shoulder and they just stood there, connected both physically and emotionally. Their hearts beat together in unison, pumping softly with each passing second. All Magnus could hear was the water, Alec's heart, and Alec's breathing, all of which washed over his body in perfect harmony.

Alec pulled away, grabbing the shampoo from the shelf behind him. He opened the cap, squeezing some onto his palm. The smell of cinnamon and apples filled Magnus' nose as Alec's hands went to his hair. Magnus gave himself over, letting the soft, familiar feel of Alec's hands work their way through his hair. After the night before it was nice to just be together this way. Neither of them said a word, letting their hands work over each other's bodies. But this wasn't about pleasuring the other person, this was about holding them and just being with them.

As Magnus returned the favour to Alec, their eyes met, speaking everything that needed to be said. They loved each other. There was no denying that, no running away from it. Magnus couldn't imagine himself where he was with anyone else; he didn't even want to imagine himself with anyone else. He just wanted Alec. Magnus felt like Alec was the person he'd been waiting for his whole life and there would be nothing for him if he ever lost Alec.

Magnus pulled Alec against him, burying his head in Alec's hair, breathing in the scent of him, letting it fill him up. "I love you Alec. Forever and ever." The last part was sort of lost as Magnus' voice faded to a whisper, those words echoing with the voice of his past. He didn't know if Alec caught that part but it didn't matter because Magnus would say it again, over and over, for as long as he needed to.

"I love you too Magnus."

Magnus smiled, letting those words sink in and take him over.

Alec had had to run off and work on some project with Anna, leaving Magnus alone in the dorm, bored and finding no ability to focus on his essay at hand. He set his textbook down on his bed, falling back to stare at the ceiling. He sighed, finally letting his mind wander. He'd tried not to let it. A few weeks had passed now since Alec had given himself over to him and things had been good for Magnus. He'd gone a few days without the nightmares and he'd even been able to forget about his fears. It was like Alec was able to make him forget, but now that he wasn't physically with Alec, it wasn't so easy to just forget. The nightmares were coming back and his fears were resurfacing. His mind was beginning to feel like it was involved in the most intense game of tug-of-war ever. One part of his brain, helped along with his heart, was telling him that he loved Alec and he wanted to be with him forever, but that other part of his brain was saying he'd hurt Alec and it was better if he just left him. But he couldn't leave him. Alec had given him everything and there in Magnus' brain it was telling him to dump what Alec had given him in the trash and walk away. Magnus didn't want to do that, he wouldn't. But he couldn't deny his fears. They lived with him. They were with him during each waking breath and each hour he spent asleep. It was the story of his life, and now it was all catching up to him. Apparently there was only so far that you could run from your past and your fears before they come up behind and bit you in the ass.

Magnus closed his eyes, hoping for all hope that there was a chance he could fall asleep and his father wouldn't be there. Magnus' waking life was easy to avoid his father. The man had been locked up in New York Penitentiary for 8 years, serving a life sentence. Magnus didn't go see him. He got two letters from his father a year, one on his birthday and one on the anniversary of his mother's death. He hadn't gotten one this year and he took that as a blessing. He didn't read the letters, instead burning them or throwing them in the trash. He didn't care what the man had to say and could care less if he ever saw or heard from him ever again. Magnus would actually have been happier knowing the man was six feet under, rather than six miles away. He couldn't believe he actually had the balls to send him something, thinking he would even care to read it. He hated him; there was no fluent, articulate way to express how he felt about his father, other than that he hated him and wanted to see the man rot in hell.

Magnus felt himself slipping into sleep when his phone vibrated next to him. His heart flew in his chest at the thought that it might be Alec, but fell when he saw the number. Unknown.

Magnus hit the talk button, putting the phone to his ear. "Hello?"

"Hello, is this Magnus Bane?" The voice belonged to a woman and sounded almost rehearsed.

"Speaking," Magnus said coldly.

"Mr. Bane, I'm calling from New York General Hospital in regards to your father."

Magnus felt his heart skip a beat, his breath catching in his throat. With the mention of his father, his whole life came crashing back down over him. The pain, the memories, the fears, all of it, came down on him like an avalanche. His whole body froze, everything suddenly feeling like it had stopped working. Not once had he been contacted about his father and he had believed he would never have to see him or hear from him again. So what was this? What did a hospital want with his father? The man was in prison, and for damn good reason.

"Mr. Bane, are you still there?"

Magnus hadn't noticed that he hadn't answered her. He had been too lost in the feelings hearing about his father brought up that he had forgotten about everything else.

"I'm still here." Magnus took a deep breath. "Why are calling me about my father?"

"Because he was just transferred here from the Penitentiary yesterday."

"Transferred?" If the shock of hearing about his father had been bad, this was worse. His heart literally stopped as each scar on his body started to burn. He had started living in this perfect world where he'd never see his father again, and now it was shattering around him, cutting his skin as his father had.

"Yes Mr. Bane. Your father has advanced stage 4 liver cancer. He has a month to live." Her voice was robotic, like she was reading each word off a piece of paper. But Magnus let her words sink in, taking them in with each passing second, and feeling a sense of joy break through the pain inside of him. The son of a bitch was dying and only had a month to live.

Magnus couldn't help but laugh, letting the euphoria of this knowledge overtake him. It was almost poetic. Liver cancer. Magnus always knew his father's drinking would catch up to him and now it was going to take his life, a life he never deserved in the first place.

"Mr. Bane, are you laughing?"

"Yes. Yes I am." And he couldn't be happier. The man was finally getting what he deserved and Magnus could only hope that it was painful.

"Mr. Bane, this is your father we're talking about."

"Yes, and am I supposed to care?"

"Mr. Bane..."

"Look lady, I don't really care. Honestly, this is exactly what the man deserved. Thanks for calling. Goodbye." Magnus moved to hang up the phone.

"Mr. Bane, there's more."

Magnus stopped. "More?"

"Your father was the one who asked that we call you. He wants to see you."

The laughter died just as fast as the happiness had overtaken him. A darkness slipped over everything around him and Magnus felt himself falling, the floor slipping out from underneath him. He wants to see you. No. No, he didn't get to see him. He didn't have that right. God, the fact he had even thought to ask. Anger ripped through Magnus' veins and the pencil that was in his hands snapped between his fingers. Everything came crashing back.

To love is to destroy.

No.

You're a disgrace. A fucking abomination. Things like you should rot in hell.

He tried to push the memories away, to fight through the pain that was overtaking his body.

You're worthless. Just like your mother.

Magnus' knuckles turned white around his phone and Magnus fought the urge to throw it across the room. But he was frozen, stuck in place by his past that was gripping him in dark bloody hands.

I should have killed you.

"Tell him he can rot in hell." Magnus hit the end button, dropping his phone on his bed. He was shaking, sweat dripping from his skin. He grabbed his knees, pulling his legs to his chest as he tried to block out the pain. He rocked back and forth, the pain ripping though him. Everything around him shattered. His perfect world he'd created became a war torn valley of rubble, stretching for miles around him. He didn't think the mention of his father could bring all this back, but here it was playing over his eyes with perfect clarity.

...

The night was dark, lightning striking the charged particles of the air. Everything was quiet, even the thunder a distant noise to Magnus' ears. He was caught in the soft fingers of sleep, letting them rock him into darkness. Dreams started to come, figures dancing in front of his eyes, their words distant in Magnus' brain as he lost himself in the silence.

He knew his mother was in her room, trying to get some sleep just like him before his father got home. They both knew what was to come. It had become routine, the story of their lives. Magnus could still feel the sting of his father's hands from a few nights before, the bruises only barely fading on his broken skin. He knew his mother was worse. She wouldn't say anything to him or even show that she was hurting, but he knew. He knew what he did to her when Magnus wasn't there.

He couldn't understand how she was always smiling around him after the nights they had. She was always happy, catering to Magnus' every need. He never asked for anything, but she always found something to do for him. She said he was her little angel, her gift from heaven. She never faltered around him and Magnus admired her for her strength and courage, praying that he could only have half of what she had.

Visions of his mother slipped into his dreams, but quickly disappeared when he heard the front door slam shut. He could hear water hitting the hardwood floors as his father threw his jacket on its regular hook.

"Elaine!" Magnus heard him sit down in his regular chair, his weight and drunken gait as he moved causing the whole house to shake with the storm. "Elaine, get your ass down here!"

Magnus moved to get up as he normally did. He knew what going down there got him but he wasn't going to leave his mother alone, not when she protected him so much. It was his turn to protect her now. He stood up but stopped when his door opened. His mother appeared at the doorway, her face tired. She didn't show fear, but simply the fact that she was tired.

She smiled at him. "Go back to sleep baby. It's okay. I'll take care of your father tonight."

"But Mom..."

"Elaine!"

"Magnus, please. Stay here." And she was gone, her small feet a soft echo as she descended the stairs. Magnus sat back down on the edge of his bed. He wasn't going back to bed. If his mother needed him he was going to be there. Magnus could hear everything that happened downstairs. Their house was small and old, the walls and floors built thin enough to hear even the smallest mouse move across the floor.

"Jesus woman, what the hell took you so long?"

"You're drunk."

"I had a few drinks." He threw his feet up on the table, a resounding thud echoing against the storm. "I ain't drunk yet. Now get me some Jack."

His mother moved to the kitchen, the cupboard door creaking open as she grabbed a drink. She poured the glass of Jack Daniel's quickly, knowing perfectly well the temper Magnus' father got when kept waiting.

His mother crossed the kitchen to the living room, handing her husband his drink. "Anything else you need?"

"Get me some food."

"There isn't any."

"Isn't any? What the hell do you mean there's no food?"

"I mean that we can't afford to buy any until I get paid tomorrow."

"Bullshit!" He stood up, stumbling over to the kitchen. "There's food around here somewhere. You're just hiding it on me." The fridge door slammed open just as Magnus' stomach growled. There really was no food, which was how it always was. His father spent all their money at the bar, and his mother saved some for food and bills, but it was never enough.

The fridge door slammed shut. "Where the hell is it?" Magnus knew he had grabbed his mother at that moment, he always did.

"I said, we don't have any."

"'I said we don't have any.' Well you know what I think. I think you're a lying whore. Magnus'll tell me where you're keeping it. Magnus!"

"James, keep him out of this. He's sleeping."

"The hell he is. Magnus get your ass down here!"

Magnus' body shook, fear gripping his soul. He stood up. He knew he shouldn't disobey his father but he wanted to so badly. Not listening prolonged the suffering, gave him more time to prepare himself. But not listening made it worse. Not listening made his father even more mad than he was, and if Magnus didn't go down there, he'd hurt his mother even more. Magnus hurried out of his room and down the stairs, stopping in the kitchen where his father stood, his body pressed against his mother's, his hands gripping her arms tightly. Magnus could see the pain on her face and wanted so badly to take her from his father's hands and make her better; but he couldn't. He may be tall for a 12 year old but he couldn't take his father down.

"Magnus, where the hell's the food?"

"We don't have any sir." His voice shook but he tried to control it.

His father growled. "Don't you fucking lie to me."

"I'm not sir. I swear."

His father turned to his mother. "You feeding him stories? Making him believe lies?"

"No James, I'm not. It's the truth."

His hand came up, connecting with her face as he let her go. She fell to the ground as he stood above her, flexing the muscles in his hands. He leaned down, grabbing her hair and pulling her head up to look at him. "Do you know what I hate? Liars. Liars and whores." He threw her head back down on the ground, standing up. He looked at Magnus, his eyes piercing in his drunken rage. "I think your mother's hiding money on us. I think she's keeping it for herself and letting us starve. What do you think son?"

Magnus gulped. He hated when his father did this. He always tried to act like they were on the same team against his mother. But they weren't and Magnus would never say he was. "I think she's telling the truth."

His father's face lit up in anger. "Telling the truth? Oh, so now you're siding with her. I see how this works. You two are ganging up on me." He started walking towards Magnus, his steps unbalanced in his condition. Magnus didn't move. He knew what was coming and running did nothing. He grabbed Magnus' shirt, pulling him towards him. His eyes looked him over in disgust. "Do you think there's something wrong with me son? Do you think I drink too much? Your mother seems to think so."

Magnus's eyes darted to look at his mother who was starting to get up.

"Don't you fucking look at her."

Magnus looked back at his father, meeting his gaze. It was so cold yet so alive with heat. But the darkness. There was no white to his eyes, nothing circling in them but the dark pit of his soul. A coldness rushed over Magnus, the fear becoming his enemy and his friend. He didn't want to be afraid, his father always knew and hated when he was afraid. But the fear allowed Magnus to feel, helped remind him that he had to stay strong for his mother. He needed to protect her. If that meant taking whatever his father threw at him, be it his fist, foot, or a bottle, Magnus would take it, to the heart if he had to.

"Is there something wrong with me?"

"No sir."

"James, just leave him be. Please."

They both looked up at Magnus' mom, standing straight and proud as if he had never thrown her down.

He let Magnus go, shoving him back so Magnus fell. Magnus caught himself on his already sprained wrist. He caught the shout of pain at his lips, silencing it between his teeth.

"Sticking up for him huh? God, you two just make the perfect fucking team don't you? You're both worthless and pathetic. He likes to fuck boys and you fuck plenty." He stumbled over to the counter, opening a drawer and retrieving a knife. Magnus' heart stopped when he saw it. It glistened in the moonlight, casting a glow over his father's face. He turned to Magnus' mother, his eyes glistening as Magnus had never seen them. If they had been black before, then Magnus didn't know what this was. It was like hell was burning in his father's eyes; a dark black bottomless pit of nothing.

"Do you see what I have to live with everyday? A whore and an abomination. My life was going somewhere." He waved the knife in front of their faces. "I was going to make it big." He took a few steps towards his wife. "But then you got yourself pregnant." He sneered, turning on Magnus. "And you were fucking born. Then my parents forced me to marry you and I lost everything. I had to get a job at the shop, had to start buying diapers and baby food and toys. But one job wasn't enough, no. I had to get another, and another. I lost everything. And now, your mother's sleeping around on me and you're gay." He turned on his wife, starting to close the distance between them, brandishing the knife in her face.

"I'm not..."

"Shut the hell up! I can't keep my own wife to myself and my son likes to suck dick. Don't you fucking get it? My life was ruined because of you two. So do you know how I'm going to solve that? I'm going to do what I should have done years ago. I should have killed you. Both of you." He turned to Magnus, taking a few steps towards him. "What do you say boy? I'll do you a favour by saving you from watching her die."

His heart had already stopped beating from the fear that had overtaken him. All his father would be doing was taking his breath, and even that was coming in short shaky intervals. All he saw was the knife, moving from him to his mother and back again. He stood there, waiting to die, letting the whole world fall apart so that that knife was all he saw. His mother dropped away and so did his father as memories flashed through him. They say your whole life flashes before your eyes when you're about to die, and they had been right. Everything, all 12 short years of his life flashed by in quick intervals, reminding Magnus of all the good and bad times that had been his life. He didn't want to die. His life may not have been great, but he was only 12, he didn't even really know what life was yet, so how could he lose it? He didn't want to die. Not now.

"No, please stop! James don't do this!" His mother lunged at him, stopping when he turned, the knife running through her. A scream echoed from her lips before she looked down at the knife between their bodies. "James, why?"

"Because." He pulled the knife out, pushing her down as he took a few steps back.

Magnus' whole world came crashing back down on him as he ran after his mother, falling on his knees beside her. The tears came just as the storm did, falling from his skin onto his mother's cold skin. His heart shattered, everything he ever knew and loved slipping away from him. The pain ripped through him, slicing every fibre of his being deeper than anything his father had ever done to him. He wanted to scream, run after his father and turn the knife on his heart, but he was frozen to the spot, his hands grasping desperately at his mother's as he prayed for her heart to keep beating. This was supposed to be him. He was the one that knife was meant for. She wasn't supposed to die.

"Magnus..." Her hand came up to brush his cheek, falling back down as her strength started to leave her.

"No! Mom, come on. Stay with me." His tears fell, mixing with her own and falling to swirl with the darkness of her blood.

"I'm... sorry... baby."

"No. No. Please, mom. You can't go. You can't do this."

"Run baby... run."

"Mom. No. Not without you. I won't leave without you."

"You have to..." Her eyes slipped shut but came open again. "I'll always be with you." She squeezed his hand softly. "I love you baby... forever and always, to the moon and back."

Magnus smiled as she said their exchange that they shared every night. "Mom, that's corny," he replied as he always did, fighting back the tears.

"It's true." With that her hand fell limp, her breathing stopping.

"No! Mom, stay with me! Mom! You can't go!" He hit her chest in anguish hoping it would get her heart beating again. He fell on her, wrapping his arms around her cold body. The tears poured out of him as his body shook. It didn't feel real. It couldn't be real. No, it wasn't happening. This was just a really bad dream and he'd wake up from it and she'd still be alive. She'd still be smiling and taking him for ice cream. She couldn't die. She was a superhero. Superheroes never died.

"Oh, suck it up. She's gone boy and she ain't coming back."

Magnus looked at his father, the knife hanging bloodied in his hands. "This is your fault!" he screamed.

"No. It was hers. She brought it upon herself."

"You killed her!"

"She was dead to me already!" He threw the knife on the counter. "People die son; it's a fucking fact of life. The sooner you realize that the better off you'll be." He turned away, stumbling out the kitchen and into his chair. He picked up his discarded glass of Jack Daniel's, downing it in one sip.

Magnus didn't know how long they both remained that way, his father silent in his chair, Magnus holding his mother, as if that could somehow bring her back to life. He felt himself drowning, his whole being lost in some endless tunnel. His mother had been his anchor to the life he hadn't been able to live. She was the one who helped him understand his father and his own needs. She had made his life easier, and she was the reason Magnus was able to try and move on. If he had never had her he would never have had anything. No life, nothing.

"I'm going out. Don't expect me to come back home." He stood up walking to the door, stopping to look back at his son. "Never fall in love son. Remember that. It'll just kill you both in the end." And then he left, those words becoming some of the last he would ever speak to his son.

Magnus didn't know how long it took but sometime when the light was shining through the windows he was able to get himself together and pick up the phone. He called 911 and from there his life spiraled out of control.

...

Magnus gasped, shutting his eyes against the tears as the pain rippled through him like a thousand of his father's knives. It had been years since this memory had surfaced, years since he'd remembered the actual pain of losing his mother. He had buried it, lost it in the memories of the rest of his life. But now it was resurfacing. It came back just as his father did.

Magnus had been forced to grow up fast. His father was always teaching him what it meant to 'be a man' and his father had deprived him of a childhood. Magnus may have been 12 when his mother died, but he didn't feel like he was 12. He felt ancient, his body and soul worn down from the pressures of his life. The foster system hadn't made growing up any better. Magnus had learned quick how to defend himself. With his father, he had been too young, too small to defend himself or save his mother. But as he got older, he learned how to defend himself and in that, he found who he was and was happy with it. He had also learned how to leave his past behind, how to bury it and forget it.

Magnus pulled his knees closer to him, trying to bury the pain in his chest. He could feel it, right where his mother had been stabbed. He couldn't stop thinking that it was supposed to be him, that that knife was meant for his heart. He was supposed to die. But he didn't and then he had failed to save her. He couldn't help but think of what he could have done. All his ideas he knew were useless since he couldn't have done anything, but he should have. He should have taken the knife from him instead of just standing there, taking the abuse.

He should have stopped him.

He should have saved her.

And now that his father was back, Magnus had the need to take a knife and run it through the man's heart. Then he could feel the same pain his mother had felt. Then he could know what it felt like to watch someone you called family stop your very heart from beating.

The hate for his father was a living monster within him now, awakened with the memory of that night.

He wanted to kill him.

He wanted the man's blood beneath his hands as his heart stopped beating.

But he wouldn't.

He wouldn't give the man the satisfaction of seeing his face, of knowing his call had been answered. He wasn't going to see him. He was going to let him die, alone with no one there to help him through the pain. And God did Magnus hope it was the worst pain in the world. He hoped that it ate him up and ripped him to shreds from the inside out.

Then he hoped that he rotted in the very pits of hell.

So there you go. This chapter was really hard to write with the memory of Magnus' mother's death, and I know I cried. I hope it was okay and everyone liked it. Please review and let me know what you all think. Also, this will be the last update for a few weeks. I'm done exams on the 27th so after that I'll start updating regularly again. Right now I just don't have any time. Sorry. Anyway, thank you all so much for reading, it means the world to me. Until next time!

Be the change,
Amber